Hobbes Posted November 3, 2023 Share Posted November 3, 2023 I could have sworn there was a pet thread, but I can't find it--se feel free to merge. I've had my sweet baby boy Murray (named after a Flight of the Concords character) for nearly 16 years. He was able to do long mountain hikes even up until last winter when his health took a turn. He improved some when all the snow melted, but sadly his age was showing. About month ago I noticed a bump on his snout. A week later I noticed it was substantially larger. We took him to the vet yesterday and it was confirmed to be cancer. The vet says he is basically in hospice care and we should focus on his comfort (which has been the story of his life). He doesn't seem to be in pain, still eats and drinks without issue, usually poops and pees outside, still loves to be loved on, and although his hips are weak he can make it up and down the stairs and even runs around on the steep hill in the back. But at night he wanders the house due to a form of dog dementia called sundowning, his vision and hearing aren't the best, and although he still gets around--he still struggles with his back legs. Given everything, his quality of life is quite good. Although my dream is for him to go peacefully in his sleep, I know that seldom happens. The vet said his death will likely be traumatic for everyone, especially him. He did say his health will fade exponentially and we will know when it's time--but at the end of the day, I don't think I can do it. I know it is selfish and I am bringing my own existential dread and absolute paralyzing terror of death and non-existence into the issue; I could barely kill a black widow that took up residence in our sliding back door in the fall. I have been with people when they put down their pets. It is still haunts me; I still cry over Molly, Peanut, and Murphy. What has worked for others in helping the guilt? I know to focus on the good times and remind myself that is what I would want, I am being selfish keeping them alive and blah blah blah--but I am not strong enough. I feel am taking a life that is not mine to take. Just to be clear--I am not judging people that make this choice. I know it is the right thing to do. I just need help with the horrible guilt. Here is the bump: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted November 3, 2023 Share Posted November 3, 2023 The hardest thing ever for pet owners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Krawlie Posted November 3, 2023 Share Posted November 3, 2023 But it literally is your life to take. You accepted responsibility for this animal's life and well being when you adopted him. You owe it to him to make his passing as peaceful as possible. I would feel much more guilty letting my pet suffer pain, and for far longer than is necessary, just to assuage my own feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zathras Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 I went through something similar last June. Nygyl was diagnosed as terminal and we were faced with the choice to either put him to sleep or put him in the animal hospital, basically on hospice. We chose the former. IT was a very hard decision, but was the lesser of 2 evils. But when you have a pet for 16 years, it is hard to let go. I agree with Krawlie though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Odine Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 16 hours ago, Hobbes said: I could have sworn there was a pet thread, but I can't find it--se feel free to merge. I've had my sweet baby boy Murray (named after a Flight of the Concords character) for nearly 16 years. He was able to do long mountain hikes even up until last winter when his health took a turn. He improved some when all the snow melted, but sadly his age was showing. About month ago I noticed a bump on his snout. A week later I noticed it was substantially larger. We took him to the vet yesterday and it was confirmed to be cancer. The vet says he is basically in hospice care and we should focus on his comfort (which has been the story of his life). He doesn't seem to be in pain, still eats and drinks without issue, usually poops and pees outside, still loves to be loved on, and although his hips are weak he can make it up and down the stairs and even runs around on the steep hill in the back. But at night he wanders the house due to a form of dog dementia called sundowning, his vision and hearing aren't the best, and although he still gets around--he still struggles with his back legs. Given everything, his quality of life is quite good. Although my dream is for him to go peacefully in his sleep, I know that seldom happens. The vet said his death will likely be traumatic for everyone, especially him. He did say his health will fade exponentially and we will know when it's time--but at the end of the day, I don't think I can do it. I know it is selfish and I am bringing my own existential dread and absolute paralyzing terror of death and non-existence into the issue; I could barely kill a black widow that took up residence in our sliding back door in the fall. I have been with people when they put down their pets. It is still haunts me; I still cry over Molly, Peanut, and