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Some people can't catch a break, right? Some people seem to have one bad thing after another happen to them... and it's not things they could avoid per se-- acts of God, allergic reactions, disasters, untimely deaths, car accidents, just plain bad luck.

 

...or is it more a product of their lifestyle? Do some people just not have their shit together enough that all it takes is one bad day and their life is ruined, because they were hovering around it being ruined already?

 

Which is it? Does the universe stack the odds against some people, or are they a victim of their own inability to get ahead?

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Everyone has periods in their life where bad things come one after the other. Everyone. The difference is some people feel "woe is me" and let it ruin their lives and let everyone know how "unlucky" they are. Others have these things happen and realize they aren't so special and everyone has bad things happen and their own crosses to bear. And they know the rare person who hasn't had these kinda things happen to them we should just be happy for them cause in all likliehood their day will come anyway.

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Depends. For most people, I think it's poor choices. But there's still a substantial population that just gets screwed, and in the US, it's hard to get out from under things. Whether it's generational poverty or medical bills, once you fall you're just buried, and a lot of people have it happen before they're even born.

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I once had a customer called Gary who got cancer of the penis. He was in his 60s. It was a rare cancer type. Not testicular or prostate, cancer on the Johnson. He had it amputated, or at least mostly amputated. He lived in absolute misery for the next two or three months untill he died.

 

No matter how bad it gets. At least you're not Gary.

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I'm gonna put this in spoiler tags because it gets long and rambley and I lose focus at the end. No one needs to read it if they don't want to, it's definitely tl;dr

 

 

Let me tell you about this family I know. They've always had **** handed to them, especially the last few years, and I honestly don't know which way it goes for them.

 

My best friend growing up (and probably still to this day) is the second of six kids. I also became very close with the third kid as got older, close enough that he'd be my second choice if we're counting BFF scores. They're an ultra-conservative, fundamentalist Christian, very poor family. Even as a kid the wealth disparity was extremely noticeable, and it's not as if my family was rich. They were the first recipients of a Habitat for Humanity house in the town we grew up in, sometime around fifth or sixth grade. His parents still live there, and I think they're doing okay enough now that it's not a daily struggle to afford anything like it was when we were young. It was hard for me not to feel guilty when their level of toys and video games and vacations were a fraction of mine.

 

I mentioned the fundamentalist thing on purpose too. Some of the kids have drifted to varying degrees, some haven't. We also went to church growing up and my parents still do, but this family I'm talking about was always a little (a lot) more extreme. A Nightmare Before Christmas was considered demonic, for example. Harry Potter wasn't allowed. Praying the gay away. Voting against their own economic interests because Jesus. That sort of thing. It affected every decision they made, often to their detriment. I don't mean to sound belittling of religion or anyone who is a believer, as I remain unsure exactly what I do or don't believe, but it's hard not to take these things into consideration.

 

Their dad is now, and has been for a decade or so, extremely ill with more than one autoimmune disease. He could go at any minute, honestly. My friend's wife also has more than one autoimmune disease, and heart problems.

 

The oldest kid died in 2015 from a car accident. She had been estranged from the family and even her own three kids, on a drug bender (nowhere near the first for her) and with more than one warrant out for her arrest. She'd spent a lot of time in jail. Before this bender, though, she had started to get her life back on track and I think was an administrator at a hospital? Not sure exactly. She died when the driver of the car she was in rear ended a stationary semi on the side of the freeway and she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

 

Six-ish months later, kid number four lost her first baby. He died after being stuck in the birth canal, and essentially was crushed. They had wanted to sue for malpractice of negligence or something and from the sound of it they had a case, but nothing ever came of it so I'm guessing they really didn't.

 

Last summer, kid number three and again, one of my best friends, died from an overdose of oxy. He had been out to visit the family a week or two before, and I went out to Arizona specifically to see him (he lived in Tennessee to be near his daughter, who was taken their by her bitch of a mother) for the first time in a decade. It was a wonderful reunion for everyone. He swore up and down he wasn't taking anything other than alcohol, cigarettes, the occasional pot, and whatever pills he was prescribed (I can't remember what, part of me wants to say anti-psychotic but that doesn't sound right either; he had ADD as a kid so maybe it was something related). Either way, he was definitely not prescribed any opioids.

 

Then, just last month, kid number four again. She had had two more boys after losing the first. The newest baby, born just in November or December, suddenly came down with RSV. They couldn't treat him in the hospital in Prescott, so they airlifted him down to Phoenix. On the way, his heart stopped a few times, and each resuscitation brought brain damage (I don't know the exact details on how this works, I may be describing it incorrectly). He also had kidney problems, heart problems, and at least one more thing, none of which were detected in any previous appointment. After having already lost a child, the parents had been extremely, maybe overly diligent on her kids' health, and yet, they lost another child anyway.

