Greetings, Nightly! I'm Zerimar Nyliram, a name which, contrary to popular belief, is not an anagram my own (I am male)--the story behind the name actually comes from Marilyn Manson and his former bassist, Twiggy Ramirez. You can usually catch me in the Star Wars forum, though I do occasionally pop into other forums.
Anyway, I appear before your graces today seeking your sage advice regarding a certain female.
I met this incredible woman at a speed dating event back in October. We liked each other, went on several dates, and discovered that we had a lot in common. She even met my parents and they really loved one another.
Considering my reputation for attracting women of unsavory character, this one was quite the breath of fresh air. She is incredibly intelligent, educated, well-read, and has a heart of gold. Like myself, she has been through a lot in life which has shaped her into the incredible human being she is today. I just think the world of her, and she made it known to me that she felt the same way about me.
That all changed until one evening back in January, where she proceeded to tell me that although she found me an amazing match, she didn't feel she was in a place for a romantic relationship at the time. We met up for one last date to talk about it more in person, where she described her overwhelming insecurities that always prevented her from fully investing her emotions into any relationship. She even related a past relationship to me where, although the gentleman was everything she looked for in a man, there was always something missing on her part.
In other words, it wasn't me; it was her. It's a trite saying, but it was true. I believed her then, and still do.
So we decided to end the relationship but remain friends, though I told her I'd need some time away from communication in order to let my feelings cool down. Although it didn't hurt as much as it would have had we been farther advanced into the relationship, whether you lose a limb or simply skin your knees, it still hurts. Knowing myself, I needed that time apart to become detached.
So we didn't speak for about two months, then I started coming around, making little points of contact here and there, just to be friendly. She replied in kind.
But about a month ago, I inexplicably started pining over her again. I started thinking that she was my perfect match, and to let her get away would be a travesty.
So I called her last month, and we had a very good conversation and have been talking ever since. I finally invited her to meet up, which we did last week and had a really nice time walking around Pittsburgh. She asked me if I had been dating, to which I said I've been trying but nothing had really been working out. She had been dating and had been with a guy she really liked for about two months, and they ultimately parted ways because he had no wish to escalate the relationship into something that may have led to starting a family. This was surprising considering the place she was in mentally when last we saw each other, but I had fully expected her to have moved on and was glad she did.
The pseudo-date went on, and we talked about everything under the sun. She asked me about my feelings on things near and dear to my heart, including religion. It felt good to talk about a passion of mine.
Finally at the end of the day, when we were about to part ways to return to our vehicles, she hugged me. At this point I smiled, looked into her eyes, and asked her, "How would you feel about giving it another try?"
Well, she seemed incredibly flattered, and on some level the question made her day; nevertheless, she turned me down. I was half-expecting it, but the reason is what made my heart sink: she was still getting over the fact that the gentleman she'd been seeing recently did not want to take their relationship any further. I proceeded to tell her that she is a gem, and that whoever she ends up with had better remind her of that each and every day. She hugged me again and we departed.
Now, here's where it gets tricky: She had ended things with me right at the height of when it all seemed absolutely perfect and we were really enjoying one another, basically because she was not romantically available at the time. Obviously that changed rather quickly. The hurtful part is that she was willing to invest that energy and those feelings in someone else so soon after saying that such investment wasn't possible when we were together, and did not think to give me another try (though that was partially my fault for remaining incommunicado for a while). I know she didn't do it on purpose, and I'm not really hurt by her per se, but hurt by the way events played out.
I basically missed my window, and now she is right back to being not romantically available, though due to different circumstances.
Anyway, I feel like I want to make one more attempt at it, after which point I will abandon such a pursuit. I don't think she knows how much I want her back, and I have to play it careful so as not to seem too intense. I guess I want to reiterate to her how much I feel like we're both missing out on a golden opportunity with one another, as well as to explain to her why what I just explained is hurtful. I at least want to get the latter off my chest, but hopefully in a tactful way, one in which it doesn't seem like I'm berating her for giving my chance to someone else.
So yeah, that's the long and short of it (mostly long). Kudos to anyone who's still reading this. Basically, I got friendzoned, which is not a very terrible thing because I would love to have her in my life in some capacity, but I just feel like I want to tell her I'd like a second chance and not drive her away. Oh, and I'm perfectly fine with her needing to take time to let her feelings for the other guy die down, as I did with her, but to kind of let her know that she should give me first priority when she's ready to move forward with it. Does that make any sense? I hope so.
I eagerly await your responses.