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I just got my son's report card in the mail. They printed off 1st semester and then wrote a paragraph that mostly explained why this was the best data they had because this thing called COVID happened, and then noting that he called in to every Zoom meeting and did many assignments. After all the pressure and threats to change grades unless effort was made, this is all I get? At least my daughter's school gave actual grades that reflected her progress.

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  • 7 months later...
  • 3 months later...

Bumping this because my daughter's 1st night of soccer tryouts was a shitshow and I am not emotionally prepared for her to get cut. She has never had this level of disappointment in her entire life so it would be like the end of the world. On top of that, she has anxiety so it will just really suck if she gets cut. I am selfishly struggling with it because our family loves soccer and it was already hard to accept that my son will likely not play because of his vision issues. I don't think she deserves to get cut, either. But she was way too excited at tryouts because she hadn't seen her team all week and was too social and not focused. The coach has been threatening cuts because we do have some poor attitudes on the team: lazy and entitled. One of the girls who was the worst thankfully didn't come back. My daughter has a great work ethic and does not think she is the best player on the team. But she's one of the youngest girls on the team and therefore less mature. 13 girls showed up tonight, coach wants to take 12 (although she can take up to 14, they generally like to save an open spot or two just in case the next Megan Rapinoe shows up on their doorstep). 2 were definitely not good. So theoretically she should be safe but coach had to pull her aside and told her to please get it together. I am nervous as hell for her. If she gets cut I am worried she will quit entirely because it will be that devastating.

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I feel anxiety like this all the time for my kid. When he was little I’d dread his birthday parties because I was terrified no other kids would show and I couldn’t deal with how sad he’d be. That never happened thankfully.

He did have a bout of not liking himself that was hard, but he seemed to get over it. He’s a curmudgeonly teenager now but he doesn’t seem unhappy.

That said, this week he had an AP exam and he admitted the night before he hadn’t looked at the study manual even once. This is literally my re-occurring stress dream. I’m back in high school and it’s finals and I can’t find the class I have been blowing off all semester.

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I always think that at least I wasn't the kid cut for a dog  in Air Bud.

Anyhow, I don't think there should be cuts until high school...and being cut because your the youngest...wtf...haven't people read Outliers.  I firmly believe the US will NEVER be competitive in international soccer until we get rid of the disease called pay-to-play.  Don't even get me started on my rant on youth soccer...  

6 hours ago, Tank said:

I feel anxiety like this all the time for my kid. When he was little I’d dread his birthday parties because I was terrified no other kids would show and I couldn’t deal with how sad he’d be. That never happened thankfully.

He did have a bout of not liking himself that was hard, but he seemed to get over it. He’s a curmudgeonly teenager now but he doesn’t seem unhappy.

That said, this week he had an AP exam and he admitted the night before he hadn’t looked at the study manual even once. This is literally my re-occurring stress dream. I’m back in high school and it’s finals and I can’t find the class I have been blowing off all semester.

I have that same dream. 

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13 hours ago, Cerina said:

Surely she won't get cut over one poor tryout if she wasn't even the worst or one of the ones with attitude problems. 

I battle between this and fear because while my daughter loves the coach, she's got some issues. Coach has ADHD and therefore occasionally has outbursts when she is frustrated and says things that she should be using her inner voice for. As a parent and a teacher you learn this stuff but no one teaches that to youth sports coaches, even paid ones. Since my daughter has anxiety, this doesn't help. I dont think it's bad to call out the girls for being lazy, especially when its such a systemic issue. But telling them 2 months before that some of them won't make the team next year because you're frustrated with them for being social or wiggly or lazy... expectations are not quite age appropriate. My daughter has a competitive personality but anxiety does get in the way and does affect her performance. My daughter loves the coach and I think she is a good coach when she isn't having an outburst. But I am glad she is retiring after this year because I'm not sure long-term this environment will bring out the best in my daughter. If we get past tryouts I think a lot of the pressure will be off, and bottom line my daughter would still start most or every game. The parents assure me she isn't going to cut anyone and that the girls are HER TEAM, but she is talking a big game and it is getting to her. She tells me how much she loves my kid and shares funny stories with me. So needless to say, I am an anxious mess.

