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Trying to Make Sense of Something That Happened Last Year


118 replies to this topic

#51
Zerimar Nyliram

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That may have been a little strong. She did have redeeming qualities, but was essentially very immature. I was just trying to see if there was anything between the "I-spend-most-of-my-money-on-alcohol" that was worth dating.

 

I'd hate to say you're wrong again, but you're wrong. Again, stop making assumptions. I do make threads genuinely asking for advice, and if you'll notice, I always take that advice and thank the people who offered it. I will make corrections to erroneous perceptions, however, because I may not have been clear on a certain point, giving people the wrong impression, which may lead to advice that is in no way applicable.

Maybe but it seems to me you put stuff out there and then when someone maybe calls you out on something its just "nope, nope, nope. I didn't do anything you are saying. I behaved perfectly". You can say Im wrong but thats how you come across. 

 

Odine said he cant take what you say seriously basically because none of your stories add up to any logic. Brando said you post stories where you are the victim. Cerina implied you don't see women as "actual people". Tank made a long post where one of the parables was basically that when the same sort of stuff happens to you all the time that its because of you. 

 

Also it was Brando, not me, who put "relationship" in quotes. 

 

Oh, my bad on that last one. Well, I did notice these things, but I can let one tiny misperception per post slide when the rest of it is solid advice. Yours was a wall it.



#52
The Choc

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You want real advice? Find a group of friends you want to be around. 



#53
Zerimar Nyliram

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Got it, and thanks. Easier said than done, but thanks.



#54
The Choc

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You have to force yourself through the early stages where maybe its weird. You have to realize if there is a group of friends and you are the new guy it won't be easy. You have to accept they won't always include you for a while. If they all go somewhere on a Saturday and don't include you, you cant be like "oh why didnt they include me?". When they do include you, you have to go every single time for a while, even if you force yourself. There is nothing that will turn a group off from you more than turning down invitations because eventually they will think "why bother?". You have to be the one who always volunteers to be the designated driver for a while. 

 

It can be hard to ingratiate yourself into a group of friends, it can be almost downright work. 


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#55
Cerina

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I was 20 when I joined Nightly and 21 before I became actually active. So, you're not as pervy as you think.

#56
Tank

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I was 20 when I joined Nightly and 21 before I became actually active. So, you're not as pervy as you think.

BOOOOOOO

 

But seriously, I met Ericka and Kelly for lunch once and was OH YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL!? GREAT. UHHHHHHHH



#57
Cerina

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Don't get me wrong, you're still plenty pervy. Just...I've always been legal.
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#58
Zerimar Nyliram

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Just to clarify, Cerina: my psychologist (she's not a psychiatrist) didn't diagnose the girl from hearsay, she simply said that that was what it sounded like.



#59
Brando

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Choc, one other thing that you missed is that if she really does coke, that can cause some crazy behavior. There's a guy in Columbus who is the king of the ambulance chasers and his daughter matches Zerimar's description of this girl - she's incredibly beautiful, drunk, and on coke pretty much constantly. Or at least she was for a.decade - my life has gotten me pretty far away from people like that. But she would go crazy over nothing. I first saw her as a customer at a store I was working in, an encounter where she offered to flash me and started yelling at a coworker for checking her out, when he literally had not looked in her direction. And it got crazier from there. I met her after that through a friend while we were at a trendy bar, she didn't remember me at all, but she offered me a threesome with her and her friend in exchange for coke. I told her no on all counts and turned away from her, after which she tried to get my friend to beat me up.

#60
The Choc

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Well I mean if the story Zerimar told is 100% accurate and not at minimum heavily from his perspective  then yeah the girl who  confronted him at the club was just kinda crazy and out of line. The fact that he didn't  just chalk it up to that and felt  the need to post here made me think there must be more to it.



#61
Zerimar Nyliram

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I've told you over and over again why I posted this story. In fact, it's in the thread title. If you don't want to accept it or believe it, I guess I can't make you.



#62
The Choc

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You are trying to make sense of it. But if you took no actions to warrant it then I guess making sense of it means simply that the girl was crazy and out of line. Im guessing thats what you want to hear. 



