Kid stuff

[Ms. Spam]

Pre-puberty is a bitch. It's one of the reasons I LOVE middle school. It's full of weirdo kids whose bodies are growing faster than their motor skills (especially for boys so they can't walk down a hallway without touching fifteen things) and girls trying to figure out what the hell is going on and why is their hair so screwy? Kids are hitting that puberty mark sooner so fifth grade is sometimes the time I have that talk about what's going on with their bodies with some parents who are concerned.

School counselors have also seen a rise in irritability due to covid learning. There was something about learning in the comfort of their own homes where they felt safer to vent or act out but now they're in classroom settings and haven't learned some coping mechanisms (especially if it was a home with no parent at home during online learning or a parent to whom they imprinted off of for behavior and also doesn't work well with challenges). I generally read the class and back off a bit of I sense struggle with a concept and go back and review some things they previously got that lead to this learning step. We've also seen more introversion and it's harder to get kids to be more interactive. They've learned to cope on their own and having others around them builds a layer of anxiety that they've not learned to establish a kind of working in groups type pattern that they're normally exposed to through classrooms starting in lower grades that was missed.

I've also wondered about kids who are more prone to be annoyed by students doing things like that marker squeak for Q because houses are much bigger and families are not as large so they don't learn what it's like to live with lots of people on top of each other. Many of my students live in larger households which are multigenerational so squeaks of markers are not the trigger for irrational anger outbursts but some kind of weird competition to out do another student in class over say grades or answering a question faster or my favorite the "Snitch" which is always someone tattling on another classmate over something. They also pass around more stupid viruses. GOD DAMN THEM TO HELL WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS YOU FILTHY HEATHEN AND SNEEZE OR SNOT SOMEWHERE ELSE LIKE A TISSUE.

As for Q's teacher and fellow students I have kinda stayed out of that. I think this is a painful part of growing up and moving her constantly actually may stunt her growth as person and school potential. She's being the bigger person, and this breaks my heart, but the world is full of really shitty people. Moving schools generally will mean more of the same stupid behavior from jerk parents and their crotch fruit but a school may react to it differently. As a teacher I want to really smack a parent who is behaving like "MY KIDS BEST FRIEND" and not a parent trying to raise a child to be a good person. If you move her a lot in schools, it sometimes creates an unintentional effect of an administrator seeing constant change and making assumptions about Q and you as her parents that shouldn't be applied but we're human. 

If you do choose to move her to a different school, I actually recommend as a teacher you look in a poorer school district or somewhere lower income. Somehow those kids respect learning or at least their parents do and they tend to not be their kids best friends. Plus Q may shine more which could be a confidence booster. I've had a few kids move to SAISD charter schools from richer neighboring schools and blossom and make friends and do better in my school because there seems to be a kind of social equalizer. No one knows where you kid comes from in my school because 75% are dropped off by their parents and school meals are 100% free for all kids regardless of income.

[Destiny Skywalker]

I think we are discovering that public school is just not for her. And yes, we've generally gone to affluent schools, so that may be part of the problem because while we like having a nice house, we aren't big on luxury items. E, however, tends to go to less "good" schools and I have noticed that they seem to have a better environment and more inclusivity. Admin doesn't seem to get wrapped up in petty crap, and I'm not sure if its because they don't get all the volunteer help-that-is-not-help. I actually miss his Title I school, but it was also K-2, so it's not like it's an option because obviously he outgrew it. However, E has never gone to a school for more than 1 year until this year. Part of this was he had the wrong placement, and we also moved school districts. The current school, though, is one of the "better" schools and while I think it still has some of that lame PTA culture, the kids do seem to be kinder and more inclusive. Dont get me wrong, E doesn't have many friends. But I have seen his classmates be super kind to him at school and outside of the classroom (lacrosse tournaments, etc). But I think the lack of friends is because he doesnt know how to connect, and I'm not sure he tries all that hard, either.

I don't think Q would stand out as the obnoxious rich kid at a lower class school. She has no idea what a Stanley cup is and I'm pretty sure her reaction would be why on earth would you care about what water bottle someone is using? She puts stickers all over hers anyway. I mean, if that's fitting in, I don't see her doing that ever. But maybe she will develop some awareness in the next few years.

