Insane family members

[Hobbes]

17 minutes ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

So my dad really isn't that bad, but I wish he'd take better care of himself. He has been here for 6 days and polished off 4 bottles of wine and numerous cocktails. He won't drink water, he needs something a little sweet like juice or sweet tea. I made a cake for his birthday and dozens of sugar cookies for him, they were gone in 3 days. Today he was hunting through my pantry after eating a sandwich and asked if I had any cookies. No, but if you need something sweet, we have a basket full of fruit. Decided to grab some glazed almonds instead. Sigh. Since type 2 diabetes is pretty much airborne in rural Nebraska, I'm concerned. Much as I joke about wine and our wine collection, my husband and I rarely drink a bottle between us in a single night, unless it's a celebration or with friends.

My mom went through a period of depression and drinking when I was younger. I don't think my dad necessarily acts drunk or even obnoxious, I feel like it's boredom or just trying to relax.

I hear what you are saying and went through something similar with my grandpa (who was my dad) and I would get pissed at him for eating ice cream all day.  But at some point, I decided to say fuck because we are looking at life through two different views. 

Once I reach a certain age, I am on the booze and oxy train and one day I won't wake up.  I dread my two boys (4/6) and in particular my youngest (because he is the caretaker of the two) sacrifice time with their families to take care of me.  I am sure my boys will be pissed at me, but taking care of a parent is TOTALLY differnt than a kid.  Kids grow more independent. 

With that said, I may or may not be drunk because everyone went to bed early. 

[Destiny Skywalker]

So I think my biological father's grand daughter found me on Ancestry. Yikes.

[Zathras]

2 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

So I think my biological father's grand daughter found me on Ancestry. Yikes.

Have you decided how you will handle that?  Not to be nosey just curious. 

[Destiny Skywalker]

Well, I was 90% sure it was him, this kind of confirms it. I did have in my public profile that I was trying to figure out who my biological father was, so she already figured that much out. Since she is my closest match, I assume I am also her closest match. We share enough DNA for her to be my half-niece. She was trying to be nosy about my mom, but I just said look I think it's your grandpa and your mom is probably my half-sister. She was going to figure it out sooner or later.

I suspect the family is a little trashy. I met a super cool 2nd cousin 1x removed through Ancestry who lived 3 blocks away from my old house, so I got that cool friendship out of it, but other than that, I'm really not looking to have a relationship with them. So it's probably going to cause a lot of drama, because my father was still legally married when I was conceived. Fingers crossed that they were already separated.

[Darth Krawlie]

My parents are good people who did the best they could to raise me, and generally speaking, they did a very good job. They made some questionable decisions, and there were things that left their scars, but that's true for everybody, right? I don't begrudge them or blame them for any significant trauma... or, at least, I don't hold it against them. They genuinely did the best they could.

But man do they not know how to talk to humans, and that includes me. This is just an example, and one of their least examples, but it just happened and I'm scratching my head over it so I'm posting it, even though it doesn't compare at all to most of what's going on in this thread.

Today's my 40th birthday. They called me late tonight, late enough that I had been wondering if they had forgotten or my dad was having something medical going on (note I wouldn't be bothered if they didn't call, but it would've been noticeable). I teased them about it when I answered the phone, and they, fairly, said they waited til late to call because they didn't know my work schedule. I told them well of course I took the day off. Baby boomers that they are they teased me back about not being an adult. I pointed out I have a ton of PTO, so why wouldn't I take it off? No one wants to work on their birthday! They asked, well, do I take my kids' birthdays off too, to which I said of course I do.

And their response is WELL WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT. They said it jokingly as fitting the tone of the whole conversation, but, uh, what? What in the world is defensive about any of that? For one thing, literally defending yourself is not "being defensive." But even without that, there... was... nothing at all defensive happening there. And I know there wasn't because I'm a sensitive person and can get overly defensive at the weirdest things sometimes.

Wow this was a lot more words to say than I meant. But wtf. Are we gonna be weird old people to our kids when we're our parents age too? I really hope not.

[Ms. Spam]

Hahaha. I never want to be at work on my birthday either. They decorate my desk here and the cake is bad. 

[Destiny Skywalker]

God I hope we aren't weird like our parents. That's some Boomer shit right there.

We had a pretty shitty visit with my MIL a few weeks ago. Like, got themselves taken off the list of who will take care of my kids if we both die bad. I actually had to ask Q's God parents if they would do it. Right now they are praying we never go on vacation alone until both kids are 18. (Like we've ever been able to do that anyway.)

[Hobbes]

On 4/17/2023 at 9:27 PM, Darth Krawlie said:

My parents are good people who did the best they could to raise me, and generally speaking, they did a very good job. They made some questionable decisions, and there were things that left their scars, but that's true for everybody, right? I don't begrudge them or blame them for any significant trauma... or, at least, I don't hold it against them. They genuinely did the best they could.

But man do they not know how to talk to humans, and that includes me. This is just an example, and one of their least examples, but it just happened and I'm scratching my head over it so I'm posting it, even though it doesn't compare at all to most of what's going on in this thread.