#63
Zerimar Nyliram

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No, I was hoping for more psychological analyses. People have provided them--what others have pointed out regarding how my presence there was probably perceived, and it's been helpful (though the bulk of it was what I already figured was the case, admittedly). Even one of the things you told me was helpful and new, so thank you.

Basically, I don't want repeats.



#64
Brando

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You are trying to make sense of it. But if you took no actions to warrant it then I guess making sense of it means simply that the girl was crazy and out of line. Im guessing thats what you want to hear. 


We still pick apart movies that are decades old. Digging up the past for no good reason is what we do.
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#65
The Choc

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You are trying to make sense of it. But if you took no actions to warrant it then I guess making sense of it means simply that the girl was crazy and out of line. Im guessing thats what you want to hear. 


We still pick apart movies that are decades old. Digging up the past for no good reason is what we do.

 

I suppose. I really have a hard time wrapping my mind around anyone posting here asking for advice on their real life. That's odd to me to begin with. I dont know Zerimar so Im just reacting to what hes posted here. Anything Ive said is in reaction to what hes posted. Is it possible she is just a girl who has problems and does drugs and went crazy one night? Sure,maybe thats the case.But when someone says they are 37 and trying to date a 22 year old and her friend went off on him Im going to think that he was acting creepy. Because that is the logical conclusion to come to. Ofcourse once I say that he will say "no, I wasnt creepy. she would tell you that too." Sadly she is not available for comment. 

 

Really what I think is simply Zerimar is a good guy who is socially awkward and has problems picking up basic social cues that most people would pick up on. This girl got frustrated by it and decided to tell him what she thought in no uncentain terms, bypassing these cues that Zerimar failed to pick up on.

 

From the preponderance of his posts in this thread and others it feels to me that Zerimars basic point is that he is a great person and he wishes others could see this. Mayb thats true. He also seems to put the onus on others to see this in him rather that finding constructive ways to show this to others. Basically what can come natural to others is hard for him, which sucks and is sad and I can sympathize with. But until he realizes the onus for this isn't on others and is on himself it will never get better.

 

Ofcourse now Im sure he will post next that he doesn't put any kind of onus on any others. But Id say the very fact he has to come here, to an internet messageboard decades past its prime to seek advice, is evidence of an issue in and of itself. Until he realizes that in general its him and not others that cause his issues he will never be able to have friends who he actually wants to be around, he won;t be able to have a girlfriend.

 

To me these threads feel like this: Zerimar posts some story. Others reply saying how what Zerimar did was wrong, and if not wrong not normal. He gets defensive and basically says you are making unfair assumptions.

 

Here is a fact. A 37 year old man going to a night club by himself is weird. Its odd behavior. Most people will construe it as odd behavior. I feel bad if he doesn;t have a group of friends he can go to a club with. I really do. But that doesnt change that the mere fact going to a club by yourself is odd and going at his age makes it odder. Take everything else out of this story, forget the girl going crazy. Forget if he was creepy with the young girl he liked. Just going to a club at that age by yourself is going to seem odd to most people. Most people are going to think you are weird if you do that. 



#66
Tank

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You also in the past have said you don't think it's possible to know/care/be real friends with people you only know online? This was a long time ago, when membership was more than the same 20 or so people active these days.

You have hung around, which means maybe you have changed tune and like us... or we're just the only people who will talk Star Wars with you.

I've been posting on here for 21 years, not quite, but close to half my life. Which is INSANE to think about. I designed the nightly logo, I've had relationships and just plain relations with people I met on here. Outside. Of maybe 2 or 3 of my oldest friends from college, I've had more consistent conversations with Krawlie than anyone else in my life.

Beyond that, most people now meet and socialize via online social platforms. I don't think it's abnormal.

Them again I havent gone outside in days and ate cookie dough for dinner, so maybe I'm not the best judge of how to be a functional human.
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#67
Zerimar Nyliram

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Guy, I'm thirty-six! I was thirty-five when it happened. Let's not accelerate the aging process that I am painfully aware of here!

No, I won't ague with you here: you've pretty much hit the nail on the head this time, and I will take it to heart and try to improve. I got defensive earlier because you were way off, not the least of which was essentially calling me a liar, which I find infuriating. I've gotten to a point in my life where I am able to be brutally honest and be proud of it, so when someone accuses me of dishonesty it tends to really get under my skin, more than ever before. Admittedly, this is also something I should probably work on.