Murphy. What has worked for others in helping the guilt? I know to focus on the good times and remind myself that is what I would want, I am being selfish keeping them alive and blah blah blah--but I am not strong enough. I feel am taking a life that is not mine to take. Just to be clear--I am not judging people that make this choice. I know it is the right thing to do. I just need help with the horrible guilt. Here is the bump: Rough. Let him go peacefully man you can do it. It's the right thing to do. As an aside and not to derail, have you considered psychedelic therapy to help with your existential dread/fear of death? The success rate treating anxiety and depression, particularly existential anxiety, with psilocybin treatment is amazing (but not surprising to anyone with psilocybin experience). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metropolis Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 I feel for you. It's not an easy decision. We've lost two dogs in there last three years. One had cancer and we had to put her down. The other had a seizure in his sleep. I still don't know what was harder. Having them put Abby to sleep in my arms or my wife waking me up screaming because she found Teddy gone in his kennel. With Abby we had to let her go. Treatment would have maybe given us an extra month or two. Unfortunately there is no magic truck to knowing when it is time right to put them down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 It was awful losing Isis. I just wanted more time, at least to feel like I said goodbye properly. Just don't wait until Murray is in lots of pain. I promise you that you will absolutely regret it and it will haunt you. Honestly I'm sobbing right now writing this, 6 years after the fact. The way she died is one of my greatest regrets, and losing that dog hurt more than losing my own mother. I recommend looking for a mobile vet that will come to you so Murphy can go to sleep one last time at home and not in a vet office. You may or may not want the boys there, you may not even be able to watch, but I can tell you it will be much more peaceful than losing him naturally and you will get to say a proper goodbye, on your terms. Talk with your wife about who should be there, my husband chose me to say goodbye because we both couldn't be there, and he knew I needed to be the one with her, even though she was his dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUAJedi2 Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 I've been thinking about your pup all weekend. Sounds like he's had a good, long life. We always want more time with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted November 7, 2023 Author Share Posted November 7, 2023 I’m crying right now reading everyones’s thoughts. I think this is going to happen sooner than later. He can barely walk. I have a teacher that had someone come in to the house to put her dog down. I’m going to ask for the information tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 I really like a vet to go out to the house instead of dealing with it in an office. When I had to put Cheetoh down I think I hogged an exam room crying for three hours and I know people heard me tell a ginger cat I was so sorry I let it go too far before I noticed his illness last year. I was so worried about my sister and her not feeling good I was ignoring his poor pains from cancer in my cat until it was too late. I also totally regret that Cheetoh was the only one I decided to let them take his body and burn him with multiple animals and give me a seed paper made from his ashes to spread. All my pets are buried on some property out in Boerne except Cheetoh. I am not sure what will happen when Pootapotamus passes. He and Cheetoh were my love bears. They wanted to be held and wanted uppies and connected more than any other cat I owned. Growing up on a ranch death is different and we learned early that the pain from a passing animal or pet meant we loved and cared. I think I was 10 when my Mom and Dad had to have the death talk with me. You can really tell sometimes when it's time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted November 7, 2023 Author Share Posted November 7, 2023 On 11/4/2023 at 2:12 AM, Odine said: Rough. Let him go peacefully man you can do it. It's the right thing to do. As an aside and not to derail, have you considered psychedelic therapy to help with your existential dread/fear of death? The success rate treating anxiety and depression, particularly existential anxiety, with psilocybin treatment is amazing (but not surprising to anyone with psilocybin experience). Thanks man. Regarding my existential dread, I did see a psychiatrist and was on medications which helped with overall stress and Xanax helps with my panic attacks My psychiatrist did say that my case is challenging because I am not worried about dying per se, as in some people won't fly because they are afraid the plane will crash. It doesn't prevent me from living my life. I am just afraid of not existing--the cause, whether a skiing accident next month or heart attack when I am 100 isn't important (I would like to be alive till my boys are grown--but that is more about them than