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I somehow managed to screw up doing a forward roll at karate last week, landing squarely on my shoulder/upper back in a way for it to take my full weight and now it is nice and hurt. I got it looked at by a doctor and they think it is nothing too bad and should get better on its own since an x-ray looked fine, there was no pop, and I have full range of motion in my arm. It definitely is better than it was right afterwards, but it's definitely taking longer to heal than this type of thing did in the past. It seems like it could just linger on for a long time now. It's a minor thing, but it's definitely annoying.

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True... although Jacob and Reese have been my best and most enduring friends for years now. Apparently we just have to find our kind of ***holes to make friends with.

For real. And I think it works so well because the option of spending actual face-to-face time together regularly is a non-issue. We just stick with constant inappropriate comments and unconditional support.

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In anything ever happens to my wife, I'm staying single. I never want to deal with dating again.

Oh lord, you're telling me. I haven't been single since 1995. I don't think I'd know how to date again.

 

I think I like being in a relationship so I can have somebody to be social with without having to leave those house.

Hmm. I've heard of this thing called privacy. I can only imagine what it's like.

 

I've reached the point that if I take even a week off from the gym or eating healthy I will start gaining weight.

Yeah, the older you get, the worse it becomes. I remember my father telling me about this, in the ancient times when he still lived and I resolved to be stalwart in my singledom and childlessness, and I could just take it for granted that I could run forever if I wanted to. Might as well have been in another age of the world.

 

Years went by, and the rigors of life took their toll. Wife with health issues, sons with special needs - autism spectrum stuff, a mother who's in and out of the hospital on a revolving door basis due to tripping and falling all the damned time, a sedentary job. It didn't happen to me all at once, but I not long ago reached a point of something akin to genuine chronic fatigue. Really bad. As in, it being an effort to hold my head up bad. It being an effort to actually just get out of bed. This kind of thing would come and go, but it wasn't getting better on its own. Family members weren't getting any less needy. And I don't mean that in a bitter way. The wife and mom have very real health issues. Arthritis, joint deterioration and so on. Were I to falter, what then?

 

I'm 46 now, and a kind of panic hit me. If I was this drained and lethargic now, what would I be like in my 50s? 60s? Even just half a year from now, when I'm going to have to get all the furniture off the top floor so that we can finally get rid of this ridiculous carpeting and get hardwood flooring put in? A near miss with a couple of thugs in my city's downtown last spring reminded me of how important it was to have a reserve of strength and endurance, just in case.

 

So when the fatigue issues went into remission a bit, I did not waste the recovery. I did treadmill one day, barbell sets the next. Really slow and gentle at first, because pulling a muscle at my age and with my lack of physical conditioning could really bugger me up. So little by little, I've begun to regain what I've lost. It isn't easy now, but what choice do I have. It has helped enormously. Once you hit your 40s, you're a rare and lucky specimen if you're naturally fit and spry. It isn't free anymore. Not for me.

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I turned thirty-six yesterday, leaving me just four years away from the big four-oh. Still not married, still don't have a girlfriend, still not settled into my ideal career, still too broke to even think about moving out of my parents' house. As you can imagine, I am dealing with quite a bit of depression and anxiety because of all this.

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Kurgan, I've actually encouraged my dad, who just turned 65, to just walk on the treadmill in the winter but increase the incline a little. Walking at 4-5% at 3.5-4 mph can be a decent workout that isn't quite so tough on the joints. But I went from barely being able to jog at 34 to the best shape of my life in a year. It's been a little harder to maintain the last year or so. I do wear out a little quicker and my top speeds have dropped (I'm not aiming to hit 12 mph on the treadmill anymore, I tend to max out at 10 for short sprints, but mostly its 8-9 mph because I'm tired).

 

I'm turning 38 next month, I've put on about 5 lbs from stress lately, need to start cutting the treats and eating smaller portions. I really hate tracking calories because it makes me neurotic, but I can't keep gaining 5 lbs a year. I can't outrun a bad diet anymore. It kills me because I feel like I eat so much healthier than a lot of people but I swear I gain a pound just looking at a taco.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Latest epiphany on this: I really don't care anymore.