Your memory of past threads is different than mine. I remember taking the advice to heart every single time and walking away with a lesson learned. So far, this is the only thread I've been defensive in.



#68
Brando

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You are trying to make sense of it. But if you took no actions to warrant it then I guess making sense of it means simply that the girl was crazy and out of line. Im guessing thats what you want to hear. 

We still pick apart movies that are decades old. Digging up the past for no good reason is what we do.
 
I suppose. I really have a hard time wrapping my mind around anyone posting here asking for advice on their real life. That's odd to me to begin with.

The fact that youve been here for so long and read what people have posted and still feel that way is way weirder than anything Zerimar has ever posted. You come across like a psychopath.
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#69
monkeygirl

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This is why people who work together shouldn't date or ****.

 

I'd like to add there is NOTHING wrong with bald, fat men <3



#70
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Lol. If we all dial it down a notch in here, I think we can agree that in a packed nightclub Zerimar is gonna be the weirdest guy in the room. Which is not easy to deal with (for himself and others) and Choc is gonna be the most blunt and obstinate person in the room.

#71
Zerimar Nyliram

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Ha! I'll be the weirdest guy in the room always. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I've embraced my weirdness, and sometimes it works for me. When it doesn't, oh well.

I feel that since I've been using Nightly to talk about my problems lately that many people are only seeing my failures and hangups, which is only one side. I've had a lot of success as far as personal development is concerned since reaching my thirties, including success with women. In fact, I'm kind of glad I started late. I've found a lot of thing the guy below says to be true for me:



#72
Zathras

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Lol. If we all dial it down a notch in here, I think we can agree that in a packed nightclub Zerimar is gonna be the weirdest guy in the room. Which is not easy to deal with (for himself and others) and Choc is gonna be the most blunt and obstinate person in the room.

To be fair, things were dialed down, until Choc's sanctimonious and Asperger-esque posts that nobody asked for.


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#73
The Choc

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You also in the past have said you don't think it's possible to know/care/be real friends with people you only know online? This was a long time ago, when membership was more than the same 20 or so people active these days.

You have hung around, which means maybe you have changed tune and like us... or we're just the only people who will talk Star Wars with you.

I've been posting on here for 21 years, not quite, but close to half my life. Which is INSANE to think about. I designed the nightly logo, I've had relationships and just plain relations with people I met on here. Outside. Of maybe 2 or 3 of my oldest friends from college, I've had more consistent conversations with Krawlie than anyone else in my life.

Beyond that, most people now meet and socialize via online social platforms. I don't think it's abnormal.

Them again I havent gone outside in days and ate cookie dough for dinner, so maybe I'm not the best judge of how to be a functional human.

Im not telling you or anyone else who your friends are. You can be friends with whoever you want. My point is this: if you asked me 20 years ago and asked me today who my best and closest friends are I'd give you the same answers. I think back to all of the common history and shared experiences we've had over 25+ years and thats what really makes and defines our friendship and bond. Myself I cant see meeting someone on a board like this and then continuing the friendship mostly here or through other virtual means and having that some bond as I do with my friends. I can't see how its possible. But Im not in anyway telling you that your friendship with Krawlie or anyone else isn't real. If you consider him one of your best friends, thats awesome. 

 

As for the "just people I talk Star Wars with" thing, yes that is mostly true and Ill compare it to this: I got a bar regularly, probably more than I should. Its got a good group of baseball fans, people who legit know their stuff. There is one guy who comes in for games, big fan. He usually arrives moments before 1st pitch and he usually has his bill paid and his last beer finished before the 9th inning so he can leave as soon as the game is over. He is there to watch baseball with other fans who really know the game and thats it. He doesnt want anything else. Ive asked him to play on my trivia team, he has no interest. I don't know if he is married, has kids, what he does for a living, where he lives, his last name. 90% of the conversations he has with the rest of us are baseball related. If a game is a blow out and we start talking about something else he will sometimes join in but hes just as likely to not join in and bury himself in the game or even to be like "ahh this one is over" and leave early. Hes there for baseball and baseball talk and nothing else. Ive never seen him in the offseason. And thats great, there is nothing wrong with that. I like when he walks into the bar cause he adds to the conversation but hes not my friend. He doesn;t want to be my friend. He wants to argue if Tim Raines should be in the HOF or not. And thats awesome! Thats how I am here, Im here for certain conversations. I sometimes will get involved in others as I have for some reason in this thread but Im sure anyone would agree that the vast majority of my posts are related to certain topics. 