me). I have tried Ketamine but no, not psilocybin. I am open to it. On 11/4/2023 at 10:53 PM, Destiny Skywalker said: It was awful losing Isis. I just wanted more time, at least to feel like I said goodbye properly. Just don't wait until Murray is in lots of pain. I promise you that you will absolutely regret it and it will haunt you. Honestly I'm sobbing right now writing this, 6 years after the fact. The way she died is one of my greatest regrets, and losing that dog hurt more than losing my own mother. I recommend looking for a mobile vet that will come to you so Murphy can go to sleep one last time at home and not in a vet office. You may or may not want the boys there, you may not even be able to watch, but I can tell you it will be much more peaceful than losing him naturally and you will get to say a proper goodbye, on your terms. Talk with your wife about who should be there, my husband chose me to say goodbye because we both couldn't be there, and he knew I needed to be the one with her, even though she was his dog. Thanks--I am thinking about the mobile vet. But would I rather have someone take Murray or me leave him? I am worried that whatever room it happens in the house, I will always think of putting Murray down there. But yeah, I will definitely be there. On 11/6/2023 at 12:28 AM, RUAJedi2 said: I've been thinking about your pup all weekend. Sounds like he's had a good, long life. We always want more time with them. Thanks! I try to keep that in mind! 2 hours ago, Ms. Spam said: I really like a vet to go out to the house instead of dealing with it in an office. When I had to put Cheetoh down I think I hogged an exam room crying for three hours and I know people heard me tell a ginger cat I was so sorry I let it go too far before I noticed his illness last year. I was so worried about my sister and her not feeling good I was ignoring his poor pains from cancer in my cat until it was too late. I also totally regret that Cheetoh was the only one I decided to let them take his body and burn him with multiple animals and give me a seed paper made from his ashes to spread. All my pets are buried on some property out in Boerne except Cheetoh. I am not sure what will happen when Pootapotamus passes. He and Cheetoh were my love bears. They wanted to be held and wanted uppies and connected more than any other cat I owned. Growing up on a ranch death is different and we learned early that the pain from a passing animal or pet meant we loved and cared. I think I was 10 when my Mom and Dad had to have the death talk with me. You can really tell sometimes when it's time. I hear you--it is a shit sandwich either way. I think my struggle is if he were suffering this would be easy. But overall, he seems happy and still enjoys his life. Last night I made him a few chicken sausages and he was all about it. I just don't think it is time yet--but now knowing it is coming it is all I can think of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 Does Murray have a favorite place not in the house? (Is the weather terrible yet?) I mean if you are more comfortable doing it at the vet, then by all means do it. Murray cares that you are there the most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbes Posted January 26 Author Share Posted January 26 A few days ago Murray stopped eating except for treats. Last night he walked around a little bit outside more than usual, but once he came in he could barely stand and wouldn't even eat treats. His breathing changed so I figured the time was near. We snuggled in bed up until 1AM when passed peacefully and loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metropolis Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 I'm so sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 I am so sorry. I am glad you were there for him and it was peaceful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUAJedi2 Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 3 hours ago, Hobbes said: A few days ago Murray stopped eating except for treats. Last night he walked around a little bit outside more than usual, but once he came in he could barely stand and wouldn't even eat treats. His breathing changed so I figured the time was near. We snuggled in bed up until 1AM when passed peacefully and loved. Sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zathras Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 4 hours ago, Hobbes said: A few days ago Murray stopped eating except for treats. Last night he walked around a little bit outside more than usual, but once he came in he could barely stand and wouldn't even eat treats. His breathing changed so I figured the time was near. We snuggled in bed up until 1AM when passed peacefully and loved. I am sorry to hear this. I know how you must feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 Oh, no, I'm so sorry! <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 Giant hugs! Pets teach us so much but this one lesson hurts the most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacen123 Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 Damn, I’m so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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