Q's therapist thinks the STEM program is a much better fit for her. She has patients that have attended this school and thinks it's great (to be fair, I would've killed for a place like this). She said the constant stress that Q has been under for the last 2 years is not healthy, especially at this age. The program also has a lot of neurodiverse kids. We are going to go sit in on class Monday (our district has a grading day) for a final decision. But neither district has said anything to me about the transfer request. So they may not release us. I had originally put Tuesday on the transfer request so I think it's obvious that won't happen.  If they do not respons in 45 days, it is considered rejected.

I think the other issue is that none of the private schools seemed as good as her old one. I was really trying to make it through 5th grade there because I hoped middle school would be better (really good activities like choir and musical, sports, etc). I even offered to let her go back, even though we think we should've sued them. That was the fastest No I've heard in any of this. I reminded her that she does have a few friends there, even if they aren't her best friends. I think we will look at the local private Catholic school for HS, though. We KNOW she has friends who will go there.

And I hear you so much on the parents being friends instead of parents. I was really struggling with that. I want her to be happy and feel like she has a say. I also know that some of her rationale behind decisions were not good ones. We follow the Collaborative Problem Solving model, and I even told her therapist that I may need to pick the authoritative path here for her best interests. And while the therapist would normally be aghast at that, she agreed that safety is first. I know she will get over being mad at me.

Really, I am concerned about next year as much as this year. Showing up to middle school with zero friends and a few enemies is NOT a recipe for success.

[Ms. Spam]

I am more familiar with my area schools so that helps me but not you. I just feel terrible for you because school should be a support network for the parents and your tax dollars should work for you. Personally I think a lot of schools have fallen victim to the crap culture that pervades a lot of things like politics and work now too and nothing productive comes out. Ugh. 

[Destiny Skywalker]

Appeal denied, retaliation report dismissed because they couldn't prove it was a false report. It is clear that they are not interested in doing anything about it.

Q did a half day at the STEM school program on a day off (different districts who have different semester grading days off). It was grades 6-10, so she would be one of 2 6th graders. That ended up being a little intimidating for her. They are learning Python, and everyone is on their own plan, but she worked with another kid of similar age and she had a tough time following because she would be a beginner. They also had their Language Arts section and discussed The Hobbit. The teacher told me later that she participated more than some of the other kids who have actually read the book. Haha. The teacher ultimately thought it went well, but Q didn't feel as good about it. So she requested to stay at her elementary school for the rest of the year because she loves her teacher. So I requested we stay on the waitlist for next year for the STEM program. In the meantime, we will check out our District's parent partnership program and see if it has a similar program that wouldn't be as bad of a drive or consider one of the private schools. I did follow up with the principal to let her know that we had considered other options but decided to stay, but because of how the situation has been handled, we plan to leave the school district next year. I think she was surprised that we would go that far, but its very clear that I cannot expect this district to look out for her interest. I also let her know that this situation has taught Quinn not to report, because it won't go anywhere, and it will just stir up drama when all she wants is to be left alone. As long as kids lie and say they didn't do the thing, the finding is "inconclusive". You can't trust bullies to tell the truth about their actions.

On a positive note, we had an excellent IEP meeting for E yesterday. Everyone is very proud of him for how far he has come in the last 1.5 years. I did bring up how I am very concerned that they are moving 6th grade to middle school the year that E goes into 6th, and his SpEd teacher admitted that she had a moment of initial panic when she heard the news, as well, because we all agree that E probably needed that extra year with them. However, the team promised that they will come up with a robust plan and supports for him. One thing they pointed out was that the program he is in is not currently at our local middle school. If he were to continue in this Social Skills/Communication program, he would need to go to the middle school at the other end of the district, which is a 30 minute bus ride. They've actually made it a point to provide a customized support program for each of their graduating 6th graders so that can attend the local middle school and avoid sending kids to the other side of the district, and have tried to argue to the district that they have enough kids (with future growth) to support a program at the local middle school. Sigh. So they want to come up with a similar plan for him because they think it's important for these kids to stay with their peer groups instead of sending them off to middle school with no friends.

I made sure to thank them for creating such an inclusive environment at their school, and to let them know that it's not the norm at other schools we've attended (this goes for our previous district, too). They said that meant a lot to them.

[Tank]

Do you ever wish you could sign Q up for Karate or something and give her permission to just smack a bully the next time they set in? I was always VERY pro de-escalation as both a kid and a parent. I learned to be funny to deal with bullies until I got big enough they left me alone.

