Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Sometime around midnight last night I discovered that my 12.5 year-old has been peeking at pornhub on his laptop. According to his browser history, he spent barely 3 minutes on there each time (like 3 different times over as many days). His laptop is brand-new (given to him by my grandparents after breaking his old one) and I hadn't added it to his profile our of wi-fi yet, so it didn't have the normal parental controls and filters. I'm guessing he saw an ad or something and got curious, but not curious enough to keep watching because sex still kinda skeevs him out. So I got to have "the porn talk" with him about 3-4 years before I wanted. 

Of course, he denies it. But he's also just an absolute piss-poor liar. We know he did it, but it's also kinda obvious that he's not comfortable about any aspect of it. I think it actually regrets seeing what he saw. 

Then today I found out that a trans kid wants to join my son's scout troop, but our scoutmaster has already stated that if we let the kid in, she'll leave. We already went through a dramatic shift in leadership about a year ago, and I'm not looking forward to navigating the entire troop through that again. But we're not about to deny any scout who wants to join.

We already have trans kids in our venturing crew (scouting for 14-21 year-olds), so it's not exactly new. But crews are co-ed anyway. This is the first time a trans kid in our council (the 2nd/3rd largest in the nation) has wanted to join a troop according to their gender identity. So our Scout Executive/CEO has even been involved now. We're literally setting a precedent for how the council and other units will handle this if it comes up again. And it basically all boiled down to "we're going to support what the chartered organization wants". Our chartered org is our homeschool association and their opinion (given through the current president) is "whatever our Chartered Organization Representative to the troop feels is appropriate for the troop, we respect her decision." I'm the Chartered Organization Representative. No pressure or anything. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 82
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I have a friend on the BSA National Disabilities Awareness Committee. I had her email me a formal, better version with a note that flat-out saying weren't in compliance. 

In the spirit of Zath and Tank sharing Boy Scout memories: I was kicked out of my Boy Scout troop for putting exlax in my Scout Master’s hot chocolate. He had refused to let us retaliate against

I've been trying to respond to this all morning and I'm frustrated as shit. So if Nightly can stop rejecting my post, I'll post my reply.

9 minutes ago, Darth Krawlie said:

Nah a 12.5 year old watching only 3 minutes of porn sounds perfectly correct. I don't think I watch much more than that even now.

If it takes more than 90 seconds you're doing it wrong.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You know the right decision. Don't let an adult try to make you the bad guy when they are the bad guy. I know its hard to find volunteers. But, good riddance, maybe?

I went to a soccer game, dropped off cookies to 2 friends and one of those drop offs turned into a playdate. Man my kid misses seeing friends. Then we came home, delivered another round of cookies, walked the dog, had a Zoom meeting, and then did a billion loads of laundry to prepare for tomorrow's soccer game that is a 90 minute drive. Watched The Lego Movie as a family. Got kids bathed and folded about half the laundry. I'm pooped, but I should probably go pack up all the stuff for the soccer game since we are leaving at 8 AM.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/5/2021 at 5:10 PM, Cerina said:

Then today I found out that a trans kid wants to join my son's scout troop, but our scoutmaster has already stated that if we let the kid in, she'll leave. We already went through a dramatic shift in leadership about a year ago, and I'm not looking forward to navigating the entire troop through that again. But we're not about to deny any scout who wants to join.

We already have trans kids in our venturing crew (scouting for 14-21 year-olds), so it's not exactly new. But crews are co-ed anyway. This is the first time a trans kid in our council (the 2nd/3rd largest in the nation) has wanted to join a troop according to their gender identity. So our Scout Executive/CEO has even been involved now. We're literally setting a precedent for how the council and other units will handle this if it comes up again. And it basically all boiled down to "we're going to support what the chartered organization wants". Our chartered org is our homeschool association and their opinion (given through the current president) is "whatever our Chartered Organization Representative to the troop feels is appropriate for the troop, we respect her decision." I'm the Chartered Organization Representative. No pressure or anything. 

Shit like this pisses me off on so many levels, the least of which is that women used to not be allowed to be scout masters. 

If you are an organization that supports kids, you support ALL KIDS.  You don't just pass the buck off to local leadership so you can have it both ways.  To me, this is even worse that straight up saying "no trans kids allowed" because it allows the status quo to remain where it needs to be changed the most.  And especially for kids that are high risk for mental health issues that are rooted in this type of behavior from adults that are supposed to be supporting.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Our homeschool association is secular and inclusive, and that's quite a rarity among homeschoolers, especially in conservative areas like Cypress. Granted, the group is mostly white and mostly Christian because of the local demographics, but we do accept anyone and actively keep the group inclusive of everyone. So it was never a question about whether or not we'd accept a trans scout (like I said, we already have a few and some others from the LGBTQ+ community). But the fallout from this is likely to be just...ugh. I'm completely willing to fight for this, but I'm not necessarily looking forward to it. And I just hate that I'll even have to. 

