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The Relationship Thread


Tank
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1 hour ago, zambingo said:

Y’all are over here exploring yourselves and finding satisfaction in your endeavors, and while my wife and I are also happy and satisfied with each other, I can’t help but to find myself pounding a keyboard like Peter Bretter at his piano singing about how much he sucks and how stupid he is. I’m starting to realize the difference for me isn’t anything to do with sex and love and friendship, but is likely to do with parenting multiple savage witted children. “Dad, you remind me of Thor.” “Thanks, Bub.” “Fat Thor tho.” Like Obi-Wan exclaimed, I have done that myself.  By the way social media algorithms are ***holes too, maybe that means something since they are supposed to echo you. My Spotify and TikTok keeps suggesting teen therapy podcasts, how to talk like a grown up, the loneliness of being a wife, ladies talking about lady stuff. I’m a grown ass man, you fucks.

I recognize this as English, but I am very confused!

 

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3 minutes ago, Tank said:

I recognize this as English, but I am very confused!

 

I think the point was to tell us that he likes asses.

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In case it wasn’t clear by the carefully placed word “also”, I wasn’t making any derogatory remarks about how anyone does, did, had, or has things.

My comment was about observing others speak of, and also myself dealing with, longing for the undefined and the finding of something defining, plus the general struggles of reconciling all sorts of issues within all that.

It’s called a stream of consciousness rant. One thought leads to the next to the next to the next while all flowing with the initial topic and born of each other. It’s less for anyone, more because I felt like writing it. I don’t expect to be gotten, I don’t think ill of someone not getting it. It’s essentially shorthand for myself. Self-depreciating self-analysis. Welcome to the internet. Enjoy your stay. ;-)

Ugh. So...

This is a thread about relationships. People have commented on their own, what they meant, what they learned, what their issues are within themselves and without. I was condensing and contrasting the knowledge that my relationship is good for me with my self doubts which get reinforced by things around me. That happiness or the lack there of, and possible continued spiral between, can be completely separate from a relationship. Success, failures, ego, insecurities echoed and amplified by my children (in that specific quote my youngest son Wyatt) and media designed to feed me what I am supposedly about or searching for. All of which I blurted in a conversation about people looking for something.

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So Blue is coming over tonight, and last night I stayed over at KP's place. It continues to be very intense for no discernible reason other than we're just really into each other.

We had a very frank conversation about this. I think this is actually why I really like her. She's a very clear communicator and never leaves me guessing. She always says exactly what she is thinking, AND listens to me and answers my questions so I'm never left confused or wondering or over-thinking things, as I am prone to do.

We talked about how we're both breaking some of own personal rules. For me, I'm going fast again-- like I always do, but never mean to do. Not like, HEY MOVE IN WITH ME, but just being really forthcoming about having a crush.

For her part, she's been so hardcore dedicated to being solo and non-monogamous for decades and has a lot of boundaries and rules to keep herself safe, (physically and emotionally). She's held these lines fast for many people over many long periods of time, and after 8 weeks she's wanting to make exceptions for me-- and again, instead of holding this in and probably being weird, she's being straight up with me about it.

I think we've decided we're okay with this, because while it is moving fast in some ways, we're still both very adamant about being people who live alone and need/want/require their alone time. And unlike Gray, there's no underlying damage or secret unspoken desire to change that and sneak in to cause drama. Obviously, we have to be wary, but with both of us being on the same page I think we'll be okay.

She's finally quitting her day job to write full time and I am about to close on a new job so we're planning a weekend co-work getaway trip this summer.

 

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My wife and I did a weekend trip for our fifteenth anniversary this past weekend, so that was pretty cool.

I had a buddy ask what it takes to keep it going for a while, and honestly I don't even know.  Disagreements and fights happen, and if anybody says that two married people are always on the same page with everything that's just a lie. 

If anything, I think there's just an awareness in the back of our mind that things always level out.  We might have it out and not be able to stand one another on one day, but then probably be cackling and inseparable two weeks straight after that.  The only thing I can think of that I actively do is always have something to look forward to, whether it be some trip we're planning or project we're working on.  That way, even if you go through a rough patch, you still know you have something fun together to look forward to.

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You guys have always struck me as being very good for each other. You understand the highs and lows the other person feels and I've always admired that.

