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I got a new one and it was definitely my mouse

Quoted for both posterity and posteriority.

Brisk day for some trail time!

So far, my x-mas shopping has been for....ME! I got these babies on sale for my car, along with other engine parts: https://www.edelbrock.com/small-block-chevy-e-street-cylinder-heads-64cc-5089.html Totally dumb and I almost regret the purchase, but screw it. You only live once, right?!

Maybe I am in a bit of a grief funk. I've been thinking about my parents a lot lately. I spent Thanksgiving at my cousins and heard many stories, which was nice. I do want to send cards this year but I'd like to buy local and I'm loathe to go out shopping. I'd love you to visit, Spam! Girl trip is March 7-11th this year. But I live here now, so ... LOVE the new socks! Nicole, I"m impressed with your shopping so far

Also I had the anti-Thanksgiving meal at Popo's in Welfare instead of the traditional turkey fixing. They were out of chicken fried steak so I had chicken fried chicken! There were real made that day country biscuits in that basket but they were eaten IMMEDIATELY because we chose to eat out on Thanksgiving instead of making food and it took a while because of the liver and onion requesters to get our food. Popo's is older than dirt and has been around for years (1959ish was when it became a restaurant I suspect) so it's lined with plates of all kinds from around the world. The waitress said that they have to take them down and clean them once a year and there's over 2500. I took my Ukrainian neighbor with me because she was alone for the day and thought she'd like it. She loved it but she was worried we'd all get sick because of covid. LOL

VID_20231107_141007750~2.mp4 VID_20231107_103800537~2.mp4

Our little guy has been around for a whole year now! I can barely believe it.

Insurance increase is negligible. You can opt in or out of covering stuff like that, and I chose not to as I paid a little extra in the deal to cover any needed replacement of that stuff via the dealership. And yes, did a lease— super short term. Only 2 years. Given how much my career has gone up and down over the last couple years I like a shorter commitment.

Well I mean that's fair for it to fall on her. I would rather the fan bros call her out on that rather than the fact that she has female reproductive parts. I like how Filoni keeps track of the story. I happen to like a lot of the stories he's telling. I'm not enjoying Mando so much, but I did like Ahsoka. But I've always enjoyed the Skywalker story and Jedi lore. And I was a big EU fan girl until they killed off Mara Jade, after killing off Anakin Solo.

Most of my time spent here was when they were toddlers and I'd put them to bed for the night. Damn. Forget Christmas, I have to buy a birthday present. When I mentioned my youngest being 20, his birthday is actually Monday. I'm thinking of buying him Foo Fighters tickets. But, the concert in Cincinnati is sold out and the cheapest third party tickets are $159. Holy hell.

Did you try throwing it out the window?

I always buy an Arcade 1Up cabinet for Christmas. They usually put some up for sale, so I bought the Marvel vs. Capcom table style cabinet. The Star Wars cabinet wasn't on sale but I bought it as well because they're kinda hard to find. My kids are sneaker freaks and Finish Line had some decent deals on Black Friday. I got them all new pairs of New Balance 650s for 50 bucks. My kiddos are all adults (oldest is 24, youngest is 20) but I still like to spoil them on Christmas. It's more for me, now, than it is for them.

UPCOMING GAMES IM EYEING: Warhammer 40k: Rogue Trader... Looks pretty sweet and is out December. Made by owlcat games who made Pathfinder WotR and Pathfinder Kingmaker. Dragons Dogma 2: a Japanese take on western fantasy action RPG. Looks like a blend of dark souls combat, lord of the rings and Skyrim. 3rd person open world action. The first game was amazing, so no doubt this one will be awesome too. Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines 2: cautiously eyeing this one. I love the ttrpg and the first bloodlines from 2004. This has had so much development hell that I'm a bit wary though. Not sure the current Dev is up to task but I'm dearly hoping. And in the distant future, I'm looking forward to the release of Squadron 42.. the single player game developed in parallel with star citizen. It's feature complete and in polish stage now.

I wasn't drunk but I bought some of those claw clips that are cool again. I like them for things like dyeing my hair or using a straightening iron, and my last surviving clip from the 00s was looking pretty rough. I got an 8 pack, put one in, and said I look dumb. My daughter told me that my hair looks better in a ponytail. Then we put one in her hair and she looked adorable. Screw you kid.

