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Should you let people know they are being cheated on?


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Definitely stay out of it because it's none of your business. I find it strange that people today want to be so involved with drama involving strangers. You would think that your typical person would be content with their own self made drama.

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ONLY of it IS your business somehow or if the person being cheated on has asked you to.

 

Me, I'd LOVE to inform everyone who's being lied to because I know how much it hurts but I know it's really not my place.

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If it were my best friend and they were being cheated on and I knew I might drop a few hints. But otherwise I think the best policy with that shit is to stay the hell away. Isn't anyone else's business.

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If you know the couple perhaps the best move to make is asking the cheater if they are interested in banging you. ;-)

 

Or maybe propose to the cheater that unless the couple has an open relationship they should decide what they want and to talk to their partner about their wants, needs (which are separate) and if all that can work in their relationship or not going forward. Once you said your peace, shut up. The rest is up to them. Whether they talk to their spouse or not isn't important at this point. You caught them, it will come out.

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If somebody is married or in a committed, typically 2-person relationship, I couldn't care less how many sexual (and/or in some cases, "emotional") partners they have as long as it is known and acceptable to the parties involved. Their life. Not my life.

 

But given the inherently volatile nature of many illicit affairs -- along with issues of unwanted children, lost jobs, disease, psycho behavior, extortion, even murder that can stem from them -- wouldn't it be better to know?

 

I mean, if I'm about to buy what seems like the perfect used car, and a stranger steps in right before I sign to warn me that the salesman is covering a major and expensive-to-fix transmission defect, I'd probably thank the stranger for saving me from problems down the road.

 

But if a stranger steps in to tell me they saw my wife sexting with some dude named "Nancy," I'm gonna tell them to step off and MYOB?

 

idk

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Once you establish a baseline behavior for yourself that doesn't mean conditions on the ground won't change. That results don't vary. That plans survive contact with the enemy. etc. Hardline "Asimov Robot Rules" are important, but life is about adaptation. Best Buddy Sam may want to know via any source and you know that, Super Friend Joey might want to know from the source and you know that. All you can do is pick a path you deemed best and proceed accordingly.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

Cheating Wife Reportedly Busted While Sexting At A Baseball Game

 

What do you think: mind your own business or let the cheated-on spouse know?

 

Do factors such as if they are strangers or people you are acquainted with matter? What if kids are involved (is it worth breaking up the "happy family")?

In this story where complete strangers narc off the cheaters? I say absolutely not. Mind your own effing business you busy bodies!

 

But if you are friends or a family member of the cheated on, not as clear cut. IF it were my brother, i would definitely tell him if his wife were cheating. If my brother were the cheater, i don't know if i would tattle on him to his wife, but i would definitely let him know i think he was being a scum bag and i disapproved, and that he needs to either knock it off, or cut his wife loose. And if he didn't, the consequence would be i would not talk to him until he did the right thing one way or the other.

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I would want to know. And I don't think I would care who told me, if it were true.

I'm not sure, but I think that's me, too. But what Torch says about ground conditions, adaptation, etc. might be true.

 

I have had married friends flat out say "Well, as long as it's not rubbed in my face, as long as he doesn't get anybody pregnant or bring me home any chlamydia... just be discreet. I don't want to know." which seems so weird to me. Like, I can get not caring if sexing with other people is part of the agreement, but if part of your relationship's arrangement is that monogamy is expected, being "discreet" basically means they are lying. Who is OK with being lied to? Well, obviously a lot of people, but it still kinda weirds me out.

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Slight segway but I've never understood cheating in general. If you'd rather fuck someone else then breakup and go fuck someone else. What's the point in staying with someone when you'd rather be with other people? Just move on.

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I think I've posted this before, but it's a real life story and it's beyond shitty. A now ex poker buddy of mine, who was flying high and doing well in life was confronted by his wife because she wanted a divorce. She told him that she's leaving him to be with some other guy. That other guy turns out to be his best friend, who was also the best man in his wedding. Even worse, it turns out that they had been ****ing for years.

 

But wait....it gets worse. It turns out that this other guy is the true father of his daughter. It's something out of a bad movie, but it actually happened.

 

Last I heard he was trying to work things out with his little girl, because lord knows she didn't do anything wrong. He quit coming around for poker night and we all just lost touch with him because he wouldn't answer his phone. That was 5 years ago.

 

So yeah, it's pretty much the worst story ever when it comes to infidelity. I hope he's recovered, but I doubt it. He was kind of a prick, to tell you the truth (super cocky type- funny for a while, but then not so much), but he certainly didn't deserve this shit.

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Re: cheating as a concept/action

 

My wife and I operate on the honesty at all costs level. That goes for what was made for dinner, the outfit that was tried on and the success of a new move in bed et al. Doesn't mean we're hurtful in saying the truth, as you can say a negative and still be positive, but we feel trust in our words and actions because of this baseline we hold to. As such, like most view, we see cheating as the ultimate betrayal of trust. Not that a relationship can't recover from cheating, but once this betrayal is introduced we believe it must be nearly impossible to discern just what the reality of the relationship was and now is.

 

We're not an open relationship, but in a way we operate similar to those "hippies" that successfully are. lol There is no power tripping or ownership of each other. We're monogamous, we however can grasp the physiological processes in desire. In our education (informal, reading etc) and experience (observational of others and selves) we see that type of allure as almost a time bomb that seems to spare no one. So again we fallback on that position of honesty and communication. If you feel a certain way let's figure out why and what actions can be taken to resolve it. We're twenty-two years into our relationship now and frankly we've had that conversation. And yes, it's awkward to say the least. However monogamy still rules the day for us, but perhaps only because there was trust and no fear to say, "Hey, I'm feeling something and we should talk about it."

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Not that a relationship can't recover from cheating"

Really? Probabaly not the best time to tell you this, but I am ****ing your wife.

 

Are you seriously telling me that it's not a big deal? I know you well enough to say with confidence that if your wife was ****ing another guy you would roll up in your jam jams, wait for her to come home, and then apologize for shit you didn't do.

 

Cheating is never OK. I really hope you have a happy marriage, because if you don't you're pretty much fucked.

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I have been the teller to no less than my Dad.

 

My parents separated so my Mom packed us up and took us to live with grandma. She enrolled us in school in Tucson and started to find a job. A week later my Dad showed up at my Grandma's door. Begging my Mom to come back and that they'd work on it. We packed up into my Mom's jeep - my two bothers, sister, Mom, Dad and I and started the long drive back to San Antonio from Tucson. On that long drive back I leaned in from the crushing fill of the back seat to ask my Mom "What are you going to tell Mr. Eldridge?" This guy my Mom had been dating on the side that she took me and my older brother sometimes to visit with.

 

Ever since then I don't share details like this. My Dad was trying to cope with my Mom's alcoholism and was going to AA meetings while my Mom started cheating on him. 6 Months later we were back in Tucson. For two years I thought my parents divorce was my fault.

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