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Is anyone else exhausted?


Iceheart
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I lub you guys and gals. I'm weirdly at peace but still super sad. The hardest part is going to be telling my Nan. We haven't told my Mom's Mom. She's 102 as of last month. I think secretly she knows because they had this strange connection. Nan always knows when Mom is in trouble.

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I am sorry spam...that is awful.

 

I think one reason for the exhaustion in me is the days seem the same. I remember hearing time goes faster when you don't have memories to sort it out. As a kid and a teen new shit is always happening. A lot of firsts. It seemed like a magical time. As adults, we fall into routines. Even my fun, my soccer league is routine...same days...my gym routine is the same...and so on. Now those things are pulled away and days are just slipping through our hands like sand. It is kinda like if you are lazy all day, you are even more tired that night.

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I am sorry for you to go through this, Ms Spam. I know it is easier said than done, and I hope you don't mind me saying so, but try to remember the good times with your Mom, and try to celebrate her life today. Your mom would want you to remember her in happier times. I speak from experience, because someone told me the same thing, once.

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Thanks everyone. We did a family only service to help my Nan understand mom was gone. She forgets sometimes and thinks mom is at the store or she tries to call her and we took the phone out already so she gets all mad because the number says its disconnected. I bought a special rosary for Nan to hold. Sometimes she remembers mom is dead and cries for her baby. I have sat with nan holding her hand watching the mountains burn and just telling over and over mommy has gone to be with grandpa. Then nan cries a lot. It doesnt help my Aunt is Xanaxing the shit out of it.

 

They tried to put Nan in a nursing home but she tied up their phone lines so bad no one could get through. She hated the home and would call and cry to be taken home.

 

Yesterday we had to get Tim on task. I cant stay forever to actually clean Moms house. We have a chotzsky room full of stuff. And there was so much dirt and dog piss and cat barf we had to scrub the floors like we are cleaning a restaurant floor at closing to squeegy it and mop it. Tim let coyotes eat Moms dogs and chickens. Its taking a lot to not want to smack him.

 

Matt thought one of the cats got out and was trying to get it back and it turned out to be a bobcat. It was so cool. I will try and post pics on Facebook of the bunny rabbits that run around the culdesac at moms house.

 

I am just so tired. And sometimes they just want to pitch everything. Not save anything of moms.

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I actually think the wanting to pitch things is normal, because it's easier, and when you're grieving, it can dig up a lot you just can't handle. My moms family is horrified by the things I trashed. I mostly kept pictures and 2 of her porcelain angel collection. I gave one to a friend of hers to remember her by.

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