 

Writing this all out and reliving basically an entirely life with this family, I see it both ways. Being poor is hard and it's hard to break out of it, sometimes you just can't because the way the world works. But then you're actively hateful to groups of people different than you. You drive your own kids away and into dangerous habits because of how heavy handed you are with your own beliefs. But on the other hand... no one made these dumbasses start taking drugs. And continue taking drugs after losing a sibling to it. I know addiction is far more complex than that, but still. And then to lose two babies. Ugh.

 

The more I write the more upset I'm getting about all this again, so I don't really know what else to say and I don't really know if I had a point to it all. The topic just got me thinking.

 

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That's dark. I'd say the religious fundamentalism has a lot to answer for in that situation. As you say..the heavy handed parenting, that comes from fundamentalism like that, can drive young people to various forms of escapism including drug abuse. Not to mention the poverty would probably have been less stark had they not had 6 kids. If their religion allowed for the use of birth control.

 

I have an extended family who have come from a similar place, though it hasnt ended in such tragedy but they have definitely had their problems. Which ultimately can be traced back to their heavy handed authoritarian father and the "church" they belonged to.

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Damn, that is super rough.

 

I do think that a lot of times children of people from an exceptionally low place have a pretty high rate of being in the same place because they simply know no different (which is the case of my extended family) or they are pressured so hard to get out of the situation the first failure destroys their spirit.

 

Like Brando said, some people are screwed before they are even born.

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Yesterday, the stock market crashed 2,000 points, we got hit with a nasty car repair bill, the virus panic is threatening to cancel some stuff I'm really looking forward to, and there was some family drama happening. Yet somehow I stayed mentally above water.

I don't want to be Aunt Karen sharing it on Facebook, but this quote from Bruce Lee has been sticking with me lately:

“Choose the positive. You have choice, you are master of your attitude, choose the positive, the constructive. Optimism is a faith that leads to success.”

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Not to take anything away from Jacob's friends, because that family has been through considerably worse shit, but I swear I feel like we've been dealing with one thing after another for about 5ish years now. Some of it is pretty big - 2 major motor vehicle accidents. Some of it is a result of our choices - choosing the wrong shitty company to work for. Some of it is just a series of every day life events that all seemed to come one right after another - grandparents dying, mom almost dying, kids being tested for special needs, insurance refusing to pay for a needed surgery, truck engine breaking, A/C system going out, etc. But a lot of it feels like a giant snowball that we just could not get away from - coming THISCLOSE to losing our house in 2018. In fact, you could say that we did lose it since we sold it for cash at about $30k less than we could have so the mortgage company couldn't foreclose on us.

 

Some of this shit was clearly the result of our choices, but not all of our choices had a clear right/wrong to them. Example - back in 2015 my husband interviewed with and was offered positions with 2 reputable companies. The pay and benefits were similar, both locations were only about 2 miles from the house, both required that he purchases and provide his own tools, and both offered paid training to obtain trade licenses. We picked one, and 5 months later shit just hit the fan with them. We should have chosen the other, but there was absolutely no way to know that at the time.

The snowball that eventually led to us selling the house to avoid foreclosure started with a natural disaster (Hurricane Harvey) and us trying to do the right thing by accepting the "natural disaster relief" offered by the mortgage company. (fuck them, btw.)

 

It's at the point now where an overnight trip to the ER with a toddler barely registers as an event.

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Talk about **** magnets. My Mom aspirated today on fluid in her lungs. And there was huge drama about nothing meanwhile my Mom is suffering. Done with this family once it is over with but gawhduh as Tami says, this year is a **** magnet.

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Every time I see this I think that it's F*** Magnets, because they piss Tank off.


Talk about **** magnets. My Mom aspirated today on fluid in her lungs. And there was huge drama about nothing meanwhile my Mom is suffering. Done with this family once it is over with but gawhduh as Tami says, this year is a **** magnet.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. It's amazing you're as normal as you are.

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Jim Collins has a few books on this (Good to Great and Great by Choice) where he studied various events, corperations, etc and tried to figure out why given the exact same ****ty luck and ****ty conditions, thing x failed and thing y succeeded. His basic conclusion is that the thing that succeeded prepared for failure.

 

One example from his books that always stuck with me (because it is kinda morbid) was the race to be the first expedition to reach the South Pole. One team used horses and the other team used dogs. Horses seemed like the better bet...unless **** hit the fan because both people and dogs will eat dead dogs. That's exactly what happened. Both expeditions ran into supply issues and one was prepared by bringing dogs.