I've always taught O de-escalation, and to not be afraid to speak up, and report, and I would always re-enforce the idea that getting physical is only likely to make things worse. My dad was physically abused, and for as little as he did for me, at least he broke that cycle. He was mentally and emotionally abusive, but that's a different thread.

Whenever I see social media comments of people being pro-spanking/slapping your kids I ALWAYS argue with them.

...and yet... 

O had one bully when he was in 8th grade. It was on the bus. Problem was, this was a city bus that did a special after-school route. One bus, and it took him right home. This pre-pandemic and before I moved to the burbs and it was his only after-school option. There was this kid on there that always messed with him. School said "Sorry, but that's a city bus we have no control over that happens." City of course just said "unless there's a physical altercation on the bus the driver's can't really doing anything."

O was in Tae Kwon Do for years and had been constantly taught it was for self defense only. This bully was mostly verbal, (I think he was smart enough to know he'd get in real trouble if he got physical.) One day we told O, "if you feel threatened, if somebody says they are going to hurt you and you believe them, you can throw a first punch."

Next day on the bus, bully kid says to O "I'm going to kick your ass." And O gut punched him. He just hauled off and did it, and the kid buckled and got off the bus at the next stop. Never bothered him again.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE that it took some 50s sitcom "speaking to bully's in their own language" violence to actually make it stop, and that it worked. And for WEEKS I was re-enforcing the idea that while it worked this time, that doesn't mean it always will.

But at the same time, I was so over that kid messing with him, I was kind of amped that he just punched the kid and it all stopped, AND gave him confidence to stand up for himself.

[Destiny Skywalker]

Unfortunately, it really does seem like the only way to stop bullies is to kick their ass or embarass them. I hate that, but it's always worked. She did kind of try verbal "fighting back" with one of the girls, and it sort of worked because Q would call her on her crap and the girl would be embarassed, but after awhile the girl started escalating. She tried ignoring. Didn't work. We talked to her psychologist and she felt this girl actually loved conflict and got some sort of weird dopamine hit from the negative attention.

We tried taekwondo when Q was in 1st grade or so. It was too hardcore. They wanted a 2-3 day/week commitment and they promised black belt in 3 years. I said look I don't care about black belt, I'm more interested in the discipline and using her body to be more intentional, can we do 1 day/week? They were like nope. She also was way too freaking excited and trying way too hard. She and E both are very sensory seeking and love that large muscle feedback. Unfortunately, we encourage both kids to de-escalate because they're small. They are not gonna win any fights. But I think the thing to note here is that these girls we just dealt with are not going to beat her up. They're a ballerina, a clumsy girl, and a diva. At least 2 of them struggle academically. They're just mean and they aren't special. I could see the diva getting into a hair pulling fight, but she's also the one who has backed way off. For that, I'm grateful that the message was received and she has stopped bothering Q. The other 2 are former friends so that one hits harder.

She used to be quite the smack talk and back it up type until she got that concussion. When she tried out for a soccer team 1 year older than her, she went up to the biggest girl on the other team during scrimmage to tell her she was going to win... and then she did. The coach loved it and gave her a spot right then and there. 3 weeks later, she got a concussion and she hasn't quite been the same since.

[Hobbes]

Email I got from a parent today.  Student (1st grade) is blue, teacher is red.  We provide sooo much support for this student.  Anytime she is asked to do something she doesn't want to do she cries, rolls around on the floor, throws things, runs from staff, punches and kicks staff (I have been punched and kicked repeatedly and had rocks thrown at me) and students.  This happens everyday.  This teacher is probably the kindest, most gentle staff member.  When we have dad pick her up, she is punching him and he is all, "what's the matter sweetheart--please be nice".  I almost lost it on him when he did that when she was repeatedly kicking me while I was explaining what happened. 

[Hobbes]

On 2/3/2024 at 12:37 AM, Destiny Skywalker said:

Unfortunately, it really does seem like the only way to stop bullies is to kick their ass or embarass them. I hate that, but it's always worked. She did kind of try verbal "fighting back" with one of the girls, and it sort of worked because Q would call her on her crap and the girl would be embarassed, but after awhile the girl started escalating. She tried ignoring. Didn't work. We talked to her psychologist and she felt this girl actually loved conflict and got some sort of weird dopamine hit from the negative attention.

