Guest El Chalupacabra Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Not business speak per se, but I hate listening to fat ass, heart attack-prone middle aged blowhard dudes drone on and on about last night's game in the office. As if these schmucks know better than the professional coaches and refs, or have any kind of room to talk about the eff ups of the players who could bench press their stupid fat asses with 1 arm. That is all besides the fact sports talk is BORING as F*CK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Odine Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Ima leave this here http://unsuck-it.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burt Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Not business speak per se, but I hate listening to fat ass, heart attack-prone middle aged blowhard dudes drone on and on about last night's game in the office. As if these schmucks know better than the professional coaches and refs, or have any kind of room to talk about the eff ups of the players who could bench press their stupid fat asses with 1 arm. That is all besides the fact sports talk is BORING as F*CK.Geez, next thing you're gonna tell me is that sports don't matter. That's crazy talk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Ima leave this here http://unsuck-it.com/ Reach Out ToContact, as though from under the bed or behind a tree in a dark forest, extending a small moist hand.I am going to reach out to the Senior VP of Finance next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I'm gonna go with ASAP. I can't tell you how much I hate ASAP. Everyone needs data from me ASAP. I'm not your ****ing monkey. You'll get your shit after I've handled the other data requests that came in before yours. Thing is that the reason for the urgency is usually because the person requesting the data fucked up. They didn't check their emails and something blew up and the need me to put their request on top of the others. ASAP. fuck you. I see ASAP and I wait an extra day or two before I respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NumberSix Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I admittedly use "work smarter not harder" all the time because I work with some supposedly really smart people who get nothing accomplished on a daily basis because they make their job so much harder than it needs to be.Sounds like you just need to yell "DO BETTER!" and punch them in the shoulder a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 So my new job is more engineering project management than analytical. I HATE ASAP. It's not a real status. But I also hate people who tell me something is going to take a week when it takes 5 minutes. Just tell me it will take a week to get to it, and if that's not quick enough for me, I will ask my manager to talk to yours about priority. I understand that my task is not the most important thing in the company. (Although there's a lot of people who do think they're the most important person in the world.) But if you continually blow me off, I will call you on it. We had a guy who loved to say "holistic". It's like hippie business speak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Kurgan Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Leverage your core competencies with the corporate BS generator and the business buzzword generator from the Wall Street Journal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 We once had a design that we knew was lousy but it turned out to be acceptable for one particular configuration. One of the senior guys called it "leveraging mediocrity". I miss working with that guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 peer coaching and roll playing is for the birds. And omg! Sports talk is all I have. I have no kids or husband so basically I'm shunted into the man talk because my co-working teacher friends don't look at me as a mom and wife. I can clear a room when I start talking about Bob, my cat though. Another odd Spamism at work is that I don't wear make up. I work with a teacher who takes at least an hour to do her make up every day. To me that is one hour I can stay in bed and sleep. I don't care what the parents or kids think because I am there to teach to the middle to get more kids to pass tests! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest El Chalupacabra Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I got your peer coaching & role playing right here, Spam.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-Ray Kenobi Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I wish I'd seen this earlier."To my knowledge..." - If this information turns out to be inaccurate, I can later blame whomever passed it along to me."It's my understanding..." - I'm only the messenger about this. Don't blame me if you don't like it."Get me the data..." - All encompassing and ambiguous phrase that covers anything that person needs from you. "Ping" - More douchy way of saying "touch base.""Buy In" - Usually means that someone has to pretend to agree with something they know is a horrible idea."Lots of moving parts.." - Usually an excuse for someone not to take full responsibility for themselves, blaming some supposed complication they don't want to take care of."Drill down on that.." - Explain it to me like I'm a child."It is what it is.." - I'd rather blame invented hierarchy or tradition than attempt to do something about it."Take this offline..." - This conversation has the potential of bringing up my faults or embarrassing me in front of others, let's have it later when no one else is around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DANA-kin Skywalker Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 "They're not MY monkeys and it ain't my MY zoo". It's yet an even douchier way of saying I don't give a fuck than "it is what it is". