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Without our friend Zerimar here, there hasn't been any good talk/advice/gossip around relationships and dating. Is that because everyone here is old and married at this point? 

Cause now that I am at max vax I am getting back out there. I'd be fun to talk about dating stuff-- but if it's just going to be me talking about all my rejections I'll be annoyed.

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I'm not sure if it's fully possible for men to truly and fully understand what it's like for women to be pretty consistently valued mainly for our ability to provide sex. But we are, pretty much from

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Testes is such a low bar for manhood. 

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Plus since everyone's married with kids and stuff, pretty sure we could all love vicariously through you a little bit. It's about three months till I'll next get laid probably so.. 

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Well okay then... here goes... and we're all grown ups here, but I'm just going to give a TMI warning right now.

A BIT OF HISTORY:

Having posted here for literally half my life, true June 99'ers will remember my cantankerous days of having just moved to LA to go to grad school for film/writing and being a horn dog. I may have been one of the first nightly people to hook up with a fellow nightly member in the form of Stargeek (we still talk, she's a lovely person). After a series of probably inappropriate online encounters with several other female members of nightly, I met my first wife in the real world.

We were together ten years, had a kid halfway through who is now 16. Toward the end we were both seeing other people and I may or may nor have talked a lot online to and/or hooked up with a few more nightly ladies. After we divorced and I was legit for real single, I spent a year or so of banging girls in their 20s. I tried one age-appropriate relationship that last 4 months, but I dumped her after she yelled at my kid (6 at the time) for fucking up her run on a level in Lego Star Wars. 

I met my last partner-- who as we all matured, got a lot of fans on here via her greeting card and gift line. I also spent almost a decade with her before we agreed that we were starting to head down different paths and she did what all white women with money and a midlife crisis do-- move to Bali for a year. 

After a brief period of banging it out with all the female friends I had that I knew were secretly down (only one from nightly this time) I ended up in a relationship pretty quick with a new woman.

At first it was great. I'll just be real-- I've had a LOT of casual sex. With randos at LA sex parties, with friends who were into casual flings, and there was that one time the nice Korean lady that I have do my waxing decided to shoot for an extra tip. I've always been attracted to people and their weirdness, complexity and personality more than their looks. That said, the older I get, the more that has grown, and rando sex really started losing its panache. I really wanted genuine connections and realness.

I met a woman we'll call "Gray" because she was prematurely gray-haired. (I am going to use pseudonyms because enough of you cross-over with me on FB and these people are maybe still around if you don't know them directly).

At first Gray was awesome-- I had feelings for her, and really enjoyed dating her. That said, after having been in relationships for so long before her, I was for the first time a successful adult on my own. My break came midway through my last relationship. There was a part of me that was excited to have the world open to me. I was totally cool being monogamous with Gray and us having feelings, but I was not ready to forge ahead into the relationship jungle by pushing for cohabitation, or marriage, or kids or anything like that. It seemed like she was cool with that-- we had some hard boundaries. I was east side, she was west side. I have cats, she had a dog. We both had one kid, but they were very different ages.

Things were good, but on occasion she got shitty drunk, which is a thing I don't care for. She would sometimes get hostile when drunk, usually in the form of accusing me that I only wanted her to be a good time girl. (TMI alert) She was also very submissive sexually speaking. To the point that she wanted/needed very extreme levels of domination, which, I wasn't super comfortable with. These were things that came out over time that would have been good to know going in. Then quarantine hit. This definitely exacerbated an already declining situation and she pre-emptively broke up with me.

Here's where it got weird.

She worked in the industry, in post-production, but wanted to be writer. I gave her notes on one script, which I liked, and she was grateful. I gave her notes on another script, which i didn't like, which lead to our first fight. After we broke up and were trying to remain friendly, she asked me to read a treatment for her next script. It was basically a revenge fantasy movie where a shunned woman flips and ruins a guys life by blowing up his white Jeep (guess what I drive) and kidnapping his cats (I have cats) and leaving them in another city. It was full of very specific things about me. She tried to play it off as funny, to which I told her "either you're fucking with me, or you're so clueless to boundaries that you need help" and said that we would no longer be speaking.

For the record, of all the people I have slept with or been in relationships with that I knew well, I have remained friends with all of with the exception of Gray, and the chick that yelled at my kid over a Wii game.

