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Need advice for dealing with my mom's visit


25 replies to this topic

#1
Darth Ender

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My mom and her husband travel full time in an RV.  Once a year they come out and stay with us for a month (they state at a local state park...the RV isn't actually camped at my house).  This trip we are going to stay with them at state park way up in the mountains for a week...which I am pretty excited for EXCEPT..both of them are part of the Trump cult.

 

Knowing that the trip is mainly so my mom can visit her grandkids, I NEVER bring up politics and I don't think they can make it through a conversation without bashing democrats with Facebook meme level takes.  For example, I mentioned that PJ Masks (a tv show my 2 and 3-year-old boys love) had a live show and the tickets were $200.  This caused a rant about how awful PBS is (PJ Masks is Disney).

 

Anyhow, I am staying with them in an RV all week and then they are staying here in Denver at a local state park for a month and visitng daily.

 

Outside of this, we get along fine in general, but I am starting to struggle.  I honestly don't care that we disagree, I have many friends I disagree with that we can have conversations and my thinking is challenged and I even change my mind.  But the issue is, most of their views are shaped by far right media (Fox News is too liberal for them) so their arguments are outright insane. 

 

Any advice? 



#2
Ms. Spam

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I find it best to change the subject with my Trump voter family. It is better to keep the peace. HA. My Dad is more receptive to coming over to the Biden side this year but I have a feeling he wouldn't tell his wife because he likes eating home cooked good meals. 


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#3
Zathras

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Uhg!  It's so hard when relatives wear their politics on their sleeve and think its okay to spew political views no one asked for, especially knowing other relatives are diametrically opposed. It is a form of disrespect, really. My advice WOULD be to discretely ask your mom and husband that during the visit to refrain from talking politics or making political comments (agree to disagree, and to agree not to bring it up), but I have a feeling that if your mom and husband are anything like people I know, they will flip out.  Maybe if you present it in a way where you say you respect their views, and only ask them to the same, and try not to "win them over" to your way of thinking and ask them to do the same, maybe it will work?  Because in my experience, nobody can be convinced to change sides politically, especially in an election year.  


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#4
Brando

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Respectfully talk to her about the fact that you have different opinions and that you would like to avoid politics.

If that doesnt work, you either challenge them or just hold your tongue.

#5
Destiny Skywalker

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Would they be willing to call truce on the politics? Would she be receptive to something like, "Mom, I don't want to talk politics, even if we agree. I just want to enjoy your company for the next month. Can we drop the political commentary while you're here?"

I hear you, though. My mother-in-law idolizes Rush Limbaugh. She doesnt bring it up all the time but its obnoxious when she does.

#6
Ms. Spam

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Tim is a Bernie Bot. OMG. I can't take it any more. HA. He's worse than some of the Trump people in my family. Currently he's raging about Roger Stone. Like what do you care you pot smoking weirdo?  But I have had to sit on my hands online or leave and go for a walk a few times with my Trump loving family especially when they start the topic with "What a wonderful job our president has done with...." Right now it's about covid and I have actually asked my step-mom if she's taking medication that makes her forget simple things.



#7
Odine

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As much as it's on them to leave their political opinions at home, the onus is also on you to leave yours behind as well. That's the only part of the situation you can control beyond asking them to not bring politics to the table. So try leave the world view behind for a week, enjoy nature and hanging out. Don't talk about things that could be easily politicised and if something does come up don't fall for the bait I guess?

#8
Darth Ender

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Would they be willing to call truce on the politics? Would she be receptive to something like, "Mom, I don't want to talk politics, even if we agree. I just want to enjoy your company for the next month. Can we drop the political commentary while you're here?"

I hear you, though. My mother-in-law idolizes Rush Limbaugh. She doesn't bring it up all the time but its obnoxious when she does.

Hey...your talking about Congressional Medal of Honor recipient Rush Limbaugh....

 

They are in that RV all the time and I swear ALL THEY DO is listen to far, far right propaganda.  My mom has always been reasonable up until she retired and got that ****ing RV.  It has become so much of who she is, it is difficult to separate.

 

What challenges me most is she will say little things they demand confrontation.  For example, one of my boys was playing with make-up and my mom said, "he needs to stop that or else he will be...".  My mom pretends to be super accepting (she's plays the whole "I am colorblind" bs)...but she is openly distrustful of Muslims, homosexuals, and she has openly said she ashamed of me for being atheist.  At least her husband owns the fact that he has always struggled with atypical gender roles.  My boys have a play kitchen set and he says he struggles with that and he knows it is backwards.  But I can accept and even respect that he knows his bias and struggles to fight against it. 



