D-Ray Kenobi

My wife and I don't have kids of our own, but our six year old niece is kind of a part time kid for us.

She's had a wild ride in the past few years. Right before Christmas two years ago, she was in a bad car accident with her family. Everyone else was fine, but the impact happened right where she was sitting in my bro-in-law's truck. She suffered a severe head injury and had to be airlifted to a specialist children's hospital a three hour drive away. The injuries were so severe that she technically flatlined and died twice on the way to that hospital.

There were at least two different times where we thought we'd lost her. When we knew she'd at least make it, there were a lot of times where we weren't so sure that she'd ever walk or talk again. She eventually had to put in a lot of work to basically relearn everything all over again, but now it's as if nothing ever happened at all. I even took her to a concert with me last summer and she had the time of her life.

Some stuff still lingers a little bit. Her vision has never been that great since, and she still has some PTSD issues and sometimes has a lot of trouble focusing. But given the alternative that almost happened, we're all totally okay with continuing to put in the work with her.

I'm glad you're seeing someone. Something else I can tell you about that, you can't necessarily rely on them to fix your problems. Think of them as kind of a sports coach, they can show you the technical way to handle things but it's still up to you to do the work.

I'll add on to what Zathras said because I totally used to be that guy. There's still some days where I am still that guy, they just thankfully are more rare.

It's tough because it's so easy for people to fall through the cracks. You don't get to develop social skills because so few people will give you the chance. You don't get to how understand or treat a woman because hardly any of them want to talk to you. You don't get to get out of your own head and out of your own depression because hardly anyone understands it or wants to help without being paid to do it. It's not fair, and it sucks.

You end up going through a lot of rationalizing and self-loathing, but it all eventually ends up to the same conclusion: The only person responsible for your health and wellbeing is yourself. Once you do the work, figure stuff out, and show that positivity on the outside, people start to gravitate to you and give you those chances that they didn't before.

 

Just my personal opinion, but I think Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was the best of the nominees. Until Parasite got a lot of traction in other awards, I really thought it would run away with it because it has all of the factors that the Academy usually loves.

That said, Parasite is fantastic. It's absolutely a story for the current times and what it has to say about classism can easily apply to different cultures across the globe. Plus it's so cool that a movie by and for anyone else but old white guys gets this recognition. I'm really happy it won.

any of the other ‘old white guy films’ that were up for noms were worthy of being there and I would have been fine with any of them winning, honestly.

 

1917 or The Irishman, sure. Joker or Ford v Ferrari? Nope.

Just my personal opinion, but I think Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was the best of the nominees. Until Parasite got a lot of traction in other awards, I really thought it would run away with it because it has all of the factors that the Academy usually loves.

That said, Parasite is fantastic. It's absolutely a story for the current times and what it has to say about classism can easily apply to different cultures across the globe. Plus it's so cool that a movie by and for anyone else but old white guys gets this recognition. I'm really happy it won.

She's fallen in love with a man whom she mentioned she was dating when I briefly spoke to her back in November, but at the time she said she wasn't feeling it and I thought for sure it'd fizzle out. But it turns out that she decided to give the guy a chance and they are now in love, where previously he was into her but she had not come around. This has me feeling gutted because that was the exact same place we were in when we dated, and that was the chance she should have given me but didn't.

 

I wanted to comment specifically on this part because you've got to be careful about this kind of dangerous line of thought.

Just for some background, know that I have some different experience. I started hanging out with my now-wife when I was just seventeen and we've been together ever since. I had stupid short lived teenage girlfriend flings, but never dated anybody other than her.

That was a long time ago now, it blows my mind how superficial and emotionally brutal the dating world has gotten in those nearly two decades. The stories I hear from friends all sides of the dating world these days are excruciating. There seems to be a lot of emotional turmoil you have to put yourself through, whether or not you're looking to build something long lasting or just one a one time thing.

That's all to say that for better or worse, dating seems to be the emotional equivalent of Mad Max: Fury Road. It being that brutal means that you can't get hung up on one person or what actions they took. Maybe it was defensive, maybe it was spur of the moment, maybe they were just being a jerk. You've got to have some thick skin and a lot of armor and just be ready to forget it and move on. Getting hung up on one thing or one person isn't any good for anybody.

