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Dealing with death


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So, as I posted elsewhere, my uncle Dave died this week. I was able to make the trek down to his hometown today with my mom, but because of other commitments I can’t make the funeral on Monday. 
 

I feel really weird, though, because I don’t seem to react like other people do when it comes to death. I cried twice on the day of my dad’s funeral, and never before or since. I don’t feel sad about him dying. I don’t feel sad about my uncle dying. I see other people feeling it, and I can sympathize them, but I just don’t feel it. My brother and sister still get sad about my dad, and that was 9 years ago. 
 

I don’t know. Am I just broken? 

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I wish I were more like you, whatever it is that allows you to process death so cleanly.

My mom has a rare cancer and is opting not to treat it and I am falling apart. And I'm an only child so I can't afford to feel this just yet. I'm barely getting better about my Dad's death four years ago

 

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I am also wondering if your faith plays a role. Some people are more comfortable with death because of their faith and/or the beliefs of the deceased. Leading up to my uncle passing, he was firm that he was unafraid of death because of his faith. He faced it fearlessly and with open arms. His family was still heartbroken but I think it did help somewhat. It was a comfort to me, although I wasn't that inner circle. Also, if you're not afraid of death yourself, I think that also shapes how you mourn.

I mean, you did cry about your dad. Its not like you never shed a single tear.

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I have borderline crippling anxiety about death.  If I watch a countdown, like watching popcorn in the microwave...I think, I am three minutes closer to death.  I am not scared of say, dying in a car crash or whatever, it is death itself--whether I die in a car crash tonight or I live to be 120 is irrelevant.  I believe there is a statistically significant chance that we are an avatar in a matrix, but even if true, even that has an end.  As much as I want to, I can't believe in a supernatural life beyond this. 

My grandpa, whom I owe everything to and named my son after, I cry for him from time to time.  My grandma passed this summer and I cried for her.  In both instances, there wasn't a service.

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19 hours ago, Fozzie said:

So, as I posted elsewhere, my uncle Dave died this week. I was able to make the trek down to his hometown today with my mom, but because of other commitments I can’t make the funeral on Monday. 
 

I feel really weird, though, because I don’t seem to react like other people do when it comes to death. I cried twice on the day of my dad’s funeral, and never before or since. I don’t feel sad about him dying. I don’t feel sad about my uncle dying. I see other people feeling it, and I can sympathize them, but I just don’t feel it. My brother and sister still get sad about my dad, and that was 9 years ago. 
 

I don’t know. Am I just broken? 

When my Mom died in 2013, I held it in for 4 days, then I let loose and cried for like a half hour.   After that, nothing.  My Mom died in her sleep peacefully, so I take comfort in that.   When my Dad died in August of this year, I teared up when I heard, and I am certainly very sad even now, but I have not cried.   I think the difference with my Dad is that he had been sick for years and I had been his main caregiver.  He had many hospital stays since my Mom died so I think in a way, I was used to the crisis part of it.  When my Dad died, he was at a point where he needed health care that he was not willing to consent to.  He was ready to go.  So, I feel like maybe I was used to all the illness he had and when he did die, it was in some way a relief to him. 

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To add to my earlier post, while I didn't cry that much for my parents, they both are constantly on my mind.  I was really depressed for a while when my Mom went.   I think I still am in shock with my Dad's passing, but I haven't had much time to grieve him, either.  Between work, cleaning out my Dad's house to prep for sale, being sick myself for almost 3 weeks, and did I say work sucking, I can't believe its been almost 2 months since my Dad died. 

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