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The same way everyone else gets laid with your mom in the house?

I don’t cuss, so this is really extreme: fuck them. If they think you’re the bad guy, then they either innocently don’t know what’s going on or they’re molester protecting pieces of shit and you’re better off without them. This is black and white, good and evil stuff. And if they want to choose to be evil, that’s not on you.

I’m incredibly high maintenance in my body care routines. I don’t even care anymore. This is how my face looks.

Tonight at dinner, Eliza, my five year old, wanted a scary campfire story. Louis, the 8 year old, wanted a Star Wars story. So I ripped off your Star Wars slasher movie idea and told a story of Rebels crash landed on a planet being hunted by Vader. I just got super dad points for having that idea ready to go.

So your wife will finally be satisfied?

damnit I wish I could piggy back off that joke but it's just too perfect, anything I could add would just be lame

That reminded me...my grandma was a competitive roller skater dancer and a roller derby girl. That's her in the middle. My grandfather (whom I have met only a handful of times at funerals when I was a kid) is in the front.

A lot of people have a fetish for virgins.

This conversation. I love getting middle-aged with you guys.

You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.

Keep some of the lore, yes, but don't be beholden to it, either. The amount of people crying about the Snake Eyes movie... if you don't like the new origin, fine, I didn't really either. But some couldn't even handle the idea some were tossing around of updating SE to being an Iraq/Afghanistan vet instead of Vietnam. People have a really creepy hardon for THE SOURCE MATERIAL of a lot of properties that they can't handle the slightest deviation. What's the point of wanting ONLY the exact same story over and over? Unrelated I'm going to this show in Pasadena in two weeks with my kids. It's

It should be a serialized TV show ala Mando or a Marvel show. New mission each week, cycle in and out different Joes based on mission parameters.

Situations change. Doctors were super pissed at me for keeping my mom alive after her TBI/massive stroke/whatever the hell happened to her. But I was following her orders as MPOA. But once I saw she no longer remembered who I was or basically anything, I signed DNR orders. These things are often progressive and you have no way of knowing how someone will recover. My mom had been in the same situation at least twice and recovered fully. Her lungs recovered fully but her brain did not. Finding someone collapsed you almost never know how the dice will fall, so you react on instinct. If you had be

I let Kelly read all my posts in this thread. She’s still my person. Suck it SOL.

Wally runs a fun, dank meme and chat group which is probably the only good thing other than the Marketplace on Facebook. Even that wasn’t enough to keep me tho. I deleted like everyone except my immediate fam and my Nightly / Wally’s group friends, thinking I could just keep going on the Book that way, but I just couldn’t. The account is active but that is just for my kids and wife really to read all the stories I recited about them on my wall. But anyway, Wally’s group is basically Lando and this should make everyone laugh and feel old but my oldest son is an admin in that group. See wha

That was pure gold and you know it.

I saw enough backs of hands that it actually started to be the norm in my head. At times it got too normal and it wasn’t hot— until the naked girl with the margarita pitcher comes over and jiggles on your lap, fills your cup, and kisses your girlfriend.

my god don't be so explicit what if my children sorry torch it'll never not be funny

Not just fear-mongering. They understand that most Americans operate on sound bytes, and Democrats mostly won't accept that, and have fallen behind because of it. That and they just roll over and let Republicans take over any discussion.

cool world we got going on here, thrilled to be raising kids into it

As a dad I will routinely eat the last ice cream treat right in front of my kids. It’s peacekeeping really. ;-) There are three kids at home and only one triple chocolate drumstick left. I can’t have a war on my hands. Diplomacy is delicious by the way.

As for me if we hear the ice cream man you better get out of my way. I don't care if you are a little kid. Im not gonna let some kid get the last ice cream bar that I want and have to settle for something else. Just kidding really. Id obviously let a child have their choice of ice cream before me, but inside Im not happy about it.

While I was growing up, I played tons of sports and enjoyed most of them, but I didn’t really enjoy watching them. It just didn’t hold my interest. In high school, I started getting the basic idea of football since I had to go to games for marching band. I also started watching college basketball at least a bit more, especially the University of Maryland because my brother was in school there and my dad worked there, but also because they were amazing then. When I went to college, I watched college football and basketball all the time. Of course, that was tied into band still. I got so h

Dad is an optometrist and amateur astronomer. I agree its a must-have conversation. I may be able to get him to read a book to understand. He's not a bad guy, he's just a Boomer. He's not one of those "children should be seen and not heard" types, fortunately, but he was raised with 2 brothers so he's not much for showing emotion. My concern is actually for my daughter, too. Both kids tend to blow up a bit and he is going to have to remain calm instead of telling THEM to just calm down. Honestly, we all need to work on this in this household. My husband is very triggered lately by any sort of

Every time I go to Target or anything with a toy aisle, I always try to make a trip through it. At least now I can use the excuse that I have kids.

The big one for me is as well-read and educated I am, (and I blame nightly for this), I will always, ALWAYS, find ways to make immature crass jokes. The most recent I can think of is I went to my first live MLB game and I didn’t know that time outs in baseball are called “visits the mound.” VISITS TO THE MOUND. I was insufferable with that one for a solid week.

