Wasn't sure what to entitle this thread.
Some of you may recall my recent thread about a young lady I was seeing last year, really liked, and was bummed about when it turned out she did not feel the same way. Well, this thread is about a different girl, but the situation is slightly different.
See, unlike the previous girl, who wanted to take things extremely slowly and never engaged in any acts of affection, this new girl was more than happy to kiss, make out, go to second base, and even make plans to have sex. It was moving in the right direction, with one major exception: I did not really have any romantic feelings toward her, even though I thought she was awesome and enjoyed her company. I guess I learned from getting burned the last time to not go balls deep, avoiding investing too much emotion at the beginning lest I set myself up for disappointment again. It turns out, it was a good thing I didn't become overly attached this time because she texted me one morning this week saying that she didn't feel any romantic connection between us (despite steaming things up in my car last weekend, our hands wondering where they would, and her telling me she wanted me physically).
You see, she's six years older than me and have four kids: two older teenagers from her first marriage, and two younger kids from a guy she was with for about five years. She moved from New Jersey to my area (Pittsburgh), where her family still lives (including her two older kids) and she goes up there on weekends at least once a month. (I think these factors made me even more hesitant to invest any feelings.) Further, she actually lives about an hour and a half away from me, and we would meet in the city on weekends when she had time, which wasn't every week. In other words, there were long periods apart. In fact, when we saw each other last weekend, it was after about a solid month, where she had spent time with her family for Thanksgiving weekend, then went on vacation to California for a week, then spend the following weekend with her sister who was in town. And if there's one thing I know from experience, it's that a month apart kills a new romance, so I'm sure that played a role as well.
Like I said, I'm not too shaken up about the romantic side of it, but man, we did have a strong physical attraction to one another. I was thinking of asking her how she might feel about seeing that particular facet to conclusion, not necessarily becoming friends with benefits but just taking it where it seemed to be heading and seeing what happens. Out of all my relationships that ended in the early stages (there were far too many of those), one thing I always regret most (once feelings of romance lost are faded away) is not getting to sleep with these women.
What do you guys think about this, and is there any advice you might offer on how to propose such an idea? She knows I still have a Christmas gift to give her and has agreed to remain friends, so I'm thinking I might be able to arrange a meeting and bring it up then, if not do it over the phone.
And my second, more important question is this: I'm someone who has grown up with a lot of issues, having great difficulty connecting with people in general. Forming friendships have been difficult, so naturally dating has been a nightmare for most of my life. But with much study and finally coming to be comfortable in my own skin and gaining a lot more confidence and self-esteem, I feel I am finally starting to "get it" when it comes to getting a girlfriend. Now I guess the thing I need to master is keeping a girlfriend. Like I said, I struggle with connections. Can anyone offer any advice?
Oh yeah, and I met this girl once night when I went out clubbing. By myself. I do almost everything by myself. I sat next to her in a twenty-four-seven eatery when she was there with her best friend and chatted her up. So no speed dating this time, just good old-fashioned talking to a girl I thought was pretty.
Thanks for listening, and merry Christmas!