Jump to content

I’m so fucking tired guys


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 76
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Appreciate it, from all of you! First day of school went great!

Lyra I'm sure has anxiety--or at least will when she gets older. Similar to Torch's kid, she's been having a tough time with simple math and breaking down over it too. Sometimes you just gotta hug the

distructive

Posted Images

In the last few weeks, I lost my grandpa, a very good friend, and my beloved cat.  This was already on top of the hellscape of 2020, where I'd lost out on trips, events, and opportunities like everyone else.

A year or two ago, all of that would have sent me spiraling into depression.  Now, not so much.  I'm not even sure why.  I think part of me is numb and is on auto-pilot so I can just see this all through to the other side of a vaccine or whatever.  Part of me knows how to deal with it better.  Positive distractions help, even if they have to be smaller ones without a lot of planning.  Plus I got a sweet promotion at work which helped too.

The only real problem is that a lot of days are just empty.  It's like one of the montages in Groundhog Day where Bill Murray is just going through the motions and looking for anything to change things up.  Picking up hobbies or splurging on random indulgences has helped, but I know I'm going to need to figure out something else to put gas in my own tank before too long.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, this is all pretty familiar. It does get easier. Later childhood - the 8 to 12 year range, things stabilize a bit. Then it goes right to hell for a bit when the testosterone kicks in. My older boy did a stint in the pediatric psych ward when he was 15. Same kid I was always having to go pick up and bring home from school when he was in grade 2. But he's having problems again because he's not too keen on this whole social distancing thing and my older brother just had a stroke (he's 52) and so my 18 year old son is lying awake at night worried to death about his genetics.

Still won't exercise though. But he's not freaking out any more. Though he does internalize a lot. He was diagnosed autism spectrum when far younger.

It does get easier, and much of the time the cause of it getting easier is age and maturation. As parents we try everything, as it were, and not entirely in vain. You're planting the seeds of what will hopefully be a conscientious disposition when your child matures to the point that becomes a possibility.

A 5 year old who flips out all the time is an abject lesson in humility and powerlessness, and you learn very quickly just how little you knew when you didn't have kids and when you saw people with kids and those kids were having temper tantrums, the solution was just so easy. Discipline your damn kids better, don't let them have sugar, don't let them in front of screens, ADHD isn't real it's just bad parenting yada yada yada. There's actually precious little you can do about it until the child matures to a point at which he can express himself better.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Most people in general don't know how to deal with kids. This week I had to let my daughter's soccer coach know that the way she addressed my 9-year old daughter when she was misbehaving was counterproductive bordering on abusive. These people work with kids every day but they probably have no training on how to actually teach kids. We may be dropping to a less competitive level because honestly, a volunteer coach might be better prepared to deal with kids than a childless soccer nut.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Volunteer unfortunately tends to be disorganized which makes us nuts. My husband coached twice but I think he's too competitive and he and my daughter butt heads because she wants his attention. I had to sub coach for him once and I think the girls liked me better, but I also had to pull my daughter for confronting a teammate on the field (right thing to do, wrong time). My kid needs us to not be coach even though we are really knowledgeable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

Most people in general don't know how to deal with kids. This week I had to let my daughter's soccer coach know that the way she addressed my 9-year old daughter when she was misbehaving was counterproductive bordering on abusive. These people work with kids every day but they probably have no training on how to actually teach kids. We may be dropping to a less competitive level because honestly, a volunteer coach might be better prepared to deal with kids than a childless soccer nut.

LOL. My Dad was tapped to lead my brothers little league flag football team when we were kids because he played college football for West Point. He was kicked out of a game because his oldest son was supposed to run a route that required him to go out for a pass and he ran there but took his mouth guard out and was playing with it while he stared into the sun  while the ball sailed past his head and bounced off. My Dad went out on the field and was screaming at his son about how stupid he was and kicking him in the butt. And the ref came over and told my Dad NOT APPROPRIATE. And my Dad's answer was that's my son and he's wearing pads. And he kicked my brother in the butt again while blowing on his whistle to drown out the refs own whistle. Not one person in the stands cared.

We got cherry limeades at Hamby's in town (the poor mans Dairy Queen but FAR better) with the team afterwards as a farewell to Coach. 