 

And thats not to say that I don't "like" anyone here. Ive never had an issue with anyone. A couple have had an issue with me but even those people I liked and had no problem with. Im sure if someone from here recognized me somewhere and we talked I'd like everyone well enough. But just like that guy from the bar has no interest in any kind of friendship outside of the very strict confines of baseball games Im not interested in friendship with anyone here outside of talking about Star Wars or Thrones or in the past sports. And just like I don't take it as a negative that the baseball guy doesnt want to be my friend no one here should take it as a negative or slight that Im not interested in being their friend. 



#74
The Choc

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Ha! I'll be the weirdest guy in the room always. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I've embraced my weirdness, and sometimes it works for me. When it doesn't, oh well.

I feel that since I've been using Nightly to talk about my problems lately that many people are only seeing my failures and hangups, which is only one side. I've had a lot of success as far as personal development is concerned since reaching my thirties, including success with women. In fact, I'm kind of glad I started late. I've found a lot of thing the guy below says to be true for me:

Hey it talking things out here is helping you that's great, Im glad. If you feel you are making improvements in your life, thats very cool. I realize I can come across harsh sometimes, its not my intent. Sometimes I forget that not everyone is like me, which is most definitely a good thing. I didn't mean to call you a liar, just the story you posted didn't have the ring of truth to me, it feels like something is missing from it. Then again I don't know you or the people you are talking about, so maybe it is 100% true. I don't know.

 

I dont want people here, or anywhere to think of me as being mean, because Im not. But much like I put the onus on you for maybe not coming across how you want I have to put that onus on myself. Like I said I make the mistake of thinking people are like me who can never be bothered or upset by anything anyone says. And to be honest in my younger days I probably felt people who did get bothered in that way were just babies. I don't think that any more but maybe sometimes I still act that way.

 

Im not backing down from everything Ive said in this thread, I do think youd be far better off having people you know IRL who know you better and know the others you are talking about. SImply for the reason I think theyd be able to give you better advice because theyd have more knowledge of whats actually happening.

 

But anyone like I said, I dont want anyone to think of me as mean or a jerk. I dont think of the other members here as friends and I never will but still even people who arent my friends I don't want to think Im a mean person. 


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#75
Zathras

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Since YOU brought it up Choc.....you say you don't want anyone to think you are mean or a jerk, well, buddy, too late. 

 

You ARE mean.  You DO come off as a jerk.  You ARE condescending and arrogant. You are on the fine line of being an all out troll.  Jesus, sometimes even Justus sounds more reasonable than you. A lot of people, myself included, don't like it, and guess what?  To paraphrase something you said earlier in this very thread, YOU don't get to decide if you are a jerk.  Other people do. It's for other people to judge whether or not what you say is hurtful, not you.  Look no further than this very thread, but also to your responses all over nightly.  I've read your posts for years, and it's always the same old story.  You are incapable of having a normal conversation.  I've seen you get in knockdown drag outs, including with ZM.  What possessed you to even post here in this thread, in the first place? Nobody put a gun to your head to do so. In your own words, you don't want to be friends with anyone, so why would you even care to give input?  Except of course, to be jerk, which you succeeded in.  You have a way to make people feel small, so why would you think ZM would even want your so-called advice in the first place?    

 

Everything with you has to be a contrarian argument in which you are always right, just for the sake of what I guess you call fun.  Now, most people can have a discussion and disagree. Sometimes it does get heated, but still make their points, and then move on.  Most posters here are civil. There's this thing called tact, which is quite literally the art of getting your point across without being a jerk about it.   But not you.  You HAVE to suck the fun out of every single discussion, coming off like you know everything there is to know about any given subject, and that any other differing opinions are so obviously wrong that you have to beat a dead horse and repeat your point over and over, and all in a condescending way.  





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