I've been through a lot of bad spells where I let my head get to me and lead me through dark places. It still happens a lot, but I think I've learned to deal with it a lot better.

A lot of us feel some sort of deep seated need to be liked by a huge audience of people. Realistically, that can't really happen. Every person has their own experiences and biases which could make them either adore you or be annoyed by you. The cool thing is that each of us have a small handful of people who are going to stick around with you despite all that. Maybe you'll spend more time with them at some times and not so much other times, but they'll still have your back no matter what. Those are the people to focus on and care about when it comes to what they think. The rest are valuable in their own way, but they're still just noise.

It kind of sucks to say it, but really, nothing matters. Every single one of us are going to die, all of us are going to be forgotten. Unless you're some sort of huge historical influencer like Steve Jobs or Walt Disney, everything you're going to do is going to be forgotten. There's some spiritual implications that you can choose to adopt that can help with wrapping your head around that, but that's up to you and each person's mileage will vary.

That kind of stuff used to stress me out. Now I kind of feel good about it. If I make a mistake, do something dumb, or lose touch with a friend, who cares? Nothing matters. I can pick what matters. My wife and best friends and the dumb and fun stuff we do together is what matters to me. I feel like I've made a pretty good footprint on their lives and have been lucky enough to have one for a good number of people in some niche interest groups too. It took a little work, but I made it happen and I'm proud of it.

It honestly probably takes a few hits and a lot of thinking to really get to a good point. Sometimes you might need a hand in figuring it out. There's no shame in it.

I've heard that the process to get a boarding group for ROTR is getting pretty cut-throat.

Your experience lines up with what I've heard, the group number you get assigned seems to be fairly random and the competition to get one has gotten pretty rough. I read some reports last week that a lot of people have found a way to kind of hack the process, they'll air drop as many iPhones as they can right at the opening time so that other users can't book a boarding group in those critical few seconds.

We'll be down there next Saturday. I'm not exactly a morning person, but I'll have to be that day to do everything I can to get on.

They've really only just started construction on the hotel I think. I originally thought about waiting until it opened so I could do the whole thing, but the immersive scale of it and small number of rooms it will have is going to make it ridiculously expensive.

Yeah that's what I've been seeing in the research I've been doing. Thankfully it opens a little later the day we're going so we get to sleep in an hour more. I'm pulling out the stops to make sure we get on it though, I'm so psyched about it.

Two weeks away, I'm pretty pumped.

To the extent I can, I'm treating this as if it's just another one of our trips abroad. Since virtually everything there is in-universe it might as well be. We've got reservations for the Cantina and the Droid Depot, and I know I'll have to make a mad rush to get a spot on Rise of the Resistance. Other than that, we're going to take our time there and just fool around inside Batuu without much of a plan. Most sites I've read have said that you can easily ride the Falcon in the afternoon with only a half hour wait, so I'll just head to that when we're ready.

In an ideal world, I would have liked to stay in the themed hotel they're building so we can do an entire weekend there and really treat it like a full-on Westworld experience. But I saw the projected price tag on that and was like nah, now's the time. I'm about to blow enough money anyways!

Austin is right behind LA when it comes to places we considered. I love that town too.

I guess it just comes down to the same gamble. We could just be looking for greener grass when it's just fine on our side as it is.

I wasn't too invested in the game but I'm here to say that it's awesome that a 43 and 50 year old woman can kill a halftime show with that much hotness and talent.

The dream for me is to take at least a month to backpack through South Asia.

Mostly Thailand since I know it so well now, but I'd like to hit up some of the neighborhood like Vietnam and Cambodia. That area of the world is just mindblowing. You don't realize how much into that rut you are in the Western world until you spend some time where everyone handles everything so much different. Everyone is just so laid back and hilarious around there. Plus it doesn't hurt that the scenery is amazing and everything is cheap. If I can get enough vacation time or seniority to do it, I'd like to make that happen in the next few years.

But as for LA, I really don't know. I feel like I'm in a place in my career where it wouldn't take a ton of work to find a good enough marketing or communications gig. And I've spent enough time there now to know that I like the area and most of the people in it. But I also know just about everything else would be a step down. No more house, no more international trips, stuff like that. I could go to Coachella to scratch the music itch, but I know it would be a far different world than taking our hippy bus up the road to Bonnaroo.

