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Didn’t get abducted or eaten or murdered. Totally worth it. This place has a 360 view of the LA basin.

My day at work was really light, so I decided for some reason to hit the high points of my relationship past: I went on my first date as a junior in high school, and it didn't exactly go well. It

I am two of these women.

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I WAS going to post my monthly "this place sucks lately" bullshit but damn, we gettin' real.

My local paper is running weekly dating columns lately, asking residents their experiences in specific areas-worst first dates, worst restaurant dates, oddest break ups, and while they've been awesome to read each Sunday, they pale in comparison to the Dating Life of Tank. I imagine the 100% versions of these to be incredible. I like the LA James Bond vibe.

I was Tank-active in my 20s (NO regrets) and had some hookups during the ends of both my marriages but have been celibate now for longer than I care to admit. I got that longing for a connection a while ago. I don't look down on casual sexers-never have-I just don't feel like doing that any longer and it's not easy finding a guy who wants to be permanent with a fat, old, foul-mouthed woman with cats who drinks and gets high every day. Go figure. But I could tell you about my past. My favorite sex story (as it were) is a friend who called one night for a reference-I knew the woman he wanted to sex and had me tell her on the phone how good I thought he was. He did not perform well for her and my recommendations got a bad mark from her.

 

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Hahah I’m not THAT much of a lothario. I am condensing decades worth of encounters, I’ve never had them lining up out the door.

I mean, for a doughy nerd I guess I’ve done well.  Also, in my defense I never was a hit and quit type person with anyone I knew well. Unless it was designed to be casual I’ve always entangled with people I actively liked on some level.

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I done a fair share of sleeping around in my 20s. I can't recall the number of people who've bumped uglies with me. Not that I was one to count.. but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say I've slept with over 20 people but less than 40. Met my wife when I was 29 turning 30.  She blew every other sexual encounter out of the water. I'll spare the details but man, she's awesome. We've been together 7 years now and the only itch I get is for her. 

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13 hours ago, Tank said:

NOT giving off a weird vibe or wearing a fedora can go a long way.

If I never wore a fedora, do I at least get half credit?  Hopefully the weird vibe I project is benign! LOL!

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To the surprise of no one, I'm pretty boring. I dated a lot as a teenager, but since I met my husband at 19, I don't have a lot of adult dating experience. If anything happens to him, I'm not sure I would enter the dating pool until my kids are significantly older or out of the house. I have a hard time trusting people with my kids. If something happened to me, he would be remarried in a year. Not that he doesn't love me, but he needs a wife. And he would want help with the kids.

But for the record, I've had dinner with Fozzie, and I did not go home with him.

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1 hour ago, Odine said:

I done a fair share of sleeping around in my 20s. I can't recall the number of people who've bumped uglies with me. Not that I was one to count.. but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say I've slept with over 20 people but less than 40. Met my wife when I was 29 turning 30.  She blew every other sexual encounter out of the water. I'll spare the details but man, she's awesome. We've been together 7 years now and the only itch I get is for her. 

If you got an itch you should probably see a doctor. There's a cream for that.

 

16 minutes ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

To the surprise of no one, I'm pretty boring. I dated a lot as a teenager, but since I met my husband at 19, I don't have a lot of adult dating experience. If anything happens to him, I'm not sure I would enter the dating pool until my kids are significantly older or out of the house. I have a hard time trusting people with my kids. If something happened to me, he would be remarried in a year. Not that he doesn't love me, but he needs a wife. And he would want help with the kids.

But for the record, I've had dinner with Fozzie, and I did not go home with him.

I'll say it again-- but I don't think that having few partners, or finding your forever person at a young age is boring or bad at all.

But you're not wrong about the kid thing. Obviously my last long term relationship had her in a step mom level role and it made things extra hard on the kid when we split. There's not a lot of people who stay in contact with their step parent if they are no longer with the blood parent. My son and ex still talk, but it's clear that he has put up a wall. Dating as an adult with a kid is super hard because you don't ever want to put them in that spot again. That's kind of why I decided to be up front with current dates that I am not on a path to starting a family or cohabitation until after my kid is out on his own. I won't put him through that wringer again. When I was a kid, my dad brought home every girlfriend he had and all but forced me to bond with them-- only for them to be gone forever a couple months later. 

There's also a double standard that as a single middle-aged father who is hands on with their kid, I score MAJOR points with ladies-- and yet, those exact same qualities in a woman will send dudes running.

Also, as all my female friends tell me, having a nice place, clean bathrooms, a sense of decor, a car, and a career puts me one up over most dudes they meet. And as a very LA specific thing, when I say I am a writer I have to specify in my dating profiles that I am WGA, otherwise "screenwriter" is code for "I will sleep over and never leave."

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Good god I'm glad I don't have to date anymore. This all sounds terrible.

