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Didn’t get abducted or eaten or murdered. Totally worth it. This place has a 360 view of the LA basin.

My day at work was really light, so I decided for some reason to hit the high points of my relationship past: I went on my first date as a junior in high school, and it didn't exactly go well. It

I am two of these women.

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2 hours ago, Tank said:

Turns out she's only visible to mutuals via my f-list. You'll just have to pay attention to who likes me I guess. Stalkers.

I already figured it out that wa... I mean, oh really?

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I haven’t updated much, been going through a lot of discovery and learning stuff. 

KP continues to blow my mind. For somebody who is so anti-monogamous she really knows how to make me feel like the center of the universe. I took her to a friend’s bday party, so she met a few people. She wasn’t a fucking weirdo around new people, which is unheard of to me. She’s totally cool with the normal world assuming she’s my GF, even if that’s not her preferred term. Her web of partners and lifestyle is proving to be a little daunting to take in. Not due to jealousy, but just because I know I’m new to It and don’t want to let her down. I’m more neurotic about myself than her being with other people. This is equally exacerbated and quelled by the fact she’s telling all these people I am her primary partner now.

Part of me feels like I need to build uP my roster more to make us more even, but the smarter part of me recognizes that is completely not the point. It’s not about the amount of people I sleep with, it’s about having all my emotional and physical needs taken care of. Thankfully she is very patient and a great communicator.

So many things have been said, but I want to keep them private.

Blue was suppose to comE over tonight. She has been dropping a few subtle clues she may want to escalate things. I’m not opposed but I want that to be 100% her choice. She had to cancel though because of work.

Dinosaur Girl is cOming over tomorrow night. We have been chatting pretty regularly and I’ve gotten past her witchy/hippie persona now and started to get more real info about her. 

 

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It might be something to ponder, and only you can know, but maybe you are a person that is actually fine with and perhaps even just wants one partner but at the same time you’re now totally able to handle your partner being poly… given this honesty, consensual nature and openness about the situation being all up front as it apparently is. The reason I suggest the thought is you seem to be looking for the person for you, with your present juggling and weighing of interests, rather than the persons for you.

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Whatever “it” is, I still have it. Yesterday while at a restaurant with my kids, my mom, and my two teenage nieces, I made the waitress blush and then approach me while I was on my own to ask if I was married.

 I think it’s that I’m not creepy and I treat everyone like a real person. I will say I slipped on the charm a little bit more to make up for my mom being less than charming, but I was nowhere near flirting. My sister wouldn’t have let me hear the end of it if I had been.

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1 hour ago, zambingo said:

It might be something to ponder, and only you can know, but maybe you are a person that is actually fine with and perhaps even just wants one partner but at the same time you’re now totally able to handle your partner being poly… given this honesty, consensual nature and openness about the situation being all up front as it apparently is. The reason I suggest the thought is you seem to be looking for the person for you, with your present juggling and weighing of interests, rather than the persons for you.

I definitely don’t want just one partner. I’ve been monogamous many times and it was always a bit of a struggle. That’s why I started down this path.

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The tricky part about this is the feelings. Now that I've met enough people who are NOT the weirdo gamer creepy type poly I am getting a much clearer picture of things.

It's not about having multiple sex partners. That's actually the easy part. It's also about really finding intimacy and sharing your feelings with other people as well. Not unlike having really really close friends that you also happen to have sex with.

With KP, she's told me that she hasn't had a primary-partner in years and really had a specific idea of what she wanted. Lucky me, I fit that bill. I am getting more of her than anyone else she sees. And I am loving being that, and we are definitely getting closer and looking forward to growing together for the foreseeable future. But unlike a traditional relationship, I have to be okay on some level of sharing her a bit. She's having sex with other people-- which, fine, so am I. But I have to learn to be okay with also knowing she is intimate and sharing some of her feelings with other people as all.

Like I have said, when we're together she makes me feel like I am the center of the world. (She's actually sitting across me as I type this. We're co-working this morning. She showed up last night at my door wearing something very relevant to my interests). I just have to get used to a few things if I want this to continue. As always, the good news, I don't have to be afraid to tell hr thesr things.

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1 hour ago, Tank said:

She showed up last night at my door wearing something very relevant to my interests

The montage of images that just flew through my mind was incredible. 

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In light of a taco costume, I keep expecting to see Tank reply to the ‘what new thing did you try eating this week’ thread with a person’s name.

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