They asked my Dad back to coach two weeks later for the rest of the season because they couldn't find another sucker to coach the team. About 5 of those kids my Dad coached went on to play college and professional football and got lots of letters for their letter jackets and credited my Dad for stuff they learned in practice and playing. It was just my Dad had no patience for well the stuff my brothers tended to do at the tender age of 9 to 12 that included "zoning out" and this was my Dad's reaction to that. 

It's super odd to see him with his grandkids now. THE EXACT OPPOSITE of screaming harridan crazy caveman. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Darth Krawlie said:

Are they so disorganized that the kids notice? If so, yeah, that's definitely a problem. If it's not really affecting them, though... I dunno, seems like it should be okay to me.

We signed my daughter up for YMCA soccer when she was 5. The day of the first practice, my husband had a colonoscopy and was still pretty doped up come practice time. They told me not to leave him alone, so I dragged both kids and him out there and put him in a chair while I chased my 3-year old around the fields. When we got back to my daughter's field, my husband was assistant coach and had organized the kids into a basic drill because he got so tired of watching this idiot coach who had never so much as watched a soccer game try to corral 8 kids. The next day, my husband didn't remember a bit of it, so even blackout drunk he's a better coach than some of these people. A lot of these people are well-meaning and probably nice people, but basic organization is totally lacking. Most people don't really have the time to volunteer anymore, and the organizations are usually running on fumes themselves and dump too much on them. Our local soccer club is falling apart and is down to 2 guys who already have other roles and full-time jobs, but they've pissed everyone off so now no one will help them anymore. That was a big part of why we jumped to competitve. We were willing to pay for someone to take care of schedules and sending emails or running home for a spare pair of socks because mom and dad are unhappily divorced and one forgot the kid's socks.

But like I said, he can't coach my daughter. They piss each other off. She wants to be the best and thinks she can get away with shit because she's the coach's daughter, and he's harder on her and expects more because she's his daughter. You would think by 9 she would've figured this out already, but nope. I also think he's a touch impatient with the girls and expects too much, but he knows the line and not to cross it.

She also kind of tries to get away with shit because I'm her Girl Scout troop leader, but its gotten better this past year until COVID because she had a lot more friends in the troop and that has kept her occupied. But she still wants to be The Best Girl Scout. In her case, though, there's pretty little competition (none of my girls are anywhere near as hardcore and the parents don't give a rip, either).

I realized, though, that the best coach I ever had was a rec coach. I had coaches with big deal coaching credentials and won championships and I saw them completely transform terrible teams into winning teams. But my favorite coach ever was my second season rec coach who never said a harsh word and still taught me so much. Years later, when I was playing on a high school team with his much-more talented younger daughter (she played Div 1 college and pro), pulled me aside after a game and gave me some great advice to fix my game. Most coaches only focus on their best players, he focused on all of them. I've also had a coach or two who actively disliked me, but without being abusive. Personally, I'll take the silent treatment or being benched in favor of a weaker player over someone who screams in my face. I can deal with someone being crappy to play my favorite sport, but I would not have tolerated abuse. Someone tried to do that to me at work once and I just walked out. Dude lost his mind. But after that he knew not to screw with me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

We signed my daughter up for YMCA soccer when she was 5. The day of the first practice, my husband had a colonoscopy and was still pretty doped up come practice time. They told me not to leave him alone, so I dragged both kids and him out there and put him in a chair while I chased my 3-year old around the fields. When we got back to my daughter's field, my husband was assistant coach and had organized the kids into a basic drill because he got so tired of watching this idiot coach who had never so much as watched a soccer game try to corral 8 kids. The next day, my husband didn't remember a bit of it, so even blackout drunk he's a better coach than some of these people. A lot of these people are well-meaning and probably nice people, but basic organization is totally lacking. Most people don't really have the time to volunteer anymore, and the organizations are usually running on fumes themselves and dump too much on them. Our local soccer club is falling apart and is down to 2 guys who already have other roles and full-time jobs, but they've pissed everyone off so now no one will help them anymore. That was a big part of why we jumped to competitve. We were willing to pay for someone to take care of schedules and sending emails or running home for a spare pair of socks because mom and dad are unhappily divorced and one forgot the kid's socks.

But like I said, he can't coach my daughter. They piss each other off. She wants to be the best and thinks she can get away with shit because she's the coach's daughter, and he's harder on her and expects more because she's his daughter. You would think by 9 she would've figured this out already, but nope. I also think he's a touch impatient with the girls and expects too much, but he knows the line and not to cross it.

