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A statement on recent events


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Unfortunately, we recently were forced to ban a member. As a team, we never take these actions lightly. I am very much a libertarian when it comes to the internet, and am mostly okay with people doing whatever they want. But there are certain actions that require intervention. The user in question had previously posted homophobic images to attack a member, and was given a warning at that time. More recently, there was a sexist attack on a different manner. I personally don't care if you are sexist, racist, homophobic, or anything else. When that crosses into personal attacks, we are forced to act.  

At Nightly, we believe that a diverse group can co-exist and disagree without incident. I've disagreed with many of you over the years. We want Nightly to continue to be open for debate and disagreement, and in no way do we expected everyone to get along, but personal attacks, especially based on race, gender, sexuality, or religion will not be tolerated. 

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I have an adult / late ASC/D diagnosis. I am 46, but got the diagnosis 11 years ago this spring. Every diagnosis is different in terms of difficulty with various things, so I have bad executive d

I agree with you to a large degree, but one of the problems we’ve had with Zerimar is that he constantly claims he’s accepting advice and changing, but then behaves in increasingly hostile ways toward

Lando was designed for that sort of shit. It was perfect for its time, pre-4chan edgy humor and pushing how far you could go on the internet. Then we all sort of grew up--not just on Nightly, but the

Holy balls that thread escalated quickly.  That was the first nightly thread in a long, long time where my jaw physically dropped. 

When I read, "don't get involved with single moms" I became physically repulsed and knew the thread was headed no where good. 

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Like was said in the other thread Zerimar played the victim, always in every case. Then when it got to the point that he had no other recourse to defend himself hed play the "i might be autistic" card. Which may or may not be true. If he does have some undiagnosed disorder or condition I really hope he gets it diagnosed and can get help. 

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Honestly, and I'll let Odine weigh in, but I didn't read his comment so much as a slight on single moms as much as a "please for the love of everything don't impose yourself on a single mom" specifically to Zerimar. I know he just had a kid and likely now has a great appreciation for being a parent that Z just doesn't, so I think I read it differently. But yeah, single mothers deserve love, sex, and romance as well, just not from Z.

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2 hours ago, Cerina said:

Honestly, and I'll let Odine weigh in, but I didn't read his comment so much as a slight on single moms as much as a "please for the love of everything don't impose yourself on a single mom" specifically to Zerimar. I know he just had a kid and likely now has a great appreciation for being a parent that Z just doesn't, so I think I read it differently. But yeah, single mothers deserve love, sex, and romance as well, just not from Z.

I kind of read it as single moms have a higher priority than you, and Z clearly expects to be the center of someone's universe. (Although Odine didn't say it, I sure as hell thought it.) I mean, that is true. Single moms need a man who is independent enough, mature enough, and confident enough to be able to accept that he will likely be 2nd fiddle for quite some time, and that when you have kids, they often take priority over other adults who aren't in some sort of true emotional or physical crisis. Single moms don't have time for relationship novices.

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8 hours ago, Cerina said:

Honestly, and I'll let Odine weigh in, but I didn't read his comment so much as a slight on single moms as much as a "please for the love of everything don't impose yourself on a single mom" specifically to Zerimar. I know he just had a kid and likely now has a great appreciation for being a parent that Z just doesn't, so I think I read it differently. But yeah, single mothers deserve love, sex, and romance as well, just not from Z.

That's pretty much the gist of it. Destiny also got my meaning. 

I meant no slight to single mothers at all, but being a parent myself I know that time is extremely limited and valuable. If you're a douche that just wants to bang don't go target a single mother who is going to have ZERO time for fuckwits. Unless said single mother makes it overtly clear she just wants a fling.

Of course single mothers deserve romance and love, or a fling, but if you're going to get involved with someone who has kids the dynamics of a dating situation has serious implications (that Z probably didn't think of). Not least of all you're never going to be the most important person whilst dating a parent.

This is why I said there were caveats to my statement. I guess I wasn't clear enough in my writing.

 

(Edit) this post was initially a lot longer with personal anecdotes that in hindsight I don't really think need to be shared, and I'm sure no one is particularly interested. But I deleted a bunch.

