I know this probably comes down to perception, but recently I've been dealing with overwhelming feelings of being rejected, overlooked, or not included by just about everyone outside my family. I'll try to list the outside factors as quickly as I can:
1. I ate lunch with a group of people every day at work (I'm using the past tense because I was terminated a week ago). With a few exceptions, they were all quite a bit younger than me, and although they were nice to me, I never felt I was truly one of them. I was not included in the group chat that was created on our company messaging service (probably overlooked) so I missed out on several announcements about where they planned on going, and ate lunch alone recently.
2. The people on my team at my latest job became close, called and texted each other, and hung out outside of work. I never go anyone's numbers nor did I hang out with anyone (though this is the same no matter where I work).
3. Two girls at work were talking once about how great this Tony guy was because he was very empathetic and always went out of his way to ask how someone was feeling when they were upset and console them. This left me wishing people knew how sensitive I was, how much my heart bleeds for people when they suffer, and how I wished I knew how to express my feelings to people better to make them feel better about themselves.
4. There was one girl I had a crush on at work. (I've spoken about her on here before: the one that was entirely too young.) It was one thing that we turned out not to be a good match for one another, but aside from pleasantries, it seemed like she altogether stopped caring about me as a person, whereas she still cared about the others on the team.
5. Regarding another I've spoken about here often and have dedicated multiple threads to: I met her two years ago and she was an absolute breath of fresh air. She was one of the few people who got me, and I her. But she ended things between us because before they even began of insecurity issues, and I was invested and heartbroken. if you recall, I brought her into my life several times, most recently deciding that I needed to distance myself from her because I still had strong feelings for her which she was not returning (one of the hardest things I've ever had to do). We reconnected yesterday (and we still get one another), and she is doing well. She's fallen in love with a man whom she mentioned she was dating when I briefly spoke to her back in November, but at the time she said she wasn't feeling it and I thought for sure it'd fizzle out. But it turns out that she decided to give the guy a chance and they are now in love, where previously he was into her but she had not come around. This has me feeling gutted because that was the exact same place we were in when we dated, and that was the chance she should have given me but didn't.
That last point also ties back to the fact that I wish I had the ability to convey my emotions in a meaningful way, but people (and her) will never know what level of love I am capable of. No matter who it is, there is this nagging voice in my mind telling me that I know I will never truly be one of them (often in the voice of Desann, the main antagonist from Star Wars: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast. So that's fun, at least).
Anyway, not only was I fired in January but my beloved dog also passed away. So yeah, 2020 is off to a fantastic start! Thanks for putting up with me, gang.