I'm holding out hope that the coach will notice that the 2 new weaker players also gave up easily. One gave up every time she lost the ball, and another actually walked off the field about 70% of the way through. Knowing the coach, I would bet she saw this and was not impressed.

And yes, pay to play. Ultimately I could find her a select level team to play on, and we could maybe go that route if she does get cut. I just don't want to shove her in another club right away, but I don't think she would be super happy playing rec, either. The idea of no cuts until high school is nice but ultimately it comes down to roster sizes. Our club usually doesn't cut as long as they have a roster spot (because let's face it, the check clears just as good as the top player's). But they also usually have 2 teams for every age group, and they've never managed to pull a second team for her age group (this is actually becoming an issue for several clubs for her age, not just our club, partially because a lot of brand new clubs are popping up and calling themselves elite and charging elite prices). They take only 2 or 3 subs for the top team and then max out the second team as much as they can. In some cases, they will take younger kids who aren't good enough to be on the A or B team and push them up to the next level B team just to fill it out. If they try this, we aren't going for it. My daughter is the 2nd youngest and 2nd smallest, she will get killed playing up. That would probably be a good option for the 2 weak players, they were both very tall, taller than the rest of the girls out there. The skill level on the B teams is often worse than a younger A team, at least when they are older (right now the older taller kids are much faster, plain and simple).

Sorry, I think I just started a conversation on how toxic pay to play is. Basically youth sports is a money maker, not just soccer.

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Louis's ADHD makes soccer really hard for him. He's decent as a goalie, but they don't really have set positions at his level. He just can't focus and also probably doesn't have the stamina to always play hard. But he'll just sit down on the field in the middle of the game. At least as goalie he'll dive to save the ball, which puts him ahead of most of the other kids. When he's paying attention and willing to get in the mix, he's really good. But that's just spurts.

We're thinking about some solo sports instead of team sports. I'd like to get him into karate, mainly because I wanted to take karate as a kid but we couldn't afford things like that. But I also think it would help his self-esteem and help him learn some body awareness.

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Trevor calls Noah FOMO for that exact reason. When he's not being a teenage recluse, he's all in our shit. 

And both of my kids have magic radar that tells them when I'm in the bathroom. They can ignore me for hours, but pop in to talk or ask questions the moment my ass hits the seat. 

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1 hour ago, Fozzie said:

Louis's ADHD makes soccer really hard for him. He's decent as a goalie, but they don't really have set positions at his level. He just can't focus and also probably doesn't have the stamina to always play hard. But he'll just sit down on the field in the middle of the game. At least as goalie he'll dive to save the ball, which puts him ahead of most of the other kids. When he's paying attention and willing to get in the mix, he's really good. But that's just spurts.

We're thinking about some solo sports instead of team sports. I'd like to get him into karate, mainly because I wanted to take karate as a kid but we couldn't afford things like that. But I also think it would help his self-esteem and help him learn some body awareness.

We're considering taekwondo for my son (also ADHD) for similar reasons: body awareness and self-esteem/sense of purpose. He's asked to try soccer first because his sister is his hero and in his 7-year old brain, they will play on the same team someday. We're also thinking individual sports like swimming, running, or golf. He doesn't have a lot of stamina, either, though, so lots of cardio might be tough (although he does love swimming, just not sure if he wants to do it competitively). I'm glad that soccer program we signed him up for is only 4 weeks, because I'm pretty sure I'm lighting my $50 on fire, but I just hope he has fun.

By the way, how old is Louis? According to youth soccer development, "positional" playing is U9 and up (7v7). There is a general sense of defense/offense in 4v4, but a lot of kids don't spread out and just play bumblebee soccer. I was a youth soccer referee as a teenager, best job ever. I don't feel like the bumblebee soccer really stopped until 2nd/3rd grade. Having less kids on the field helps with this, so I'm glad they adopted the 4v4 model, because the 7v7 model for Kindergarteners was a shitshow.

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Taekwondo GREATLY helped my kid when he was younger and had all these issue. One great thing about video games, it's definitely taken the edge off now that he has a hobby that can move at a pace his input wants.

He used to be such a spaz, now he sleeps half the day.

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She made it, so I can breathe again. Apparently one girl from their team did get cut. I'm hoping it's the anti-masker dad's kid because she didn't even come to tryouts, but we haven't seen her since December anyway, so my daughter forgot she was even on the team. But worried it's the girl who showed up 30 minutes late yesterday and didn't even come today. Mom doesn't have her shit together but the kid really wants to play, and she's a good player.

