Jump to content

Bathroom Thoughts


Recommended Posts

pig in a poke

pig in a blanket

high on the hog

bringing home the bacon

porkchops and applesauce

ham on rye, hold the mayo

wee wee wee all the way home

silk purse out of a sow's ear

Arnold Ziffel

Sausage McMuffin

 

...now all of these sound like Muppet sexual positions. THANKS, BRANDO.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Since the advent of the smart phone I no longer have any independent thoughts on the toilet. All my opinions, beliefs, and ideas are spoonfed into my eyes for me so I don't have to do any thinking of my own.

I love following you on Twitter! You are refreshing from the Bernie Bots and weirdness.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, generally speaking I tend to associate the popcultural avatars of any given user of any online platform w/the statements tied to them (not necessarily the names themselves, tho, if @DarthVader420 tweets 'wait are you telling me a CAT made this ketchup!? #smdh ' I just think that some guy, some shmo who four hundred and nineteen other people got the idea to be Darth Vader before him, he's the one who tweeted it but if there's a picture of Darth Vader there I'm all like 'Omigosh! I guess Luke & Leia's pops has a half-developed opinion/joke about a condiment which he has chosen to share with us!') but in this case I found it really really jarring.

 

Why would Fozzie make this joke? Piggy and Kermit are his co-workers, his friends, he's known them for over FIFTY YEARS, since they were babies [1], it's really inappropriate for him to speculate about their sex life! Even in jest! And it doesn't even make sense! Muppets don't have genitals! Doctor Honeydew doesn't even have eyes (neither do Janice or the Swedish Chef) you're telling me any of them have a doinkus or a vereen or some sort of hermaphroditic doinkus / vereen combination? You're telling me Beaker is shlurping Bunsen Honeydew's nonexistent doinkus ("Meep meep meep!") while the entire Electric Mayhem band watches? You're telling me Statler is topping Waldorf up in the stage left balcony box while Sweetums & Ruth Buzzi manhandle each other to music? Can't happen! Impossible!

 

[1] Yes, I am well aware that Muppet Babies (1984-1991) is an apocryphal text which merely adumbrates in cartoon form the vivid fantasy had by Piggy in The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) of her and Kermit and the assorted company growing up together. I know it's non-canonical, little more than a reticulated polyfoam Infancy Gospel! I know!

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're welcome!

 

The bit that first popped into my head when I was trying to force my dumb brains to scrounge up something for them to be watching was a v. similar one that I couldn't find online (because I couldn't quite remember who it was, either the Muppet or the guest host) but which I realized today was the other semi-famous Rita Moreno bit, not her singing "Fever" w/Animal, but this'n which opens her episode.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're using a toilet seat cover, the part that dangles goes in from instead of behind. Especially important for guys who don't want their man meat to touch the toilet. I'm sure some guys are into that, but I'm not.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...