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I have no doubt it will stop when she gets a regular boyfriend. It’s very much an emotional, intimate relationship.

The key factor is that it is not sexual. I think men struggle with this more. We’re not raised or taught affection in the same way. When I was a kid, you’d see two girls holding hands, or know sisters that shared a bed, or see girls  braiding each other’s hair. All non sexual, but all of it clearly emotionally close.

If two boys would do any of that, or I’d even say a boy and a girl, that boy would get ridiculed. When my kid had his mid Covid breakdown and was crying on my shoulder I realized that was longest physical contact I’d had with him for years outside of horsing around.

It’s just ingrained in us, and as women get older they know it and feel it and end up feeling exactly as Cerina described.

I think this is a great conversation!

But yeah, part of my whole mission right now is to be present for all my relationships, be they familial, platonic, sexual, or romantic. Part of that is to understand they all have their unique boundaries, some of which are very non-traditional.

And as somebody who (clearly) has often used sex as a shortcut to feeling appreciated and loved, I want more practice at feeling intimacy and care without it being attached to sex.

...that said, it’s a lot easier to do this with Blue when I have other partners where sex IS in the mix... and if she ever initiated things I’m not sure I’d resist, lol.

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Didn’t get abducted or eaten or murdered. Totally worth it. This place has a 360 view of the LA basin.

My day at work was really light, so I decided for some reason to hit the high points of my relationship past: I went on my first date as a junior in high school, and it didn't exactly go well. It

I am two of these women.

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21 hours ago, Odine said:

So this is the thing that throws me. Because I can conceptually totally understand what you're saying here and such a situation sounds wonderful. But how does one not become very emotionally attached to someone who can provide that safe space for non sexual physical intimacy? I'd imagine that if the relief is so strong, one might get very strong feelings of attachment to the other if not outright feelings of love if the scenario happens often enough.

Just so we are all clear, I'm all for it. But if one is wanting to try and keep a relationship relatively casual this seems like the opposite way to go about it, emotionally at least.

Fully understand that I don't know anything about the reality of this situation of Tanks. Just trying to relate it to my own life and how things have gone for me in the past, based on his description.

I've had really just one of these relationships in my life, and there still are intense emotions surrounding it. It was and still is one of the most loving and intimate relationships I have ever had. He's my person.

We met in high school. He dated one of my best friends for a little while, and I did have a huge crush on him at the time. Then we just became very good friends. We did have one night where we had drunken sex in our 20s, but it was...not good. I mean, just everything about it was a big "nope". 

I don't know this woman, obviously, but I do know Tank fairly well. I believe that even if deep emotions get involved he could still respect her and maintain an affectionate, intimate, but completely platonic relationship. 

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On 5/12/2021 at 6:55 PM, Fozzie said:

Thanks for sharing.
 

Honestly, there’s a flip side to it as well: men are pretty consistently told that the only type of physical affection that’s manly is sex, but a lot of guys I have physical touch as their primary love language. And it isn’t about sex at all, sometimes I just really need a hug, or to sit and watch TV snuggled up with someone (at this point either my wife or one of my children). It can be really hard for women to understand that men might just want that too. 

Oh absolutely! My husband's love language is physical touch. Some days he just needs to be close to me, and it can be hard because I spend all day every day with at least one small child who still has no physical boundaries. So more often than not I'm just touched out by the end of the day which is typically when my husband needs it the most. But even in our 20+ year relationship, I still misread his intentions from time to time. 

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So JP and I couldn’t get our schedules lined up. We’re trying next week.

KP is on her way over. I don’t have anything to do until a brunch on Sunday, so she’s just going to come over and stay until then or if we get tired of each other.

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Nice.

Edit: Did I misunderstand? I assumed this was meant in a good way.  But after seeing other replies, I may have read it wrong, in which case: not nice.

you Hollywood writers and your damn ambiguous endings ;) 

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What do you mean she just left? Did she say why? Did she sneak out in the middle of the night? You'd showered, right?

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3 hours ago, Tank said:

24 hours later, she just left. I feel like I have been hit by a truck.

My wife did that to me the first time we hooked up. She left before I woke up in the morning. It was awesome.

 

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12 hours ago, Cerina said:

What do you mean she just left? Did she say why? Did she sneak out in the middle of the night? You'd showered, right?

Haha— I mean the date lasted 24 hours and I was exhausted from it, and posted after she headed home. It was a very nice 24 hours that will take 48 to recover from. I’m not too old to put in the, but not so young that I won’t feel it.