She did really well today, paid attention and played well. Even played a little out of position and did well there, too. She earned it.

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5 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

We're considering taekwondo for my son (also ADHD) for similar reasons: body awareness and self-esteem/sense of purpose. He's asked to try soccer first because his sister is his hero and in his 7-year old brain, they will play on the same team someday. We're also thinking individual sports like swimming, running, or golf. He doesn't have a lot of stamina, either, though, so lots of cardio might be tough (although he does love swimming, just not sure if he wants to do it competitively). I'm glad that soccer program we signed him up for is only 4 weeks, because I'm pretty sure I'm lighting my $50 on fire, but I just hope he has fun.

By the way, how old is Louis? According to youth soccer development, "positional" playing is U9 and up (7v7). There is a general sense of defense/offense in 4v4, but a lot of kids don't spread out and just play bumblebee soccer. I was a youth soccer referee as a teenager, best job ever. I don't feel like the bumblebee soccer really stopped until 2nd/3rd grade. Having less kids on the field helps with this, so I'm glad they adopted the 4v4 model, because the 7v7 model for Kindergarteners was a shitshow.

Louis is 8. At his current level they alternate kids through different “positions” throughout the game, so he’s gotten to be goalie a couple times but then they cycle. His team has 15ish kids, I’m not sure the exact number, but that’s about right. Typically they split into three fields and have 5 v 5 with one kid as goalie for each team so it’s 1 goalie plus four playing on the field. And honestly, our team isn’t nearly as good as most of the others. They don’t keep score, but we don’t win, no matter the makeup of the team. We won against one team. Every other game has been a blowout, which is also less fun. The team they beat was also Louis’s best game, and I think that was part of it. Who cares about doing your best and paying attention if you’re losing 4-0 in the first 10 minutes. 
 

Eliza, who is 5, is doing a skills thing called Tiny Tots and she’s already better than most of the kids on his team. She’s also naturally athletic and yesterday asked if Laura would take her on a run, so they just went out on a run together. 
 

Louis was also playing lacrosse and we know the coaches, and I talked to one tonight who is really excited about Louis coming back next year. So that was positive at least. The coach is dedicated to helping all the kids and publicly tells the kids that he’s more interested in building character and teamwork than skills, and I know him well enough to know it’s true. 

But, yeah, Louis is signed up for a track and field camp this summer, and we’re trying to get him interested in swimming, but I think martial arts will be the thing.

And after what Tank said I feel like I kinda want to introduce him to Minecraft. He’s obsessed with Legos and I know he would go crazy for that game. But I also try to limit screen time - they get to watch TV on days they don’t have school and it turns them into demons. 

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Sitting at soccer right now and watching the two teams warm up.

This other team is significantly better, to the point that there’s no competition. It’s tough to see.

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That's so hard. At this age, kids need to see some sort of success or they will give up. Resiliency is grown with small success. Is the coach part of the issue? Unfortunately sometimes in rec you get completely clueless people coaching OR you get the hyper-competitive types. Obviously you don't want one of the psycho ones, but it's a pretty fine balance between chill and too chill.

Does he like Lacrosse? I always thought that was a cool sport. If that had been more of a thing when I was a kid, I probably would've done it.

I did find out who got cut from my daughter's team, and it was a bit of a surprise. I have a feeling it had to do with fitness, but admittedly the players replacing her are probably stronger players. What was a surprise was that the girl who didn't even show up and hasn't been there since December was invited to come back. It's not like she was the most amazing player ever so I'm even more surprised. Must be some politics I don't know about.

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He likes lacrosse, but I question if he has the coordination for it. But the coach was even telling me that he doesn’t expect 1st and 2nd graders to do well, because it requires a lot of skills that you don’t learn otherwise. Soccer is running and kicking, so kids already have those basics. So we’ll see how it goes. I’m not investing a lot in it. 
 

The coach is definitely a problem. She wants them to play positions but that’s never part of practice, so somehow they’re just supposed to know what it means and know what they’re supposed to do. This was his first time being coached by the head coach during a game. Previously it’s been assistants or parents they’ve roped in. And every one of them has been better than her. She stopped just short of me feeling the need to intervene, but I’m glad he only has one game left with this team.

