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Trying to Make Sense of Something That Happened Last Year


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All y'all need to come to the next Zoom meeting.   ZN...I will put on a Spotify techno playlist, buy glow sticks, and turn my light on and off the whole time you are in the room.

lol

I'll add, Zerimar, that being reflective is a great thing- trying to make sense of things in order to better ones self is an admirable thing. So kudos to you. But also don't try over think things, it

I legit dont get why anyone would ever want to go to a nightclub. They have no redeeming qualities.

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Not my thing, either. I haven't been to one since my early 20s. And Methuselah still owes me a for picking up the tab that one night, when the Greeks sacked Troy.

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I legit dont get why anyone would ever want to go to a nightclub. They have no redeeming qualities.

To perv on girls 15 years younger than you?

Touché

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If you like a certain scene pr type of music and you have that in common with a person, it's not unlikely at all. I live in the second largest city in the country and it happens more often than you'd think.

 

If there is enough commonality for even a friendship, then there's enough to show up at the same places.

 

Zerimar is the first to admit he has trouble socially, that doesn't make him a stalker.

 

On top of that-- who amongst us hasn't done something a little weird when hung up on a person? Ever drive by their place? Call and hang up? We've all gone a little nutso over somebody at some point. I'm pretty sure my entire nightly existence from 2000-2005 could be defined as perving on somebody 15 years younger than me. Her name was Cereese.

 

It's only when that sort of thing becomes the norm that somebody should raise red flags. That's not Zerimar.

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Yeah, I agree that hes not a creepy stalker, but lots of guys who arent can come across that way. And I would wager thats what happened.

 

 

But its also true that the nightclubs are the worst. If I had to choose between visiting a nightclub for a night or losing a finger, Id really have to think about it.

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Just by the one girls reaction it doesnt seem like this was the first time it happened. You dont flip like that unless you are at your wits end. I didn't say he was a stalker or anything terrible. Just saying I think he went there knowing she would be there. As you said we've all done things like this over girls. Im not killing the guy. Just saying he comes across as odd and he needs to look at himself. I mean in one of the last times he posted soemthing like this he said "I wish she could see how much love Im capable of" or something like that. Thats weird stuff right there, thats like something I'd expect one of the killers to say on Mindhunter.

 

Im not saying he is some terrible person or anytihng like that but I think when he posts something like this and people kinda just liek "oh we've all done things with girls before..." that just makes him feel like what hes doing is normal. Its not normal, he needs to take a step back and look at himself.

 

I just don't believe some girl flipped out on him for no reason.

 

And Tank, unless you are way way older than I thought you were how in gods name could you have been into someone 15 years younger than you in 2000?

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Yeah, I agree that hes not a creepy stalker, but lots of guys who arent can come across that way. And I would wager thats what happened.

 

 

But its also true that the nightclubs are the worst. If I had to choose between visiting a nightclub for a night or losing a finger, Id really have to think about it.

 

Yeah, especially if you are in/near a college town, night clubs are just meat markets. Not a place to find someone for a serious relationship. I don't even go to bars. Sports and Irish Bars have too many bro-dawgs. Then you have alcoholic bars, that's never fun either. If I go out for social alcohol consumption, I limit myself to micro-brew pubs and wine tasting rooms, and I am doing it to have a fun time with my fiance. Not to pick up on anyone.

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And Tank, unless you are way way older than I thought you were how in gods name could you have been into someone 15 years younger than you in 2000?

I'm exaggerating a little, but I'm 45 now. I don't look or act it, but I'm old. I was in my late 20s around then and everyone in Lando was constantly flirting, being inappropriate, or perving on everyone else. This was sort of before anyone really knew any real-life details about anyone else. Turns out, a lot of the females posting around then were teenagers. Nothing metoo-ish really ever happened, but there was some back pedaling.

 

Now that my son is basically the same age Ericka, Reese, or some of the others were, it freaks me the fuck out.

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If you like a certain scene pr type of music and you have that in common with a person, it's not unlikely at all. I live in the second largest city in the country and it happens more often than you'd think.

 

If there is enough commonality for even a friendship, then there's enough to show up at the same places.

 

Zerimar is the first to admit he has trouble socially, that doesn't make him a stalker.

 

On top of that-- who amongst us hasn't done something a little weird when hung up on a person? Ever drive by their place? Call and hang up? We've all gone a little nutso over somebody at some point. I'm pretty sure my entire nightly existence from 2000-2005 could be defined as perving on somebody 15 years younger than me. Her name was Cereese.

 

It's only when that sort of thing becomes the norm that somebody should raise red flags. That's not Zerimar.

Well said. All of us are at different levels of sociability. While I can see how Zerimar might be seen as a bit pervy, I don't think that is his intent. Also, the very fact he is reaching out here counts for something, because he is trying to do better and make a change. It serves no purpose to hammer him and call him creepy and question his motives. Unless the intent is to give him a hard time. And that is kicking a guy when he is down.

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Really though it doesn't matter if he is meaning to be pervy, if the girls he is dealing with think he is pervy then he is being pervy. The girls decide, not Zerimar.

