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I'm having a bit of trouble wrapping my head around all of this, so I'm putting it down here to get it out of my head as much as to share it with you all.

 

This involves my in-laws, so there's a bit of a disconnect. My family has always been very welcoming of in-laws, and accepted them as part of the family and treated them as such. Of course my brother was with his first wife from as early as I can remember up until I was in my early twenties, so there was never a period for me that she wasn't around and part of the family, but she would do stuff with the family without Brian all the time, up to the divorce. By that time she had actually started to creep me out, and as there marriage got rockier she would make "jokes" about getting with me next. Super creepy because I had always viewed her as a sister, and she was significantly older, and the divorce was bitter and we don't see her. But his current wife is family, and my sister's husband is family.

 

I explain the above because my wife's family is different. My wife's family is my wife's family, and that's it. I like them, for the most part, and I get along with them when we're together. I knew my sister-in-law for years before my wife and I got together, and in fact we went on a date once before she realized she's a lesbian, and then got together with a woman who is now a man, and an ex-lesbian, while my sister-in-law is still a lesbian. It's confusing. I get along really well with them, though, and I got along well with their dad, but he died before we got married. He and I would go out and have dinner together every once in a while, and talk man to man. Probably in part because he had two sons, but the younger one is pretty severely autistic, and the older one is kind of a screw-up, but he's gotten better.

 

SO this drama involves the older brother, Stevie. When I first started dating my wife, Stevie was dating Katie, who was a really sweet, but also really weird, person. I later found out that Katie has severe bipolar disorder, and has struggled for a lot of her life with it. Stevie and Katie are about 5-6 years older than me, and 11 years older than my wife. They had a son and then got married a year before my wife and I, so they've been married for 12 years and have three kids. I get along with Stevie, but we barely talk and don't really like each other. He's grown up a lot in the past year, but before this he was stuck in a wannabe frat boy stage for years 30 years. He thinks I'm a dork, but after I helped a friend of his with a major business issue, his opinion changed some. I suddenly had value, and we've talked a lot more when we're together. We're probably never going to be phone buddies, though.

 

When I got into the family, Katie was already a regular part, so for me, she's as much a part of my experience of the family as my brother-in-law, or anyone else. This is obviously different for my wife, so we're processing things a lot differently, and I'm being very careful when I talk to her about it, because she doesn't realize that I'm processing a loss, where she is not.

 

ANYWAYS

 

Katie went to school to be a nurse, and is a licensed RN, but didn't work because of a combination of her bipolar and raising her kids. The youngest is starting second grade, so last year Katie got a job with a place that provides addiction services. She worked the front desk and didn't really use her nursing license at all, and didn't have much contact with clients because the social workers and other providers would go to wherever the clients were to treat them. This seemed to go well, but apparently Katie found an opportunity with a similar organization where she could use her license and her job was to distribute medicine. Around this time, or a little later, Katie decided she didn't need her medication any more. Now, Katie is weird even when she's medicated, and believes in the healing power of essential oils.

 

Aside: I'm not insulting essential oils. I use them for certain things, and peppermint oil always helps my colds. But Katie is beyond that, she believes that essential oils can cure ANYTHING, and that modern medicine is bogus. A great mindset for a nurse who is in charge of distributing psych meds.

 

About a week or so ago, Katie came home to her family and announced that she is having sex with one of her clients. That she has been visiting him in his motel where he lives, and she just couldn't resist. She then pulled her daughter, who is 9 or 10, aside to tell her more details, like she was a close friend. She also explained that she wants to "make black babies with him." Like I said, Katie is weird even when she's not having a mental health crisis, so it's hard to say if this is a manic state or just her. She's the type that would internalize the racial justice stuff going on and say "I need to fuck a black guy and have his babies." But she wasn't really clear what she wanted from her family. She then left to go back to the motel to have sex with this guy again, and when she came home my brother-in-law had locked her out and wouldn't let her back in.

 

In the meantime, Katie has also decided that it's wrong to medicate her clients, and stopped distributing the medication. She was fired.

