Jump to content

Nightly Group Therapy


Cerina
 Share

Recommended Posts

I quit my second job so I could take time for this holiday to kinda go through some grief. In some ways it worked out because I ended up getting sick going to Atlanta for my Step-Mom's birthday. Last night one of oldest cats passed away. I lost two cats and my sister this year. Really kinda ready for this bad news year to finish up. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Y'all. Just. I don't even know what to say. 

We have so much shit going on. I could update each thread with new nonsense. 

But I have a therapist now. And she told me today that I have poor self-esteem and a core belief that I'm a total screw up. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Cerina said:

Y'all. Just. I don't even know what to say. 

We have so much shit going on. I could update each thread with new nonsense. 

But I have a therapist now. And she told me today that I have poor self-esteem and a core belief that I'm a total screw up. 

I was getting worried because you haven’t been around for a few weeks.  
 

That’s good you have a therapist.  Do you believe what she said is true?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
2 hours ago, Zathras said:

I got the sad news today that my kitty, Nygyl, has end stage kidney failure.  He's 17 and my little buddy.  I am going to have to put him to sleep within the next few weeks.  :(  

Oh man--that's the worst.  Sorry man. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Zathras said:

I got the sad news today that my kitty, Nygyl, has end stage kidney failure.  He's 17 and my little buddy.  I am going to have to put him to sleep within the next few weeks.  :(  

Sorry to hear about your buddy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 12/8/2022 at 5:10 PM, Tank said:

So... my turn?

Things have been interesting since summer. I was noticing my anxiety was getting really bad. I went on meds for it like 12 years ago, when the kid's mother and I split up and I was having a hard time coping with that, even though logically I was happy with us splitting up.

As of late, I have a lot of anxiety around work. While screenwriting is awesome and pays really well and rarely requires me to punch a clock anywhere, it has the downside of always being temporary. Even if I staffed on some stupid procedural doctor or cop show that went on for a decade, odds are I wouldn't be there for the full run of it. Movie work lasts a few months. TV work can last for 2-3 years, and in 3-6 month chunks.

The downtime between jobs has always been hard for me, cause while I may have had a nice pay day, I may not know when the next one is coming. And in the last year, the time between jobs is getting further apart, and the pay stopped going up with experience. The mental toll the downtime takes on me is becoming unsustainable.

The anxiety really wanted this to be my fault-- something is wrong with me, I'm not good enough, etc. After having a lot of frank conversations with other writers, it's clear that it's not me. Hollywood is basically imploding right now, and it's happening on the development side, so writers are getting the worst of it. As briefly as I can say it-- streaming has taken over as being the dominant outlet for both film and TV production. Union agreements for streaming only came about after the last writer's strike in the early 2000s. That was because NBC put The Office on their website and didn't pay residuals. The WGA was able to get an agreement for "new media" that was so-so, but it was a start, and had incremental (but limited) increases. But in the last 15 years, it's become the entire business, and now, streamers can make really crappy deals with writers. I know high level vet writers making half of what they used to. On the studio side, companies are struggling to find ways to make streaming profitable. AMC just announced layoffs today because they can't figure it out. HBOMax had it dialed in, but corporate restructuring is destroying it. Netflix and Amazon basically do whatever they want.

I could talk about this all day, and maybe will in a different thread, but all this means that me making a living got a lot harder. And to combat these work conditions, there is very likely going to be writer's strike this summer, which means I can't work at all. So my anxiety has gotten over thinking I suck, but now is firmly entrenched in HOW WILL I SURVIVE. I've been doing a lot of other things and looking back to design work, and teaching, and have a few schemes... but it all takes time to establish and I am rapidly going broke.

So basically, this has been destroying my self esteem, sense of self worth, sense of being a parent that can provide for my child, and also, I realized I'd been on my meds long enough I've likely lost their efficacy. I've been trying a few different meds, and along the way got assessed and confirmed as being pretty super ADHD. I started meds for that, and upside, I am crazy efficient on them and my creative output has been ridiculous. But it doesn't help with intrusive anxiety thoughts. Tried Zoloft, but it made my junk not work. (And speaking of, all of this has made me scale back on extracurricular dating a LOT). Trying Cymbalta now, and we'll see what happens.