We tried taekwondo when Q was in 1st grade or so. It was too hardcore. They wanted a 2-3 day/week commitment and they promised black belt in 3 years. I said look I don't care about black belt, I'm more interested in the discipline and using her body to be more intentional, can we do 1 day/week? They were like nope. She also was way too freaking excited and trying way too hard. She and E both are very sensory seeking and love that large muscle feedback. Unfortunately, we encourage both kids to de-escalate because they're small. They are not gonna win any fights. But I think the thing to note here is that these girls we just dealt with are not going to beat her up. They're a ballerina, a clumsy girl, and a diva. At least 2 of them struggle academically. They're just mean and they aren't special. I could see the diva getting into a hair pulling fight, but she's also the one who has backed way off. For that, I'm grateful that the message was received and she has stopped bothering Q. The other 2 are former friends so that one hits harder.

She used to be quite the smack talk and back it up type until she got that concussion. When she tried out for a soccer team 1 year older than her, she went up to the biggest girl on the other team during scrimmage to tell her she was going to win... and then she did. The coach loved it and gave her a spot right then and there. 3 weeks later, she got a concussion and she hasn't quite been the same since.

I usually stop bullying by telling kids to knock that shit off and if they do it again they are in ISS for the day.  It seems to work.

[Cerina]

5 hours ago, Hobbes said:

Email I got from a parent today.  Student (1st grade) is blue, teacher is red.  We provide sooo much support for this student.  Anytime she is asked to do something she doesn't want to do she cries, rolls around on the floor, throws things, runs from staff, punches and kicks staff (I have been punched and kicked repeatedly and had rocks thrown at me) and students.  This happens everyday.  This teacher is probably the kindest, most gentle staff member.  When we have dad pick her up, she is punching him and he is all, "what's the matter sweetheart--please be nice".  I almost lost it on him when he did that when she was repeatedly kicking me while I was explaining what happened. 

Ah yes. When you get your gentle parenting ideas from TikTok. I see shit like this a lot in gentle parenting groups. Parents are straight up permissive and don't understand why their children are brats.  

[Destiny Skywalker]

Yeah there's gentle parenting and then there's permissive parenting. A lot of people in the gentle parenting camp unfortunately don't realize they're actually permissive parenting. Like I've said before, we mostly follow the Collaborative Problem Solving model, but I about lost it when I joined a CPS Facebook group because half the parents just did Plan C (no expectations, no accountability) for everything in a kid's life. It was like they literally gave up and let their kid rot because that's what their kid wanted (or thought they wanted). I think it was really the parents chose Plan C for themselves.

[Hobbes]

My response:

And before you say-"that's too harsh", parents refuse to admit there is a problem and refuse to get outside help, and refuse to get her evaluated--someone has to give her boundaries. 

I think there is something weird going on at home--she tries to get under staffs dresses, touch their breasts, etc.  Super weird. 

 

[Destiny Skywalker]

Yeah there is something not right about that. I mean E really struggles with impulse control and he's made a few dumb comments, but nothing to that level. That makes me concerned that she is either witnessing or experiencing some sort of sexual abuse.

[Cerina]

Definitely not too harsh. Setting and enforcing boundaries is very important. Especially when it comes to safety. 

And yeah, that's a bit odd for that age. 

[Tank]

I think it's totally appropriate to be harsh with a parent that refuses to see there's a problem. This forces them to either get some sort of assessment, which helps everyone, especially the kid if in fact there some sort of underlying issue, OR, it forces them to recognize their kid is a problem.

[Hobbes]

Also--they got a divorce because dad used/ stole all of their savings to transition to a woman.  He doesn't work and mom works at a gas station. 

[Destiny Skywalker]

That's a fun home life situation for sure.

Got report cards today. I'm annoyed. Lots of complaining about E's handwriting and emphasizing that he can't do writing independently yet and knocking him down for it, despite understanding concepts. Yes, that's why he has an IEP for writing services. I just think it didn't need brought up in every single subject area.

I'm admittedly looking forward to when he does most of his work on a computer.

[Hobbes]

On 2/9/2024 at 4:45 PM, Destiny Skywalker said:

That's a fun home life situation for sure.

Got report cards today. I'm annoyed. Lots of complaining about E's handwriting and emphasizing that he can't do writing independently yet and knocking him down for it, despite understanding concepts. Yes, that's why he has an IEP for writing services. I just think it didn't need brought up in every single subject area.