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4 hours ago, Tank said:

Haha— I mean the date lasted 24 hours and I was exhausted from it, and posted after she headed home. It was a very nice 24 hours that will take 48 to recover from. I’m not too old to put in the, but not so young that I won’t feel it.

Great! I can read tone!

And you had a great day!  Even better!

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7 hours ago, Darth Krawlie said:

PUT IN THE WHAT SETH

WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING IN SETH

WHERE ARE YOU PUTTING IT SETH

PUTTING IN THE WORK.

or

THE WORK PUTTING IT IN

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10 hours ago, Tank said:

Haha— I mean the date lasted 24 hours and I was exhausted from it, and posted after she headed home. It was a very nice 24 hours that will take 48 to recover from. I’m not too old to put in the, but not so young that I won’t feel it.

Ok, my shower question still stands tho. 

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In regards to the work putting it in, even tho I’m still technically a younger man, or maybe I’m just lying to myself there as I’m 43 years old and also 28 years into this relationship so the mileage is probably way past warranty... There are many times now when my wife and I just agree that sex would be great but then decide that the allure of a full night’s sleep is stronger.

The times when that doesn’t happen I’m constantly having to ignore my internal younger self as he ruthlessly mocks me for feeling like I’m running a marathon. No way, I got this, man. No worries. It’s barely a 5k. OMG! Why are my nipples so chafed?

The worst thing that has ever happened during a moment like that was when my wife asked, “Babe? Are you okay? You feeling alright?” And in my head I’m hearing Scotty exclaim, “I’m givin’ it all it’s got, Captain! If I push it any harder it’ll break apart!”

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It’s not that type of issue. Sara still falls into that deep sleep, not waking until her alarm, ready for her day, says thank you in the morning, mission accomplished. All of the checkmark signals that I look for are checked, gold star sticker awarded. lol

On my end it’s the emotionally and physically exhausted thing, the out of breath and out of shape sorta thing. The weight of Atlas thing that homemakers can deal with. The waking up tired thing. The “touched out” thing. Kids, pets, chores, extended family management, crazy neighbors, the 1950s role reversal. Get it all done for everyone and still be sexy at a drop of hat thing. Always on call. Combined that with the 2020 monotony of being within these four walls carry over and the just getting out of the Alaskan winter thing. Plus vacuuming in heels is something you never get used to. ;-)

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2 hours ago, zambingo said:

It’s not that type of issue. Sara still falls into that deep sleep, not waking until her alarm, ready for her day, says thank you in the morning, mission accomplished. All of the checkmark signals that I look for are checked, gold star sticker awarded. lol

On my end it’s the emotionally and physically exhausted thing, the out of breath and out of shape sorta thing. The weight of Atlas thing that homemakers can deal with. The waking up tired thing. The “touched out” thing. Kids, pets, chores, extended family management, crazy neighbors, the 1950s role reversal. Get it all done for everyone and still be sexy at a drop of hat thing. Always on call. Combined that with the 2020 monotony of being within these four walls carry over and the just getting out of the Alaskan winter thing. Plus vacuuming in heels is something you never get used to. ;-)

But the heels make your butt look fantastic.

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On 5/12/2021 at 7:06 AM, Zathras said:

I have to agree with Odine. You don't wanna get me tooed if things go sideways, either.   Clingy people can get vindictive when feelings get hurt. 

 

On 5/12/2021 at 8:42 AM, Tank said:

I don’t think you guys are quite getting her or the situation. It’s funny that I talked about dating a woman who introduced me to her husband, mention I really like the lady who goes to sex parties, but the one I don’t have sex and cuddle with has ya’lls torqued! 
 

If I get me too’d it’s going to be because of something I said on nightly 20 years ago.

I definitely don't have the complete picture.  You know this woman, I don't.   But I want to say I was neither judging anyone nor am I torqued up over anything.  I believe what consenting adults do is between them and no one has a right to shame them about what they do.  Where I was coming from is that in this particular case is in your ad you specifically state your profession, and also that this woman is significantly younger than you.  Young enough to see things very differently than you.  That was all I meant.   The reason I felt it significant to mention it is that the other people you met were not as young and you described them as being more experienced with boundaries.  If I stepped on your toes, I apologize, but it was unintentional if I did. 

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I was never offended!

Blue didn’t come my way via a dating app. We met via a mutual friend years back and just started hanging out in person last year after she moved to LA. She’s in her mid 30s, so she’s not YOUNG per se, just younger than me.

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