Today's my 40th birthday. They called me late tonight, late enough that I had been wondering if they had forgotten or my dad was having something medical going on (note I wouldn't be bothered if they didn't call, but it would've been noticeable). I teased them about it when I answered the phone, and they, fairly, said they waited til late to call because they didn't know my work schedule. I told them well of course I took the day off. Baby boomers that they are they teased me back about not being an adult. I pointed out I have a ton of PTO, so why wouldn't I take it off? No one wants to work on their birthday! They asked, well, do I take my kids' birthdays off too, to which I said of course I do.

And their response is WELL WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT. They said it jokingly as fitting the tone of the whole conversation, but, uh, what? What in the world is defensive about any of that? For one thing, literally defending yourself is not "being defensive." But even without that, there... was... nothing at all defensive happening there. And I know there wasn't because I'm a sensitive person and can get overly defensive at the weirdest things sometimes.

Wow this was a lot more words to say than I meant. But wtf. Are we gonna be weird old people to our kids when we're our parents age too? I really hope not.

Why do you have to defend yourself for taking the day off regardless of the reason? 

On 4/17/2023 at 9:48 PM, Ms. Spam said:

Hahaha. I never want to be at work on my birthday either. They decorate my desk here and the cake is bad. 

Yay for July birthdays and not having to worry about that shit. 

22 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

God I hope we aren't weird like our parents. That's some Boomer shit right there.

We had a pretty shitty visit with my MIL a few weeks ago. Like, got themselves taken off the list of who will take care of my kids if we both die bad. I actually had to ask Q's God parents if they would do it. Right now they are praying we never go on vacation alone until both kids are 18. (Like we've ever been able to do that anyway.)

What happened?  We have no clue who would get the kids.  I am no longer in contact with my family and her family is all super extreme far right--which is actually worse IMO because I don't talk to my family. 

[Destiny Skywalker]

It was a really messed up situation where she got mad that E was fidgeting with random objects because she has zero toys, puzzles games, etc and then tried to gaslight him into saying she couldn't find them and that he couldnt have the dollar store sword I bought him so he wouldn't fidget with random items until he found it. She also accused him of stuffing a candy wrapper in her couch. Just as easily could be Q or her husband (who she has totally busted doing that in the past to hide that he was eating junk food). So we called her bluff and tore the house apart looking for the missing item and she finally admitted she hid it on top of the refrigerator. E got very dysregulated about it (not screaming or crying, just wound up and anxious). My husband laid into her for being an asshole to an 8-year old with cognitive impairments and forced her to apologize to E. She also admitted that she just took the sword because she did not approve of the toy he picked out because he might break something swinging it around. Like, she's just a horrible person. We may never stay there again because she does manipulative shit like this because she's also undiagnosed ADHD and probably ODD. Given how she treated him when we pulled him from Pre-K and asked her to help watch him for 4 months until Kindergarten started while we lined up doctor appointments and IEP meetings, its a pattern. I would never trust her with him.

My dad is mildly stupid right wing, but at least he's not total batshit crazy right wing. But I would worry about the effect he would have on Q, who is a sweet little bleeding heart liberal feminist who also loves Jesus. And he is of the "have you tried spanking him?" mindset when it comes to E. He's just an old Boomer.

What the hell is wrong with our parents, guys? Like that whole generation is messed up.

[Tank]

I think about this a lot—  I feel like boomers had this big cultural shake up in their youth with civil rights changes, Vietnam, women’s lib, entertainment being co-opted by counter culture, hippies, black panthers, yadda yadda yadda— they were the first generation to sort of break out and rebel from the traditional nuclear family, know your place, old school ways that sort of dominated American culture for a century. Basically, they were the first generation that realized they had agency and could be self-centered.

But they didn’t have the tools, like the mental health insight and awareness to know how to use that agency in a healthy way. All they had to defend themselves against their parents was rebellion. You take that paradigm, then add thirty, forty years of living and they become the most pig-headed, mentally insular people in existence. They cannot understand anything but their own way.

Add in refusal to acknowledge advancements in mental health, a past of acceptable substance abuse, and manipulation being the only tool that’s ever helped them get what they want in your life and boom= our parents are the worst.

 

[Hobbes]

4 hours ago, Tank said:

I think about this a lot—  I feel like boomers had this big cultural shake up in their youth with civil rights changes, Vietnam, women’s lib, entertainment being co-opted by counter culture, hippies, black panthers, yadda yadda yadda— they were the first generation to sort of break out and rebel from the traditional nuclear family, know your place, old school ways that sort of dominated American culture for a century. Basically, they were the first generation that realized they had agency and could be self-centered.

But they didn’t have the tools, like the mental health insight and awareness to know how to use that agency in a healthy way. All they had to defend themselves against their parents was rebellion. You take that paradigm, then add thirty, forty years of living and they become the most pig-headed, mentally insular people in existence. They cannot understand anything but their own way.

Add in refusal to acknowledge advancements in mental health, a past of acceptable substance abuse, and manipulation being the only tool that’s ever helped them get what they want in your life and boom= our parents are the worst.

 

I had an argument with a person-whom-shall never-be-named about race.  He went to the U of Michigan in the late 70's studying computer programming.  I pointed out that part of the reason he had a college degree was because he was white and he could afford it because of high funding from the federal government for college (you know socialism).  He got all pissed talking about how hard he worked and blah blah blah.  I explained that I am not arguing that he didn't earn the degree...my point was that he had ACCESS when others didn't. 

I agree, there was such a huge swing to individualism and self, there lacked a perspective of systemic structures that were in place that helped some and restricted others.