I'm admittedly looking forward to when he does most of his work on a computer.

I totally get it.  The progress report should be enough.  But to take the side of the teacher, I have dealt with parents that are all "I thought he was improving because you didn't say anything on the report card" despite it clearly saying he wasn't on the IEP progress report and then think it is the case manager's fault because the kid is only having issues when working with the case manager. 

Kinda like warning labels.  It is better to document that shit because if not, it will come back and bite the school in the ass.  But yeah, as a parent I get it.  You aren't wrong.

[Destiny Skywalker]

IEP progress report was good. Graduated 2 goals, and had 2 that he didn't meet because they were pretty ambitious. I get it, we are all trying to figure out what he can really do. I think the hardest part is I definitely got a feeling of, "if he'd try HARDER..." from the teacher. I'll be real, his ADHD is real debilitating. Even with medication that works relatively well, he is so easily distracted. It's like having a golden retriever. SQUIRREL! I'm not sure he can actually try harder. You wouldn't tell a kid with a missing foot to try harder to walk. She isn't my favorite teacher he's ever had, but she's not a bad teacher. I think she just doesn't understand, and that's going to happen probably more often than not. But she is treating him with kindness and not complaining every single day. That's all I can ask.

The most humorous part to me is that now E draws. Q learned to color and draw at an early age. She draws and colors beautifully now and has amazing handwriting. Legit top 3 artists in her grade, her report card even said she is amazing in art. But E never wanted to color, draw or hold a pencil. It was straight up hard and therefore not fun. But now that he is more comfortable with a pencil, he now doodles at his desk, to the point of annoying his teacher because he is not "on task". Like, I get it, lady, but this is actually a small victory for him. He colors on kids menus now. That never happened before the age of 7.

We pulled Q from soccer today. I could tell at yesterday's game that her teammates were harping on her, and the coach was benching her for missing practice for being sick. She broke down at school today and the counselor called me about it. The girls were swearing at her and calling her a bitch after she jumped from her position to save a goal, and then it went in eventually because they all stood there yelling at her for being out of position (she was also marking 3 players while they stood around marking no one). She said the opposing team is usually nicer to her than her own team and some of them have even noticed how mean her team is to her. I talked to her coach and he was mortified. We all agreed this is not healthy and that her confidence is shot from playing with these girls. They regularly blame her for every goal, even though she's not on the field for over half of them. She didn't want to admit it because she loves soccer and didn't want to quit playing. So we are going to do personal training for the next few months instead. She can do skills training 1-2x a week and endurance a few days a week. She doesn't love running but realizes she needs to bring up her endurance on the full sized field. Her coach told me that when she's confident, she's a great player. I've asked him multiple times to step in, but I think he is too young and inexperienced, and he let it get out of hand. I told him I've never experienced this toxic of an environment on any team I've ever played on or coached. I remember one nasty girl my last year on varsity who clearly didn't like me and apparently went to talk shit about me to some of the girls, who I had played with for 5 years. They told her to shut up and earn her spot on the team. She begrudgingly did, and tried to make it up to me on senior night by making me a really nice sign. We weren't going to be friends, but I accepted her apology. You don't have to like everyone on your team, but you have to respect them and be a good teammate.

[Hobbes]

9 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

IEP progress report was good. Graduated 2 goals, and had 2 that he didn't meet because they were pretty ambitious. I get it, we are all trying to figure out what he can really do. I think the hardest part is I definitely got a feeling of, "if he'd try HARDER..." from the teacher. I'll be real, his ADHD is real debilitating. Even with medication that works relatively well, he is so easily distracted. It's like having a golden retriever. SQUIRREL! I'm not sure he can actually try harder. You wouldn't tell a kid with a missing foot to try harder to walk. She isn't my favorite teacher he's ever had, but she's not a bad teacher. I think she just doesn't understand, and that's going to happen probably more often than not. But she is treating him with kindness and not complaining every single day. That's all I can ask.

The most humorous part to me is that now E draws. Q learned to color and draw at an early age. She draws and colors beautifully now and has amazing handwriting. Legit top 3 artists in her grade, her report card even said she is amazing in art. But E never wanted to color, draw or hold a pencil. It was straight up hard and therefore not fun. But now that he is more comfortable with a pencil, he now doodles at his desk, to the point of annoying his teacher because he is not "on task". Like, I get it, lady, but this is actually a small victory for him. He colors on kids menus now. That never happened before the age of 7.