 

Yeah, **** luck happens to some people more than others. But some are prepared (either financially, psychologically, mentally, etc) and some can't get out of their own ****ing way.

 

Hearing Jacob's story, it seems the family raised their kids the way they want or think the world should be (the guy that took the horses) versus the way the world actually is (the guy that brought the dogs). Yeah, it is ****ed up to prepare to eat dogs, but the world is ****ed up and you need to be prepare them for this.

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  • 1 year later...
On 3/10/2020 at 6:57 AM, Darth Krawlie said:

I'm gonna put this in spoiler tags because it gets long and rambley and I lose focus at the end. No one needs to read it if they don't want to, it's definitely tl;dr

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Let me tell you about this family I know. They've always had **** handed to them, especially the last few years, and I honestly don't know which way it goes for them.

 

My best friend growing up (and probably still to this day) is the second of six kids. I also became very close with the third kid as got older, close enough that he'd be my second choice if we're counting BFF scores. They're an ultra-conservative, fundamentalist Christian, very poor family. Even as a kid the wealth disparity was extremely noticeable, and it's not as if my family was rich. They were the first recipients of a Habitat for Humanity house in the town we grew up in, sometime around fifth or sixth grade. His parents still live there, and I think they're doing okay enough now that it's not a daily struggle to afford anything like it was when we were young. It was hard for me not to feel guilty when their level of toys and video games and vacations were a fraction of mine.

 

I mentioned the fundamentalist thing on purpose too. Some of the kids have drifted to varying degrees, some haven't. We also went to church growing up and my parents still do, but this family I'm talking about was always a little (a lot) more extreme. A Nightmare Before Christmas was considered demonic, for example. Harry Potter wasn't allowed. Praying the gay away. Voting against their own economic interests because Jesus. That sort of thing. It affected every decision they made, often to their detriment. I don't mean to sound belittling of religion or anyone who is a believer, as I remain unsure exactly what I do or don't believe, but it's hard not to take these things into consideration.

 

Their dad is now, and has been for a decade or so, extremely ill with more than one autoimmune disease. He could go at any minute, honestly. My friend's wife also has more than one autoimmune disease, and heart problems.

 

The oldest kid died in 2015 from a car accident. She had been estranged from the family and even her own three kids, on a drug bender (nowhere near the first for her) and with more than one warrant out for her arrest. She'd spent a lot of time in jail. Before this bender, though, she had started to get her life back on track and I think was an administrator at a hospital? Not sure exactly. She died when the driver of the car she was in rear ended a stationary semi on the side of the freeway and she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

 

Six-ish months later, kid number four lost her first baby. He died after being stuck in the birth canal, and essentially was crushed. They had wanted to sue for malpractice of negligence or something and from the sound of it they had a case, but nothing ever came of it so I'm guessing they really didn't.

 

Last summer, kid number three and again, one of my best friends, died from an overdose of oxy. He had been out to visit the family a week or two before, and I went out to Arizona specifically to see him (he lived in Tennessee to be near his daughter, who was taken their by her bitch of a mother) for the first time in a decade. It was a wonderful reunion for everyone. He swore up and down he wasn't taking anything other than alcohol, cigarettes, the occasional pot, and whatever pills he was prescribed (I can't remember what, part of me wants to say anti-psychotic but that doesn't sound right either; he had ADD as a kid so maybe it was something related). Either way, he was definitely not prescribed any opioids.

 

Then, just last month, kid number four again. She had had two more boys after losing the first. The newest baby, born just in November or December, suddenly came down with RSV. They couldn't treat him in the hospital in Prescott, so they airlifted him down to Phoenix. On the way, his heart stopped a few times, and each resuscitation brought brain damage (I don't know the exact details on how this works, I may be describing it incorrectly). He also had kidney problems, heart problems, and at least one more thing, none of which were detected in any previous appointment. After having already lost a child, the parents had been extremely, maybe overly diligent on her kids' health, and yet, they lost another child anyway.

 

Writing this all out and reliving basically an entirely life with this family, I see it both ways. Being poor is hard and it's hard to break out of it, sometimes you just can't because the way the world works. But then you're actively hateful to groups of people different than you. You drive your own kids away and into dangerous habits because of how heavy handed you are with your own beliefs. But on the other hand... no one made these dumbasses start taking drugs. And continue taking drugs after losing a sibling to it. I know addiction is far more complex than that, but still. And then to lose two babies. Ugh.

 

The more I write the more upset I'm getting about all this again, so I don't really know what else to say and I don't really know if I had a point to it all. The topic just got me thinking.

 

necro bump

So this family? Just found out adult kid number 5 died in a car accident. What the fuck.

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