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For My Sanity, This Needs to End


55 replies to this topic

#26
Brando

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Im pretty sure Jacobs isnt private.
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#27
Cerina

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If it's private, why do we have to look?



#28
Brando

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There's a reason they call it public hair.


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#29
Brando

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Also, Im glad you have the idea to do that, Zerimar, but I would also encourage you to ensure youre taking care of yourself. Im a pretty social introvert - I have a lot of friends and I really enjoy them, and I can easily run myself into the ground by doing too much.

Im also as close to a true introvert as you can be, though, so Im way out on the end of the spectrum.

#30
Tank

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I went through years, high school through college being ashamaed of being introverted. In grad school I really pushed myself to be more social, but after, definitely settle into being an indoor cat.

Once I started working in TV I knew introversion is a way to not get rehired, so again I pushed. It wasn't until one of my staff writers on Light as a Feather told me I was a good leader did I FINALLY, after my whole life of feeling guilty that I like being alone a lot of the time, that this doesn't mean I'm introverted.

Commanding a room is a huge part of my job. I am comfortable with that, BUT, I have to know and deal with the fact it drains me to do i.

Also, I don't love crowds, noisy rooms, or forced small talk. I used to be awkward on top of that, but just understanding my boundaries and energy needs made that go away.

#31
Brando

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Yeah, the myth that introvert means awkward actually hurts introverts a lot. It has nothing to do with social skills, or even liking people. Some of the most awkward people I know are extreme extroverts, they get so much out of being around people that they never actually care about the people theyre with. Im frequently the introvert who doesnt want to deal with people, but every time Ive started a job with a group of people, Ive been the first one to make friends and introduce people.

Introverts can also make great leaders because we naturally take a step back from the crowd and can be more likely to listen to input from everyone in the group, including the quiet people, instead of blistering through with a lot of talking that doesnt give other introverts time to think or respond.

#32
Destiny Skywalker

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My husband is also an introvert, which surprises a lot of people because he is great at schmoozing and presenting to important people. He is a natural leader. But people exhaust him (especially our chatty kids). He's not great at maintaining friendships because work takes a lot out of him as an introvert. He rarely goes out unless it's the two of is or our family. I need my mom's nights out and chit chatting at volunteer meetings. Although, the older I get, I dont like large groups as much and prefer just 2-3 friends in a group.

#33
Iceheart

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I'm a huge introvert, and have a diagnosed and apparently pretty severe case of Social Anxiety Disorder, and my career has been in customer service and most people think I'm the most extroverted person ever. It's 100% public face. When I come home, I can't even talk to my own family. I have to lock myself in my room and binge watch movies. And no one sees the obsessing over what I said and did at the party for hours if not days afterward. Going out is a multi-day affair for me - the handful of hours I'm actually out, and the recovery time after. But I do it, because 99% of the time it's worth it.



#34
The Choc

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I find when I get invited somewhere and I go I always think "wow Im so glad I came, I could be sitting at home doing nothing." If I don't go I think "wow Im so glad I stayed home, who wants to deal with going out."

 

So really it works out either way. 


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#35
Tank

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Half the time I'm out I can't wait to go home and do nothing.


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#36
Zerimar Nyliram

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I feel you both: sometimes I'm glad I didn't go out, sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing there and go home, yet other times I feel on top of the world and exude confidence and attraction. It all depends on how I'm feeling. There have been nights where I've felt invincible and others where I've felt like this is stupid and beneath me.

Needless to say, I miss it all. Didn't think I would, but I do.



#37
Tank

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I get SUPER lonely sometimes, pandemic or otherwise, and get mad at myself for not going out-- especially when single.

But I did some math today and realized that since my first adult girlfriend, over the course of 24 years, I actually haven't been single for more than 4-5 months in a stretch. Granted 20 of those 24 years were spent in one of two decade long relationships.

Even weirder, my posting at nightly pre-dates either of those relationships.
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#38
Spider-Man

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Being around people, or even in a loving relationship, also doesnt preclude someone from feeling alone or despair... introvert or extrovert wise. There have been times I have felt lost and alone even with my children hugging on me. The mind can be our worst enemy, probably why everyone says to always reach out and talk with someone about what youre feeling. No one should feel stupid or weak for reaching out, you should probably allow yourself to consider quite the opposite.
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#39
Zathras

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I would like to share a thought or two, in hopes it might help someone out there...

 

I don't want to put too much of my personal info out there, but suffice it to say the last couple years have been pretty stressful for me, and I had to get help, and it is working.  And in the last 12 years or so, I've been a lot better place (despite depression and anxiety) than when I was in my late 20s/30s.  While I have had my issues with mental health, at least financially, and relationship wise, I have little to worry about.  My late 20s-early 30s really were a difficult time for me.

 

I've always been pretty introverted, but like a few others here, one has to just force themselves to be outgoing to get anywhere in life.  And for some people. me included, that can be very hard to do.  It's literally been a lifelong struggle for me.  I have been in the exact situation Zerimar has been in, in that when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I was working a couple  jobs (1 FT, 1PT) and going to school full time on top of that.  I lived alone and had no social life at all, and because I was trying to get through school, I was working entry level, low paying jobs.  When I did have time, I would try to go out stag to clubs, going to dating sites, tried to run the gambit "single activity" groups, go out to see live music,  out to dive bars, whatever, just to put myself out there in hopes of combating loneliness and to try to find a girlfriend. None of it worked. I'm average looks at best, and my sense of humor is somewhat out there, and can be off putting.  To this day, I am an acquired taste for most people, and I am VERY aware of that fact, which gets me down, sometimes.  So, after a while, I saw little point in going out, and essentially became a home body.   Simply put, I had no game, and it didn't help matters that I worked all kinds of crazy hours and was going to school, and being broke constantly (living expenses, paying for school...GI Bill only covers so much!), doesn't exactly attract other people.  