So I don't really have a question for the group... just saying that it's very hard to be a functional human right now.

 

I'm not sure why I didn't type this all out last December, but I can so identify with this.

Radio is the same and it used to be you'd get 2-10 years out of a gig-now you're lucky to get a whole year. The owners are beholden to the tech side so streaming and the websites get their attention-live, on-air presentation takes a back seat. The more they disconnect from their live listeners, the more the business suffers, the more they wonder why.

I've been off the air more than 3 months now and while I know it's no reflection on me or what I do, it's hard to make money in the down time. I'm too old to learn another industry and nothing I could do can pay me as much as voiceover and radio-although radio is paying me less than burger flipping wages right now.

This is us getting trapped in the war between wages-the wealth gap just keep widening and I don't see a cure other than a reset of capitalism.

ALSO: I added Abillify to my meds and it made a really big difference with no side effects

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/25/2023 at 5:54 AM, monkeygirl said:

I'm not sure why I didn't type this all out last December, but I can so identify with this.

Radio is the same and it used to be you'd get 2-10 years out of a gig-now you're lucky to get a whole year. The owners are beholden to the tech side so streaming and the websites get their attention-live, on-air presentation takes a back seat. The more they disconnect from their live listeners, the more the business suffers, the more they wonder why.

I've been off the air more than 3 months now and while I know it's no reflection on me or what I do, it's hard to make money in the down time. I'm too old to learn another industry and nothing I could do can pay me as much as voiceover and radio-although radio is paying me less than burger flipping wages right now.

This is us getting trapped in the war between wages-the wealth gap just keep widening and I don't see a cure other than a reset of capitalism.

ALSO: I added Abillify to my meds and it made a really big difference with no side effects

 

Thank you for this.

As the world knows, we are definitely on strike. Two good things-- One, I booked a job and got paid the first chunk right before the strike, and turned in everything I could on all the little stuff-- so in a weird way, I am now the least stressed I have been about work in years. I've got everything I needed to in, I've been paid a bit, I CAN'T work, and I have the job ready to continue on the other side of the strike. Two, the strike has made it clear that it wasn't just me having this problem, it's an industry issue, and some people have it way harder than I do.

On 5/25/2023 at 10:57 AM, Zathras said:

Thank you, everyone.  I appreciate it. So, the date has been set for June 9th for Nygyl to go in for the procedure.  It's starting to get real. 

This is the worst thing. I always say I won't get another pet so as not to have to go through this again, and yet, I always do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I say I won't every time. Jesus and Roy are going to be 15 and 14 this autumn and I think my last permanent cats. I hope-I want to travel. But when having more was an option, I always thought they need us as much as we need them. This helped me adopt again easier and sooner.

Tank, it's good to know you prepared for the strike. Fran Drescher called me today about it (I'm still SAG Aftra). I hope it's short and fruitful. Strikes suck but at least the union is responding.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Well, today was the day. I had to take my kitty, Nygyl, in to be put to sleep.  My girlfriend and I are beyond devastated.  But, it was the least bad decision of the 3 options we had, and he is not in pain anymore. Here are pictures of him in happier times. 

 

164917_544682368907827_80552226_n.jpg

20151231_211950.jpg

20160424_130012.jpg

20161124_105716.jpg

42354862_2358531004189612_2260381132572852224_o.jpg

54386908_2715142991861743_7320558167308369920_o.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Hypothetically, if you were all talking how hot shit you are to someone online who lives 4 hours away, and you both were all "We should totally meet up for drinks/hanging out/possible wild sexy times" (and you've traded pics and talked and video chatted and stuff so you know it's not catfishing) because you KNOW that it will never happen, and then they're all like "Awesome. I'ma be in your town around Friday at noon and I'm getting a hotel so we can totally drink/hang out/have wild sexy times and I'm staying until Sunday" and your spouse who is awesome hella cool laughs and says "Busted, dumbass!" what would you do? Hypothetically?

 

Also hypothetically how freaked would you be that they're coming specifically to meet you, not just to do something in the city you just happen to live in?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.