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Didn’t get abducted or eaten or murdered. Totally worth it. This place has a 360 view of the LA basin.

I am two of these women.

My day at work was really light, so I decided for some reason to hit the high points of my relationship past: I went on my first date as a junior in high school, and it didn't exactly go well. It

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We need updates, Tank.  It's been a month already! 

If not, here is a philosophical question. Is there such a thing as cheating for non-monogamists, and if so, what are the parameters? Asking for a friend.  LOL!

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WELL SINCE YOU ASKED...

"Cheating" doesn't generally exist in the traditional sense in non-monogamy. There's lots of words for it, but you and your primary partner have a compact, an agreement, or boundaries, or whatever. Cheating could be breaking that if you do something that is on the agreed upon no-fly list between you and your partner. The word definitely implies sleeping with somebody you shouldn't for most of us though because of how common that usage is.

Director lady said me answering a text was cheating. Yes, I did a thing I said I wouldn't do, but she words it as if I had snuck off to bone somebody in the middle of the night.

KP doesn't even have the word cheating in her lexicon. If you asked her, she'd say "You can't cheat on somebody when you tell each other it's okay to sleep with other people." That said, she and I have a few rules:

One, we don't have unprotected sex with anyone besides each other. She's on birth control and we both get tested 3x a year. If there's an oopsie of some sort, we report it to each other. If one of us broke the rule, it would need to be a discussion, not an automatic break up (because she is reasonable). We're both very responsible, so choosing not to be not-safe with somebody else would likely by a symptom of something much bigger.

Two, one of us going into another deep emotional relationship that could impact our relationship needs to be made known.  She's not opposed to it, because obviously I had legit feelings for director lady, whereas everyone else I see was a FWB type situation. At this point KP and I spend 3-5 days a week together depending on my kid schedule, and we talk every day. That's because we are in a real emotional relationship, again, if that were to change, it's the sign of something bigger going on.

Three, KP says I can't sleep with any of her sisters. There are also a few people she'd prefer I not sleep with (my ex fiancé, director lady, and the scary revenge script writing ex) because they'd likely be warning signs of me being self destructive. Once again, not cause for automatic break up, but a trigger for a serious discussion.

So basically, as long as I don't move in with her sister and knock her up, KP is probably going to be fine.

Dating update:

KP and I are having future talks, long term planning to move in together, possibly buy a place. We have some money inequality stuff to work out. She doesn't make a lot of money, but has a huge savings as a responsible person. I make a lot of money, but tend to be less than uber-responsible with it. I actually asked her for help with money, which is a crazy thing for me because money gives me anxiety.

I still see dinosaur girl, maybe once a month or so we connect. We had a bit of reconfiguration of stuff because I felt like she was leaning on me emotionally more than I was prepared for, she later admitted she was having trouble with her nesting partner, which has since gotten better.

I cleared out the roster after director lady aside from JP and KP, but recently started to date a little more for funsies. 

CURLY I have seen once. She's super nice but lives kinda far away. I think I will see her again, but if we ghost each other I won't lose sleep.

VALLEY MOM is just that--a mom from the valley whose marriage has opened up post covid. We've gone out a few times and she's great. very low pressure, great sense of humor, very much focused on her own kids and family and just wants escape time from time. I like dating somebody who is a parent, and I have a few things in common with her that I do not with KP, so it's fun. Really the only downside is that she has the same first name as director lady, and was the reason behind that wrongly-sent text. 

I have one other friend, somebody I have known for over a decade, who only recently revealed to me she and her husband were secretly poly. We've always had mutual attraction, and hooked up randomly a couple times many many years ago, and we've been talking and getting a little excited by the idea of casually dating.

KP and I have also gone out on a couple blind dates with other women. This is actually really fun. Dating as a couple means you get to be doubly charming. It's been a role reversal for KP cause she was always the unicorn in her life, and now she's the one in the couple. Both dates were very cool and we had good times, and we may see them again. We want to meet up a dude for a date, but it's a lot harder to find guys that aren't jerkwad fucbois.

My therapist asked what i was getting from all this. I've always liked dating, especially the courting part, getting to know somebody new, and all the firsts... first date, first make out, first sex... but I am also somebody who really likes having a partner if life. I'm in a place now where I can have both those things, without feeling like I am being selfish. Basically this is like friend-dating with sex.

Therapist asked if i ever thought I was a sex and/or love addict.

Again, there may be something to that.. very low grade. I think addiction comes with destructive behavior and lying-- neither of which is a thing going on here. Am I probably a little emotionally dependent on being liked based upon my abandonment issues and low self esteem? MAYBE.

That's where I am!

Oh, and director lady and I are doing pretty well as work-mates. We're close to selling our TV show, and even though we are supposedly not friends and just talking on work, we clearly still care a lot about each other. We check in a lot, and sometimes I have to remind myself what she is like when she gets mad and how I stay away from people like that personally. If we sell our show, we'll probably have to do a bit of couple's therapy and really be strong about our boundaries.

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Ehhh.

She does have a hot cousin though. I should get clarification.

That also reminds me, in terms of my relationship with KP, I'm literally the first significant other since high school she's introduced to family. They all think I am some sort of saint or amazing person as a result (they don't know many details of her sex life). And her friends (who do know her sex life) basically are amazed at my existence., I have a drawer and a framed picture in her bedroom. I'm basically a unicorn hunter to them.

