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Have You Ever Felt Unwanted By . . . Well, Everyone?


32 replies to this topic

#26
Darth Ender

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Why did you get fired?  What was the job?



#27
Zerimar Nyliram

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Inside sales. I started to go into a slump the more I realized just how terrible the commission was, even when I had a "good" month, and I couldn't get out of it. I went on a performance improvement plan but failed to make it. To be honest, it's kind of a relief. The pay was abysmal and the people working there with 90% millennials straight out of college. One particular person became toxic toward me, which is a story I will keep to myself.

To the guys on the previous page: I am seeing a professional. It's been almost a year now. While I completely disagree with your assessment on my maturity and how I view women, but the other stuff was spot-on. I am indeed dealing with depression, am in my head most of the time and am not great with interaction. And I've actually come a long way in coming out of my shell and becoming a mostly normal member of society, but everything going in in my life for the past eight months or so has made me revert back somehow.



#28
D-Ray Kenobi

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I'm glad you're seeing someone.  Something else I can tell you about that, you can't necessarily rely on them to fix your problems.  Think of them as kind of a sports coach, they can show you the technical way to handle things but it's still up to you to do the work.


  • Zathras +1 this

#29
Zathras

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To the guys on the previous page: I am seeing a professional. It's been almost a year now. While I completely disagree with your assessment on my maturity and how I view women, but the other stuff was spot-on. I am indeed dealing with depression, am in my head most of the time and am not great with interaction. And I've actually come a long way in coming out of my shell and becoming a mostly normal member of society, but everything going in in my life for the past eight months or so has made me revert back somehow.

I only have your posts on this site to go by, as I don't know you personally.  So, my understanding of you is incomplete.  I was just letting you know my impression, based on your posts. 

 

Good to know you are getting help.  Stick with it, and it will pay off.



#30
Iceheart

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Well, lets see - back in 2018, I gave up Facebook in the middle of a physical and mental health crisis. Turns out, giving up Facebook means you lose about 90% of your friends... or rather, realize that 90% of your friends were just glorified acquaintances that never really cared about you.

In early 2019, I lost my job. Said job also had a LOT of my social life tied up into it. The former coworkers who stayed with the company quickly fell out of touch.

Im in a new job now, where I havent made any friends at all. Mostly because I am not anything like anyone else who works here, and Im sure the severe depression doesnt help with my likability.

Thing is, I know Im a bad friend and have been for over a year now... I just have zero capacity to handle anyone elses life right now. Im too burned out to make new friends. So, loneliness it is.

Not to mention, single, childless women approaching middle age have zero cultural cachet. I have one coworker who announced shes pregnant, and another who announced she got engaged within two days of each other a few weeks back. Women like me do not get the attention women like them do. I thought maybe all the weight Ive lost would get me a little positive attention, but all the people who would know havent seen me since I was fat, and either no one else cares, or they feel badly about themselves because something good happened to me.

So, anyway. Thats life for you, I guess.

Rule of thumb.

Dont be interested in telling anyone about yourself. Just be interested in whats going on with the person that youre talking to, and maybe they will take interest in whats going on with you.

I remember one time I was talking to a much younger girl than my age, and the subject came up about her having arthritis and being so young. I just asked her if she took glucosamine, or tried icing her arthritic shoulder. Sometime later she grabbed my arm and gave it a your thoughtful squeeze. I wasnt trying to hit on her (she was attractive), but I felt compassion for her discomfort. Never made the conversation about me, and Im pretty sure it was a highlight of her day, that someone took the time to show concern about her discomfort.


As someone with fibromyalgia, please dont use this as you go-to. Its so, so annoying when a complete stranger gives you medical advice. And chances are shes been taking glucosamine forever and icing her shoulder every night, thats basic stuff. Showing compassion would be letting the sick person guide the conversation. I have yet to meet anyone who does that.

#31
Tank

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And I've actually come a long way in coming out of my shell and becoming a mostly normal member of society, but everything going in in my life for the past eight months or so has made me revert back somehow.

One thing I always have to tell my self is that getting mentally healthier isn't a straight shot.  Life throws curveballs, physical health plays a factor, and basically, **** happens and you have to adapt. That makes for ups and downs. It's not an upward diagonal line, it's like a ECG with peaks and valleys.


  • Jacen123, D-Ray Kenobi, Good God a Bear and 1 other +1 this

#32
monkeygirl

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I get you-- I generally always choose the path of least human interaction. I find people, in general, to be mostly stupid and simple.

And yet I get lonely very easily, and have chosen a career in which the only measure of success is approval of the masses.

so. same.



#33
Gamevet

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Well, lets see - back in 2018, I gave up Facebook in the middle of a physical and mental health crisis. Turns out, giving up Facebook means you lose about 90% of your friends... or rather, realize that 90% of your friends were just glorified acquaintances that never really cared about you.

In early 2019, I lost my job. Said job also had a LOT of my social life tied up into it. The former coworkers who stayed with the company quickly fell out of touch.

Im in a new job now, where I havent made any friends at all. Mostly because I am not anything like anyone else who works here, and Im sure the severe depression doesnt help with my likability.

Thing is, I know Im a bad friend and have been for over a year now... I just have zero capacity to handle anyone elses life right now. Im too burned out to make new friends. So, loneliness it is.

Not to mention, single, childless women approaching middle age have zero cultural cachet. I have one coworker who announced shes pregnant, and another who announced she got engaged within two days of each other a few weeks back. Women like me do not get the attention women like them do. I thought maybe all the weight Ive lost would get me a little positive attention, but all the people who would know havent seen me since I was fat, and either no one else cares, or they feel badly about themselves because something good happened to me.

So, anyway. Thats life for you, I guess.
 

Rule of thumb.

Dont be interested in telling anyone about yourself. Just be interested in whats going on with the person that youre talking to, and maybe they will take interest in whats going on with you.

I remember one time I was talking to a much younger girl than my age, and the subject came up about her having arthritis and being so young. I just asked her if she took glucosamine, or tried icing her arthritic shoulder. Sometime later she grabbed my arm and gave it a your thoughtful squeeze. I wasnt trying to hit on her (she was attractive), but I felt compassion for her discomfort. Never made the conversation about me, and Im pretty sure it was a highlight of her day, that someone took the time to show concern about her discomfort.

As someone with fibromyalgia, please dont use this as you go-to. Its so, so annoying when a complete stranger gives you medical advice. And chances are shes been taking glucosamine forever and icing her shoulder every night, thats basic stuff. Showing compassion would be letting the sick person guide the conversation. I have yet to meet anyone who does that.
 
 
------------
 
She had a severe case of arthritis. I wasn't in any way suggesting that I had some miracle cure. I was just asking it she had tried using those applications to help alleviate the pain.My wife has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and I have no idea what can help that, but I have looked into methods to prevent and slow down the affects of arthritis, because I do suffer from that. Studies have shown that icing the inflamed areas have helped to illeviate the swelling of joints.



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