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Star Wars is filthy

Darth Spoon

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Another thing I was reminded of while rewatching the trilogy for May 4th, was how filthy and disgusting George Lucas was as a writer.

Sure, some of these lines warranted a chuckle back when we were teenagers, but we're grown adults now, and have to set a positive example for the next generation. Therefore, I move that lines like these are removed from future Disney remasters, and instant cancellation of anyone that laughs at reading them.

A New Hope:

  • Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell.
  • "Get on top of it!", "I'm trying!"
  • Luke, at that speed will we be able to pull out in time.
  • Negative, it didn't go in. It just impacted on the surface.
  • Put that thing away, you're going to get us all killed.
  • You came in that thing, you're braver than I thought.
  • Myself, the boy, two droids, and no questions asked.
  • Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough.
  • Sorry about the mess.
  • When you came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?
  • Look at the size of that thing.
  • She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.
  • Great kid, don't get cocky!
  • You're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home!
  • Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!
  • Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!
  • You've got something jammed in here real good.
  • Stay on target! Stay on Target!

Empire strikes back

  • But now, we must eat, come.
  • How you get so big eating food of this kind.
  • There's an awful lot of moisture in here.
  • No, no! No! This one goes there, that one goes there. Right?
  • And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
  • Judge me by my size, do you?
  • I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.
  • Hurry up goldenrod!
  • Control, control! You must learn control!
  • I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?
  • Turn her around!

Return of the Jedi

  • I need more men.
  • Back door huh? Good idea.
  • I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"
  • Hey! Point that thing someplace else.
  • "I have felt him, my master", "Strange that I have not"
  • Short help is better than no help at all.

SHAME :nono:

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I remember this being passed on a chain emails in like 1999.  In college I even used it as my story submission to the weekly college radio news program.  Good times. 

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