I'm really happy I got to have a slutty period. It was fun to be free and loose with little if any expectations, but it was very unfulfilling overall. Sure I'll probably never get a blowjob from a woman who may or may not have been trans in a bar bathroom again, or get to bang someone ten years younger AND twenty years older in the same week, but the comfort and familiarity of being with one person who knows what I like (and vice versa) and none of the awkwardness of figuring shit out with our big dumb gross naked bodies is definitely superior.

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7 minutes ago, Darth Krawlie said:

Good god I'm glad I don't have to date anymore. This all sounds terrible.

I'm really happy I got to have a slutty period. It was fun to be free and loose with little if any expectations, but it was very unfulfilling overall. Sure I'll probably never get a blowjob from a woman who may or may not have been trans in a bar bathroom again, or get to bang someone ten years younger AND twenty years older in the same week, but the comfort and familiarity of being with one person who knows what I like (and vice versa) and none of the awkwardness of figuring shit out with our big dumb gross naked bodies is definitely superior.

You're NOT going to talk me out of PMing you.  Nice try. 

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22 minutes ago, Darth Krawlie said:

Good god I'm glad I don't have to date anymore. This all sounds terrible.

I'm really happy I got to have a slutty period. It was fun to be free and loose with little if any expectations, but it was very unfulfilling overall. Sure I'll probably never get a blowjob from a woman who may or may not have been trans in a bar bathroom again, or get to bang someone ten years younger AND twenty years older in the same week, but the comfort and familiarity of being with one person who knows what I like (and vice versa) and none of the awkwardness of figuring shit out with our big dumb gross naked bodies is definitely superior.

All of this...well except the whole trans lady in a bar thing, that's never happened to me. But oh yeah, dating sounds exhausting and I can't imagine anyone actually being interested in me other than my husband. That sounds really low, but it's not really. 

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7 minutes ago, Cerina said:

All of this...well except the whole trans lady in a bar thing, that's never happened to me. But oh yeah, dating sounds exhausting and I can't imagine anyone actually being interested in me other than my husband. That sounds really low, but it's not really. 

I feel the exact same.  My fiance and I have been through a lot, and I really don't want to date anyone else. I feel like if you are lucky, you find the one person meant for you.  Plus, and I know I've joked about myself in a self deprecating way, but in reality, I also feel like no one else would want me at my age and with my baggage, anyway.   We get along fine and it is the healthiest relationship I've ever had.  SO I don't need anyone else and I am grateful for whom I do have.

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I often say that we won't find anyone willing to put up with each other's shit at this point. Like I know his brand of crazy and how to deal with it (mostly). None of us are perfect, and we all have our baggage. You just have to find someone whose baggage you can handle. I have very little tolerance for certain personality defects: intentional meanness and stupidity come to mind. Unfortunately that reduces the dating pool rather significantly.

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Not to discredit any of you happily married folks but I said those same things in my last relationship. That I wouldn’t want to do the work again, that no one else would be into me, etc etc...

And yet here I am. I’m actually super into dating right now because it fits where I am. I’m not looking for extra now— but that could change.

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5 minutes ago, Tank said:

Not to discredit any of you happily married folks but I said those same things in my last relationship. That I wouldn’t want to do the work again, that no one else would be into me, etc etc...

And yet here I am. I’m actually super into dating right now because it fits where I am. I’m not looking for extra now— but that could change.

 

25 minutes ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

I often say that we won't find anyone willing to put up with each other's shit at this point. Like I know his brand of crazy and how to deal with it (mostly). None of us are perfect, and we all have our baggage. You just have to find someone whose baggage you can handle. I have very little tolerance for certain personality defects: intentional meanness and stupidity come to mind. Unfortunately that reduces the dating pool rather significantly.

If I found myself single (EG I got dumped), I don't know if I would bother to date again. It's not that I am not tolerant.  I am.  I am saying I am hard to accept because I am, well, weird, and quite frankly, not that physically attractive, either.  I am just being honest with myself, maybe as motivation to not screw things up with my fiance, in the first place. 

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3 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

To the surprise of no one, I'm pretty boring. I dated a lot as a teenager, but since I met my husband at 19, I don't have a lot of adult dating experience. If anything happens to him, I'm not sure I would enter the dating pool until my kids are significantly older or out of the house. I have a hard time trusting people with my kids. If something happened to me, he would be remarried in a year. Not that he doesn't love me, but he needs a wife. And he would want help with the kids.

But for the record, I've had dinner with Fozzie, and I did not go home with him.

And I'm glad to see that ShadowDog and his friend also did not come home with me.

 

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1 hour ago, Zathras said:

 

If I found myself single (EG I got dumped), I don't know if I would bother to date again. It's not that I am not tolerant.  I am.  I am saying I am hard to accept because I am, well, weird, and quite frankly, not that physically attractive, either.  I am just being honest with myself, maybe as motivation to not screw things up with my fiance, in the first place. 

Again, I literally said and felt all these things as well.

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6 minutes ago, Tank said:

Again, I literally said and felt all these things as well.

I would be content to NOT find out whether you or I are right! 

I suppose there is truth in what you say, though. Maybe my current mindset is just indicative of the fact I LIKE where I am at right now, and don't want it to change.

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