 

But eventually things did get better for me.  I met someone who I am still with today.  As much complaining as I have done about my current job, especially in today's climate, I am thankful I have it right now.  The pay is not as good as if I were private sector, but it allows me to pay the bills and take care of family members, and THAT is what is important.  I am now doing a work rotation where I go into the office for 2 weeks and work from home for 4 weeks.  Even still, it is very frustrating to have the freedom of leaving the house taken away, with few restaurants or bars open to blow off steam.  So I totally get feeling cabin fever.   What I have done in recent months, aside from therapy and medications, is that I have a few hobbies that don't cost too much money. And that has helped me a lot to put some of my negative energy towards an activity to get my mind off of things.   I am also going back to university to hopefully develop some leadership skills, which I hope will help me tackle my introverted-ness once and for all (no small feat for someone in their late 40s, and I am nervous about that for sure).

 

Moral of the story is it is hard to get through times when one feels lonely (especially when one is single), and especially in a post-COVID world, but I have also learned that if you take care of yourself, eventually things WILL get better, and fall into place. 


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#40
Odine

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Gyms have reopened this weekend, and since Sunday I have been twice. Gotta say feels ****ing great to be lifting again. I was well overdue of some intense exercise induced dopamine.

Anxiety is a strange one. I've never suffered terribly with it, although I do get it..as does everyone I think, to a much lesser extent than anxiety disorder sufferers. Keeping busy, focused "living in the now" "present moment" definitely helps me with feelings of anxiousness. A current task at hand is a great thing. That said, staying in the present moment is tricky in a pandemic, when there is uncertainty at every level of thought and so many things to think about. So I can empathize with people struggling.
Still, I take it back to the small tasks, feeding the little man (that's not a euphemism), making sure he survives, getting food, going to work, exercise, rinse repeat. Not looking left or right, just straight ahead, one step at a time. Oddly I find that really comforting. Any desires around lifestyle/career are out the window and it's just getting through the now. So far it's helping my mindstate. But **** me if I don't want to do some painting right now.

Edited by Odine, 28 July 2020 - 03:50 PM.

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#41
Iceheart

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Everybody out here freaking out about the single days, meanwhile Im out here single af, havent been on a date in over a decade, and totally fine about it.

Feels good man.

#42
Tank

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BUT I HAVE NEEDS

#43
Darth Ender

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The best definition I have ever heard for introvert or extrovert, is how you refill your tank. 

 

If I have a rough day, an introvert wants to be alone or close family/ friends.

 

An extrovert wants to go out drinking and socialize.

 

I am a mix...I want to go out drinking alone.


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#44
Iceheart

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BUT I HAVE NEEDS

 

 

The best definition I have ever heard for introvert or extrovert, is how you refill your tank. 

 

 

That was a good post sequence, thanks guys.


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#45
Odine

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Krawlie knows the best way to fill Tank.
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#46
Zerimar Nyliram

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The best definition I have ever heard for introvert or extrovert, is how you refill your tank. 

 

If I have a rough day, an introvert wants to be alone or close family/ friends.

 

An extrovert wants to go out drinking and socialize.

 

I am a mix...I want to go out drinking alone.

That's me, too, except that I want to go out alone and interact with people I don't know.



#47
Zerimar Nyliram

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One of my favorite bars just posted the following:

 

 

 

We're back!
Thursday, July 30th
Open Monday - Friday, 4:30 PM -11:00 PM

Saturday & Sunday 11:00 AM - 11:00 PM

The Mario's group will be abiding by state & local rules and regulations

Distancing & seating requirements will be enforced at all locations

YOU MUST ORDER FOOD TO DRINK ALCOHOL

Thank you for your help in keeping your friends & our Mario's family safe!




I don't know, but closing at 11:00, only allowing so many people in, requiring everyone remain seated and apart from one another and to order food in order to drink does not sound like a good time to me and does not sound like they are "back." When will it end? :(

 

[EDIT] This is the bar I pulled that girl from back in February, so you can understand how seeing it in its current state is depressing.



#48
Tank

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Krawlie knows the best way to fill Tank.


Thread won
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#49
The Choc

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One of my favorite bars just posted the following:

 

 

 

We're back!
Thursday, July 30th
Open Monday - Friday, 4:30 PM -11:00 PM

Saturday & Sunday 11:00 AM - 11:00 PM

The Mario's group will be abiding by state & local rules and regulations

Distancing & seating requirements will be enforced at all locations

YOU MUST ORDER FOOD TO DRINK ALCOHOL

Thank you for your help in keeping your friends & our Mario's family safe!




I don't know, but closing at 11:00, only allowing so many people in, requiring everyone remain seated and apart from one another and to order food in order to drink does not sound like a good time to me and does not sound like they are "back." When will it end? :(

 

[EDIT] This is the bar I pulled that girl from back in February, so you can understand how seeing it in its current state is depressing.

Thats how its been here for a while. It's fine if you go out with a few friends. If you want to go out alone to try and meet people then it's not the best.



#50
Tank

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There's a sex club here that is now open, but limited capacity. Only 4 men and 4 women at a time. Everyone else has to wait in line for a slot to open.... SEE WHAT I DID THERE


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