I've got a few wrinkles and have a little less energy amongst other things, but it doesn't matter. I can still do all the same stuff I want, just in different and some better ways. I've still got a head like I'm in my early twenties, but have the resources of someone in their mid thirties.

So hell yeah, let's go to Galaxy's Edge and Burning Man in 2020. We won't be able to forever.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Speaking of getting old, I had to get life insurance and right when I finished the application and got the quote, I found out I have freaking melanoma. Don't freak out, they told me its Type 1A, surface-spreading type and was super tiny. I saw my surgeon and he scoffed and said he could do it in office, no OR required. But I had to go do my life insurance medical exam and disclose that so now my premium is going to be obscene. Great.

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Speaking of getting old, I had to get life insurance and right when I finished the application and got the quote, I found out I have freaking melanoma. Don't freak out, they told me its Type 1A, surface-spreading type and was super tiny. I saw my surgeon and he scoffed and said he could do it in office, no OR required. But I had to go do my life insurance medical exam and disclose that so now my premium is going to be obscene. Great.

That really sucks.

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  • 1 month later...

Just found out one of my oldest friends, whom I've known since 1st grade, has a non-cancerous brain tumor. We kinda drifted after college (we both went to U of A before I moved to California and he to Chicago) but have kept in occasional contact through Facebook. Lately we decided to try to arrange meet up next time we're both in AZ, and since I'm going next month I thought I'd see if he could swing it. Turns out he's going next week, and I'm assuming the tumor is why, because that's when he told me (we'd originally talked about meeting there during the holidays later this year).

 

Goddamn. I mean, at least it's not cancer. He says it's the size of an egg on his pituitary gland and he's on meds, hoping it'll reduce it's size. If not, surgery.

 

Shit man I know we're not young anymore but we're not THAT old, are we? Maybe we are.

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1) We're that old. I know you're generally around my age, and we're old. But not as old as Tank.

 

2) This really sucks, but it's not necessarily an age thing. It happens to kids, man. It's heartbreaking.

 

3) My mom had a similar thing almost 20 years ago. They ended up doing surgery and other than wearing a wig for a few months until her hair grew out enough, she was completely fine. She hasn't even needed a checkup in years.

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I went skiing today for the first time this season. I immediately hit a black diamond run that was my bitch last season. Terrible life decision. My knees are killing me and I will be lucky if I can walk tomorrow. Dammit I'm old. I just want some nice steep runs without moguls.

I usually just stick the backside in the morning and fast groomers after that. I avoid moguls like the plague.

 

 

 

Just found out one of my oldest friends, whom I've known since 1st grade, has a non-cancerous brain tumor. We kinda drifted after college (we both went to U of A before I moved to California and he to Chicago) but have kept in occasional contact through Facebook. Lately we decided to try to arrange meet up next time we're both in AZ, and since I'm going next month I thought I'd see if he could swing it. Turns out he's going next week, and I'm assuming the tumor is why, because that's when he told me (we'd originally talked about meeting there during the holidays later this year).

 

Goddamn. I mean, at least it's not cancer. He says it's the size of an egg on his pituitary gland and he's on meds, hoping it'll reduce it's size. If not, surgery.

 

**** man I know we're not young anymore but we're not THAT old, are we? Maybe we are.

I just had someone tell me this morning they have something similar on their lungs. It's rough to start hearing people our age pass of natural diseases. Didn't Macstorm pass of cancer?

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1) We're that old. I know you're generally around my age, and we're old. But not as old as Tank.

 

2) This really sucks, but it's not necessarily an age thing. It happens to kids, man. It's heartbreaking.

 

3) My mom had a similar thing almost 20 years ago. They ended up doing surgery and other than wearing a wig for a few months until her hair grew out enough, she was completely fine. She hasn't even needed a checkup in years.

 

My mom had something very similar my senior year of high school, which, crazy enough, is about 7 years younger than I am now. It was malignant on on nerve cluster in her ear. She had to have surgery and has had partial paralysis in her face and lost the hearing in the ear it was behind, but otherwise has no other tumors of any sort since.