Coupled with this was an old couple sitting next to me that was super negative about the kids but they kept it quiet enough that the kids didn’t hear it. Again, just quiet enough that I didn’t say anything but it was close. Who the hell expects greatness from 7 and 8 year olds? Seriously, this is ridiculous and I feel like it’s just going to get worse as the kids get older. I’m gonna end up in a fight at some point.

Any sport at this age is about learning and having fun. Hyper competitive coaches and grandparents can eff off.

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Ugh, I hear a lot of the hyper competitive commentary because we do play at the competitive level. I mean, I hate it when my kid screws up big. I never bitch about the other kids. I think the worst I've done is breathe to myself, "Look for [player name]" because I played myself and I hoped the girl saw it. I am probably annoyingly positive and always wait until after something has been done ("great run!" "Great shot!" Etc.). My husband is a mutterer. I about lost my shit on him after our daughter's first game because he was freaking out and she was doing FINE, just typical 8-year old stuff. He's learned to keep it quiet. He had to quit coaching because he was way too hard on our daughter and expected her to have 30 years of soccer wisdom inherited through genetics. Honestly, I'm glad my parents didn't know crap about soccer because they never gave any feedback and it was wonderful to not have to hear every critique on the car ride home like I know some of my teammates and friends endured.

Well, if he wants to stick with it, hopefully he gets put on another team next year. And I wouldn't worry too much about coordination for lacrosse because it does seem to require a ton of practice to pick up on those skills. Occasionally a lacrosse club practices at the same time as my daughter on the next field over, so I get to watch them as I run or walk around the fields. They are much older than your son and still not that great at passing and catching. They spent most of their time just drilling on that, not running complex plays.

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Welp, we heard back from the school district regarding gifted testing and they said we can bring him back and they will schedule him with the first proctor he did well with, but that he won't qualify based on what they are already seeing. They said if you want to know where he's at, let's finish up, or we can try again next year. I'm admittedly torn. Taking him in for this test is a hassle, we have a very long school district and it's a 15-mile drive back and forth and back and forth for 2-3 hours. Sending him in does not set him up for success but gives us data, which may or may not be usable because I have no idea if he's speeding through the test and picking random answers because he is bored and wants to finish, or if he's been carefully taking his time. He is burned out on iReady and electronic assessments. I fully admit that my husband and I are "push through it" people, but I am tired and burned out. I could look into a private assessment which would probably be more accurate, but I'm not sure the school district would accept it.

I think this means focusing on getting him into gen ed and possibly moving him to private school if he is still bored in gen ed. My daughter's school is having a big leadership turnover. For us, it feels like a fresh opportunity because there was so much bias there with the principal, but I recognize that it also may turn into a hot mess and we won't want to send my daughter back after next year.

This also likely means we need to more aggressively look into moving. 2 girls in my Girl Scout troop are in a program in their school district that seems to do a good job of working with 2e kids. Or just even a district that isn't going to shove him into a self-contained classroom out of the way. I don't think I can take any more of this crap district even if he is gifted and even if we can get him into gen ed.

We are also gearing up for our annual IEP meeting and I've already warned them I will be coming in swinging. There is stuff that is more than a year past due that should've been done in 30 days. I asked them to initiate a Functional Behavioral Assessment when he was in Kindergarten because the paraeducators could not follow their own rules and I needed a BIP to hold them accountable. 2 weeks later, COVID happened. They were supposed to do it when we returned in-person. 3 months later it still hasn't happened. That FBA request is what caused them to put him in this behavioral program, it was like an automatic trigger. So I'm going to tell them to cancel it since I'm the one who requested it. It's going to go real well, I can tell.

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14 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

Welp, we heard back from the school district regarding gifted testing and they said we can bring him back and they will schedule him with the first proctor he did well with, but that he won't qualify based on what they are already seeing. They said if you want to know where he's at, let's finish up, or we can try again next year. I'm admittedly torn. Taking him in for this test is a hassle, we have a very long school district and it's a 15-mile drive back and forth and back and forth for 2-3 hours. Sending him in does not set him up for success but gives us data, which may or may not be usable because I have no idea if he's speeding through the test and picking random answers because he is bored and wants to finish, or if he's been carefully taking his time. He is burned out on iReady and electronic assessments. I fully admit that my husband and I are "push through it" people, but I am tired and burned out. I could look into a private assessment which would probably be more accurate, but I'm not sure the school district would accept it.

