Rock

Frank ****ing Gore. 1 measly yard. You couldn't do it.

there will be no YOU to feel fear, or regret, or longing, or to miss that which life has to offer. It is peace.

 

 

That's what terrifies me. I don't want to die. As childish as that ****ing sounds, I do not want to not exist again.

 

From prior conversations I knew that only Rock and Mara had this kind of thing in common with me, which is one reason I have so much affection for them both. They're the only two people who can really relate to what I go through. Waking up in the middle of the night in a full panicked contemplation of the endless eternity of NOTHING to awaits us. We had such an eternity of nothing before we came into existence and that's what's waiting for us to return to in a few short years. It's pure Hell.

 

Like Mara, I try not to indulge it, I do everything in my power to distract from it, and most of the time that works. Only about 4-5 times a year am I really fully in its power. Then life moves on until the next time.

 

It's a very weird, very specific thing. I don't think anybody who hasn't endured it can really understand what it feels like or how it's always waiting in the shadows.

All of this. I often tell myself, "Everyone else dies, too." But even so I still feel like this is such a singular thing and nobody understands. Like, I want to shake people and scream ONE DAY I WILL STOP EXISTING DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS. And yes, of course they do, because they will die too. But it doesn't matter to me. It's not even a huge fear when it comes to other people. I was very sad my grandmother died, but thinking of her free from pain and in heaven made me feel better. But I cannot think of my own death in the same manner.

 

I understand, more than you know. I just get in, like you said, a downward spiral and I keep obsessing on it over and over. I have to try to force myself to think about something. Lately, I try to think about the girl in the Robin Thicke video and that usually works for a while. Then I realize that I'll die and never wind up with a chick like that and I'm back to square one.

That's a big thing for me too. Dying all alone, never having had a relationship or anyone love me. Ugh.

I am excited about what comes next... maybe it's nothing, but maybe it's AWESOME! Maybe I get reincarnated. Who knows? The mystery is exciting to me.

 

I get freaked out when I think about what will happen leading up to death. The pain and suffering etc.

 

Glad you are going to see a doctor and get some help. Try and remember that everyone gets to die, so you are very much not alone.

You're one of my favorite people on this planet.

I know it's silly and ridiculous to fear the inevitable. I know we all die, but it just terrifies me not knowing what's coming. I wish I were like you, April, in a lot of ways. You're such a strong & grounded person. I like to think I have a good handle on things and I guess that's why the concept death is my Achilles heal because I have no control. I used to be able to shrug it off, but the last 2 days have been really hard to deal with... it seems to snowball and I can't focus on much else. I hate being like this.

Wow. It's for real now. Gotta go find my Macho Grande hat.

Didn't I tell you that this was Dallas' year? I told you this, listen to me more.

Do any of you ever obsess about death? Years ago I used to get these massive anxiety attacks when I would think about me dying. Really horrible attacks, I feel overwhelmed and get all freaked out, lots of sweating and find it difficult breath. It kind of went away for awhile and now it's been back for the past 3 days. I'm going to get a psychiatrist tomorrow morning, maybe get some medication.

It's really awful... I dwell on it and it keeps on piling up and piling up. Ugh. I just can't stop thinking about the centuries that have happened on without me here and know that when I die I won't come back and I'm just so scared. And I've had so much health problems that I know I've only got 4-5 years left. I hate it. And Anyone else go through this?

Can I get a 40-yard run tomorrow by Franklin Delano Gore?

Looks like I'm playing dual TE's next weekend, unless someone wants to make an offer for one of them...

Damn, nice one. I had been thinking about Crowell for awhile, but didn't have room. And for some reason, I was thinking Blue was already taken. Guess it would've helped if I'd bothered to actually check.

I figured that it's better late than never to get into the game. I have a feeling with Brady on his way out the door that Jimmy might wind up getting some value.

Is my team so bad that I'm only projected to score 88 points and haven't played a single starter?

Hey, Rock! Don't forget to unveil your special October logo! Here, I'll get you started...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I HATE PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Heels sign four rookie free agents to their developmental team:

Jimmy Garoppolo, QB Patriots
Isaiah Crowell, RB Browns
Jarvis Landry, WR Dolphins
Alfred Blue, RB Texans

TELL ME, You can have your pick of the three, I would rather it be fair and not get people on a technicality/glitch.

See, I have no clue how waiver works. I've never really had a strong understanding of it. Like, I have a better record than you, so shouldn't have you gone first in the round robin? All I did was select three people. Then after that, you go to the "waiver order" and you rank who you want the most.

Anyway, who did you want?

Actually it looks like it did go round-robin. I had Justin Forsett as my number 1 priority, Eddie as 2 and bears 3. It gave me Justin, you Packers then it didn't give you any so I assume you had Justin as 1? Even so, I thought that it would go to your 2nd choice then? Instead it looks like it gave me the two after. Was your priorities Packers, Justin and (royal or bears)?

I have no idea. I just selected three people, chose three people to drop. I didn't do anything special/different. I thought waivers go round-robin?

Which two did you want? I'll give you one of them so we each have one a piece.

Shame there's another nine weeks left in the season eh?

Details, shmeetails.

The Heels really tore it up this weekend. Back to reality.

He outscored Jimmy Graham...

Six down, six to go and we won't have to worry about funds again. More would be better!

TE Antonio Gates with 27 points today! Looks like I'll be starting dual TE's next week - unless anyone happens to need an elite Tight End on their team..

Sunday September 14

Miami @ Buffalo

Jacksonville @ Washington

Dallas @ Tennessee

Arizona @ New York Giants

New England @ Minnesota

New Orleans @ Cleveland

Atlanta @ Cincinnati

Detroit @ Carolina

St. Louis @ Tampa Bay

Seattle @ San Diego

Houston @ Oakland

New York Jets @ Green Bay

Kansas City @ Denver

Chicago @ San Francisco

Monday Night Football

Philadelphia @ Indianapolis

Is it still ja@nightly.net?

 

How do we determine the donation? Is it "Send Money to Family/Friends" or "Pay for Goods/Services?" I suddenly realized I can't tell!

Send money as Family/Friends. They didn't charge me a fee when I did it last year. And yes, still ja@nightly.net I'll put you and Randy down!

I think at the end of this season we need to have an award for the team that goes the entire season without having any players suspended or arrested

I bet Roger Goodell thought it was bad with Vick... this is outright insanity.

I'll be prepared to start this in January. Will that be fine? If so, sign me up.

That will be great! I'll sign you up! Thanks buddy

Ok, that's three so far. Anybody else? I mean, we're not asking anyone to dump ice water over their heads... yet.