A bit after Gray was blocked, I noticed that an old friend that I'll call "Metal" had gone missing from social media. She and I were workmates 20 years ago and always had a ton of sexual tension. We hooked up once about a decade ago when I was free and had a grand ol time. I reached out and discovered she was quarantining and had decided social media was unhealthy for her. We started talking more. We'd always gone through spurts of regular contact, to light contact. At some point we realized we'd both been very quarantined for months and felt it was safe to meet up.

This became a regular thing and was GREAT. We were the same ol friends, we'd hook up every few weeks and I don't know if I would have made it through lockdown without her. Those few moments of fun and intimacy kept me from losing my mind through most of covid. She is also pro-level at the sexing and super chill. We never talked boundaries or anything, but it seemed very understood and cool.

This went on for months and months until very recently. After my recent move I'm a bit further away, and after a small accident that required a plan B pill, I seem to frequently be saying the wrong thing to her. She casually mentioned going on her first date as the world has been opening up, and while it wasn't meant to make me jealous (again, we weren't under any sort of rules) I took it as a signal to maybe back off. When I recently hit her up to visit, she got a little mad that I was calling her a fuck toy, but I didn't feel like I had changed up anything. And she's certainly hit me up the same way. In the last month we haven't been able to connect, between my kid schedule, recovering from my vaccine shots, and some work dropped on me I have unintentionally blown her off a couple times. As awesome and chill as she is, sometimes she can be a little cranky and hard to talk to on a frank level. So I'm not sure where we are currently, but we definitely need to talk. I've never worried about sex ruining a friendship until now. I'm not mad at her, and I hope she isn't mad at me because I really do like and appreciate her and it would suck to piss her off... but I'm worried I AM pissing her off by not knowing what to say.

Also in the last couple months I have returned to dating apps in expectation of the world opening up and people getting out again. I will come back with those tales and some self reflection after ya'll digest all this mess.

 

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There were some pretty epic hookups over the years. The winner would have to be TuskenRaider convincing a woman’s screen name I forget that he was older than he was and she legit flew to meet him only to meet a 16 year old.

Or when MissLizthegreat and Spike23 met up and she came back and posted he never took his shirt off and cried after sex.

Multiple couples met on here. 

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I’m stupid when it comes to dating. My wife would say that sentence was five words too long, then we’d laugh, but inside my head I’d reassure myself that I wasn’t stupid.

 

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I was a nerd in high school (really still am) and had (have) no game.  18-22 was fun.  After that long ,dry spell. I started to develop a brain around 35, things got easier.  Been in a serious relationship since 2009.  Thank goodness I found someone who can put up with me, otherwise I would be a sexual leper.  

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I play co-ed softball and there's a blonde on another team that's pretty hot.  She has several tattoos, a nose ring, dresses like a pro softball player, tall baseball socks.  She's skinny yet muscular and broad shouldered.  Pretty hot.  I need a clever way to ask her out.  

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8 minutes ago, Jedigoat said:

I need a clever way to ask her out.  

Try this: "Hey, would you like to go on a date sometime?" Clear, specific. 

If she says "Yes!" then great. If she says "Nah, bro, I'm good," then make like Elsa and let it go. 

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In the middle of a baseball field, I might need to be more creative.  I'm usually good at making a comment that is a good segue that leads to asking a girl out.   Just gotta think of something organic. 

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1 hour ago, Fozzie said:

I dated a lot, but only two were serious. Only ever had sex with my wife. I’m boring.

That's not boring if you're happy.

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35 minutes ago, Tank said:

That's not boring if you're happy.

In terms of storytelling. But I’ve also had a weird thing - I’m not Quasimodo but I’m also not exceptionally handsome. Anyone who has seen my pictures can attest to that. But, from my late teens through today, I’ve somehow always attracted women. A couple of years ago, before I was sick for a year and then the pandemic shut everything down, two very attractive younger women hit on me within a couple months of each other. My wife thought I was making it up in some weird attempt to make her jealous. One was a nurse who was doing a work physical and just blurted out that I am an incredibly handsome man and asked if I would have lunch with her. And then she fell all over herself apologizing when she saw that I had a wedding ring on. 
 

My friend Jason used to hate going to restaurants with me, because I would inevitably end up having a waitress flirt with me. To the point where I bought a fake wedding ring to wear. I’ve never understood it, except that I’m moderately decent looking and I don’t give off any kind of weird vibe, and I treat women the same way I treat men. 

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