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Middle aged dating rules. There's zero BS. It's also interesting to meet a complete person.

 

When the former Mrs Tank and I met we were in our 20s and had no idea where we were headed. Em and I met in our mid 30s, and both of us were transitioning from careers into self-business people. We def changed and grew together, and invariably apart.

 

This woman (not girl like I keep saying) that asked me out is a VFX supervisor for one of the big FX houses, has a kid she co-parents with an ex, and knows who she is. That's kinda cool.

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Right!? Unless it was a date with her!

 

So Texas, specifically where I live, San Antonio, is about to possibly get ice. I am working my second job. I will probably die tonight by some bald tire driving non-skilled when it's raining and possible sleet and ice maybe on the road with winds gusting to 60 miles per hour driver. The thing for me is I am so stiff from this cold I can't bend like normally people anymore and I am worried about my reaction time. HA!

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  • 2 weeks later...

So here's a problem that my wife and I have run into as we're starting to get on up there, it's just insanely hard to make and keep friends.

Both of us decided years ago that we weren't going to have kids. We have an awesome niece that fills that whole thing in our lives, we keep her a lot so she's practically a part-time kid that's more than enough for us. But being kid-free has kind of ostracized us from a lot of our old high school and college friends that now have one, two or three in tow. Obviously, their priorities have understandably changed and it became nearly impossible to get our schedules to sync to ever hang out. Tons of others have kind of come and gone too. People got married, moved away for other jobs, got into other things that weren't really for us, all sorts of stuff.

 

We do have a handful of really tight friends, but they're a little younger than us and sometimes that makes for some awkwardness or whatever. You know there's a big difference in your outlooks when you'd rather just have one drink and watch a movie on your own couch than go barhopping downtown until 3AM.

At this age where we live, making new friends is like looking for a trendy Armani coat at the thrift store. It's possible, but it takes a lot of time and work, multiple tries, and it probably won't even be the right fit anyways.

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Man this is true for parents too. Ive been having a hard time with making friends for years. Most of the ones I had before meeting Katie left as soon as we started going out. We mostly hang out with her friends, who I really like, but most of them have gone away now too. Sucks man.

 

Weve tried making friends with the parents of Lyras school friends, with limited success. Ive tried with work people, but work friends are only friends at work. Ive chickened out of two meet ups for writers in the last month due to social anxiety. I feel like a lot of people our age really wants friends, but we dont know how to make them, and dont know how to fit them into our busy lives.

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It sucks, but I think it just takes compromise and sacrifice.

There's a weekly meetup in my town of a lot of entrepreneurial types. I know if I committed and stuck around, I would probably find some cool people that I'd want to hang with regularly. The cost though, is breaking through a lot of schmoozing and convincing people to let their guard down and drop the facade they put on when they're in networking mode.

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As a stalwartly single and childless person, I started having this friend problem in high school. You will inevitably get dumped as a friend when they get partner, if not then then after the marriage, and if your friendship still survives even that, its done when they start having kids.

 

I have almost no local friends at this point, mostly for this reason. The other little bit is that I left Facebook, so all my quote unquote friends forgot I existed. And frankly, Im not even sure its worth the trouble to make new friends.

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I can't speak for everybody, but certainly can for us. Being married shouldn't make a difference. You should be able to hang out with both people, or either individually.

Being married shouldn't mean that one person or both people have to fall within someone else's definition that they didn't consent to. This isn't really in reaction to the comments here, but more so to the general vibe I get from some people in all walks of life. Other than us living together and having the same plans and goals, it doesn't mean anything else to us at all really. I feel like people assuming that we do or don't do stuff just because we've been married a long time has been a big barrier for us.

 

We do like that one drink on our couch with a movie over barhopping all night. But we also do other stuff that would surprise a lot of people, you certainly wouldn't know about it if you just assumed us to be a boring old married couple.

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As a stalwartly single and childless person, I started having this friend problem in high school. You will inevitably get dumped as a friend when they get partner, if not then then after the marriage, and if your friendship still survives even that, its done when they start having kids.

 

I have almost no local friends at this point, mostly for this reason. The other little bit is that I left Facebook, so all my quote unquote friends forgot I existed. And frankly, Im not even sure its worth the trouble to make new friends.

I don't find this to be true at all. I have the same group of best friends since college, 20 years ago, and we've all been married with kids.

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I have the flu, I took Nyquil and it was like I was being put under by a medical professional. When I was finally able to get out of bed this morning, I sneezed. My sneeze ruptured the vessels in my nostrils, turning on a fountain of blood, and at the same time my back went out. I bit down on a cough drop and a filling in one of my teeth cracked, I thought it was my tooth and made an emergency dentist trip within moments.

 

What The Fork?! lol I think my warranty just expired.

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