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What does unicorn mean exactly btw? Other than obvious mythical pony. I’ve been called that by some people and when I ask what it means they just laugh and tell me not to worry myself over it. In context I have assumed it means like I dunno a good hearted bimbo or something, even though I’m always internally at least been like “but I’m smart tho”. And yes, I know I could Google it, but well I guess I should…

Hey now, whoa, I’ve never done that. They must be using it wrong.

Another Edit: People must have been using it wrong for me, like really seriously. Unless they thought maybe. Yeah nah. They had to have meant it some other way. Like rare or something. These were my coworkers when I was a noon duty. No way they meant it like that. It was better not knowing.

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Hahaha, a unicorn is generally a single bisexual woman who dates couples. They are universally known as a bandaid for middle aged couples having problems.

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I started a thing with my wife today, I don’t know if anyone else does it. I texted her, “Hey… you want to see something hot and sexy that’s just waiting for you in our bed?” I didn’t wait for her to reply, I just did it. I sent her a pic of my hand trying desperately to reach around a big, thick stack of brand new books. I call it Unsolicited Book Pics. She can’t wait to get home from work now.

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So, an update:

My wife got home, chatted with the kids during dinner, then she retired to our room. She’s been reading a novel all. night. long. Just going at it nonstop for seven hours. I’m actually talkin’bout books.

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lol Not out of the realm, but perhaps not as harsh as that can sound. lol

Spending time reading uninterrupted is definitely a need, for some people and definitely her. I do my best to recognize her interest and needs, then my best to support and fulfill them. Right now she’s reading high fantasy / assassin novels by Sarah Maas, btw. One of those series is being developed for Hulu by Ron Moore, so that’s neat.

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  • 1 month later...

Minor updates!

KP - still all good in the hood. She hangs out here around the kid now. He's polite.

JP - same situation, see her once every couple months for a night

Valley Mom - progressing fine. Also very chill. She makes homemade soap and sent KP a gift bag. KP responded by making her a papercraft junk journal. This so much better than having to pretend KP doesn't exist.

Blue and I are still cuddle buds.

Haven't seen Curly again, but we text.

Going out next week with a girl who is married to another woman and is getting a hall pass to have some dude experiences.

Haven't quite connected to old poly friend yet. Schedules can be hard.

Say Director Lady as she's in town. First time we've seen each other in person since the worst night ever. I was scared at first, was assuming I was going to get shanked. She was worried she'd start crying upon seeing me. We had a nice time hanging out, and kept it light. We agree we need a hard-to-have closure talk at some point, but we are waiting until our last project is out the door in case we need time off from each other after it. I'm glad we're doing well-- but she requires a LOT of emotional labor.

Also, realized my 30th high school reunion is a year away. I am going to plow as many of the women I was too shy to talk to when I was 16 as I can. BRING ME ALL THE MOMS.

 

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Also, realized my 30th high school reunion is a year away. I am going to plow as many of the women I was too shy to talk to when I was 16 as I can. BRING ME ALL THE MOMS.

Having may not be as good as wanting.  I don't know about your class, but when I saw a bunch of pics of my class prior to the 30th, I was like YIKES! Time was not kind to many a cheer leader and high school crushes for me!  Not saying I am a prize, but damn.  Some were scary. 

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Honestly it's the only reason I'd ever consider going to a high school reunion. But I didn't go to the ten year, twenty was during COVID, and now I'm moving 1500 miles away from my high school instead of the 350 I am now, so even if I DID want to, no way it'll happen now. In other words I want to hear ALL THE MOM BANGING STORIES SETH. Banging moms rules.

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Thanks to FB I’ve seen the train wreckery. I mean even being a bit overweight I am holding up really well compared to some of those people!

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2 minutes ago, Tank said:

Thanks to FB I’ve seen the train wreckery. I mean even being a bit overweight I am holding up really well compared to some of those people!

I had much schadenfreude when I saw the FB 30th reunion group!  It was perversely satisfying seeing some of the popular folks who were too cool for school and stuck up ending up looking like they got beat down with the ugly stick.  

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Ugg no thank you to high school reunions. I didn't like those people 20 years ago, I sure as hell won't like them now. My husband's 10-year was a douchebag convention. It was kind of entertaining since I was an outsider but his best friend made a drunk ass of himself.

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I hear that!  I didn't end up going to any of the reunions for that reason.  I came close to it on my 30th, but after seeing the FB group, I lost interest.  Some people's posts revealed they were the same douches they were in HS.

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I'd be interested in possibly going to a high school reunion if I get a chance to do so.  I think we had 5-year and 1-year ones, but they were at very inconvenient times for me since they were scheduled around holidays and I was going to see my parents who moved away from where I grew up right after I finished high school.  If nothing else, it would be a good excuse to go visit my hometown area for a few days since I really don't get up there much anymore.  I just realized my 20-year reunion should be coming up next year if they have one.  That seems nuts to me.

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I went to my ten year and it was half great and half upsetting. I skipped the 20 because by then FB had me informed.

Mostly I want to go because now I’m so much cooler than most of them.

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I have never gone to a High School Reunion, in part because there is no possibility of meeting the cast of Romy & Michelle, but really because ugh. I have bumped into people from High School however. One ex-classmate was amazed how my wife and I were still together when we had started dating at 15 years old. They asked, “How do you do it?” I quickly responded with, “Mostly from behind.”

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