 

She then decided that she wants a divorce, she wants to leave my brother-in-law to go be with this other guy. She has no job, he has no job, they're living in a motel that's being provided by the agency where Katie used to work. My brother-in-law has apparently been relatively great about it, they talked and agreed that they will get a disillusionment and co-parent. We're not sure exactly what that means, and I'm not sure if they even know the logistics. But she has moved out, and says she doesn't want any money or anything from my brother-in-law. So, see above: she's homeless, unemployed, could definitely lose her license if/when the former agency gets wind of this, which they will because they visit the motel to provide services. She's with an unemployed, homeless drug addict, who has 5 kids with 5 different women. Katie's mom has said that she won't help Katie anymore, because she's been trying and doing so much for the past 30ish years since Katie was first diagnosed that she just can't do it anymore.

 

The kids are currently visiting Katie's father in Florida, because Stevie realized he needed to get them away for their own good while this is going on and he and Katie figure things out. They'll be back soon, though. Katie's father is also apparently very racist, and is extra angry about the whole thing because she's leaving her husband for a black man. He's already angry because she's screwing up her life and everyone else's life, but that's the racist icing on the cake.

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People are ****ing weird...but you need to report that **** with her talking to her daughter like that to child protective services like stat. I am sure there is a lot more similar (or worse) activity you son't know about. You report anonymously, but she may figure out who reported it...but **** that. It was her choice to put her child in that situation.

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Wow. Had to read that a few times to make sense of it all. Lotta detail in there.

 

Sounds like she's having an (ongoing?) episode? I mean those don't strike me as decisions that even 'wierd' people make under most circumstances..

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I had to make a flow chart to make sure I got all this. But yeah-- dang. I agree she's clearly having a manic episode. It also reads to me like Stevie was maybe over and sees this as a plus. I feel bad for those kids though.

 

So I'm clear-- Stevie is your wife's brother, former frat dude, but no active known diagnoses? If that's the case this is probably for the better of things. Kids see less of an unstable parent, and he has to grow up some?

 

Or am I reading this wrong?

 

Ender-- would a CPS call end up being a problem in that then Stevie would be looked at as well, or the kids might be taken away from both of them? Cause it seems like they just need her out of the picture, not both their parents.

 

That said, it's not like any judge is going to look at her living situation and grant any sort of custody.

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Youre right, re: Stevie. Although he never went to college, he just desperately wanted to be a frat boy.t

 

Cast of characters:

 

Stevie - my wifes brother. Former wannabe frat boy, successful food truck owner

 

Katie - His wife, severe bipolar. My best understanding, given what I know of her, bipolar disorder, and the family is that the affair started and then the stress of her decisions lead to a manic episode. The hard thing with her is that she is REALLY weird. Like I said, shes very much the type who would internalize the racial justice stuff and decide that she needed to do something extreme, like having sex with a black man to prove that shes not racist.

 

Extreme manic episodes of the type she has tend to burn through quickly, and the affair seems to have been going on for a few weeks based on new information, which supports my theory that the affair started before the mental health crisis.

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I think you are an intelligent and good person, Brando, and I believe that you have good intuition. So my suggestion is to allow yourself to trust a decision you make here without tearing yourself apart for making it. You and your own family are going through enough, so please dont add to that by torturing your mind over whether you could possibly make a right or a wrong decision here. You feel compelled to do something because of your compassion, so follow that instinct and be okay with it.

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Wow. What do you want/need from us/me? This is some shit and Im so sorry you have to deal with this. Mentally compromised adults are a tough thing to deal with if only just legally. I understand HIPAA (?) laws have made helping the individuals almost impossible. I think many who do get lucky and get help dont get the right kind of help, either. I have a half dozen close friends with this issue.

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People are ****ing weird...but you need to report that **** with her talking to her daughter like that to child protective services like stat. I am sure there is a lot more similar (or worse) activity you son't know about. You report anonymously, but she may figure out who reported it...but **** that. It was her choice to put her child in that situation.

Seconded. Being bipoler is not license to saying or doing whatever you want because it feels good. I am probably more empathetic to people with mental issues than a lot of people, as I am being treated for severe depression and anxiety myself, but I function. I respect boundaries. I do my best to do the best I can. There is right, and there is wrong, but this is absolutely batsh*t crazy, and she is going to turn her kid into a basket case, if she hasn't already. This inlaw of yours lost her rights to sympathy once she started messing with her kid's head.

 

And a nurse who refuses to give medication to patients and has sex with them? She should not have only lost her job, but lost her nursing license for life and probably should have been charged with negligence and malpractice!