I gave up on Christmas. I live alone with two cats, I'm tired of putting up decorations and then having to find someplace to store them when they're not up. That's a big issue when you live in a small apartment, there's no place to store seasonal decor. I saved a few that I really like, and I keep those up all the time, because why not? Most of them aren't really Christmas-y, they're just sparkly things I made to hang up and enjoy. I'm nearly 60, I don't need a lot of stuff, anyway, time to downsize. Did anyone here go shopping on Black Friday? I never do, but I hear there wasn't much of a turnout anywhere this year. There are no deals anymore, some stores literally put sale signs up that are the same as the original price! I don't think many people feel the need for big-screen TVs and new gaming systems when they can barely afford groceries.

We redid Q's closet this weekend. I think that got the DIY out of my system for now. I need to throw crap away instead. Before/after pictures

So earlier this month I was all about decorating the tree. My family told me to chill until Thanksgiving weekend. And now that it's here... I don't want to. I think I'm in a little bit of a funk because of our upcoming remodel that is going to last 2-3 months starting in February. It's going to restrict us to our bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, the dining room, the office/den, and our small family room. Losing the downstairs bathroom is not a big deal, but losing the kitchen and washer/dryer for so long is going to be rough. So the idea of rearranging the living room to fit the tree does not have a lot of appeal right now. I might move it to the billiard room this year, even though that's not a great spot for opening presents. My husband noticed last night that I seemed off, and the best I could explain was I'm just thinking too much. However, this year I actually got Christmas cards early because I didn't have to wait until Christmas day to beg everyone for a family picture because a friend who is a realtor set up a bunch of family mini photo sessions this fall. It's an ongoing joke that I do New Years cards because I can't get my shit together for Christmas cards. I stuck with my usual funny theme instead of pretty/nauseating perfect family cards. So far I've bought all of the kids gifts. I'm going light this year, they have a lot of stuff already, and I can't tell you how much stuff they've never played with. They have their favorite toys and they play with those 90% of the time. E is getting an indoor climbing gym that mounts to a wall. Q got a bedroom makeover and a ski bag. I got my dad some cheap Bluetooth earbuds because he listens to his cheesy Christian worship music on his phone on full blast and the sound quality is TERRIBLE. I also bought us a new desk so I can get rid of this gigantic corner desk that my husband HAD TO HAVE like 7 years ago that is beat to heck because he also had to have a gigantic desk chair that doesn't fit into it and it's beat the desk up so bad and I'm tired of banging the chair every single time I get in and out of the desk. Now that we don't get work from home benefits anymore because our executives are mad about their apparent lack of control over us, we need a smaller desk and we're changing the office back to a den/gaming room/playroom.

I want to buy a 200$ doormat made by chiliwich. The only reason I haven't bought it yet is because I can't decide on the color. But honestly I need to get my car in for service. Something is up wtih the right front strut. Pop Stripe Shag Mat | Doormat + Utility Mats + Runners | Chilewich

Starfield I think averaged about a 7/10 from the places I frequent for reviews. PC gamer and IGN. Because yeah it's a blockbuster. The production value is high and it is the most "polished" a Bethesda game has ever been. So it would be unfair to give it a 5. Angry Joe (who I love cause he's such a nerd) gave it a 6 which seems fair to me. I'm sure there are some legit moment to moment good times... Just no magic as it were

This is perfectly put and accurate. Re-reading my rambling from 2am last night it occurred to me that it was pretty amazing what I COULD do in some ways. I thought back to games I was playing as a kid and wishing I could explore more and wasn’t looking at static background. That I could go anywhere and do anything. If this game came back in time and I was able to play it at 15 I would think it was the best thing ever. But to play this now— after Mass Effect, after Last of Us, after GTA 5, or even after F04, and it seems like such a miss. It feels unfinished and basic. It’s like making and expecting people to watch a super basic 3 camera laugh track sitcom in a post Breaking Bad world. It’s like buying a Honda Civic from 1994 when you can get afford a Lexus. For the record, you CAN fly your ship— but only for combat and docking with other ships/stations in orbit. To travel to other systems, take off, or land it has to be done through menu commands that trigger cut scenes. I’m not sure why I am still playing it. I guess I am hoping I’ll have epiphany with it like I did Fallout. I did just find the lair and gear of The Mantis, which is their version of Batman with a bit of Dread Pirate Roberts. So I may now try the path of leaving the main story and becoming a space vigilante and see if that’s fun… but not holding my breath.