I think this means focusing on getting him into gen ed and possibly moving him to private school if he is still bored in gen ed. My daughter's school is having a big leadership turnover. For us, it feels like a fresh opportunity because there was so much bias there with the principal, but I recognize that it also may turn into a hot mess and we won't want to send my daughter back after next year.

This also likely means we need to more aggressively look into moving. 2 girls in my Girl Scout troop are in a program in their school district that seems to do a good job of working with 2e kids. Or just even a district that isn't going to shove him into a self-contained classroom out of the way. I don't think I can take any more of this crap district even if he is gifted and even if we can get him into gen ed.

We are also gearing up for our annual IEP meeting and I've already warned them I will be coming in swinging. There is stuff that is more than a year past due that should've been done in 30 days. I asked them to initiate a Functional Behavioral Assessment when he was in Kindergarten because the paraeducators could not follow their own rules and I needed a BIP to hold them accountable. 2 weeks later, COVID happened. They were supposed to do it when we returned in-person. 3 months later it still hasn't happened. That FBA request is what caused them to put him in this behavioral program, it was like an automatic trigger. So I'm going to tell them to cancel it since I'm the one who requested it. It's going to go real well, I can tell.

CoGAT sucks and is all but invalid for most 2e identifications to begin with, not to mention this should be a misadministration, so the data you are getting is shit so I wouldn't bother. 

I am happy to help with testing.  I am flexible during the summer so we can chunk it out and do it on days he is up for it.  I can to NNAT3 or wisc-v remotely (except for block design).  Both are way better than the CoGAT for 2e id. 

Whoa whoa whoa....if they did a change of placement) into a behavior program (or even a reduction of time in gen ed below certain thresholds) WITHOUT a full IEP meeting including a full committee...that's...illegal.  Even if they have your permission.   Even if you REQUESTED it...they just can't do it without the IEP meeting.  Not to mention that doing a change of placement without doing a FBA or some RTI process in the current setting is highly unethical not just for your student, but also the other students in the program.  The other piece is them saying he won't qualify is predetermination and is also incredibly illegal.  No one piece of data can make or break you. 

Right now I am doing a full audit of our intervention (gifted, IEP, RTI. etc) services and I just hired a interventionist (this was done primarily by paras) so I am already pretty deep into into cleaning all this up--so let me know if I can help.

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Thank you, I do appreciate it. I may take you up on the testing offer, I just want to get through the end of the school year and have this IEP meeting and push for writing services. 4 more weeks of this nonsense and next year I can look forward to 5 days per week at school and more consistency for him. I'll text you, maybe next weekend since this weekend is a holiday.

I think the issue is their thresholds for qualification are so strict that it enables them to disqualify kids very early if you broke it up like this. From talking with other families in other districts, their CogAt score threshold is much higher. They require a 92%ile or above on ALL areas of the CogAt, many other districts only require 85-90% and/or only 2 of 3 areas to qualify. (A friend also got her daughter's results and she scored 99% on written and math, but 85% on verbal, they rejected her. Her daughter has an IEP for speech so she is appealing.) I know he is halfway through the CogAt, so he must not have met the 92% in some area. But you have a good point about predetermination. They're doing this because it's getting close to the end of the school year and they don't want to deal with scheduling him again. His initial IEP evaluation was also at the end of the year and was rushed. This district hates having to do ANYTHING over the summer. I mean, I get and respect boundaries but they need to be prepared for some sort of minimal staffing over summer.

My son was already in a catch-all self-contained developmental Kindergarten program when the determination was made for him to go to the self-contained behavioral program, so there was no change in hours. So unfortunately, he was never in general education. But based on the progress he was making once he started stimulant medication and his academic aptitude, we (teacher, myself, and school psychologist) discussed doing part-time general education as part of a transition plan for the rest of the year to ease him into a general education classroom in Fall 2020. They let me know of their decision in a Zoom meeting and acted surprised that I was surprised by their placement, because it was so different than where we thought we were going. We actually considered denying services but stayed because it was a special pilot program for kids with ASD and ADHD instead of the usual "future juvenile delinquent" program that it usually is. His grade 1-2 classroom is fine but the grade 3-5 class is too little too late because they were already exposed to the future juvy program and were not exposed to good peer modeling so having to undo that behavior is a lot of work. I'm ok with this program for one more year because of his teacher but there needs to be a transition plan to get him in general education for grade 3.

