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Children are hilarious


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So this morning I woke up and could hear a neighbour's kid singing tunelessly at the top of his lungs "Oi loi La loi La Oi loi La loi la" over and over again repeatedly. Made me chuckle. Kid must be about 5 or 6.

Anyway, I ate breakfast, showered, got ready for work, and came downstairs for a glass of water before I stepped outside. Kid still singing the "Oi loi La loi la" tune (and had been the whole time) standing in the drive. Then, suddenly and with out warning, he let's out a war cry (that sounded like a higher pitched cookie monster) "aaaaaarrrggggghhhh!" and starts beating the shit out of a hedge with a stick.

I nearly shot the water I was drinking out my nose and cracked up laughing.

 

If you saw an adult acting like this you'd send them to the psych ward. Brilliant! Kids are absolutely insane. If this is the kind of entertainment I have to look forward to in a few years I can't wait!

 

Thought I'd share that moment cause it really made me laugh. What is there to worry about when you can scream and beat up a hedge for no apparent reason?

Edited by Odine
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Another time when I lived in London, I was on the northern line (a tube line) on a sweltering hot summers day. The tube is always at least 10 or 15 degrees c higher than the outside too.. Unbearable. So I was in a packed tube, people were like sardines in a can. And this little girl (maybe 4 or 5) was sat opposite her mum trying to get her attention "mum..... Mum..... Mummy.... Mum... Muuuuuuum... " it went on and on. So the exhausted mother looked up and says "yes darling? " clearly exasperated, and the little girl responds with "my bum-bum's itchy".

 

The whole carriage erupted in laughter, those that could hear it anyway. People were crying with laughter including the mum, and the little girl seemed chuffed to have made everyone laugh.

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My partner was on the train home the other day, and there were a bunch of around 10 year olds near her who were bartering their fake currency from a kids playground area in Westfield. One of them was refusing to give any away of his collection of entirely 10 notes (there being 5 notes, 10 notes, 20 notes, etc, not that he just had 10 of these notes, he had lots of notes worth 10...whatever the currency was), and the others were getting annoyed with him about it, until eventually near the end of the journey, he exasperatedly threw the currency at the rest of them and said, "Why am I hanging on to these, I'm never going back there anyway"

 

Apparently the train carriage had a similar reaction to the itchy bum girl.

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I was giving a test during high allergy season to my 4th grade students. One student sneezed so hard he caught snot in his hand. He then took the snotty hand and smashed it down on the paper and pulled down. Then he came up and gave me the snot coated paper with buggers all smeared and everything and said "Ms. I'm done."

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So I'm sitting here at my desk doing some work just now, when Eli tells me he wants a snack. I feel like being generous so I get him a fruit bar, which I know he loves and I don't like giving too often since the have a lot of sugar. I come back and sit down again, and he tells me he already has other snacks, and shows me a plate of fruit and veggies that I couldn't see from where I'm sitting. He smiles and says thanks for the fruit bar. Little bastard is only 3 and already smarter than me.

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  • 5 weeks later...

I forget who it was from here who had a kid who'd mispronounce the word 'popsicle' as fucksickle and then once they corrected him (her?) on it the kid would solemnly tell them each time THEY said the word 'popsicle' that it was "a no no word" but I think about that roughly three or four times a month, easy.

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That was me talking about my three year old son Ryan, who now is just days away from being twenty-one years old. It sounded more like the words FU with an L. Kinda soft F, big UCK, U, soft L. So in full speed it was like he was saying, I wanna [fill in the rest]. I did not figure out what he was saying, if I recall correctly, until he dragged a chair from the kitchen table to the fridge, climbed up and opened the top freezer then grabbed a popsicle and said it again. He may have just pointed at them though, considering how memory works.

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When my son was four, I took him to the bathroom and he gave me a running commentary on what was going on:

 

 

I ran out of room in my belly so I had to have big wide poop.

 

Let me look - my poop didn't turn into helicopters, just big clouds buzzing. Mosquitos!

 

I love stinky smell of poop. It smells so good!

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

My teen daughter was under the assumption that the parents of a teen boy, a family that lives outta state now, would be totally okay with paying for a flight and hotel for their teen boy to go to homecoming with her just because they dated last school year. At least, it wasnt an idea she had herself, this boy told her it would happen as they agreed to share photos. Yeah. Hill airy us.

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Back in May, we took my five year old niece to a concert in Atlanta. I was a little worried that she wouldn't be into it or that she'd get bored and cause a scene. She didn't like it so much during the day when it was a little hot, but she had an awesome time dancing around and making new friends when it got dark and cooled off.

When we were walking back to our hotel, she was pulling on my hand and starting to complain. Or at least I thought she was. I kept hearing "Daniel, I gotta go potty." I told her we'd be back to the hotel in five or ten minutes if she could hold it.

She said, "NO! I WANNA GO PARTY!"

I am either helping to raise the kid awesomely or horribly.

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I'm not gonna lie. I like teaching boys over girls especially in the grades I teach in. Boys tend to be awkward and funny to me. As I watch the kids leave girls are more slow and thoughtful and dainty. But man watching a boy leave for lunch or at the end of the day is hilarity itself. They can't not touch twenty different things and bump into everything. Books are slammed closed with finality. And the noises. One farted on his way out of the classroom and he said "miss. I am not going to say excuse me cause I'm going to lunch" and then he burped.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Lol!

 

Speaking of babies shooting out (yeah right) , my wife gave birth to our son yesterday. I'm the highest on life I've ever been right now. I've probably had about 5 hours sleep in the last 48 but I feel amazing. My wife is all good and recovering amazingly. What a trip.

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Thanks guys! What a journey. Everything in our original "plan" pretty much went out the window. And the thing that scared us most about birthing (inductions and epidural's and their various risks) turned out to be the MVPs of the event. Crazy crazy crazy.

 

I'm stoked I now have secret parent knowledge and can condescend to my mates who think of parents as "Eww breeders" lol

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