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Also, I was talking about single mothers of young kids like under 10. Kids get old enough to understand things at a point. I didn't mean to depress you Tank, I'd totally date you.

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9 hours ago, Hobbes said:

 

When I read, "don't get involved with single moms" I became physically repulsed and knew the thread was headed no where good. 

See my above explanations for clarification.

I gotta say, I'm a little exasperated. It's not the first time you've taken me completely the wrong way. But others here seem get me just fine, which is what I kind of expect being that I've posted here consistently for over five consecutive years, and have been banging around here on and off since I was 15 or 16 (admittedly under different user names).

Perhaps it's an error on my part, or my writing isn't clear.. But I seem to trigger you rather easily. Admittedly I do take the piss (poke fun, tease) out of people occasionally here (like I did you in the thread about getting old) but my intentions are ALWAYS in good humour as is The Great British Tradition of Piss Taking. If I intend to offend, trust me you'll know about it in no uncertain terms.

(I have re read my statement about not dating single mothers and I can't really see how it could read as disparaging to mothers, unless you only read the first sentance and not the rest of my post, and didn't take into consideration the context surrounding that post.)

Requesting you give me the benefit of the doubt next time instead of letting yourself be triggered by something I didn't mean.

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It's totally good with me, Odine. I mean we're just a dood living ina  doods world and people sometimes have no like chill. I am a person who doesn't translate well in my posts. I miss Pong because he'd be a good I get the gist person for me. Usually when things escalate like that I back away. Although I have fought back a couple of times. On Facebook though I'm less reserved now.

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I can't speak for him or any of your past dealings with him, but my initial reading of your post in that thread, I didn't take it the way you meant it, but I also didn't have such a visceral reaction to it, either.  When I went back to it with more context, though, it is quite clear what you meant, but I think it is understandable, at least, that people (other than Z) may have misinterpreted what you wrote.  I also imagine that the physical reaction Phillip mentioned may have been more due to the way Z ran with it.

Unfortunately, I'm not surprised that Z didn't take it the right way, of course, and proceeded to act the way he did.  I'd say that he will hopefully learn something from this, but I don't expect that he will.

 

Very delayed edit: also, I just wanted to clarify that when I initially didn’t read what you wrote in the right way, I figured there must have been more to it than what I took it as since I never would have expected a blanket statement of: “don’t date single mothers” from you, Odine.

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5 hours ago, Odine said:

See my above explanations for clarification.

I gotta say, I'm a little exasperated. It's not the first time you've taken me completely the wrong way. But others here seem get me just fine, which is what I kind of expect being that I've posted here consistently for over five consecutive years, and have been banging around here on and off since I was 15 or 16 (admittedly under different user names).

Perhaps it's an error on my part, or my writing isn't clear.. But I seem to trigger you rather easily. Admittedly I do take the piss (poke fun, tease) out of people occasionally here (like I did you in the thread about getting old) but my intentions are ALWAYS in good humour as is The Great British Tradition of Piss Taking. If I intend to offend, trust me you'll know about it in no uncertain terms.

(I have re read my statement about not dating single mothers and I can't really see how it could read as disparaging to mothers, unless you only read the first sentance and not the rest of my post, and didn't take into consideration the context surrounding that post.)

Requesting you give me the benefit of the doubt next time instead of letting yourself be triggered by something I didn't mean.

It is all good.  It wasn't so much triggered by you, but I know where the thread was heading.  I totally get what you were saying and I should have provided more context so that's my bad.  I should have said, "Once I read what Odine wrote and knowing where this was going I felt sick".

5 minutes ago, Jacen123 said:

I can't speak for him or any of your past dealings with him, but my initial reading of your post in that thread, I didn't take it the way you meant it, but I also didn't have such a visceral reaction to it, either.  When I went back to it with more context, though, it is quite clear what you meant, but I think it is understandable, at least, that people (other than Z) may have misinterpreted what you wrote.  I also imagine that the physical reaction Phillip mentioned may have been more due to the way Z ran with it.