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Sooooooooo. Katie probably needs to apply for disability pay from SSI. Bipolar disorder is considered a disability and she can get some money to help her out. As you can tell from your experiences bipolar disorder is not conducive to an actual long term job because the ability to make good choices is hampered by episodes of manic and then depressive stages that lead to well stopping prescribing meds and getting fired because it seems like a good idea at the time. This is why Tina ended up going to beauty school in the end because it's a job she can do randomly (OMG don't let her cut my hair when she's coming down though. I may end up with extra holes in my head).

 

As for the current relationship with said ex patient I think that will break up naturally through time.

 

I would recommend based on my experience with my own sister to find someone who is not you to be kind of a caretaker person who helps pick up the pieces when they fall apart. Depression is the scarier thing for me right now from bipolar disorder. I am so afraid when Tina comes down from her manic episodes that I will come home to an attempt at suicide and the house burned to the ground. Thank you covid for letting me work from home when Tina gets here! Tina used to have Mom and a place that no one cared about to crash and burn and Mom had unending sources of money to help pay to fix stuff until the end.

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I had to make a flow chart to make sure I got all this. But yeah-- dang. I agree she's clearly having a manic episode. It also reads to me like Stevie was maybe over and sees this as a plus. I feel bad for those kids though.

 

So I'm clear-- Stevie is your wife's brother, former frat dude, but no active known diagnoses? If that's the case this is probably for the better of things. Kids see less of an unstable parent, and he has to grow up some?

 

Or am I reading this wrong?

 

Ender-- would a CPS call end up being a problem in that then Stevie would be looked at as well, or the kids might be taken away from both of them? Cause it seems like they just need her out of the picture, not both their parents.

 

That said, it's not like any judge is going to look at her living situation and grant any sort of custody.

Obviously I don't work with CPS and I am not investigating this, but with that said....

 

I highly, highly doubt it.

 

More than likely, one of three things will happen.

 

Most likely nothing. But it is important to start documentation if there is more.

 

Second is a referral for services/therapy. This might include push-in family therapy at no-cost (depending on your local government) which would support Stevie. If something does happen later and there is documentation that support services were recommended/ provided but declined.

 

Finally, if there is a lot more happening it could go to court. And from there therapy would be court-mandated (and usually this is not free) and you are looking at possible punitive consequences, including loss of rights which will likely go to the other parent or a relative.

 

Since schools are closed, child abuse referrals are WAY down. There is a lot of abuse that isn't being currently reported because family members don't want to make the call...they don't want to rock the boat in the family. They are scared of what they see on the TV of CPS and a cop breaking down the door and taking a child...that doesn't happen. But these children need an advocate. They need a boat rocked. In the last five years I have reported three instances of an adult sexually molesting a child under ten that have resulted in a conviction. Unreported child abuse is one of my worries of school being out.

 

It is clear that you are one of the sane one's in your family, if you won't advocate for the child, who will?

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I had to make a flow chart to make sure I got all this. But yeah-- dang. I agree she's clearly having a manic episode. It also reads to me like Stevie was maybe over and sees this as a plus. I feel bad for those kids though.

 

So I'm clear-- Stevie is your wife's brother, former frat dude, but no active known diagnoses? If that's the case this is probably for the better of things. Kids see less of an unstable parent, and he has to grow up some?

 

Or am I reading this wrong?

 

Ender-- would a CPS call end up being a problem in that then Stevie would be looked at as well, or the kids might be taken away from both of them? Cause it seems like they just need her out of the picture, not both their parents.

 

That said, it's not like any judge is going to look at her living situation and grant any sort of custody.

Obviously I don't work with CPS and I am not investigating this, but with that said....

 

I highly, highly doubt it.

 

More than likely, one of three things will happen.

 

Most likely nothing. But it is important to start documentation if there is more.

 

Second is a referral for services/therapy. This might include push-in family therapy at no-cost (depending on your local government) which would support Stevie. If something does happen later and there is documentation that support services were recommended/ provided but declined.

 

Finally, if there is a lot more happening it could go to court. And from there therapy would be court-mandated (and usually this is not free) and you are looking at possible punitive consequences, including loss of rights which will likely go to the other parent or a relative.

 

Since schools are closed, child abuse referrals are WAY down. There is a lot of abuse that isn't being currently reported because family members don't want to make the call...they don't want to rock the boat in the family. They are scared of what they see on the TV of CPS and a cop breaking down the door and taking a child...that doesn't happen. But these children need an advocate. They need a boat rocked. In the last five years I have reported three instances of an adult sexually molesting a child under ten that have resulted in a conviction. Unreported child abuse is one of my worries of school being out.