Our scoutmaster is actually not even from the homeschool association. She's a big scouting volunteer that joined when we started the new troops because they didn't like their old one. When our founding SM left in the fall of 2019, it caused a giant kerfuffle because of the way he'd been running things, pushing others out and alienating pretty much everyone. This lady isn't like that. She's organized, pro-active, involved, and overall a great SM, but HOLY FUCK we just cannot keep someone around who wants to discriminate against LGBTQ+ youth!! Our girl troop's SM's oldest kid is a non-binary youth, and our troops are too intermingled! The only leadership NOT shared by the boy troop and the girl troop are the two scoutmasters! Both troops meet together, camp together, travel together, share a trailer and equipment!! 

Plus side is that there are enough of us who feel strongly about this to keep our troops going (BSA units have a minimum number of scouts and adult volunteers required to remain a chartered unit). Disappointing side is that our SM and family aren't likely to be the only people who leave. And that's a different kind of damaging to all of our youth. We also have a few kids with neurological differences (namely autism and ADHD) who are more affected by big changes and inconsistencies. 

I'm really not looking forward to this. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Today I called our Scoutmaster. It did not go well. 

She repeatedly told me that I don't know what I'm talking about, that every other SM she's spoken to agrees that we can't accept a trans boy into our troop, that I'm setting her up to be sued by the family, that I went over her head in deciding that we should accept him, and that I need to be ready for everyone to leave. 

So...I'm going to be the bad guy in her stories for quite some time. And our troop is probably going to fracture and some people are going to leave. But I have to be satisfied that I did the right things, because the immediate consequences are definitely going to make it seem like the wrong thing. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don’t know why the scouting organizations don’t just go open. You’re a kid? Qualified!

Maybe Bethesda and their Fallout brand just need to make a scouting book for their fictional scouting organization... the Pioneer Scouts only exclude dirty commies. ;-)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Seriously, the US is one of only like a dozen countries that doesn't have co-ed scouts. And all of the rest are kinda already known for this marginalization of women. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

The World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts has membership in 150 countries. While many of those countries may also have co-ed Scouting organizations, the number of Girl Scouts and Girl Guides worldwide is over 10 million.

I think it is important to protect girl-only spaces. Obviously I have a vested interest as a multi generation Girl Scout family. That said, we accept any girl who identifies as one.

Cerina, I'm sorry her response was so disappointing. I hope others will see the truth in the long run. I've been through a troop fracture and its not fun (even though it was petty control freak shit). In the end, we split 3 different ways and the result was 3 very strong troops, believe it or not. I didn't agree with the way the other troops were run but everyone was happier. While its not quite the same (you are definitely encountering shittier behavior from adults), I hope you come out stronger, even if smaller.

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Cerina said:

 

So...I'm going to be the bad guy

I hate to disagree with you, but you are 1000% being the good person here. As a parent of a trans boy, and on behalf of all the trans people out there who face an unremitting barrage of hate and ignorance  every day, I thank you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, RUAJedi2 said:

I hate to disagree with you, but you are 1000% being the good person here. As a parent of a trans boy, and on behalf of all the trans people out there who face an unremitting barrage of hate and ignorance  every day, I thank you.

Thanks. Apparently now the scout and his family are trying to join their church's troop. They don't want to cause problems which I think is awesome. But shits already gone down in our troop so I don't know what now. I mean...yesterday our Scoutmaster literally yelled at me about the absence of a penis on a 12/13 year old kid. How do we move on from that? Why the duck are we talking about a kid's genitals???? Gross. 

I'm drink. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/7/2021 at 1:48 AM, Cerina said:

Our homeschool association is secular and inclusive, and that's quite a rarity among homeschoolers, especially in conservative areas like Cypress. Granted, the group is mostly white and mostly Christian because of the local demographics, but we do accept anyone and actively keep the group inclusive of everyone. So it was never a question about whether or not we'd accept a trans scout (like I said, we already have a few and some others from the LGBTQ+ community).

 

Just for clarification, I wasnt't referring to you or your association as not being inclusive.  I was referring to the scouts allowing the local group to decide.

To piggy back on Nicole, I am all for girls and boys having their own space, but if a child identifies as a specific gender, they should be allowed into that space. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I split this conversation into its own thread because I have more to add and need advice. Actually I think I need more support and cheerleading encouragement than advice. 