She also kind of tries to get away with shit because I'm her Girl Scout troop leader, but its gotten better this past year until COVID because she had a lot more friends in the troop and that has kept her occupied. But she still wants to be The Best Girl Scout. In her case, though, there's pretty little competition (none of my girls are anywhere near as hardcore and the parents don't give a rip, either).

I realized, though, that the best coach I ever had was a rec coach. I had coaches with big deal coaching credentials and won championships and I saw them completely transform terrible teams into winning teams. But my favorite coach ever was my second season rec coach who never said a harsh word and still taught me so much. Years later, when I was playing on a high school team with his much-more talented younger daughter (she played Div 1 college and pro), pulled me aside after a game and gave me some great advice to fix my game. Most coaches only focus on their best players, he focused on all of them. I've also had a coach or two who actively disliked me, but without being abusive. Personally, I'll take the silent treatment or being benched in favor of a weaker player over someone who screams in my face. I can deal with someone being crappy to play my favorite sport, but I would not have tolerated abuse. Someone tried to do that to me at work once and I just walked out. Dude lost his mind. But after that he knew not to screw with me.

People/ parents/ teachers/ coaches who think yelling at kids is the solution should not be around kids.  

And before I hear, "well kids these days are snow flakes blah blah blah"....there is CLEAR, overwhelming research that students learn more when the support is strength-based.  Yelling and screaming actually HINDERS growth.  Rules, structure, and discipline are MUCH easier to achieve in a supportive, nurturing environment...but this requires a greater skill set on the adult.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ain't that the truth. My husband and I were both raised by yellers and control freaks. It is really hard to undo that shit. My mother-in-law is no longer first on the list to get the kids if something happens to us because of how she treats the kids, especially my son. She loves them but her approach is so wrong. Parent training this summer/fall was really useful. Honestly, it should be a required course before you give birth.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Darth Ender said:

People/ parents/ teachers/ coaches who think yelling at kids is the solution should not be around kids.  

And before I hear, "well kids these days are snow flakes blah blah blah"....there is CLEAR, overwhelming research that students learn more when the support is strength-based.  Yelling and screaming actually HINDERS growth.  Rules, structure, and discipline are MUCH easier to achieve in a supportive, nurturing environment...but this requires a greater skill set on the adult.  

Coincidentally, adults also respond better to strength-based support.

Which makes the people who don't subscribe to it bullies, plain and simple.

Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

Ain't that the truth. My husband and I were both raised by yellers and control freaks. It is really hard to undo that shit. My mother-in-law is no longer first on the list to get the kids if something happens to us because of how she treats the kids, especially my son. She loves them but her approach is so wrong. Parent training this summer/fall was really useful. Honestly, it should be a required course before you give birth.

Adults who scream at kids confuse COMPLIANCE with GROWTH/ LEARNING.

The reason why most people that go to jail end up back in jail is not because the punishment wasn't harsh enough, it was because when prisoners get out they are lacking the skills to be successful. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Darth Krawlie said:

Katie and I are both yellers. We work really really hard on it, because we KNOW it doesn't work. We can SEE it. But it still comes out, and it sucks.

Yup...that is why I purposely said, "who think yelling at kids is the solution" and not "people who yell".  People lose their temper at some point or another. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I typically hate people who just yell for everything, yet, interestingly, my favorite basketball coach growing up, who was my coach for probably 5 years, yelled a lot.  However, his were screams for us to work hard and push ourselves to do better and never in a demeaning way.  He also had a great personality and spoke with us and our parents in very reassuring ways, too.  He also had his extended family around at practices and games, so we also got to see his softer side all the time, too.

He pushed us hard to do as best as we could and he just wanted to see us do our best.  I was definitely not good by any means and would have problems making it up and down the court if the game turned into a series of breakaways, but I always worked as hard as I could in practice and in games.  He was always extremely supportive of me and my attitude, which is part of why he kept picking me to be on his rec team while I was in high school.

He knew when to yell and when not to as well as knowing how to yell in a way that motivated us.   I suspect he is very much a minority in those aspects, though.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Darth Krawlie said:

Katie and I are both yellers. We work really really hard on it, because we KNOW it doesn't work. We can SEE it. But it still comes out, and it sucks.

 

12 minutes ago, Cerina said:

Everyone in my family is a yeller. Trevor and I have worked really REALLY hard on overcoming that. Our entire lives are built around trying to parent differently than our parents. 

