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142 replies to this topic

#126
Ms. Spam

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I just hate people and plan to be a hermit lady who the neighbor kids whisper horrible stories about and have cats. So yeah. No social anxiety or making friends for me! In fact I was invited to a birthday party for my best friend from grammar school where we were going to drink, wear wigs for mullets and be silly and I went in walked around the bowling alley and saw how noisy it was and it took forever to get a beer ordered and all these people running around being in general rude and left. Didn't even say hi to my friend who's birthday it was.


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#127
Odine

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I have the flu, I took Nyquil and it was like I was being put under by a medical professional. When I was finally able to get out of bed this morning, I sneezed. My sneeze ruptured the vessels in my nostrils, turning on a fountain of blood, and at the same time my back went out. I bit down on a cough drop and a filling in one of my teeth cracked, I thought it was my tooth and made an emergency dentist trip within moments.

What The Fork?! lol I think my warranty just expired.

Uh oh. Might be time to take Old Yeller round the back...

Talking of friends.. We moved from London to a small town for a quieter, higher quality of life. Most of our friends either remain in London, have moved to Germany, or are thinking about leaving the country. All our friends are mostly couples but all my guy mates were mates as individuals first. It just so happens that their partners are mostly rad too. So anyway.. people have come stayed with us for a weekend here and there in our new place which is really nice, a bunch are coming over for Christmas which is also cool. Having a baby has forced us to meet other parents, some of which I like.. But I wouldn't call any friends. And frankly I'm not hiring. I'm fine accumulating more aquaintences but the idea of trying to force friendships out of people cause they also have kids doesn't jive with me. Most people are ****s and having a kid doesn't change that.

Basically what I'm saying is, even though we don't live locally anymore, my circle of friends that I love is small, and it'll be very hard to add anyone to it. And I like it that way. There are a couple of guys and girls I've met through work in the new town I'd be happy to become friends with.. But equally happy to let them remain as aquaintences

Edited by Odine, 28 November 2019 - 01:46 AM.

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#128
Iceheart

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As a stalwartly single and childless person, I started having this friend problem in high school. You will inevitably get dumped as a friend when they get partner, if not then then after the marriage, and if your friendship still survives even that, its done when they start having kids.

I have almost no local friends at this point, mostly for this reason. The other little bit is that I left Facebook, so all my quote unquote friends forgot I existed. And frankly, Im not even sure its worth the trouble to make new friends.

I don't find this to be true at all. I have the same group of best friends since college, 20 years ago, and we've all been married with kids. 
Yes, you have ALL been married with kids. When youre single and your friends couple up, they dont know what to do with the lone single person. And when they have kids and you dont, if theyre the type to hyper identify with parenthood, you start having very divergent interests and nothing to talk about that the other relates to. The friendship just dies out through distance and time.

#129
Destiny Skywalker

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We've lost a ton of good friends to moving out of the Seattle area. It's been rough. I'm the type of person who gets along with almost everyone on the surface, but I've been struggling with replacing those good friends and feeling a little bogged down with my youngest and his recent ADHD diagnosis. I made some friends through my gym and we like to run, but they want to run all the time and I just don't have the time for it. I also did Rangar Sunset with them and it was kind of weird. Excessive selfies, partying a little too hard.. I didn't feel like I fit in. I know the gym crowd can be a little vain and vapid but yeesh. I guess the stereotypes exist for a reason.

But yes, I get it, parenting is an identity. I don't have much of a life outside work and kids. I hardly have time for my friends right now. Little kids are rough and require a lot of time. The oldest is starting to get easier but she's also fun to hang out with because now she can do things with me. And I genuinely enjoy watching her play soccer even though the commitment is big. I hope my little guy will get there, too.

But don't take it personally. If you're willing, some day, they may reach out again. That is the thing about being a parent is that is how many of our friendships go. We visited our friends this summer who moved away, and it was like they never left. We all get that we're busy and we know we will pick it up when we can.

#130
Iceheart

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If the mothers leave, they never come back. They find new friends with children, and all memory of me is forgotten. If youre going to completely lose touch with someone for years at a time, you have to understand that everyone involved is going to mature and move on.

I never take it personally, I just take it as a sign that the friendship is over, and I need to move on and make new friends now.

Okay, I have been taking it more personally than usual, because the past two years have been the worst of my life, and I have lost a LOT of friends in the midst of it. Im feeling pretty raw about how much I put into the friendships and they couldnt even give me a passing thought as I was limping through hell. But hey, thats life for you.

#131
Brando

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In general, people disappear when life is hard. They don’t know how to respond and so they hide.

 

My experience has been more that my single friends abandoned me when I got married and had kids. I suddenly stopped getting invitations, and only a couple would even respond when I invited them to do things. The ones who do still hang out with me verify that I’m not talking about my wife and kids too much, so that isn’t the issue, so I’m not sure what it is.  

 

My nephew is bitter that I don’t have limitless time to play video games with him, but that’s all, and he just needs to grow up about it. For a while I had a PS4 at least 50% so I could play games with him, but he wouldn’t log in when he said he would and instead would log in two hours later and be mad that I was going to bed.



#132
Iceheart

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I wonder if thats one of those Mars and Venus things, the way singles react to recently partnered people and vice versa in same-sex friendships? Cause, yeah, thats the exact opposite of what Ive experienced. Its crazy how differently men and women react to some things.

#133
Tank

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I think I like being in a relationship so I can have somebody to be social with without having to leave those house.

#134
Brando

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I wonder if thats one of those Mars and Venus things, the way singles react to recently partnered people and vice versa in same-sex friendships? Cause, yeah, thats the exact opposite of what Ive experienced. Its crazy how differently men and women react to some things.

 

It could also just be that we’ve both made friends with a-holes.  I mean, we spent a lot of time on Nightly so it would make sense.



#135
Iceheart

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True... although Jacob and Reese have been my best and most enduring friends for years now. Apparently we just have to find our kind of ***holes to make friends with.

#136
Ms. Spam

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HAHAHA. I would say Tami is my most enduring online friend. She is the best thing ever. And I lub her so. 


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#137
Darth Ender

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Finally never really having friends is paying off!
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#138
The Choc

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As a stalwartly single and childless person, I started having this friend problem in high school. You will inevitably get dumped as a friend when they get partner, if not then then after the marriage, and if your friendship still survives even that, its done when they start having kids.

I have almost no local friends at this point, mostly for this reason. The other little bit is that I left Facebook, so all my quote unquote friends forgot I existed. And frankly, Im not even sure its worth the trouble to make new friends.

I don't find this to be true at all. I have the same group of best friends since college, 20 years ago, and we've all been married with kids. 
Yes, you have ALL been married with kids. When youre single and your friends couple up, they dont know what to do with the lone single person. And when they have kids and you dont, if theyre the type to hyper identify with parenthood, you start having very divergent interests and nothing to talk about that the other relates to. The friendship just dies out through distance and time.

 

We didn't all get married on the same day.



#139
Darth Ender

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Finally never really having friends is paying off!

Somehow, I predicted the two people that would like this post as I was writing it.

 

Call me ****ing Ender-domous.  


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#140
Darth Krawlie

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To be fair, I think Seth and I are the most free with giving +1s.


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#141
Brando

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That’s not all you’re free with giving...


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#142
Darth Krawlie

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genital warts do spread easily, you're right


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#143
Brando

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True... although Jacob and Reese have been my best and most enduring friends for years now. Apparently we just have to find our kind of ***holes to make friends with.


Although I think that we've all crossed the line from ***hole to curmudgeon. So we've got that going for us.



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