 

It is clear that you are one of the sane one's in your family, if you won't advocate for the child, who will?

 

CPS was called, but not by me. I'm not sure if they've been out or not, but my guess is nothing will happen. Especially since Katie is out of the house and doesn't have access, and quite honestly doesn't seem bothered by it. She hasn't made any attempt to contact the kids since that night, even though she knows where they are and they're with her dad.

 

Sooooooooo. Katie probably needs to apply for disability pay from SSI. Bipolar disorder is considered a disability and she can get some money to help her out. As you can tell from your experiences bipolar disorder is not conducive to an actual long term job because the ability to make good choices is hampered by episodes of manic and then depressive stages that lead to well stopping prescribing meds and getting fired because it seems like a good idea at the time. This is why Tina ended up going to beauty school in the end because it's a job she can do randomly (OMG don't let her cut my hair when she's coming down though. I may end up with extra holes in my head).

 

As for the current relationship with said ex patient I think that will break up naturally through time.

 

I would recommend based on my experience with my own sister to find someone who is not you to be kind of a caretaker person who helps pick up the pieces when they fall apart. Depression is the scarier thing for me right now from bipolar disorder. I am so afraid when Tina comes down from her manic episodes that I will come home to an attempt at suicide and the house burned to the ground. Thank you covid for letting me work from home when Tina gets here! Tina used to have Mom and a place that no one cared about to crash and burn and Mom had unending sources of money to help pay to fix stuff until the end.

Quite honestly, I'm willing to let Katie deal with the pieces when she realizes that everything has fallen apart. That's cruel, but she has a history of deciding that she's okay and doesn't need her medication anymore, and then things go badly. Never this badly, but badly. Which is why her mom says she isn't willing to help, because everyone in her life has given her help, spent a lot of money on getting her professional help, but while on medication she's decided, multiple times, to stop. I won't say it's a regular thing, but it's happened probably half a dozen times since I've been around the family, which is 14 years. So, yeah, I think that losing everything might be good for her. Whether that gets her a decent life back, that's hard to say. Her kids are, at the very least, going to have a hard time with her. The middle child is the only one who is willing to speak to her as of the last time I heard, but it's a moot point because Katie has no interest in calling them.

 

 

People are ****ing weird...but you need to report that **** with her talking to her daughter like that to child protective services like stat. I am sure there is a lot more similar (or worse) activity you son't know about. You report anonymously, but she may figure out who reported it...but **** that. It was her choice to put her child in that situation.

Seconded. Being bipoler is not license to saying or doing whatever you want because it feels good. I am probably more empathetic to people with mental issues than a lot of people, as I am being treated for severe depression and anxiety myself, but I function. I respect boundaries. I do my best to do the best I can. There is right, and there is wrong, but this is absolutely batsh*t crazy, and she is going to turn her kid into a basket case, if she hasn't already. This inlaw of yours lost her rights to sympathy once she started messing with her kid's head.

 

And a nurse who refuses to give medication to patients and has sex with them? She should not have only lost her job, but lost her nursing license for life and probably should have been charged with negligence and malpractice!

 

Bipolar disorder actually can be a license for it, because people with extreme cases actually have no self-control when in a severe manic state. A great example was a college student in.. I wanna say Wisconsin. He had a severe manic episode, became convinced that he was a Jason Bourne type and that the government was out to get him. In the end, he did a lot of property damage and crashed his car into a hospital after realizing he needed help for some medical issue, but was afraid to stop and go in the normal way because the government operatives would get him.

 

Having said that, I have expressed my concern that this isn't fully the result of a manic episode. I'm not sure to what degree it is, but I'm sure stopping her medication shot her into a manic state. But, like I said, severe mania typically burns out quickly. A hypomanic state can last for a long time, and create problems, but not as big as a true manic state. A true manic state will create huge problems, but typically will burn out within a couple of weeks. Like I said, that's typical, and there are other cases, but that's also been her standard. She goes into a manic state for a couple of weeks and then it's over. But she's done a lot of damage in those two weeks, and a lot of people have cut her, and by extension Stevie, from their lives because of it.