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And Tank, unless you are way way older than I thought you were how in gods name could you have been into someone 15 years younger than you in 2000?

I'm exaggerating a little, but I'm 45 now. I don't look or act it, but I'm old. I was in my late 20s around then and everyone in Lando was constantly flirting, being inappropriate, or perving on everyone else. This was sort of before anyone really knew any real-life details about anyone else. Turns out, a lot of the females posting around then were teenagers. Nothing metoo-ish really ever happened, but there was some back pedaling.

 

Now that my son is basically the same age Ericka, Reese, or some of the others were, it freaks me the **** out.

 

Oh ok, I figured you were around my age. Im 42 and I was like geez in 2000 I was 22, how the hell could there be a girl 15 years younger.

 

Anyway, very glad I never posted in Lando.

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If you like a certain scene pr type of music and you have that in common with a person, it's not unlikely at all. I live in the second largest city in the country and it happens more often than you'd think.

 

If there is enough commonality for even a friendship, then there's enough to show up at the same places.

 

Zerimar is the first to admit he has trouble socially, that doesn't make him a stalker.

 

On top of that-- who amongst us hasn't done something a little weird when hung up on a person? Ever drive by their place? Call and hang up? We've all gone a little nutso over somebody at some point. I'm pretty sure my entire nightly existence from 2000-2005 could be defined as perving on somebody 15 years younger than me. Her name was Cereese.

 

It's only when that sort of thing becomes the norm that somebody should raise red flags. That's not Zerimar.

Well said. All of us are at different levels of sociability. While I can see how Zerimar might be seen as a bit pervy, I don't think that is his intent. Also, the very fact he is reaching out here counts for something, because he is trying to do better and make a change. It serves no purpose to hammer him and call him creepy and question his motives. Unless the intent is to give him a hard time. And that is kicking a guy when he is down.

 

Ofcourse it serves a purpose. If everyone is just like "awww Zerimar its ok, everyone does that. That girl was mean and crazy. You didn't do anytihng wrong". That will just embolden to keep acting in ways that make women uncomfortable. Sometimes you need to face hard truths about yourself and sometimes the only way to see it is to have it pointed out in hard ways.

 

The whole way he views women is troubling. The fact that when he was talking abut the one girl and the first thing he said was "she is the most promiscuis person Ive ever met" is really odd. Like there is something wrong with an adult woman being promiscouis. The fact that he sees this as some bad thing and sort of a mark against that woman is the root of his issue here.

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When you put it that way, you have a point. There is a time to be straight up. I'm just saying I see an effort to better himself and that counts, too. I don't think he's exactly Dexter Morgan, serial killer extraordinaire.

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Wow, Choc, I don't know where to start with you. I guess I'll take it a little bit at a time.

First of all, it was the first, last, and only time this happened, and quit frankly, I feel like telling you off for insinuating otherwise. I had no way of knowing where they'd be; Pittsburgh is a tiny city, one tenth the size of Chicago.

Second, I legitimately enjoy clubs. I never thought I would when I was in my early twenties, but now It's grown on me, and I do. I have a good time. I have a good time by myself, too. If people think that's weird, let them think it.

I don't get to decide if I'm being perverted or not? Really? The person who controls my brain--me--doesn't get to decide that? Now, if what you meant--and this seems more likely--is that their perception of what happened is their right, then you're absolutely right about that.

 

You could be right about the friend's reaction stemming from some sentiment she expressed at the club; that, I truly hadn't considered. But where you are wrong is in how you present the way events unfolded: she wasn't simply "being nice" to me initially; she legitimately returned the interest. I know this because all I did to initiate the whole thing was smile across the table at her. She'd return the smile, then from that point until the first time we went to lunch together, she initiated all the escalations. She started messaging me on the company's instant messages service, she asked me about my past, she volunteered her life story when we finally did go to lunch together, trying to see if we'd be a good fit. As it turned out, we weren't. Now, what I will admit to here is that, instead of going with my gut (because the way she described herself didn't seem like someone I'd want to date), I did keep pursuing a bit, just to see if she had any redeeming qualities. It finally became apparent that she didn't want to pursue it anymore the day of our company happy hour. We're talking about only a week or two from the lunch date to the happy hour, so not a long period of time. Still, I did get a bit overeager during those two weeks or so, and the damage had been done. But like I said, I approached her later, apologized, and things were just fine between us from then on (aside from the night in question, assuming it was as you suggest). I didn't have "no chance" with her, at least not initially. She was definitely intrigued at first, and I guaranteed she'd admit as much.

Don't be childish by putting the world "relationship" in quotes. There are different kinds of relationships on all different levels. I have a relationship with my tax attorney. Stop trying to paint me in a negative light.

You said, "Why would she be attracted to a fat, bald man?" Well, she was initially. And I used those terms to illustrate how her friend was describing me, not how I actually am. I'm pretty handsome and have lots tons of weight. Ask Tank!

You misquoted something I said. I never said I wished she could see how loving and caring I am; I said I wished they could see it, meaning my co-workers at the time who were having a hard time and I felt I had a duty to console them but didn't quite know how. It had absolutely nothing to do with the girl in question. Stop twisting my words.