I don't think I'll play starfield unless it's on sale for £10 but even then, time is more valuable than money to me and I don't really have time for a mediocre game anymore. I won't listen to music that is anything less than a 4/5 so why bother with a game that is anything less than excellent? Time is too valuable when you got a 4 year old and a happy marriage. The first thing that bothered me about starfield was the aesthetic and total lack of atmosphere. Skyrim ticked all my boxes because it drew heavily on Nordic myth and culture and stylised design, at the time when there was very little Norse inspired media, and it had atmosphere in spades. It was a relaxing almost languid pace of game but jam packed full of content too, where reading some old dusty book of lore next to crackling firelight in a dungeon somewhere was as engaging (somehow) as decapitating an orc destruction mage with my greats word. Starfield on the other hand just looks so goddamn dry. Zero atmosphere, when space is atmosphere personified (for lack of a better word). It has the design sensibility of a guy who wears blue jeans, jogging shoes, and a faded red/pink tucked in polo shirt. No offence but it feels very Midwestern US. I don't mean to be disparaging of people who dress in this manner or live in the Midwest, I just lack any other way to describe it. You don't want your design team to lack aesthetic sensibility. I feel like Todd Howard was the art director on this game which would be tragic. Dude probably wears square toed dress shoes. Nothing looks cool to me. If my character in an RPG can't look cool or hot while doing stuff what is the point? then the reviews came in. No flying your ship. Forced fast travel through loading screens. No maps. The mechanics, lackluster narrative, uncompelling characters.... so yeah. No time for mediocre anymore. particularly in a post BG3 world... That game is a fucking masterpiece and should be played by everyone with an interest in game design.

People who love Starfield will give the blanket defense of WELP IT'S A BATHESDA GAME! Like their goal is to give you a massive open world with a ton of different factions, a loose story to get you going to learn mechanics, but otherwise, you have to figure out not only how to really game it, but also find your own way of playing it. In theory that is great. I will admit that Fallout 4 was my first Bethesda game, and my first play I missed a lot because I didn't explore, I didn't get deep into the rug mechanics, and I stuck to the main storyline. After I got a better idea of things, my second play through was fun. But most of all, Fallout 4 had such an amazing style and vibe to it. But also, there is very much a psychology to game design when it comes to an open world. I can't find the video now, but I watched this clip on youTube that talked about it, but the idea is, if you are roaming an open world you don't actually go more than a minute without seeing something new. Fallout 4's map is huge,. and even in the most remote places, there's things to find, strange tableaus that tell a story, something to loot, or a location you haven't discovered. Starfield's planets have 1-5 key locations. Your ship can only usually land in one place. You have to WALK to the other locales and there is nothing but procedurally generated landscape between them. It's also insanely easy to become over-encumbered for a game that relies on looting and nabbing resources. The locations tend to recycle the same modular parts so it just comes off as the juice not being worth the squeeze. The hub worlds are packed and well art directed-- but they don't give you maps. AN OPEN WORLD GAME WITH NO MAPS. They say they want you to explore to know the world, but again, everything is miles apart. The dialog is very basic, and your player character isn't voiced. There are no performances what so ever, just animated faces (of which Bethesda has only a handful) saying flat line readings to you. There's also a lot of what people call "Bethesda jank." Glitchy faces, weird bugs, graphics that doesn't always load. The other night I lifted off from a spaceport and a member of the ground crew got connected to my ship and was still walking around under my ship mid-air doing his ground crew thing. Graphics clipping is everywhere, and the action is extremely stiff and not-dynamic. There's no cover system, you can't dodge, you can barely jump. The UI is one of the worst I've ever seen. I could go on. Basically, Bethesda wants to make RPG computer games from the 90s, but feel inclined to do the bare minimum possible to stay relevant as a AAA studio. And again, their fans will tell you this is exactly their goal and you should know it if you play their games. I guess I just call BS on that and have a hard time thinking this mediocrity was done on purpose as opposed to just being a failure of some sort and them regressing to what they know works to make a ship date. Mostly I'm just mad because it feels like a backwards step from Fallout 4, which I loved.

For me it’s more like too little too late. The franchise has suffered tremendously from not having one clear vision to follow, especially the ST. Had someone like Filoni been in this spot from the start, maybe it would’ve benefited having someone creating the path for everyone else as opposed to everyone just write what you want and we’ll make it fit somehow. Or worse, if we don’t like what you’re creating we’ll fire you midway through the production.

