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Icy Watches Horror To Manage Her Anxiety


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Okay, I finally watched the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Which was appropriate, because retrograde Saturn moved into Capricorn today.   I can see why you wanted your homage to be an art house hor

So, basically, he’s an ogre.

Season of the Witch is one of my favs. You want good late 70s/early 80s style, try Ghost Story and Don't Look Back.

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The Blair Witch Project aka This Is Why You Stick To Campgrounds And Trails If You Want To Get Outdoorsy. I feel like this film would have been way more effective as a horror movie in a theater, but it was a pretty good psychological drama on the small screen at 10am. I remember reading that they made the actors actually camp and isolate and scared the crap out of them day and night to get those performances. I would not, that sounds awful.

The Craft. A rewatch before the new one comes out. I wonder how many kids are watching this on Freeform like “whoa, that’s Jughead’s dad!” Yeah, and when he was Juggie’s age.

I follow a fairly popular witch account on insta who asked for opinions on the trailer of the new one, and I distinctly remember two of the biggest bitches were about the glamour being all fairy makeup, and the binding picture being a Polaroid. I had to learn this from a review - that fairy makeup is a Euphoria thing. And the picture they used in the original was an old print picture from a film camera. As if today’s kid has ever seen a film camera. But Polaroids are huge with the kids. It’s almost like, I don’t know, the new one is made for a completely different audience than the first one was?

Ladies and Gentlemen, my/our generation has officially become the completely uncool grownup. The one who can’t understand why teenagers don’t teenage just like they did. Instead of supporting a female filmmaker telling an empowering story for girls that’ll probably gain some baby witches, we’d rather bitch about Polaroids. Jesus.

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You’re now at the age where you’re a fossil, hate to break it to you. Honestly, I always thought that expression was like “old as a” until I got old and realized it actually means fossilized at a certain age and unable to accept anything that came past that. For instance, my complete apathy about Tik Tok.

Oh, and - witches have been using almost exactly that binding spell from The Craft every month for the past four years on Trump. IF ONLY IT REALLY WORKED LIKE THAT AMIRITE?

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Get Out. I feel like saying anything critical at all about this movie makes one a racist, but... I could poke too many holes in the metaphor. And I thought Black Mirror did it a bit more effectively. Please do not cancel me.

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Things Michiganders say to the screen when watching Halloween (which I actually started Halloween night but fell asleep in the middle of) :

”Ope, there he is!”

”Ope, he got another one!”

”Ope, the phone’s out!”

”OKAY GOOD NOW TAKE THE KNIFE AND CHOP HIM INTO LITTLE PIECES AND EAT HIM.”

”THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T MAKE SURE THEY’RE DEAD. NOW CUT HIS HEAD OFF AND PUT IT ON A PIKE IN THE YARD.”

“GOTTA CUT HIS HEAD OFF OMG OMG OMG”

But seriously, do they ever explain how Michael Myers can survive everything? There’s zero explanation as to why he can’t be killed. It’s confusing.

Something tells me Laurie goes on to be the most popular babysitter in town.

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33 minutes ago, Iceheart said:

Things Michiganders say to the screen when watching Halloween (which I actually started Halloween night but fell asleep in the middle of) :

”Ope, there he is!”

”Ope, he got another one!”

”Ope, the phone’s out!”

”OKAY GOOD NOW TAKE THE KNIFE AND CHOP HIM INTO LITTLE PIECES AND EAT HIM.”

”THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T MAKE SURE THEY’RE DEAD. NOW CUT HIS HEAD OFF AND PUT IT ON A PIKE IN THE YARD.”

“GOTTA CUT HIS HEAD OFF OMG OMG OMG”

But seriously, do they ever explain how Michael Myers can survive everything? There’s zero explanation as to why he can’t be killed. It’s confusing.

Something tells me Laurie goes on to be the most popular babysitter in town.

They explain it in a later movie,  it it’s the worst in the series

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3 hours ago, Iceheart said:

 

But seriously, do they ever explain how Michael Myers can survive everything? There’s zero explanation as to why he can’t be killed. It’s confusing.

There's a variation of answers...

When it was JUST the original movie, we were supposed to think Michael was so big and scary and tough, some bullets and a fall weren't enough to kill him.

When the second one came out, Loomis was going on and on and on about how he was just pure evil, and while it wasn't said, the idea hinted is that he had the evil all up in him and it made him hard to kill-- but by the end, he was shot more and blowed up and that was supposedly the end.