Unfortunately, I'm not surprised that Z didn't take it the right way, of course, and proceeded to act the way he did.  I'd say that he will hopefully learn something from this, but I don't expect that he will.

This exactly. 

 

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This is very unfortunate, but ZM earned his ban more than a few times.  This latest incident is beyond the  pale.  Cerena I am sorry you were called that, and no woman deserves to be called that name.   If it were not for folks like Cerena and Brando, nightly would have faded long ago.   I don't know Cerena well in real life, but she has always been the first to help people and she is a very caring individual.  She did not deserve such an insult in any way, and in fact she was attempting to help ZM, IMHO.  I am not saying I am perfect and I have got into it with some posters here in the past, but it would never occur to me to go that far.  I am sure ZM has some good traits, and as someone who is dealing with a major depressive disorder, I understand (to a point) what it is like to believe things that really aren't true, or feeling overly sensitive  about something and lashing out.  In the past, I tried offering ZM advice because of that.  I get the sense that he has some issues to work out (we all do, but I identify with that more than some), and hope he gets the help he needs, or comes to realize boundaries so he does not repeat his mistakes in other places, be them real life or other forums like message boards or social media.   But there is a point where one crosses the line, and that is what ZM did, and one then has to deal with the consequences.    

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8 hours ago, Odine said:

That's pretty much the gist of it. Destiny also got my meaning. 

I meant no slight to single mothers at all, but being a parent myself I know that time is extremely limited and valuable. If you're a douche that just wants to bang don't go target a single mother who is going to have ZERO time for fuckwits. Unless said single mother makes it overtly clear she just wants a fling.

Of course single mothers deserve romance and love, or a fling, but if you're going to get involved with someone who has kids the dynamics of a dating situation has serious implications (that Z probably didn't think of). Not least of all you're never going to be the most important person whilst dating a parent.

This is why I said there were caveats to my statement. I guess I wasn't clear enough in my writing.

 

(Edit) this post was initially a lot longer with personal anecdotes that in hindsight I don't really think need to be shared, and I'm sure no one is particularly interested. But I deleted a bunch.

I didn't get caught up on everything until just now, but I also understood what you meant, Odine.  Single moms and dads have it tough.  Not to be insulting to the guy, but ZM is the type of person who is either not emotionally available or emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship with a single mom.

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After the last Smashmouth incident I have at least a couple c-bombs to rightfully throw at Cerina. Just hanging onto them for a rainy day.

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1 hour ago, Jacen123 said:

I can't speak for him or any of your past dealings with him, but my initial reading of your post in that thread, I didn't take it the way you meant it, but I also didn't have such a visceral reaction to it, either.  When I went back to it with more context, though, it is quite clear what you meant, but I think it is understandable, at least, that people (other than Z) may have misinterpreted what you wrote.  I also imagine that the physical reaction Phillip mentioned may have been more due to the way Z ran with it.

Unfortunately, I'm not surprised that Z didn't take it the right way, of course, and proceeded to act the way he did.  I'd say that he will hopefully learn something from this, but I don't expect that he will.

 

Very delayed edit: also, I just wanted to clarify that when I initially didn’t read what you wrote in the right way, I figured there must have been more to it than what I took it as since I never would have expected a blanket statement of: “don’t date single mothers” from you, Odine.

I guess I need to be more precise in my wording particuarly in conversations like the one in that thread. 

Sure did go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye.

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23 minutes ago, Tank said:

After the last Smashmouth incident I have at least a couple c-bombs to rightfully throw at Cerina. Just hanging onto them for a rainy day.

If I didn’t know the band, this would all sound very sexual.

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32 minutes ago, Tank said:

After the last Smashmouth incident I have at least a couple c-bombs to rightfully throw at Cerina. Just hanging onto them for a rainy day.

Revenge of the Seth

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2 hours ago, Tank said:

After the last Smashmouth incident I have at least a couple c-bombs to rightfully throw at Cerina. Just hanging onto them for a rainy day.

Some BODY once told Reese that she is a C-word, he ain't the sharpest tool in the shed...

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