 

So, yeah, I would say that bipolar does offer an excuse for a lot of behavior (if you're in a true manic state especially) but that doesn't mean that people have to continue to put up with it, especially if you won't take care of yourself. Nobody is required to put themselves in danger for you, and a woman who is off having affairs and then telling her children about it is a danger.

 

Wow. What do you want/need from us/me? This is some **** and Im so sorry you have to deal with this. Mentally compromised adults are a tough thing to deal with if only just legally. I understand HIPAA (?) laws have made helping the individuals almost impossible. I think many who do get lucky and get help dont get the right kind of help, either. I have a half dozen close friends with this issue.

I don't think there's really anything I need, or that can be done. Just trying to figure out how to be there for family in the age of Covid. Even though I've had it, and am recovering, we're still being cautious. Nobody knows how long immunity will last, and so we're trying to figure it all out and not taking any additional chances.

 

I think you are an intelligent and good person, Brando, and I believe that you have good intuition. So my suggestion is to allow yourself to trust a decision you make here without tearing yourself apart for making it. You and your own family are going through enough, so please dont add to that by torturing your mind over whether you could possibly make a right or a wrong decision here. You feel compelled to do something because of your compassion, so follow that instinct and be okay with it.

Thanks. This is one messed up situation where it's hard to even keep it straight, much less figure out what to do. We are going to send care packages to the kids, to let them know that we love them. And I think I'm going to make one of my emulators in an NES cartridge for my brother-in-law. There are worse ways to mourn than playing classic video games.

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Ok wow. Is there any legal recourse your BIL has for his wife? Like...can he have her hospitalized against her wishes? She's obviously self-destructing, and I would think the documented mental illness would help "prove" that she needs immediate intervention.

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Bipolar disorder actually can be a license for it, because people with extreme cases actually have no self-control when in a severe manic state. A great example was a college student in.. I wanna say Wisconsin. He had a severe manic episode, became convinced that he was a Jason Bourne type and that the government was out to get him. In the end, he did a lot of property damage and crashed his car into a hospital after realizing he needed help for some medical issue, but was afraid to stop and go in the normal way because the government operatives would get him.

Having said that, I have expressed my concern that this isn't fully the result of a manic episode. I'm not sure to what degree it is, but I'm sure stopping her medication shot her into a manic state. But, like I said, severe mania typically burns out quickly. A hypomanic state can last for a long time, and create problems, but not as big as a true manic state. A true manic state will create huge problems, but typically will burn out within a couple of weeks. Like I said, that's typical, and there are other cases, but that's also been her standard. She goes into a manic state for a couple of weeks and then it's over. But she's done a lot of damage in those two weeks, and a lot of people have cut her, and by extension Stevie, from their lives because of it.

So, yeah, I would say that bipolar does offer an excuse for a lot of behavior (if you're in a true manic state especially) but that doesn't mean that people have to continue to put up with it, especially if you won't take care of yourself. Nobody is required to put themselves in danger for you, and a woman who is off having affairs and then telling her children about it is a danger.

I am not intending to get in a philosophical debate with you, nor will i do so, and while most of your post makes sense and I agree with, I have to disagree when there are kids involved, and where someone is a medical professional. Maybe its just semantics, but when you say bipolar can be an excuse, I think you are confusing a reason for an action due to mania, with excusing it, as in relieving someone of responsibility for their actions. If Katie cannot control herself and it is a legit bipolar issue, then the other parent must take control of the situation. If that parent can't do it for whatever reason, then that responsibility falls on other family members. All I am saying is if no one is able to take action or willing to do so, you should before mental damage happens to the daughter. Also, I stand by my statement that a bipolar person who cannot control their mania should be at the very least relieved of their nursing license. Mania does not excuse withholding medication from patients or other malpractice, or taking actions that endanger kids or family members.

 

Again I am not debating here, just explaining where I am coming from. Maybe my take is harsh to you, and I am not saying it to be a jerk, but I know I don't get cut any slack if I act out at work, due to my depression and anxiety. People aren't going to care whatever the reason is if I go off on a customer, because I don't feel right that day. No, I would just get fired, and I am just some tech, where the worst that will happen is a customer's hurt feelings. That same logic applies way more when someone is a parent, and someone is a health professional that literally holds lives in their hands.

