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monkeygirl
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  • 3 weeks later...

Everybody's poop smells.

 

GUYS, I have a tale of woe. I'm doing split shifts this week and I have 43 minutes before I have to be on KOMO-YOUR SEVERE WEATHER STATION (rolly eyes here) so since bodega bay hasn't answered my latest round of most excellent questions and I don't have enough time to go get a mani/pedi, I will tell you The Tale of Jesús and The Charcoal Lighter with my miniscule amount of free time today.

 

We're in the middle of getting our house re-piped so, in anticipation, I have cleaned the basement. It was filthy. I know it's going to get dirty in this process but I didn't want dirt falling in the poor guys' eyeballs while they ripped out our old plumbing. I figured I'd do a thorough spring-type clean and get ready for a divorce while cleaning, just in case. It'll happen, I'm just not ready yet, but he may be, so be prepared, right? I mean how many years am I gonna cart around vinyl records and ****. So there's whole other marital story that goes with this, but let's just say at this point in THAT part of the story, I was angry and putting things I'd set aside for donation/sale/dump run BACK where I'd found them.

 

Jesús was supervising. I put an almost-full plastic container of charcoal lighter fluid on the laundry folding table and he was sitting next to it. When I looked up, he was sniffing at the top. I wasn't sure this was a good idea, so I called out to him to stop. He wigged a little and jumped to the floor, knocking the thing over in the process. It, OF COURSE, fell and broke, with his bulk landing in the middle of the splash. Then, he ran upstairs.

 

it took a few minutes to corner him and considerable strength to get him into a sink of water. He likes water but here, he thought he'd been bad and was being punished. I was still pissed and he could hear it in my voice and was NOT GOING TO GET DROWNED.

 

My gawd, I wish I had a pic of me shortly after the bath(s). I was grubby from cleaning in the basement, I smelled like lighter fluid and Dawn and I was sopping wet with mounds of cat hair all over me.

 

He fought us tooth and nail-quite literally. He'd gotten some in his eye so we had to flush his eye out which made him crazy. He started that low growl that says "you're about to lose a limb, Chester!" and he latched onto my face like an Alien baby in that Sigourney Weaver movie, and he did it HARD. the second ex-husband had his body and was pulling on him while Jesús' claws found deep purchase in my right eyelid. You wouldn't believe how far out a human eyelid can stretch!

 

He had to have 4 cleansings. I scrubbed between all his fingers and toes and had to cleanse his parts. He fought the entire time.

 

Today, I have a most spectacular black eye. I say black, but in reality, it's black, green, purple and the most striking shade of rose red. I have bite marks on my eyelid and forehead. Jesús looks spectacular! I've never seen his fur that clean. The white is blinding and he's uniformly fluffy.

 

pics forthcoming.

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Pics of Jesus, or the beating he gave you?

 

Both.

 

He's a big boy-he's just very solid and sturdy and he does NOT **** around, even when he plays. I've joked before that if he catches a mouse, at least the thing will be dispatched immediately because he'd crush it flat with the first paw swipe. You do not play Fingers Under The Covers with Jesús. Now, this is my face-crushed like a mousie.

 

Pics soon. I just gt home from a royally ****ed day to find we have hot water and full pressure in the bathroom. I'm now going to use all 80 gallons of the hotness in the new water heater. Then, the drinking commences.

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HA! Tami! Are the bruises starting to heal? Has he forgiven you yet for the bath? Meeko used to pointedly leave any room I came in after a bath.

 

Today Nanner finally came out of the shell and is playing wirth her toys, talks to me (she used to give a low meow hi) and has developed a love for wash clothes. She's carried off two clothes to her nap area from the kitchen.

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Mr. Fat's new thing is to sit on my lap while I internet (that's actually an old thing), and smack my mouse really hard with his paw if he thinks I'm doing too much typing and too little petting (that's the new thing).

 

I'm going to start calling him Little Bunny Foo-Foo if he keeps this up.

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HA! Maybe he just got wet somewhere. Handsome does that when he gets caught sleeping in the bushes by the house in the wee hours and the sprinklers come on.

 

I was not home a lot this weekend (Christmas shopping and craft supply buying plus extra work business) so her separation anxiety went into high mode. She likes to lick her belly too much. It's a soothing thing. She's also taught Little to do that. Also the crocheted ornaments have been plucked delicated by a claw from the tree and batted around until they end up under the couch and she needs another one.

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