 

...and if you think I'm old, you should consider Tami.

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Katie has a friend who went through a tumor in the exact same place as my friend, and hers was the size of a softball. She ended up getting it cut out and was just fine. Before the surgery she went around saying her goodbyes to everyone.

 

Getting old is dumb. Shouldnt we have cured everything by now? Between that and the lack of teleportation, science is totally failing us. Its done literally nothing for us, ever.

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...and if you think I'm old, you should consider Tami.

 

I heard she was around before they created color, when the world was all black and white.

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I usually just stick the backside in the morning and fast groomers after that. I avoid moguls like the plague.

We had a really terrible season with low snow levels because it just kept raining

midweek and then snowing a little on weekends, and the mountain was also short-staffed, so they basically gave up on grooming. So tons of moguls, even on blue runs. It was ridiculous. I called it a season as soon as my daughter's lessons were over (we made 5 of 6).

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Soooooooooo.

 

I have bone spurs in my shoulder and am having surgery on Wednesday to shave them off. I fell off a damn ladder in my bathroom changing the overhead light bulb out and put my head through the bathroom door.

 

And to make myself feel even worse my Mom has been moved to hospice (her choice she doesn't want to do any more things and wants out of the hospital).

 

I am feeling pretty damn down.

 

For Tami's sake I have a Tim story.

 

I had to get a sub a week before spring break and head to Tucson to visit my Mom. My brother called the ambulance on February 12 because our mother, who bought him a pick up and feeds his weed habit and lets him live the life of playing video games all day and mooching off her social security became concerned AFTER she'd been on the toilet 8 hours.

 

The ambulance comes and takes my Mom to the ER way back then and I got an update. Mom is still in the ER 24 hours later. No room. She is having trouble breathing and still hasn't peed or pooped. Turns out when I got to Tucson I learned she was refusing to take her clothes off for the admitting nurses to do their work. They ended up having to put her on a ventilator for a week and a half. I have been disowned because I didn't drop everything and come right out.

 

Basically Mom weighs 87 pounds and is malnourished and dehydrated and she was struggling to breath. She is on oxygen now but REFUSES to eat anything.

 

Tim just comes at about noon and he's done a wake and bake. I can't believe my Mother chooses him to be her person. She feels like she will die without him. The thing is she is dying with him as his caretaker. But it's not like there isn't food in the house. She just doesn't eat and cannot force her to. Her doctors have been telling her for the two weeks after the ventilator came off that if she eats she can go home and drink her booze but she has to eat. They put her on a protein drip and have to treat her like a diabetic and give her steroids.

 

My uncle and aunt want to press elder abuse charges against my brother because let's make a bad situation worse. She hates both of them and claims she's pooped so Uncle and Aunt will leave the room while the nurses check her behind.

 

On my last day Friday I finally got to talk to her alone. She just wants to go home to die and be with her dogs. She was crying when I came to sit with her tor the night and I told her she was beautiful and I loved her and we love her. I've known for years that she was doing a REALLY slow suicide. But my brother can't believe it.

 

Anyways. The whole thing is a mess and when you get older think about your relationships and make plans to make this easier. Because this shit isn't easy. I had to pay for deductibles on credit because the healthcare industry is AWFUL and nothing has changed, if they do a procedure I guarantee the hospital will come down and ask for money. You don't have to pay and they'll still do it but hospitals want their money. I don't want my mothers estate to be tangled up in stuff because they haven't made any plans and pretty much it's going to probate when she dies.

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I'm sorry, Spam. It IS hard. And it's not easy losing your parents even when they are a hot mess. I'm glad you had a chance to have a heart to heart with your mom. My last conversation with my mom before her TBI was a fight. She had treated me really badly recently, and and I let her know she had done some permanent damage to our relationship. I don't necessarily regret standing up for myself, but I also don't like that we ended our last conversation angry with each other.

 

Tim is going to have to figure out his shit, that is not your job.

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