 

Furthermore, in my therapy, I have come to learn that the reason for my issues is, in part, due to my parents. My mom was very depressed. In retrospect, possibly a fall down drunk, though she hid it. My dad has legit PTSD, depression, and anger issues, that was untreated and affected his personality, and I am learning how that has affected me. I've had family members commit suicide. If Katie keeps it up, her kid could end up with her same issues some day. Bipolar is not only a chemical condition, but also a result of what happened to us in our formative years. So, you see, I am not just popping off here. I am speaking from experience.

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I think we agree on the end result. For example, I would say that the uncontrolled bipolar is cause to lose her license, and the specific action is a symptom. In the end, that action shows why, so its splitting hairs, but she may never do that specific action again, but she WILL do something else, and that thing could be even worse. Im praying that she loses her license, but I cannot control that. Especially since Im sure its true but its also just hearsay

 

And, actually in your description, if someone has bipolar disorder and notifies the employer and is fired due to actions caused by a manic episode, they may get fired but theres a good chance that they would win a lawsuit under the ADA. Heck, the EEOC might even file the suit.

 

Also, bipolar disorder is a physical disability that effects the brain. Its likely one of her kids will have it, or any number of them, and its definite that theyll end up messed up in some way, but bipolar isnt learned or caused by exterior things.

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Ok wow. Is there any legal recourse your BIL has for his wife? Like...can he have her hospitalized against her wishes? She's obviously self-destructing, and I would think the documented mental illness would help "prove" that she needs immediate intervention.

Its really hard to get someone hospitalized against their will unless youre the police. Theyve tried in the past and failed, but her mom was able to eventually convince her to do it. Once youre hospitalized you cant just decide to leave, you have to be released, but you pretty much have to willingly go in.

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Ok wow. Is there any legal recourse your BIL has for his wife? Like...can he have her hospitalized against her wishes? She's obviously self-destructing, and I would think the documented mental illness would help "prove" that she needs immediate intervention.

OMG it's the hardest thing you will ever have to do. You have to have them legally declared incompetent.

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I think we agree on the end result. For example, I would say that the uncontrolled bipolar is cause to lose her license, and the specific action is a symptom. In the end, that action shows why, so its splitting hairs, but she may never do that specific action again, but she WILL do something else, and that thing could be even worse. Im praying that she loses her license, but I cannot control that. Especially since Im sure its true but its also just hearsay

 

And, actually in your description, if someone has bipolar disorder and notifies the employer and is fired due to actions caused by a manic episode, they may get fired but theres a good chance that they would win a lawsuit under the ADA. Heck, the EEOC might even file the suit.

 

Also, bipolar disorder is a physical disability that effects the brain. Its likely one of her kids will have it, or any number of them, and its definite that theyll end up messed up in some way, but bipolar isnt learned or caused by exterior things.

Yeah, sounds like we agree on the end result.

 

As for lawsuit, I'm no lawyer, so anything I say would be speculation. But it would seem to me whomever had the better lawyer would win that. There are certain jobs that require a certain physical or mental condition. Common sense would say that includes medical and health professionals, but who says the law is common sense?

 

As for her kids having bipolar issues, it definitely runs in families, as well as upbringing, and what happens to you when you are young. But that gets into a nature VS nurture debate, I am woefully unprepared for, and don't want to go down that rabbit hole anyway.

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Not posting as an argument, but just some background: I suffered workplace discrimination as a result of a bipolar diagnosis and the employer refused any number of accommodations. They tried to argue that I hadnt requested any or made them aware of the disability, but I had paper trails. They caved quickly once the EEOC was involved, because it was clear that I had proof and case law was on my side. A huge part of it comes down to notification, though. A company isnt required to give an accommodation to someone who doesnt notify them.

 

I didnt get a huge settlement, but I got what I wanted and felt I deserved. I could have pushed harder, but I got my back pay and a positive referral if anyone ever contacts them to verify employment.

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Not posting as an argument, but just some background: I suffered workplace discrimination as a result of a bipolar diagnosis and the employer refused any number of accommodations. They tried to argue that I hadnt requested any or made them aware of the disability, but I had paper trails. They caved quickly once the EEOC was involved, because it was clear that I had proof and case law was on my side. A huge part of it comes down to notification, though. A company isnt required to give an accommodation to someone who doesnt notify them.

 

I didnt get a huge settlement, but I got what I wanted and felt I deserved. I could have pushed harder, but I got my back pay and a positive referral if anyone ever contacts them to verify employment.

Oh I didn't ever take it as us arguing, and hope I didn't come off that way, either.