Maybe the trick is finding that middle road somehow.

On this topic, maybe you guys can help me with a similar thing.

My wife and I are still playing with the idea of moving to LA late next year. It's partially insane because we've been able to put ourselves in a position where we've relatively got it made here in Huntsville. We both work for NASA, we're in a ridiculously low cost of living area, we've built a great nest egg and are able to do all the fun stuff we want. Yet we both feel like we're in a bit of a rut.

It's kind of the same old same old around here, and I know she'd like to do something different. I'm kind of okay with where we're at, but I'm open minded about it and want to support her doing her thing. We have solid jobs, but they're so soul sucking sometimes. It would be nice to get out of the often-maddening government bureaucracy, but I'm realistic enough to know that much of the petty gossip and mundaneness will be the case just about anywhere.

My wife is encouraged by the story that a friend of ours had when her and her boyfriend moved out there. She went on a whim, got a good entry level marketing job pretty quick, and her and her boyfriend got a nice enough condo. Thing is, that same friend got laid off from her tech startup around a month ago so I know that fairy-tale isn't exactly bulletproof.

Part of me wants to take a risk for once in my life and go for it, but the other part realizes it's pretty irrational and would probably result in us losing a ton of our savings in such a costly state.

What do you guys think?

I'd suggest looking into Communications for your degree. The skillset that you get from it basically gives you a swiss army knife of tools that a lot of employers find extremely valuable. It's worked out fairly well for both me and the wife.

One thing I'm confused on:

If my guess is right, it's kind of clever that this connects back to some pretty classic TNG episodes, especially Measure of a Man.

It's on Amazon if you're outside of the U.S. It's on CBS All Access if you're in the US.

I loved the pilot. Two thirds of it was setup, but that's par for the course these days with serial series that are already ordered and have their arcs already planned out.

Stewart plays him a lot differently, but it's believable and makes total sense given the circumstances. Picard was already kind of souring on the Federation in his last days in the films, so it makes sense that a breaking point would have made him cut ties completely and retire to his farm in France.

Picard of TNG was never completely emotionless, he was always deeply caring in his own way of his crew and had a great deal of empathy for both them and the people he encountered on their adventures. But taking him out of military-like discipline for two decades in France has let his emotions come out a lot more. I think it makes total sense.

I do like that this new series is trying to hold a happy medium stylistically. It bothers me a lot that Discovery tries to ape Abrams by having the camera fly all over the place for no real reason, I like that this show keeps a modern aesthetic while still holding some visual continuity with TNG.

I think it's really too soon to judge that much out of this. He hasn't even gotten his ship and his whole new crew yet, so we haven't even seen all of the setup just yet.

Alright, so there's a few things I can speak to here and a few things that I can't as much.

As far as owning a house, we've been in our place around twelve years now. There's a few days here and there when I'm annoyed about a repair I need to make or something like that, but it's rare. Buying a place was one of the best calls I ever made. I've been able to do whatever the hell we want with it and don't have to worry about noise or anything like that. We've built on an enclosed porch in the back, have our festival hippy bus parked next to it, and have bonfires and stuff with friends outside all the time. As a big kid myself, I imagine that things like that would be an even bigger blast for a younger kid.

This part is more applicable to our area, but it was a solid investment too. I think the house has safely gained about $25K in value in the twelve years we've had it. I don't think we're going anywhere anytime soon, but I probably stand to have a nice little payday when we do, even after all of the stupid realtor fees.

However, I realize that we're kind of an outlier these days because we chose to stay put for a while. That isn't for as many people under 40 in recent times, and I realize that. Buying kind of roots you for a good while, which isn't for everyone and I recognize that.

What I don't know as much about is all of the California-specific stuff. My personal knowledge is limited to spending a week or long weekend in LA or San Francisco once a year or so. I do know that while I love San Francisco dearly, I'd never live there because of the astronomical price of living. My wife and I have somewhat seriously flirted with the idea of moving to LA at some undetermined point in the future, and I feel like the price of living isn't nearly as bad. We have a very good friend who moved from Alabama, got a starter marketing job with basically no experience, and lives in a nice enough condo far away enough from the craziness of Hollywood Boulevard and close enough to the Heights to be pretty good.