HOAs are evil bad

I always think of the Elijah Wood scene in Back to the Future 2, “You mean you have to use your hands? That’s like a kid’s game!”

People are excited for AI to get better and I’m over here loving the multi-fingered, melty faced nightmare fuel all the V1s out out.

As a trained painter AIs lack of anatomical knowledge makes me laugh. It can be fun to fuck around with. But there is so many AI images out there now most of the apps have started referencing other AI creations now. It'll lead to worse and worse reproductions in the long run. Like photocopies of photocopies Which is good news to me.

I picked up an EVGA RTX 3080 Ti from Craigslist. I goofed around with Cyberpunk this evening. This card handles all of the eye candy (forget path tracing!) @1440p, without a hitch. I’m looking forward to playing Phantom Liberty soon.

I think that's the end of Tom Hiddleston in the MCU now, too. I don't see how they get Loki out of that position without it being incredibly contrived.

Ok, yeah. That was a final episode! For me - loved it! Great concepts, fantastic from Tom Hiddleston, and a satisfying conclusion. Time travel with a Groundhog Day element! Beautiful!

Probably an unpopular opinion here but I think it is unfortunate that this Israel mess has distracted us from the war in Ukraine. I initially felt sympathy for the hostages, and still do, but I have no sympathy for Israel anymore. Considering they have killed over 10K civilians, that is basically the same war crime they suffered, and the Russians still inflict on the Ukrainians. Also, I see a danger of Israel dragging the US into a wider war, that quite frankly is unending, and there are no good guys on either side. Contrast that with the naked aggression the Russians inflict on Ukraine, where there is a clear good and evil.

today I ate a LOT of pasta and three chocolate chip cookies, and I don't feel the least bit bad about it

Does Murray have a favorite place not in the house? (Is the weather terrible yet?) I mean if you are more comfortable doing it at the vet, then by all means do it. Murray cares that you are there the most.

Thanks man. Regarding my existential dread, I did see a psychiatrist and was on medications which helped with overall stress and Xanax helps with my panic attacks My psychiatrist did say that my case is challenging because I am not worried about dying per se, as in some people won't fly because they are afraid the plane will crash. It doesn't prevent me from living my life. I am just afraid of not existing--the cause, whether a skiing accident next month or heart attack when I am 100 isn't important (I would like to be alive till my boys are grown--but that is more about them than me). I have tried Ketamine but no, not psilocybin. I am open to it. Thanks--I am thinking about the mobile vet. But would I rather have someone take Murray or me leave him? I am worried that whatever room it happens in the house, I will always think of putting Murray down there. But yeah, I will definitely be there. Thanks! I try to keep that in mind! I hear you--it is a shit sandwich either way. I think my struggle is if he were suffering this would be easy. But overall, he seems happy and still enjoys his life. Last night I made him a few chicken sausages and he was all about it. I just don't think it is time yet--but now knowing it is coming it is all I can think of.

Yin and Yang!

I dunno guys. You've got some shit going on, for sure, and I don't mean to belittle that at all. But you can't even understand. A couple times a week, there's a 10 year old living in my house, who is FORCED AGAINST HER WILL to TAKE A SHOWER a few times a week. This level of hardship she has to suffer, I'm not sure anything your kids are going through comes anywhere close to comparing.

I could have sworn there was a pet thread, but I can't find it--se feel free to merge. I've had my sweet baby boy Murray (named after a Flight of the Concords character) for nearly 16 years. He was able to do long mountain hikes even up until last winter when his health took a turn. He improved some when all the snow melted, but sadly his age was showing. About month ago I noticed a bump on his snout. A week later I noticed it was substantially larger. We took him to the vet yesterday and it was confirmed to be cancer. The vet says he is basically in hospice care and we should focus on his comfort (which has been the story of his life). He doesn't seem to be in pain, still eats and drinks without issue, usually poops and pees outside, still loves to be loved on, and although his hips are weak he can make it up and down the stairs and even runs around on the steep hill in the back. But at night he wanders the house due to a form of dog dementia called sundowning, his vision and hearing aren't the best, and although he still gets around--he still struggles with his back legs. Given everything, his quality of life is quite good. Although my dream is for him to go peacefully in his sleep, I know that seldom happens. The vet said his death will likely be traumatic for everyone, especially him. He did say his health will fade exponentially and we will know when it's time--but at the end of the day, I don't think I can do it. I know it is selfish and I am bringing my own existential dread and absolute paralyzing terror of death and non-existence into the issue; I could barely kill a black widow that took up residence in our sliding back door in the fall. I have been with people when they put down their pets. It is still haunts me; I still cry over Molly, Peanut, and Murphy. What has worked for others in helping the guilt? I know to focus on the good times and remind myself that is what I would want, I am being selfish keeping them alive and blah blah blah--but I am not strong enough. I feel am taking a life that is not mine to take. Just to be clear--I am not judging people that make this choice. I know it is the right thing to do. I just need help with the horrible guilt. Here is the bump:

I really like a vet to go out to the house instead of dealing with it in an office. When I had to put Cheetoh down I think I hogged an exam room crying for three hours and I know people heard me tell a ginger cat I was so sorry I let it go too far before I noticed his illness last year. I was so worried about my sister and her not feeling good I was ignoring his poor pains from cancer in my cat until it was too late. I also totally regret that Cheetoh was the only one I decided to let them take his body and burn him with multiple animals and give me a seed paper made from his ashes to spread. All my pets are buried on some property out in Boerne except Cheetoh. I am not sure what will happen when Pootapotamus passes. He and Cheetoh were my love bears. They wanted to be held and wanted uppies and connected more than any other cat I owned. Growing up on a ranch death is different and we learned early that the pain from a passing animal or pet meant we loved and cared. I think I was 10 when my Mom and Dad had to have the death talk with me. You can really tell sometimes when it's time.

You should make chicken adobo. There, problem solved.

I've been thinking about your pup all weekend. Sounds like he's had a good, long life. We always want more time with them.

They match the furniture! Nice accessorizing!

It was awful losing Isis. I just wanted more time, at least to feel like I said goodbye properly. Just don't wait until Murray is in lots of pain. I promise you that you will absolutely regret it and it will haunt you. Honestly I'm sobbing right now writing this, 6 years after the fact. The way she died is one of my greatest regrets, and losing that dog hurt more than losing my own mother. I recommend looking for a mobile vet that will come to you so Murphy can go to sleep one last time at home and not in a vet office. You may or may not want the boys there, you may not even be able to watch, but I can tell you it will be much more peaceful than losing him naturally and you will get to say a proper goodbye, on your terms. Talk with your wife about who should be there, my husband chose me to say goodbye because we both couldn't be there, and he knew I needed to be the one with her, even though she was his dog.

I feel for you. It's not an easy decision. We've lost two dogs in there last three years. One had cancer and we had to put her down. The other had a seizure in his sleep. I still don't know what was harder. Having them put Abby to sleep in my arms or my wife waking me up screaming because she found Teddy gone in his kennel. With Abby we had to let her go. Treatment would have maybe given us an extra month or two. Unfortunately there is no magic truck to knowing when it is time right to put them down.

Rough. Let him go peacefully man you can do it. It's the right thing to do. As an aside and not to derail, have you considered psychedelic therapy to help with your existential dread/fear of death? The success rate treating anxiety and depression, particularly existential anxiety, with psilocybin treatment is amazing (but not surprising to anyone with psilocybin experience).

I went through something similar last June. Nygyl was diagnosed as terminal and we were faced with the choice to either put him to sleep or put him in the animal hospital, basically on hospice. We chose the former. IT was a very hard decision, but was the lesser of 2 evils. But when you have a pet for 16 years, it is hard to let go. I agree with Krawlie though.

But it literally is your life to take. You accepted responsibility for this animal's life and well being when you adopted him. You owe it to him to make his passing as peaceful as possible. I would feel much more guilty letting my pet suffer pain, and for far longer than is necessary, just to assuage my own feelings.

One of my boys did Baby Yoda. The other was going as a Jedi, but switched to Spiderman (costumes are a big thing at our house).

Q decided to run for Student Council at her school. Originally she was going to run for publicist or mascot. I told her that publicist was right up her alley. Then at the interest meeting there were a bunch of kids running for those positions so she decided to go big and run for Co-President. I love my kiddo and I think she'd make a killer Co-President, but these things are usually a popularity contest. For those of you I'm Facebook friends with, go check out her campaign video. It's super hilarious and my husband and I had way too much fun last night doing the music editing and filming E, who is adorable and hilarious.