 

Thanks for the background on your experience, and sorry your employer did that to you. I think that reasonable accommodations SHOULD be made in most cases. I remember reading your previous posts about the field of work you are in, and it is very stressful looking from the outside in, so there definitely should be accommodation for someone who was in the situation you were in. Like, for example, I work an office job, and IF I had a serious mental issues requiring time off or some other accomodation, I would hope they would work with me. I have not been diagnosed as bipolar myself, but having anxiety and depression, I think at times I can relate to someone with bipolar disorder. I remember reading your previous posts about the field of work you are in, and it is very stressful looking from the outside in, so there definitely should be accommodation for someone who was in the situation you were in.

 

But I think if there isn't already a legal differentiation for certain professions where someone can literally hold someone else's life in the balance, I think there ought to be. I know in the military, there is, as well as law enforcement. I don't know if that is the case in the medical and healthcare fields, but I don't know how someone with bipolar disorder who goes off their meds or refuses to take them/be treated, can be accommodated. Nor do I think they should, TBH.

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Its been my experience that accommodation for disability is something that people talk a lot about and never actually do.

 

Like, my last job. I was hired in July and didnt disclose my disability until I absolutely had to, in October. After that, my manager was fully aware of my disability and that I was drowning in the environment, and her idea of accommodation was not to actually accommodate, but to just be really encouraging that I can handle the pace. I could not. I finally told her I just couldnt go on the way I was after my SECOND mental breakdown since being hired, and it triggered my leaving the job after just nine months.

 

So, now Im in a place where I have to disclose my disabilities to potential employers. Good luck finding a skilled job with good pay when youre going up against hundreds of able-bodied and mentally healthy people with the same skill sets as I have. And I worry Ill end up in another situation where they refuse to accommodate me.

 

Anyway. Thats my thread hijack. Carry on.

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I totally support mental health advocates. We need to change our perceptions of how people work with mental illness and it's challenges. My sister is honestly smarter than me. It's just that her mental state can affect her judgement. Currently we're working through recognizing things that are triggers. Part of it is to help her get through her community service and pay her debt back for her two shoplifting charges and the DWI.

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Its been my experience that accommodation for disability is something that people talk a lot about and never actually do.

 

Like, my last job. I was hired in July and didnt disclose my disability until I absolutely had to, in October. After that, my manager was fully aware of my disability and that I was drowning in the environment, and her idea of accommodation was not to actually accommodate, but to just be really encouraging that I can handle the pace. I could not. I finally told her I just couldnt go on the way I was after my SECOND mental breakdown since being hired, and it triggered my leaving the job after just nine months.

 

So, now Im in a place where I have to disclose my disabilities to potential employers. Good luck finding a skilled job with good pay when youre going up against hundreds of able-bodied and mentally healthy people with the same skill sets as I have. And I worry Ill end up in another situation where they refuse to accommodate me.

 

Anyway. Thats my thread hijack. Carry on.

I found that it depends on the organization. I worked for a huge insurance company, and was diagnosed with asthma following a particularly bad case of pneumonia. My job was to talk on the phone, and I did for 10 hours a day. Half hour lunch, two 15 minute breaks, otherwise I was on the phone.

 

The problem was, my asthma was not well controlled, and I would have to log out of the phones on a regular basis just to breathe, because callers found it creepy that I was panting. Now, my stats were phenomenal. I spent less time off the phone than anyone else on my team, and I took more calls. I doubled the number of calls that senior representatives were taking.

 

As soon as I discovered this, I went to my boss and explained the situation. Very upfront about it, this is the nuts and bolts, this is what Im doing and why. Then she decided that I was avoiding work by doing it, despite me doing more work and having perfect quality reviews, and threatened to stop a promotion I had gotten.

 

I went straight to HR, and my boss dodged their calls for about two weeks. I was in regular contact with both, explaining my side to everyone involved. HR finally got ahold of her on at home on a Sunday, and the next day she called me into a conference room to apologize and say that I had gotten the accommodation I requested, which was to break my 15 minute breaks into 5 minute breaks spread throughout the day.

 

In my experience, the bigger the company, the more lawsuits theyve lost, the better your chances of getting an accommodation.

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It's been smaller businesses that have been the most accommodating for me, but then the biggest company I've ever worked for (and the one I worked from last July to this March) only had about 80 employees. And they have such a high turnover rate that I'm probably the only one who's stuck around long enough to need accommodations.

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