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest El Chalupacabra Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Heh, I got to hear a winner phrase today; the ol' "I am empowering you all to (do my job for me)..." team meeting/pep talk speech. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DANA-kin Skywalker Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I find it amusing when someone uses a catch-phrase at work that impresses people, and then those people start using that catch-phrase at every opportunity and it becomes commonplace...even to the point of misuse. A couple of years my ex-boss was talking about some screw up that happened that had several causes, to the point where they were actually ironic and comical. He called it "a comedy of errors" (like the play). Now any time something goes wrong with two or more causes, someone just has to call it a comedy of errors again. Hey idiot-stop trying to talk like the boss. You're not even using the catch phrase right. Two or more errors is not called a "comedy", they actually have to possess some element of humor in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Anakin Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Like many of you, my first thought was "touch base". I used to think that people who overused that phrase had no idea what it actually meant, but it sounded better than saying "Hi, I've called you for no reason at all, want to buy anything?" However, now I'm convinced that it actually has no meaning at all and anyone who has ever said it ever is stupid. I also loathe "chop-chop". This one isn't overused, but it infuriates me. A customer said it to me 10 years ago when I was a young greenpea in sales. He said he was in hurry and I said I understood that and would do my best to respect his time while accomplishing our mutual goals. He said "well then... chop-chop". I almost turned into the hulk and ripped him in half. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I assume you weren't selling knives? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacen123 Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 You're such a cut-up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Anakin Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 No but I was selling Japanese eating utensils... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DANA-kin Skywalker Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 This isn't really business speak per se, but since we're talking about things that infuriates us, I will share the single-most infuriating word ever. It's not even a real word. It's UMMM. I first realized my annoyance with this word while waiting in line at the deli. We've been standing there for quite some time, and I was in a bit of a hurry. The customer before me, who has been there a long time herself, gets her number called. She approaches the counter, and begins looking around behind the counter, seeing what they have, and stalling. She then begins to speak: "UUMMMMM..." Are you ****ing kidding me? What do you mean UMMM?! Why is THAT the first word out of your mouth?! What the hell have you been doing while standing there? Why don't you know what you want to buy already? Why werent you looking at what they had? You actually KNOW what you want; I mean you came to the deli with a purpose, right? You actually HAVE thought it out before hand (i think?) most people don't just grab a deli number, THEN decide that they need cold cuts. Plus, you've had plenty of time to figure it out. The "UMMM phenomenon" also applies to the workplace as well, and life in general. Specifically when a person initiates the conversation with it. It makes them sound incredibly stupid. Really the only forgivable time to say umm is when you are answering the question, because you've been put on the spot. But... when you pick up your phone and dial me, and I answer, and you begin the conversation with UMMM... I just want to hang up on you and continuing doing what I was doing before you called. Collect your stupid thoughts first, THEN call me. I'm a busy person at work, and I have little tolerance for stupid people, even less for people who communicate poorly, and even even less less for those who waste my time. Did you just say UMMM? Well, congratulations, you are all three of those! Good job, you social retard. I think I just burst a blood vessel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 None of the time-stallers bother me-the ums, ers, uhs, unless they're egregious. What bugs me the most is the phrases that people use incessantly that mean nothing but just take up space. Right now, 'literally'; ironically used incorrectly, is at the top of my list.l I also truly loathe 'know what I'm sayin'?' especially at the end of each sentence. I'd love to see a course in high school that teaches people how to act/express themselves in public and on social media. I think it's time. Something of a cross between an advanced English class, public speaking and diplomacy. Teach people how to correctly spell words and how to correctly use internet-speak. Record them so they can see and hear what they look and sound like to others. Teach them basic manners. Am I asking too much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Odine Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Ummmmmmmmmm.... literally just the other day I was having this very conversation with some other friends of mine who were just as upset about people saying stupid shit. Know what I'm sayin'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 ima slap u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DANA-kin Skywalker Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 *punches odine in the throat* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacen123 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 One of my classes this semester told me that I say "right?" all the time while teaching. It was so painful catching myself saying it in the weeks that followed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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