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Advice on Prioritizing Education


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Sexist? Really? Are you ****ing kidding me? Don't even give me that snowflake bullshit. Just because she happens to be a woman and I happen to be a man in no way implies that I talk down to women. That post could have been directed at anyone. You wouldn't be playing the victim card if I'd said it to Choc or Brando or anyone else. Your premise is circumstantial at best.

You are mischaracterizing. I had a thing for one twenty-year-old and nearly had a one-night stand with another, and you paint a picture of me based on two little flukes?

 

And Cerina, it's an awfully low blow to be bringing up stuff that is irrelevant to the conversation, insulting, and mischaracterized. If you have nothing constructive to offer, kindly leave me alone.

 

You do realize this is the way you respond whenever a woman gives you any advice on these boards?

 

No, it's how I respond when someone is an asshole. She did not give advice.

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I'm going to give you a minute to think about what you said there.   ...   ... yeah, I'm the only one who's going to get it, I'm the only one with a Classical education here that I know of - Hebrew is

I gotcha. No no, your advice was well received and appreciated.

Glad to hear my advice is useful in some way.   Also, one other thing to consider is this. Whenever I hear someone say something like " Working in IT must be rad, because that person seems happy," I

She really was giving advice. You came off sounding like an asshole to me, and then like one to her. If that's how you talk to your dates, we can all see your problem with women pretty clearly.

 

I know it's instinctual to raise your heckles when someone points out something negative about yourself, but you really were in the wrong here, whether you did it intentionally or not.

 

Take the advice, do a little self-evaluation, learn and grow, and try not to do it again.

 

Anyway, yay! You really come off as a prick when you start all these advice threads, and completely ignore everyone else's threads. I mean, multiple members have had severe life crises in the past few months, not a word of support from you, but you post all these threads about yourself and expect us to be right there for you and say only what you want us to say? Boy, bye.

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I can't be here all the time and read every single thread. That's really the answer why I seemingly "ignore" other people's problems. I've only begun posting in this forum not too long ago. But if you'll recall, I said I was going to stick around and engage in more threads and be an active part of the cantina; you just need to give it time to happen, and consider that I can only see things when I see them. And you're wrong: I did offer advice to at least one person who was asking that I can remember. Maybe you didn't catch it. Like I said, just effing give me a chance to settle in!

I can see how my post may have been taken the wrong way, but I don't think I was being worse than Cerina. She was just downright nasty, and I really dislike this whole phenomenon where everything has to fit into an -ist category. It's utter bullshit.

 

You have my sincerest apologies. She does not.

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Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But I can see how you phrased your post came across as abrasive to both Icy and Cerina. I have learned (probably more accurate to say I am STILL learning) through experience that everyone has a pet peeve about something. Some people can be sensitive about said pet peeve. One should remember that not everyone will think the same way as oneself or interpret what you say in the same way you mean it. Simply saying it's bullshit is dismissive and can be like pouring gas on a fire, making things worse.

 

If one wants to get anywhere in life, one has to learn how to empathize with others. Empathy doesn't mean you necessarily agree, it just means you have the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes, understand and interpret what they are saying to you, and respond with respect.

 

I am not trying to be a sanctimonious prick, just that this is something I have learned the hard way, and I wish I had learned it earlier than life.

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I think it would be good for everyone to take a step back and breathe. Tone is impossible to read in text, and we often read it wrong. I think that the main issue is that Zerimar and Iceheart are looking at things from completely different perspectives. It can be difficult for anyone who isnt Orthodox to understand the Orthodox perspective, and I think thats a big, important issue here.

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You guys . . . Thank you. You've calmed me down.

You're absolutely right, though. I'm sorry, Iceheart, and I'm sorry for offending you as well, Cerina. I guess tone is indeed hard to gauge when reading text. I did not mean to be offensive or to sound like a know-it-all.

The ironic thing is that, truthfully, I actually gravitate more toward women for support and friendship than men, the complete opposite of how I've been perceived in this thread.

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I was gonna give advice but I realised, fuck it. I'm a 36 year old artist who has to make coffee and sell bread to subsidize his income. I'm not really in a position to give advice around careers.

 

Though in my experience and observations money and careering has never bought anyone happiness. People just get more bent on "advancement" and bringing in money. Then they spend more of it trying to fill a hole inside themselves. The hole doesn't fill, so they need more money and to advance further career wise cause their expenses are ridiculous. Round and round they go on the perpetual motion machine of the hampster wheel. One day they wake up when they're 65 and realise their youth has gone, they've still got the hole inside but lots of money. Yaaay.

 

My advice, learn to not need the shiny career. The next best thing. Find a way to live within your means, live simply, be grateful for the shit you do have and try to better the mind and soul. That's of more value than a sweet career.

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I can't be here all the time and read every single thread. That's really the answer why I seemingly "ignore" other people's problems. I've only begun posting in this forum not too long ago. But if you'll recall, I said I was going to stick around and engage in more threads and be an active part of the cantina; you just need to give it time to happen, and consider that I can only see things when I see them. And you're wrong: I did offer advice to at least one person who was asking that I can remember. Maybe you didn't catch it. Like I said, just effing give me a chance to settle in

 

I started a post about your Cantina relationship threads in Mount Olympus (aka the Mod forum) in April 2019, and it was not about your first advice thread. That means you've been posting in here for at least a year and a half. You've had time to settle in. And no one can read every single thread, but no one in recent crises only posted about it once. There are ways you can do better here. I'm saying this as gently as possible.

 

I absolutely accept your apology. I also notice that you have a tendency to blow up on people who offer advice you don't like, and Zathras and Brando are always the ones to come in here and talk you down. But I also see that you do get it once they explain things to you.