#9
Iceheart

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First of all, a show for YOUNG CHILDREN is selling tickets for $200 a piece? What the ever loving ****, Disney?

 

(why do I bother capitalizing my swears on here?)

 

Okay, so - my grandma only trusts Fox News (and the local Fox affiliate which does actually have the best newscast in the area), my dad spends all his free time watching Infowars, and I'm not sure where my mom gets her "news," but it sure is a Conservative source that doesn't do much fact checking. What is it with Republicans? They can't go two sentences without throwing in some diss on Democrats, regardless of the topic of conversation. It's an obsession. It's creepy.

 

My strategy, as someone who lives with them, is to have a "I won't bring up politics, but if you do, you're going to hear my unfiltered views, and if we debate, I will not hold back, and have multiple news apps with bookmarked sources to draw on, what do you have?" policy. No one likes debating me, so it's pretty rare we have a political argument.

 

I'd say pull them aside and ask them to stop, and let them know that if they can't/won't you'll just have to pull out the debate napalm.


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#10
The Choc

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In one ear, out the other. 



#11
Cerina

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Boundaries. Lay them down. Enforce them. 

It's really ****ing difficult to do, especially if you want to keep the peace. But you need to start now because the last thing you want is for them to be spouting out this nonsense once your children are old enough to be influenced by it. 


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#12
Ms. Spam

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It might be good for your parents to get out of the RV and do some things. Maybe expand their horizons. You should probably carve out some "breaks" where you and the kids get away to do just things without them. I find old people need naps. LOL.



#13
Iceheart

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Hmm, I just thought of something. I've been silent witness to a few conversations between boomer conservatives. That's just... how they talk to each other, too. It sounds really combative when you're not drinking the Koolaid,  but it's a camaraderie thing to them. Again, so extremely weird and creepy. Only the craziest of progressives talk like that on the liberal side. Everyone else just... doesn't understand why a conversation about what we want for dinner needs to become a political diss fest.

 

They all seemed rational before this. What happened?



#14
Darth Ender

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Hmm, I just thought of something. I've been silent witness to a few conversations between boomer conservatives. That's just... how they talk to each other, too. It sounds really combative when you're not drinking the Koolaid,  but it's a camaraderie thing to them. Again, so extremely weird and creepy. Only the craziest of progressives talk like that on the liberal side. Everyone else just... doesn't understand why a conversation about what we want for dinner needs to become a political diss fest.

 

They all seemed rational before this. What happened?

I dunno, he is farther right than she is.  Maybe it is being alone together so much?  Maybe it is listening to extreme far right radio all day?  Who knows?



#15
Iceheart

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Boomer culture, I guess. Oy.

So, my grandma is actually watching BBC World News. And she actually likes that its just a calm voice reading the news over newsreel footage. Holy crap.

#16
Iceheart

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Aaaannnndddd the story theyre playing now is a short documentary on Karens in Ghana peddling quack Covid cures on social media. Theres nowhere to escape it.

#17
Ms. Spam

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AHAHAHAHA. The human condition means that will happen. If there's a buck to be made!



#18
monkeygirl

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I spose slipping some mescaline in their coffee's out of the question?


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#19
Zathras

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Boomer culture, I guess. Oy.

 

 

 

More like Conservative/Trumpian/Fox News Boomer Culture. Except for extreme-leftists, Boomers who lean left, or are centrist, are far less annoying. Some are downright cool.



#20
Iceheart

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Ehhh, I know plenty of liberal boomers. I piss the liberal ones off even more than I do the conservatives. The conservatives just think Im an immature lost cause. The liberals think Im pure poison.

I know Im painting with a broad brush, but I also know a LOT of boomers.

#21
Zathras

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Ehhh, I know plenty of liberal boomers. I piss the liberal ones off even more than I do the conservatives. The conservatives just think Im an immature lost cause. The liberals think Im pure poison.

I know Im painting with a broad brush, but I also know a LOT of boomers.

Yeah, I hear ya.  I know or work with a lot of boomers too, but I'm also a gen xer, so I suppose I have more in common with boomers.

 

Then again, maybe it depends on where you work or live, in what way you socialize, etc, too. 



#22
Ms. Spam

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You guys are YOUNG compared to me. I'm going to be fifty soon. Freak out!



#23
Iceheart

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I'll be 40 soon, which I have a very "eh" attitude toward right now.



#24
Brando

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Ill turn 40 in September. Im excited about getting old. The older you are, the more you have freedom to not give a ****.
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#25
Zathras

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I'll be 48 soon.  Some days I feel old as dirt, other days, I feel pretty young.  But mostly, my feet hurt.





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