Now our Committee Chair is now involved. The Committee Chair (CC), Scoutmaster(SM), and Chartered Organization Representative (COR = me) make up the Key 3. We're the top 3 leaders of any scouting unit and for the most part have equal "power". Ultimately though, the Chartered Organization owns the unit, so the COR has slightly more power as long as they're actually acting on behalf of the Chartered Org. 

Now the CC and SM are on some sort of mission to discredit me. In the past 2 days they've talked to the president of our homeschool association (CHA) and our District Executive (DE, paid employee of our local scout council), both of whom are actual friends of mine, peddling the same ridiculous story. They're apparently mad that I "went over their heads", which #1 - isn't a thing. As COR with the backing of the chartered org, membership in our units is 100% my/our decision. And #2 - isn't what happened anyway. This whole ordeal was started by the scout and his family who took things to our council from the start, not to make waves but to try to handle things delicately and "by the book", not by me. I received a phone call from our DE about it, not the other way around. 

But apparently that's a story that they're running with - that I'm lying to everyone, going over people's heads to force my wishes on the troop, and I guess on a massive power trip. :rolleyes:

The SM must have told me a dozen times or more when we spoke on the phone that "you just don't know what you're talking about". Then one time she slipped and added "you aren't a Scoutmaster, you haven't been through the training" and I was able to say "actually, yes I have, I've had ALL the training". Due to my job at council, I'm literally trained for every single volunteer position available, and on top of that, I've taken many advanced training including Wood Badge, which is comparable to most corporate leadership training programs. So then yesterday when she was talking to the DE, he said she changed it to "she doesn't know what she's talking about because she doesn't know these scouts and their families". :rolleyes: Because while, yes, I haven't actually been to an in-person meeting in about a year because FUCKING PANDEMIC and so therefore don't know the 2-3 new families we've gotten in that time, I guess she assumes that these 6+ year friendships that I've forged with the other people in the troop just went away with the pandemic. Apparently she doesn't understand friendship or something. We actually have relationships that aren't hinging on a 3 times-a-month meeting intended for our children. 

This whole ordeal is exhausting. It's now not even about the kid for them. They're making it into an adult martyrdom issue. Thankfully, the president of CHA is behind me 110%. She suggested that we go to a meeting with the SM and CC, that they keep bugging us to have, but show up together in the same car so that it's obvious we're together and also doesn't give them the opportunity to try to talk to her without me(which is literally them trying to go over MY head). And at the meeting, she can remind them that my position exists literally so that the head of the charter organization does NOT have to get involved in things like this. We have a representative to act as a liaison for a reason. 

I'm hoping they say something monumentally stupid or bigoted at the meeting so that I have witnesses this time and we can just remove them from their positions and move on. And that presents another issue because, since I'm friends with all these people, I know that none of them actually want or could fill these 2 positions...except me and Trevor. So that's going to make great optics if I kick them out and have to install my husband and I in their positions for the time being. :rolleyes:

 

chris lilley fml GIF

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is your council going to step in to help if you have to remove these people or they resign? They are the ones who punted to you, they should offer reinforcements.

Could one of the parents you mentioned who aren't actively involved in troop leadership be COR so you and Trevor could fill those spots? (I thought Trevor had Wood Badge training too but maybe I'm wrong.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

He does. 

I can almost guarantee that after this clusterfuck, I'll have a harder time finding someone who wants to be COR than SM or CC. Nobody else wants to deal with this level of bullshit without a paycheck. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Fozzie said:

Sorry, I know this isn’t the point, but Scouts three times a week? Yowza.

Oops. 3 times a month. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have this meeting tonight. The CHA President, aka my friend Amanda, and I are riding together. Our district executive, aka my friend Jonathon, was able to get his hands on actual guidance from BSA on how to handle transgender scouts, and 90% of it is just pretty basic - keep private matters private, look to the parents for direction, treat the kid the same as you do every other kid, each situation is different so follow the parents' wishes. Which actually just confirms everything I've been saying. So even though our CC has been the one specifically requesting this, Jonathon actually dropped off a copy to me at my house. It's sorta a micro-power play just to remind them all how things are supposed to work. 

My worst-case-scenario for tonight is that everyone will do a 180 and say all the right things, but then when the scout comes they still treat him with animosity. I doubt that will happen though. I think the much more likely scenario is that they try to turn this entire thing into a persecution against them and their beliefs and opinions. That's the bulk of what they've been laying the groundwork for now - Cereese went over our heads, she doesn't know these families like I do, this won't work in this troop maybe a different one would be a better option, nobody is going to be comfortable with this, etc. If this happens, we're going to remove them from their positions, which is likely only going to make the faux-martyrdom even worse. 

Meeting starts at 6PM central, so wish me luck, send up prayers, light a candle, burn some incense, PM advice or whatever. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

And funnily enough, I don't believe either of these women or their families are members of a church or regular church-goers. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...