No one is perfect.  I think as an adult we realized when our parents were trying.  Parenting is one of those things that some one will always bitch about what you are doing.

I am sure if I had the parenting police come in, I would be arrested for having my kids on electronics too much.  Both my kids have their own iPads.  Now they are in preschool, they aren't on it during the day.  But this summer, they were on it for HOURS upon HOURS each day.  The iPad was a babysitter because mom and dad had to work (from home).  My two year old likes to snuggle and watch Paw Patrol every night before bed.  I know the experts say no electronics after dinner especially before bed...we are pretty much all electronics after dinner and before bed.  I also suck with meals.  I try took diverse meals with diverse ingredients...brussel sprouts. asparagus, pumpkin seeds, whatever.  But at the end of the day they eat a lot of granola bars.

 

1 minute ago, Jacen123 said:

I typically hate people who just yell for everything, yet, interestingly, my favorite basketball coach growing up, who was my coach for probably 5 years, yelled a lot.  However, his were screams for us to work hard and push ourselves to do better and never in a demeaning way.  He also had a great personality and spoke with us and our parents in very reassuring ways, too.  He also had his extended family around at practices and games, so we also got to see his softer side all the time, too.

He pushed us hard to do as best as we could and he just wanted to see us do our best.  I was definitely not good by any means and would have problems making it up and down the court if the game turned into a series of breakaways, but I always worked as hard as I could in practice and in games.  He was always extremely supportive of me and my attitude, which is part of why he kept picking me to be on his rec team while I was in high school.

He knew when to yell and when not to as well as knowing how to yell in a way that motivated us.   I suspect he is very much a minority in those aspects, though.

I am referring to yelling as in tearing kids down, humiliation, etc not encouragement.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

My 4 year-old is on his Kindle right now and has been for several hours now. It's an amazing babysitter. 

I tell myself that it's ok because he learns so much from the shows he watches. (Also, everybody show your kids Number Blocks on Netflix. And then hand them some unifix cubes.) 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Darth Ender said:

I am referring to yelling as in tearing kids down, humiliation, etc not encouragement.  

 

I assumed that, for the most part, but I think it is still important to draw the distinction.  I think to a lot of the players and parents of kids not on my coach's team thought he was the type of yeller that you're talking about, but once you spent some time around him, you saw that wasn't the case.

It was interesting contrasting him with one of my soccer coaches who one time got frustrated with the dirty play from our opponent and he told us to hit them back, but was usually a calm guy and spoke to us that way.  My father quickly pulled him aside and told him that was unacceptable and he would take over and report him if he ever heard that again.  Fortunately, he never did.

I also had another basketball coach who never yelled that I can remember, but was a cranky old man and really only valued the best players and wouldn't play any of the rest of us more than the minimum we had to play.  This was a rec league in middle school.  He was much more damaging to me than the other coach.

I also had a band/orchestra teacher in elementary school who seemed like he would have been much better at a higher level because he kept up all sort of nasty practices to push us harder and made life miserable for many of us.  It's a miracle that I kept playing after him.  He was also not a yeller, but was such an asshole.  He's still at the same school 20+ years later, surprisingly.  Maybe he has changed.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband is kind of a yelling coach. He is loud and gets excited. Not abusive, though. Just very passionate lol. If you saw him watching a Sounders game you would think he's crazy. But he's also not one of those guys whose night is ruined if their team loses (ahem Seahawks fans). He would get so excited when the girls would score. We are expected to be a little more chill at the competitive level but I'm still kind of loud but very positive. I cheer for all the girls, but loudest for mine. Some of the parents are totally silent but some of them are really annoying sideline coaches which pisses off the coaches and then we all get a passive aggressive email instead of talking to the perpetrators. My husband has taken to muttering at games so he doesn't get accused of sideline coaching.

Not that we are going to have any games this year. Our caseload just exploded and one of the girls on the team is quaranting because a classmate tested positive. We may not be even able to scrimmage at practice anymore. They had been practicing in "pods" of 4-5 kids all summer and just got permission to scrimmage last week. King County (Seattle and where most of the teams in our league are) then passed the safe threshold in 3 days, and our county wasn't far behind.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My oldest child, my 41 year old, is currently being bitched at on the phone by our district executive for scouts for stupid comments he made online to THE Karen-mom of our district about her kid's eagle scout project. 

Just shoot me now. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...