We pulled Q from soccer today. I could tell at yesterday's game that her teammates were harping on her, and the coach was benching her for missing practice for being sick. She broke down at school today and the counselor called me about it. The girls were swearing at her and calling her a bitch after she jumped from her position to save a goal, and then it went in eventually because they all stood there yelling at her for being out of position (she was also marking 3 players while they stood around marking no one). She said the opposing team is usually nicer to her than her own team and some of them have even noticed how mean her team is to her. I talked to her coach and he was mortified. We all agreed this is not healthy and that her confidence is shot from playing with these girls. They regularly blame her for every goal, even though she's not on the field for over half of them. She didn't want to admit it because she loves soccer and didn't want to quit playing. So we are going to do personal training for the next few months instead. She can do skills training 1-2x a week and endurance a few days a week. She doesn't love running but realizes she needs to bring up her endurance on the full sized field. Her coach told me that when she's confident, she's a great player. I've asked him multiple times to step in, but I think he is too young and inexperienced, and he let it get out of hand. I told him I've never experienced this toxic of an environment on any team I've ever played on or coached. I remember one nasty girl my last year on varsity who clearly didn't like me and apparently went to talk shit about me to some of the girls, who I had played with for 5 years. They told her to shut up and earn her spot on the team. She begrudgingly did, and tried to make it up to me on senior night by making me a really nice sign. We weren't going to be friends, but I accepted her apology. You don't have to like everyone on your team, but you have to respect them and be a good teammate.

I bought a classroom set of these because a lot of the students in that class have similar issues as E.  It is a total game changer.  They love it!  They are even implementing it to math and science curriculums and has drastically improved on task behaviors. 

I hate the term try harder.  Try harder at what?  Be more specific, like "if E doesn't get the answer right away, he gives up" or "triggers X and Y are what often pulls E off task" (just making this example up).

Have I told you lately how much I hate the current state of youth sports? 

 

[Destiny Skywalker]

You may have mentioned it. I may have, too.

I think we are settled on going back to her old old team since the club fired the old coach. We are going to watch them play this weekend. We might wait until May to tryout, because I think she could use the time to heal emotionally.

[Hobbes]

22 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

You may have mentioned it. I may have, too.

I think we are settled on going back to her old old team since the club fired the old coach. We are going to watch them play this weekend. We might wait until May to tryout, because I think she could use the time to heal emotionally.

I am getting stressed reading this.  Youth sports is about the love of the game, building community, positive interactions...  Youth sports is now a cesspool. 

I hope to god my boys have no interest in team sports.  We have a youth club team here, but you have to give up your entire weekend for months on end to travel.  Even high school games are all 1-3 hour commutes.  There is a rec league here, but its all Team Hobbes plays Team Destiny and one team wears the blue side of the jerseys and the other team wears the yellow side. 

[Cerina]

Jesus! What little bitches are people raising up there? I know kids are mean and cruel at times, but this just seems over the top. I don't see how the adults in charge can just let this behavior continue. 

[Destiny Skywalker]

26 minutes ago, Hobbes said:

I am getting stressed reading this.  Youth sports is about the love of the game, building community, positive interactions...  Youth sports is now a cesspool. 

I hope to god my boys have no interest in team sports.  We have a youth club team here, but you have to give up your entire weekend for months on end to travel.  Even high school games are all 1-3 hour commutes.  There is a rec league here, but its all Team Hobbes plays Team Destiny and one team wears the blue side of the jerseys and the other team wears the yellow side. 

I think you may be a victim of geography here. When you live in remote areas, commutes are longer. Traveling that far for HS is nuts but makes sense given where you live (in the mountains). He furthest games from us currently are about 2 hours drive, and these are maybe 1-2x a year. Most others are within 1 hour. We quit right before the weekend where they have a game thats 1.5 hours north on Saturday, and then 2 hours south on Sunday. Have fun!

However, her old old team she wants to go back to? Usually only plays 2 weekends a month, but they travel 5-6 hours to games a couple times a year, and a west coast regional showcase once a year. FML. But Q did say last year that she thought it would be fun to play on a team like that and enjoy traveling. But you have to really like your team. You can't be doing overnights with a bunch of jerks.