BACK TO ME

KP Invited me to go on a late night after-dark picnic tomorrow night to see the crazy moon thing that's going down. I am still nursing a jacked up ankle from months ago, AND I have a fear of nature after dark, but I said yes just adding further proof that I like this girl. Also, this may be the most romantic thing ever thrown at me.

We'll probably hang out this weekend too, and at this rate, despite being non-monogamous I'm not sure either of will have time to date anyone else.

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Look. Mountain lions and aliens are real and fuck people up. And they like to target people in the woods!

It’s BECAUSE I write horror that it’s a problem— My imagination goes wild.

I already asked KP if she was a serial killer, because this is the perfect set up.

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Here's an example of why I like KP.

I just texted her: "Hey-- I know we just hung out on Sunday, and we're on for tomorrow... but assuming you're not luring me to the woods to kill me, do you want to hang out this weekend too? Kid is with his mom. I'm not trying to take up your time, but also, I totally want to take up all your time."

Now, using the power of my imagination, psychology skills, and writing knowlejeses, I can show you how women from my past would have responded to this.

Metal would have texted me back: "Ask me Friday."

Gray would have said: "I want to, but are we moving too fast? Are you sure? Let's say yes, but promise you won't get mad if I change my mind? But probably, yes."

Emily, my last long term relationship would have said yes, but then Friday night would tell me she actually has too much work to do anything more than just a quick dinner and a sleepover. And that tracks to when we were dating as well as when we were basically married.

And then of course, many, MANY of the lesser dates and randos would simply not respond to the text for a day or two before a simple no, or a non-enthusiastic yes.

This would leave my brain SO MUCH ROOM to over think on and get anxiety over, convincing myself that they don't like me, or that like me, but not as much as I like them, or they are pity-dating me, or insert any one of a billion no self-esteem answers here.

KP's reply: "I would love to see you this weekend."

And the last time I asked her out when she had plans, she said: "I actually have plans then, but I would still really like to see you. How about (insert day here)?"

Added to this, half the time we do hang out, either when whichever of us leaves to go home is nearing the door, she has asked "When are you free again?"

Clarity. Not afraid to express how she feels. Not a fucking neurotic weirdo. She gives me zero room to hate myself.

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9 minutes ago, Tank said:

Here's an example of why I like KP.

I just texted her: "Hey-- I know we just hung out on Sunday, and we're on for tomorrow... but assuming you're not luring me to the woods to kill me, do you want to hang out this weekend too? Kid is with his mom. I'm not trying to take up your time, but also, I totally want to take up all your time."

Now, using the power of my imagination, psychology skills, and writing knowlejeses, I can show you how women from my past would have responded to this.

Metal would have texted me back: "Ask me Friday."

Gray would have said: "I want to, but are we moving too fast? Are you sure? Let's say yes, but promise you won't get mad if I change my mind? But probably, yes."

Emily, my last long term relationship would have said yes, but then Friday night would tell me she actually has too much work to do anything more than just a quick dinner and a sleepover. And that tracks to when we were dating as well as when we were basically married.

And then of course, many, MANY of the lesser dates and randos would simply not respond to the text for a day or two before a simple no, or a non-enthusiastic yes.

This would leave my brain SO MUCH ROOM to over think on and get anxiety over, convincing myself that they don't like me, or that like me, but not as much as I like them, or they are pity-dating me, or insert any one of a billion no self-esteem answers here.

KP's reply: "I would love to see you this weekend."

And the last time I asked her out when she had plans, she said: "I actually have plans then, but I would still really like to see you. How about (insert day here)?"

Added to this, half the time we do hang out, either when whichever of us leaves to go home is nearing the door, she has asked "When are you free again?"

Clarity. Not afraid to express how she feels. Not a fucking neurotic weirdo. She gives me zero room to hate myself.

The Office - Who says exactly what they are thinking?

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Sounds like the thing you have with KP  will turn serious real quick.

As for nature after dark, if you’re in a campground the nature is generally kept at bay by drunk people with Bluetooth speakers doing their thing all night.

I can’t wait to go camping again.

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The barometer for “serious” is definitely different with her. In some ways we are very serious already, but in others (like what normal people would do) we are not. Like I said though, I’m not lost in wondering what we are, which is great.

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