No one should want to be who they were at 18. That's super sad if you ask me. Any adult that pines for being back in high school has failed at life. That said, there are some aspects to youth I am glad I have hung on to. At 18 I was a complete edgelord, anti-main stream, anti-tradition, super judgmental know it all. I've managed to outgrow most of that thankfully, but I have definitely maintained my not-being-a-follower status in eschewing group think and being told things. I like to think I have the same independent and loner spirit I had at 18, but at least now, 28 years later, I'm more

I'm mad at everyone all the time. But yeah this is some major fucking bullshit.

Regional differences are fun. I'm like - no swimming sucks, but summer is a great time to have to stay inside and not do anything!

Still worth it.

Found out that my new boss is going to be my old boss who helped me get promoted quickly, and her new boss is going to be her old boss who also helped. So I may be able to move up again this year if things go well. Not sure what that would look like, but I took a $15k pay cut to go to work for this company so hoping to recoup more of that. We’re also in Cincinnati for a few days. Saw a Reds game today. They got killed but still fun.

Now that's some weird shit.

Aren’t you getting enough?

6 week post op was today, and I’m doing very well! I don’t need any more imaging, I can start PT (thank GOD, dieting is not working and I keep getting bigger), and as long as I don’t spend more than an hour in the water and it’s not hot water I can submerge my incisions (there is one tiny scab left, ugh). So I went to the beach right after my appointment.

Giant hugs on losing your own Nan. Nevermind your family. Have a small service to remember your grandmother. Something like that helps you move through some stages of grief. You can do it in your own home or drive out to Kansas City and hold it in a park or someplace your Nan loved to remember her. We should cherish our good memories. When Mom passed we had a small remembrance ceremony where we said the rosary and just remembered the best things about my Mom.

I mean, she sounds like a legend so.. I don't think you have anything to worry about. And that's the takeaway from this thread: Tank did stuff and it was hot wound up with a rad girlfriend. If I weren't married Id be jealous.

I don’t think you have anything to fear from anyone who posts here. But there is a legitimate danger from whoever screwed Rock. If you want to have this thread edited or hidden, I’m willing to do so.

Well, in recent years, his quality of life has declined. He is 73. Physically speaking, he should be in an assisted living community, that has medical staff. He spends most days watching TV, as he lives alone at his home, with me as his primary care giver. I live a mile away and check on him in person 3 times a week, and call him almost every day. My Dad cannot drive anymore, so my brother and I take turns shopping for him, or doing things around the house, etc. It is not an ideal situation, but the best we can get him to agree to, because he is stubborn and independent. In recent yea

Translation: how many hands did you see the backs of?

I am convinced that we are seeing the erosion of Western-style democracy. The irony is that the US and allies have had a philosophy of "exporting" democracy (sometimes at gun point), with the idea that we could topple China and Russia (and other dictatorships), yet what is really happening is the West is becoming more like dictatorships.

Yeah, it’s a scientific fact that they taste meteor that regular macaroni

wtf I want a helmet full of ice cream

Your first game? Did ya have a good time slugger? Get some cracker jacks? A helmet full of ice cream?

Yeah, I feel that. I feel bad for sharing as much as I have in this thread and have gone kind of quiet about it. Mostly for the sake of KP, who is most definitely my girlfriend now... my non-monogamous, bisexual, swinger girlfriend. This weekend is the trip to the nudist, swinger resort. I'll report back. Maybe? Still seeing the others I have mentioned, but maybe less so. Blue has escalated things a bit. Another very close friend, who I'll call T, upon hearing about things with Blue, suddenly became much more cuddly and snuggly with me when we hang out. Fine by me because she is stup

Okay, I have to say… I have been looking for shorts all summer, and since I’m a weird between-size, I have struck out with every single pair except the shorts I found at Walmart.

So, I’ve been reflecting on change a like. I’ve changed a lot over the past 20+ years, and I’m really glad that I have, but 18 year old me would not get along with 40 year old me. That kid would be really disappointed in how lame I am now, and I couldn’t stand how insufferable I was with everything. On the other hand, I’m at my brother-in-law’s house right now and his childhood friends are here and everyone agrees that they haven’t changed at all since high school and that’s a pint of pride. I don’t get it at all. Where do you fall? Maybe I was just such an asshole that I needed to c

Well yes and no...sort of. I still retain a lot of the same core beliefs and personality, but I've nonetheless changed a lot since then. I think I'm more openly myself now than I was back then because I'm not trying to mold myself to fit in with the group. Like, I think back then I think I felt that I had a role to play in the group (and out) and I tailored a lot of my actions to that role, and so did most of the others in that same group. But I'm actually still friends with most of those people (just not as close). I can say the same for most of them - they're the same people, just more o

boom bang flash boom bang flash boom bang flash how do you not get bored really quick by that. it's literally never different any year.

I feel like this is in some strange impossible (and obvious! I bet I'm not the first guy to make this joke!) way karmic retribution for Hannibal Buress being a landlord. If he'd only invested his money in, like, weed start-ups instead then Bill Cosby would still be locked up. His sin redounded through time and has freed the guilty! (Obviously, seriously, I blame the prosecutor. No, wait, I blame society.)

[And nevermind, probably a talking out of school moment for me. This is not the post anyone is looking for.] Inserted Explanation: Okay, so I had an anxiety attack because I suddenly convinced myself I had to be “talking out of school” as people say, but my wife Sara lovingly reassured me in that “you silly man” sorta way that I was not. Anyway I was causally writing, in a quick worded manner which is ironically opposite to this explanatory novel, about my wife being bisexual. That Sara is uninterested in other men, and me being uninterested in anyone except her. How that ‘trade live