Then, in #4, he was back. They said he survived the fire, and was kinda burnt, but was also in a coma for years as a result, until he wasn't.

#5 and #6 got a little more specific with the idea he was actually made immortal by the Cult of Thorne-- a catchall spooky/witchy satanic cult. By then he was shrugging off bullets and damage just like Jason was (once he became zombie Jason).

Then in the 90s, when Halloween H20 was made, they decided to ignore the continuity of 4-6, (3 was always an outlier), and make it a direct sequel to H1 and H2. Somebody watched Highlander one too many times, and they just rolled with the ambiguous HE CAN'T DIE, until Jamie Lee Curtis cuts off his head.

The follow up to that movie was the worst of them all, and peak 90s horror, and they tried to undo the death through some stupid workaround and just rolled with Michael being Michael.

Then Rob Zombie's version came about, along with its sequel, and this time Michael was just MASSIVE on top of being PURE EVIL. He didn't walk through hails of bullets, but took enough damage and you could chalk it up to him being big and strong.. or maybe BECAUSE HE'S EVIL.

Which brings us to H40, which is a sequel ONLY to the original Halloween. So you lose even that Laurie is his sister, and in this one, Jamie Lee Curtis just spends 40 years shell shocked waiting for the day Michael comes back. Yes, it would mean he's pushing 60, and he is NOT supernatural this time, but he is big and reportedly pure evil, which goes back to just assuming he took some bullets and a fall.

That movie ends with him taking a bullet to the side of the face, and he's locked in the basement of a burning house which then collapses. We'll have to wait until Halloween Kills next year to see how it is explained that he survived that.

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Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made (they misspelled “Most #Aesthetic Film Ever Made"). Actually pretty entertaining, and one of those movies that grows on you. The Baphomet oven looks like something that would have been entered in ArtPrize in The BOB’s parking lot if anyone had any balls (and that is a very very specific reference no one here will ever get). And please please please if I’m ever in a horror movie don’t let me be the caretaker of a child. 

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Hell House LLC 2. I’ve seen a whole lot of found footage horror by this point, and the Hell House franchise is definitely one of the better ones for legit creepy scares. The daytime tv show framing was cheesy, otherwise this was pretty solid.

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The Possession of Michael King. The dude who made this is into jump scares the way JJ Abrams is into lens flares. But he mostly does them sonically, and that's way more effective for me than the visual jump scares most movies rely on, so he got me a few times. I especially liked the scene where Michael was describing the noises in his head, and he's like "it sounds like" and all of a sudden it's this extended shriek and the camera goes all weird. It was kind of the sonic equivalent of the blue demon scene in Antrum.

All in all, this took a pretty tired concept and made it feel fresh somehow, so I have to give them snaps.

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The Entity - S vs K kicked off a bit of a cursed movie run for me. This is in Spanish and makes you think you're going to see WAY more Entity than you do. Pretty engaging movie even if it isn't the best.

Fury of the Demon - I learned a LOT about Georges Melies. It was fascinating. This is not a horror movie.

Channel Zero: Candle Cove - It started strong and kinda petered out at the end. I prefer the original CreepyPasta to this version of the story.

The Changeling - look, I get it, it's a classic. But I want to be scared or at least fascinated and this movie did not do that for me. I bailed about 2/3 through.

The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh - I'm only halfway through and do mean to finish this not because it's a good movie, but because I want to see them make angels - not statues that look like angels like Doctor Who, not Biblical angels that would look like Eldrich Horrors, but the fluffy winged angel statues that grandmas decorate with - scary. So far, no scary.

Porno - delightful! Despite the very graphic scene of tourniqueting an exploded nutsack! But really, it was a fun movie to watch.

 

 

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On 11/30/2020 at 4:22 PM, Iceheart said:

The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh - I'm only halfway through and do mean to finish this not because it's a good movie, but because I want to see them make angels - not statues that look like angels like Doctor Who, not Biblical angels that would look like Eldrich Horrors, but the fluffy winged angel statues that grandmas decorate with - scary. So far, no scary.

I went back and finished this and it was TERRIBLE.

Anyway, Kadaver. An elegant movie about post-apocalyptic cannibalism. I haven't watched a lot of German horror, but I feel like it's mostly there to keep the fairy tale tradition alive. 

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