Here's the other factor I can at least speak partially to, if not fully. We aren't going to have kids, but my six year old niece might as well be my part time kid. She stays with us on many weekends and I'll take any excuse I can to take the hour and a half drive to go hang with her. While I wish I could be around for her more, that kid still loves me to death even though we just hang out a few days a month. Even at that age. But then again, if I could be in a situation where her mom and dad lived closer I'd probably be spoiling her to death more regularly.

It's really tough to say, I feel like it's up to each family. But I have known you guys ever since he was born and from what I can see from a distance, he's both fiercely independent and loves you to death as well.

As far as the whole predicament as a whole, if it were me, I think I would personally go with option one as a first choice, or option three as a last choice. You don't want to go back in time and go back to that old neighborhood in option two, I kind of feel like that would be a lot harder on you than you might think. If it were me, I think I just wouldn't even consider option two at all.

Traffic is going to be a problem no matter where you're at in LA. I kind of feel like that shouldn't even be part of the equation because of that.

Overall, I think you're overthinking it and shouldn't let yourself stress so much. You've been killing it in your career lately, and your kid is doing great. If those two things are going well, the rest is just gravy.

If I were to win the lottery, one of my first investments would be to franchise an Alamo Drafthouse theater in my town.

They have such a fantastic culture and business ethos. Their brand name is beloved in film circles and they do so much cool stuff in the cities they're in. Problem is, franchising it and running it would take a big investment and it would probably lose money for the first year until it could get roots in with the locals over the big box corporate theaters.

So yeah, waiting on that lottery windfall.

However, Solo made Childish Lando badass.

Awesome, thanks!

I got a super cool and stupidly expensive lightsaber replica for Christmas years ago, so we're doing to try the droid thing instead.

I said a month ago that I would need time to let this settle in. I did, and I just have to conclude that I don't like it.

Rey being a Palpatine is totally a last minute thing from JJ that clearly was not planned by the Story Group. The Last Jedi had such a twist that was almost to the "I am your father" level of gut punches. I imagine that back in 1983, finding out that Vader was Luke's Dad was the most painful thing that the audience could have heard. Rey being a nobody was almost that kind of gut punch. We spent two years theorizing about it only to find out that she wasn't connected to anything or anybody. That was disappointing, but also awesome in a way. It showed that you didn't have to be connected to a royal galactic bloodline to be special. The little bit with the broom boy in the last shot was Rian signing off on that. It was such a special notion that turned Star Wars on its head in such a fun way.

But then Rise of Skywalker comes along and ruins all that. Rey adopting the Skywalker name is really cool and actually makes a lot of narrative sense, even if the way she does that is a little clunky in the last scene. Her being the product of Creepy McCreeperson Palpatine getting it on after he's given Order 66? (Do the math.) No. That's stupid. Maybe in some other draft of that script where it focused more on the Yin and Yang of her and Kylo, it might have had at least a grain or two of sense. But sorry, it's just so stupid here. It trashes everything The Last Jedi built and it more or less betrays the ethos of the whole Skywalker series of films as well.

This isn't even to mention the half-assed script or the whirlwind and poorly edited first half of the movie. At this point, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

I kind of feel like my thinking on this has changed a bit since I saw it back in the Fall.

I still think it's good. But Best Picture good? Not really. It raises a very empathetic conversation about mental health, but stylistically and thematically it steals literally everything interesting from Scorsese.

Like, how does a movie that's essentially a tribute to Scorsese beat out an actual Scorsese movie in terms of nominations? Granted, Phoenix had the performance of a lifetime in this and earned his Best Actor nomination, but DeNiro didn't in the actual Scorsese movie? It's so funny that he was miscast in Joker and had a horrible phoned in performance in that, but yet acted his ass off in The Irishman and got snubbed for it.

I still like Joker, but I don't love it anymore. It just feels like if it weren't for all of the Oscar nomination love, its biggest cultural significance would have been having its posters hung up in every Freshman dorm room.