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7 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

Thank you, I do appreciate it. I may take you up on the testing offer, I just want to get through the end of the school year and have this IEP meeting and push for writing services. 4 more weeks of this nonsense and next year I can look forward to 5 days per week at school and more consistency for him. I'll text you, maybe next weekend since this weekend is a holiday.

I think the issue is their thresholds for qualification are so strict that it enables them to disqualify kids very early if you broke it up like this. From talking with other families in other districts, their CogAt score threshold is much higher. They require a 92%ile or above on ALL areas of the CogAt, many other districts only require 85-90% and/or only 2 of 3 areas to qualify. (A friend also got her daughter's results and she scored 99% on written and math, but 85% on verbal, they rejected her. Her daughter has an IEP for speech so she is appealing.) I know he is halfway through the CogAt, so he must not have met the 92% in some area. But you have a good point about predetermination. They're doing this because it's getting close to the end of the school year and they don't want to deal with scheduling him again. His initial IEP evaluation was also at the end of the year and was rushed. This district hates having to do ANYTHING over the summer. I mean, I get and respect boundaries but they need to be prepared for some sort of minimal staffing over summer.

My son was already in a catch-all self-contained developmental Kindergarten program when the determination was made for him to go to the self-contained behavioral program, so there was no change in hours. So unfortunately, he was never in general education. But based on the progress he was making once he started stimulant medication and his academic aptitude, we (teacher, myself, and school psychologist) discussed doing part-time general education as part of a transition plan for the rest of the year to ease him into a general education classroom in Fall 2020. They let me know of their decision in a Zoom meeting and acted surprised that I was surprised by their placement, because it was so different than where we thought we were going. We actually considered denying services but stayed because it was a special pilot program for kids with ASD and ADHD instead of the usual "future juvenile delinquent" program that it usually is. His grade 1-2 classroom is fine but the grade 3-5 class is too little too late because they were already exposed to the future juvy program and were not exposed to good peer modeling so having to undo that behavior is a lot of work. I'm ok with this program for one more year because of his teacher but there needs to be a transition plan to get him in general education for grade 3.

I can't fucking even right.  YOU DON'T USE COMPOSITE SCORES!!!!  The CogAT technical manual says to use INDEX scores.  I can't find any state identification policy, but it refers to the NAGC...and on the NAGC website it clearly says:  it is important to review subscores, as twice-exceptional students can be overlooked if only using a general score.  You can't id a specific strength with composite scores.  Using composite is straight up discrimination.  Don't even get me started. 

That makes more sense about his placement.  I'd give the benefit of the doubt to the teachers of the program as far as room changes and scheduling based off of the changes of dynamics of the classroom. 

I still have staff next week, but after that I am pretty open. 

 

 

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I mean, are we surprised at this point?

I think he kind of got screwed because of the available data they had to make a decision. By this point, he had not been in school for 2 months, and they had to make a placement for next year. So they used the data from his last IEP progress report and the FBA initiation. I mean, I get it, they want to use data and not feelings. But now I'm going to expect them to use data, so they better get the data.

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4 hours ago, Hobbes said:

I can't fucking even right.  YOU DON'T USE COMPOSITE SCORES!!!!  The CogAT technical manual says to use INDEX scores.  I can't find any state identification policy, but it refers to the NAGC...and on the NAGC website it clearly says:  it is important to review subscores, as twice-exceptional students can be overlooked if only using a general score.  You can't id a specific strength with composite scores.  Using composite is straight up discrimination.  Don't even get me started. 

That makes more sense about his placement.  I'd give the benefit of the doubt to the teachers of the program as far as room changes and scheduling based off of the changes of dynamics of the classroom. 

I still have staff next week, but after that I am pretty open. 

 

 

That's exactly what our district did on Noah's test. The composite came out "average" because his index scores seriously ran the gamut from like barely functioning (10th percentile) to highly gifted (99th percentile). 

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