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Murdered my previous personal best on the exercise bike.

I went to see these:

Today's waterfall hike to Fall Creek Falls in Mayo River State Park, NC

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41 minutes ago, Cerina said:

Are they still not admitting you?

Yeah, still staying home. But they pumped me full of morphine so at least I got a good nap. My lungs apparently look like they’re full of crushed glass, which is also what breathing feels like. So it was good to rest without the pain waking me.

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I went skiing with my brand new goggles (I have no idea why this image keeps flipping and I didn't realize at the time they were crooked-today was my first time wearing them), but the only pictures I took was a mountain shot I thought was kinda cool and some guy skiing in Rex Kwon Do pants.

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I discovered a way to make my job tolerable: drink. I got this bottle of ready-made Bacardi zombie for Christmas and have few glasses of that on my last break to make the last two hours more happy, but not enough to sound like a sloppy drunk on the phone. Well, it worked for the most part, except I've been very irritable in the last twenty minutes or so as I've come back down.

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On 12/30/2020 at 5:12 PM, Zerimar Nyliram said:

I discovered a way to make my job tolerable: drink. I got this bottle of ready-made Bacardi zombie for Christmas and have few glasses of that on my last break to make the last two hours more happy, but not enough to sound like a sloppy drunk on the phone. Well, it worked for the most part, except I've been very irritable in the last twenty minutes or so as I've come back down.

This also works well for family get togethers.  

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Went shopping at Walmart. Groceries, cat food, socks, underwear, and a few other bits and bobs. Spent just under a hundred bucks and it looks like I hardly bought anything. 

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Signed up for a new gym today after about six months of inactivity. It is Planet Fitness, and I've heard of the ridiculousness that goes on there, but my personal trainer program rubbed me out last time and I need something affordable.

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Made cheesy beer bread in a fun pan. Recipe needs a little tweaking. My husband thinks it needs butter instead of olive oil, thinks it would give it a sweeter flavor. Its very peppery, might cut down on the black pepper next time. But still tasty.

20210110_174254.jpg

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7 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

Made cheesy beer bread in a fun pan. Recipe needs a little tweaking. My husband thinks it needs butter instead of olive oil, thinks it would give it a sweeter flavor. Its very peppery, might cut down on the black pepper next time. But still tasty.

20210110_174254.jpg

Looks delicious.

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Got fired (again). I'm okay, though. I knew this was coming. I already have my temp agency rep trying to get me in contact with two different places. He knows I'm trying to get out of sales, so these are customer service positions. Hopefully, I'll get in with one of them soon. Just once, I'd like to know what it's like to actually resign, though.

Also, I'm still in love with a girl I was seeing some years ago and was perfect for me, but I let her go too easily instead of telling her she was worth waiting for. Now she's moving in with a guy this week who told her a proposal is soon on the way. It's fun being me.

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The worst thing you can do for yourself is decide somebody in your past is/was "perfect" or THE ONE. You already have proof that this is not true, because you're not with her regardless of your actions. Did you miss out on something, maybe-- would have altered the course of your life? Maybe... but maybe not. You're leaving out one major factor in this-- which is how SHE felt about YOU. If you were THE ONE to her, she may have pursued you.

I'm not saying it doesn't suck-- if course it does. But going down the woulda/shoulda/coulda/ path will just drive you insane. 

There's no such thing as THE ONE. That's a concept brought about  by decades of romantic comedies. It's far more likely that there's probably several thousand people in the world that are pretty close to being a good match versus one person int he universe that could be everything you need for all time.

Don't make yourself feel worse by placing faith in unrealistic concepts!

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I get you. My thing is, the pattern with her is usually the same: any relationship she gets into, she starts out very slowly, with doubts and is generally pessimistic about how it'll turn out. It started the same with the guy she's currently with: she had doubts about him, and he was more interested in her. But she gave him a chance and eventually came around, and she's now in love with him. The same could have happened had she given me a chance. The thing is, she left the decision up to me: she told me what was up, and I, being someone who doesn't like to put pressure on people, capitulated and agreed to stop dating. Sometimes I feel like had I simply said, "No, something tells me that you're worth waiting for," it would have worked out. And she confirmed--both back then as well as now--that she did indeed like me. But what hurts is that once I let her go, from then on it was too late. She'd never be able to look at me the same way again, even before she met this guy.

Anyway, I know what you're saying: there are others, and I'm not holding my breath that this will somehow turn around, especially now that I'm at the bottom of the ladder. It's just hard not to ruminate when you're someone who overthinks things. Every girl I've dated or talked to since then has had expectations, or I got the sense that they measure a man's worth by how successful he is or how financially stable he is. She was the only one I've met where there were no expectations, only acceptance and understanding. I know there are other girls out there like that but it is damn hard to find them, and the search is getting increasingly frustrating.

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