17 minutes ago, Cerina said:

Jesus! What little bitches are people raising up there? I know kids are mean and cruel at times, but this just seems over the top. I don't see how the adults in charge can just let this behavior continue. 

My friends tell me that we need to move some place more chill. Honestly, if I get this next big promotion, we might consider moving back to Florida or something. But my husband and I have talked about this and there's a few reasons we think the coaches let them get away with nonsense.

1. Lack of experience. The coach is 26 and working on his college degree so he can be a history or math/science teacher and coach at the HS level. He's also a dude and apparently completely clueless about Mean Girl dynamics at the middle school age group. I find that men think you can just ignore the Mean Girl behavior, as a woman I think you need to police it hard. Most soccer coaches are just big soccer nerds who weren't good enough to go pro, but lived soccer in their youth. They don't know what else to do with themselves, and they need to make money. And if we are being honest, they really don't want to coach kids, they're hoping a pro or college team picks them up as an assistant. Most of them have no business coaching kids. Her coach is very nice and good with kids, at least. I think he does best with his U9 boys team (no drama), but I think he really wants to coach HS because he definitely falls into the soccer nerd category.

2. Money. They barely had enough girls to put together 2 teams at this age group. The A team apparently plays a lot of basketball as well, and they have had to call up some of our players to fill in. There's a core group of about 5 girls whose parents drive a lot of the team dynamics. I would say only 3 of the girls behave unacceptably, the other 2 clearly don't like Q but behave themselves. Only 1 of the girls is actually good enough to move up to the A team next year. I really think they may cut most of these girls next year and make 1 large team of 17-18 girls instead of 2 teams of 15, especially if the A team girls continue to play basketball. But more teams = more $$$$. The coach has had this team for 2 years, and they usually switch up every 2. So he's just trying to get through April. If those 3-5 girls walk because they get scolded for their behavior, they're screwed. And I can tell you from the behavior of their parents, they absolutely support their daughters' shitty behavior. 

[Hobbes]

2 hours ago, Cerina said:

Jesus! What little bitches are people raising up there? I know kids are mean and cruel at times, but this just seems over the top. I don't see how the adults in charge can just let this behavior continue. 

I have said this 100 billion times...but mean girl behavior is, without a doubt my least favorite behavior to deal with and the hardest.  And I have dealt with drugs, weapons, gangs, etc. 

There are three things I hate about my job:

1.  Dealing with child abuse

2.  HR decisions that you can't share the whole story and the other person is lying/ making shit up about why they were non-renewed/ fired.

3.  Mean girls--because usually the queen bee's mom is a queen bee mean girl herself.  3b...is when a queen bee mean girl is PTO president or some position like that.

[Destiny Skywalker]

I volunteered yesterday at Q's classmates party and watched the dynamics. It was interesting to say the least.

One of the bully girls moms showed up and pretended that she barely knew me. I said oh no, I remember you. I enjoyed making her nervous, not gonna lie. I was polite and neutral, not overly friendly. This way if she tries to talk shit later, I gave her absolutely nothing and she looked like a ditz.

The other moms who showed up didn't do squat. They literally stood there and chatted. I asked the teacher how I could help and got to work. Admittedly, this teacher has excellent classroom management. I was expecting total chaos and I was very pleased with how she runs her classroom. She gives clear instructions without being overly controlling, raising her voice, etc. I actually felt fairly useless, I don't think she needed me there, honestly! I was told the class next door was absolute chaos.

The class is something like 70% girls, 30% boys. The boys were not as rowdy as the ones I saw at Q's former school. The boys are pretty tight knit, probably for survival lol. There are 2 distinct girl cliques. 1 of Q's bullies is in one of them. They did not let Q take a group picture with them. She just wanted to get in on the fun. The other 2 girls, her former friends, are also not part of the 2 cliques. There's about 5 girls that seem to not have a place to belong. Q is one of then, and her former friends. There are 2 other girls, one of which I know has learning disabilities and some not disruptive but also not desirable behavior issues (sneaky, lies, doesnt do her work). The other girl seems to have some hygiene issues, but was very nice. So I found it somewhat surprising that Q's former friends turned on her like they did, because it certainly did not help their social standing. They seemed like they were avoiding Q, I think they were also intimidated by me being there.

The class went out to recess in the middle of the "party". The other moms bailed. I was the only one who came back. The teacher thanked me several times for my help.

Q came home sad, she felt very left out by her classmates. I can see why.