I do not think I am owed anything by women, or anyone for that matter. I hate entitlement and am the least entitled person you'll ever meet. You know, you're actually starting to remind me of that girl, making wild character assassinations.

Dear Lord, that's it for the moment. I'll have to look at page one to see if there's anything else that needs rebutting. In summary, you are being a jerk and you are wrong, and I don't appreciate it. I especially hate it when someone accuses me of dishonesty. It makes me livid, in fact.

I'd like to thank everyone here but Choc.

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Im not trying to beat the guy up but he just needs to realize that some of the stuff that happens to him, its not bad luck or that people are jerks, its because of how he acts. He needs to look at himself and try to fix his behavior. Like I said in an earlier post it doesn't matter if his intention isn't be creepy or stalkery. He doesn't decide if he is being creepy, the women decide. If the women think he is being creepy then he is being creepy, no matter his intention.

 

Listen we are on a Star Wars messageboard so decent chance alot of us here went through periods of having social awkwardness. We've probably outgrown that to varying degrees. So ofcourse we all can relate to what he is going through. I feel bad for someone who says they don't like being around friends. Thats a big issue, thats sad. I don't know if he just seeks the wrong friends or what. Really that is probably the first thing he needs to work on before worrying about meeting a woman.

 

Really though he needs to examine his own actions and that doesnt mean he is a jerk or is tryng to do anything wrong. Socializing, friends, dating for some people it comes so easy and naturally. For others its hard. It seems like its hard for Zerimar and that is sad. I hate that. It was hard for me when I was younger. When I hear of a kid who is like that and doesnt have many friends it upsets me. Its no less upsetting when its an adult.

 

So really maybe I did come across harsh in an earlier post or two but Zerimar just needs to realize that these issues are due to himself. There is nothing wrong with that and once he admits that its him he can make the decision to take action and learn from it.

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Yeah, my reply above is a little strong as well, but dude, you pissed me off with your accusations. That was entirely uncalled for.

I don't think I ever didn't own that this whole situation came about because of something I did; I was trying to make sense of someone else's reaction. I'm trying to break a lifetime of being and feeling different. It's not easy.

 

[Edit] Something I said about can be misconstrued. It was not two weeks of nonstop unwanted flirting, but maybe two or three times asking if she wanted to get together. It was unwanted, I will admit to that, but compared to some stories I've heard from girls--including that girl--it was hardly anything.

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You see Zerimar, you are probably a good nice guy. I wont deny that. The issue is you post these long posts and you ask for opinions and help or advice or whatever. But in reality you just want reassurance. You just want to hear "oh man that girl was crazy, you didn't do anything wrong." Its the same as the time you made the topic about if you should leave this board. You didn't want anytihng other than "no man stay!!".

 

Just the way you talk about women is weird. From saying the one girl being promiscuous is a potential sign of personality disorder to just in the recent post saying you talked to the other girl to "see if she had any redeeming qualities"? I mean she was so awful you werent sure she had ANY redeeming qualities? She was so bad she needed to be redeemed in the first place? Why the hell do you care about these people if the one is just a slut who sleeps around with a personality disorder and the other has potentially no redeeming qualities?

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You said, "Why would she be attracted to a fat, bald man?" Well, she was initially. And I used those terms to illustrate how her friend was describing me, not how I actually am. I'm pretty handsome and have lots tons of weight. Ask Tank!

 

We've only been on a few dates, and he's been a perfect gentleman.

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That may have been a little strong. She did have redeeming qualities, but was essentially very immature. I was just trying to see if there was anything between the "I-spend-most-of-my-money-on-alcohol" that was worth dating.

 

I'd hate to say you're wrong again, but you're wrong. Again, stop making assumptions. I do make threads genuinely asking for advice, and if you'll notice, I always take that advice and thank the people who offered it. I will make corrections to erroneous perceptions, however, because I may not have been clear on a certain point, giving people the wrong impression, which may lead to advice that is in no way applicable.

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Haha!

Listen, man. We probably got off on the wrong foot in this thread. I think we can both do with more listening and less asserting. I know you're trying to help me out, so I'm sorry for being an ass.

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That may have been a little strong. She did have redeeming qualities, but was essentially very immature. I was just trying to see if there was anything between the "I-spend-most-of-my-money-on-alcohol" that was worth dating.

 

I'd hate to say you're wrong again, but you're wrong. Again, stop making assumptions. I do make threads genuinely asking for advice, and if you'll notice, I always take that advice and thank the people who offered it. I will make corrections to erroneous perceptions, however, because I may not have been clear on a certain point, giving people the wrong impression, which may lead to advice that is in no way applicable.

Maybe but it seems to me you put stuff out there and then when someone maybe calls you out on something its just "nope, nope, nope. I didn't do anything you are saying. I behaved perfectly". You can say Im wrong but thats how you come across.

 

Odine said he cant take what you say seriously basically because none of your stories add up to any logic. Brando said you post stories where you are the victim. Cerina implied you don't see women as "actual people". Tank made a long post where one of the parables was basically that when the same sort of stuff happens to you all the time that its because of you.

 

Also it was Brando, not me, who put "relationship" in quotes.

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