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I pop in and click around. It's how I do things, and it probably always will be. If I catch someone's crisis thread, I'll post in it; if I don't, I won't. By the same token, I know that not everyone is going to see my crisis thread nor feel inclined to reply to them, and I am neither offended nor hurt by that.

It's not objectionable advice that sets me off: it's assumptions and accusations. I think my threads clearly reflect that. If there's advice I don't particularly like or think won't help me, I simply ignore it or try to take certain portions from it that are applicable.

I didn't know there was a Mount Olympus thread about me. I'm actually kind of honored! Is there any way I can see the contents? I'm sure they aren't flattering, but still, the gods were talking about me!

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I call bullshit on everything you said.

 

So what now, Icy and I call you out for being offensive but it isn't until the other men here say something that you decide you might be wrong? And you call us the "loud" minority? You literally tried to silence a woman (me) and she said "no" and you lost it until other men stepped in. You couldn't have been more stereotypical if you'd tried.

 

fuck that noise. You may be still "settling in here" but we are not. The other male posters on here might not notice the difference in your responses to women, but Icy and I (and probably the other women as well) sure as hell do. If you're just a fraction of this dismissive of women in person, I can promise you that they've noticed as well.

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Again, circumstantial evidence. You really would not make a great detective.

You were being intentionally offensive after I was unintentionally offensive. I called you out on it--rather politely, in fact--and you called me sexist because what I said happened to be directed at two women. The two level-headed posters come in here, make some sense, calm me down, calm Iceheart down, and you're still acting like victim. It couldn't be because they were, oh, I don't know, nice about it and you were a dick? You see the world in penises and vaginas, and people like you are the most annoying persons on the face of this planet.

Grow up, own what you did, apologize (or don't, I really don't care), and move on. I have already, now it's your turn.

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I don't know. Pacified, maybe. You seemed more agreeable after Brando's post.

By the way, I wasn't even cognizant of the fact that you were a woman at the time when I was "mansplaining." My activity on Nightly has only spiked in the last year or so, and I'm only on a first-name basis with one other member (two if you include someone who stopped posting in the mid-2000s). I'd probably taken note of your gender identity before, but hadn't committed it to long-term memory.

 

Then Cerina comes in like, "She's a woman! You are an asshole, women hate you, whaaa, whaaa, whaaa!"

I go, "No, Cerina, you're wrong, and you're being a jerk."

"Whaaaaa! There you go again! I'm a woman!"

Reminds me of a guy who started smoking in the square where I used to work. The cop came over, told him he couldn't smoke there, to which the man said, "You didn't say anything to that other guy smoking because he was white!" Never mind the fact that the other man in question was off the property, and the officer himself was a man of color.

That's Cerina.

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I think it was your attitude toward my posts that changed after Brando posted. With the exception of initial sarcasm in my first post, my tone has been the same this whole time.

 

So, uh, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

 

Using a female EU character's nickname as my username, and a female avatar didn't give it away? You never once wondered who "Katrina" was? Because almost no one even calls me "Icy" on here anymore. Or how I was the only person to post pictures in the "who do you look like" thread, and they were both women, and people agreed with them being my doppelgangers? You may be the most unobservant person ever if this is the first you figured out I'm a woman.

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I don't know. Pacified, maybe. You seemed more agreeable after Brando's post.

 

By the way, I wasn't even cognizant of the fact that you were a woman at the time when I was "mansplaining." My activity on Nightly has only spiked in the last year or so, and I'm only on a first-name basis with one other member (two if you include someone who stopped posting in the mid-2000s). I'd probably taken note of your gender identity before, but hadn't committed it to long-term memory.

 

Then Cerina comes in like, "She's a woman! You are an asshole, women hate you, whaaa, whaaa, whaaa!"

 

I go, "No, Cerina, you're wrong, and you're being a jerk."

 

"Whaaaaa! There you go again! I'm a woman!"

 

Reminds me of a guy who started smoking in the square where I used to work. The cop came over, told him he couldn't smoke there, to which the man said, "You didn't say anything to that other guy smoking because he was white!" Never mind the fact that the other man in question was off the property, and the officer himself was a man of color.

 

That's Cerina.

You literally could not be more of a stereotype if you tried. What next? You gonna tell me I'm a bad driver and you want a sandwich?
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In other words, you don't know what to say because, deep down, you know I'm right and are too proud to admit to being in the wrong. I think at this point I'm arguing with your ego. But if you want to talk stereotypes, the victimhood mentality you exhibit is just about everywhere now, so if one of us is a stereotype, it definitely isn't me. Stop playing that ****ing annoying victim card.

Using a female EU character's nickname as my username, and a female avatar didn't give it away? You never once wondered who "Katrina" was? Because almost no one even calls me "Icy" on here anymore. Or how I was the only person to post pictures in the "who do you look like" thread, and they were both women, and people agreed with them being my doppelgangers? You may be the most unobservant person ever if this is the first you figured out I'm a woman.

Nope, never saw any of that, or at least didn't take note when I did. I've used female avatars before and was annoyingly mistaken for a woman for my first few years here on account of my user name. And I didn't say it was the first time I figured out you were a woman: I said I hadn't committed it to long-term memory.


Hey, at least he considers you important enough to commit his impression of you to long term memory.

I mean, her name is Cerina. Iceheart can be anything.

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Zerimar, aren't you supposed to be the great champion of the EU? You literally never once read or played a Rogue Squadron title?

 

But again, I literally just posted something where my gender was very obvious a couple of days ago in a thread you were active in, and you never once noticed?

 

And you don't seem to see what the problem is here. It's not that you didn't know I was a woman, I don't care about that. It's that despite interacting with and around me now for nearly two years in a very small group, you had no interest in committing the most basic and obvious thing about me to memory. That is ridiculously self-centered, dude.

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