Shoplifting!

[Ms. Spam 1,844]

Have you done it? Have you been caught? Have you gone to jail or had to wear an ankle monitor!?

 

Well I just called my numbskull sister sitting in Pima County Jail to ask her what the hell she shoplifted from Target on Ina Road that has her as in for felony charges...

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

I have not shoplifted. Growing up with family members who are law enforcement tends to put the fear of Dad in you.

 

Sorry to hear about your sister. If memory serves, shoplifting more than $1000 worth in AZ is a felony (class 6 being the lowest felony, on through class 1, which is the worst). I want to say a class 6 felony ? Not sure of the dollar amount, but I think after $2000, it's a class 5. If one has shoplifted in the past and was caught, depending on the amount, I think you get into class 5 to class 4 felony territory. That means she is facing between 1 to 3 years in prison, depending on which class of felony.

 

So based on what little info there is there, and considering it is Target, I would guess either your sister may have been caught in the past, or maybe she shoplifted something valuable, like jewelry.

[Ms. Spam 1,844]

Thanks. Yeah, that's what I am thinking about having done this before. I couldn't get a list of the charges when I called back because she had just been booked. I think they let her go because she's on dialysis. The worst I've ever stolen was candy when I was a kid. She couldn't explain why she did it. I mean I stole candy when I was a kid because our Mom was super tight on things we ate and candy and coke was not on the list of things we could have so it was mostly because secretly I wanted to try a Snickers because Mom always said NO when we asked.

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

Is this the sister who has had some emotional and health issues that you posted about before? I'm no doctor or anything, but maybe that is connected to why she did it.

[Odine 1,045]

I've nicked a few avocados in my time as an adult cause they're ridiculously priced in UK supermarkets... Like £2 (that's nearly $4 USD) for a single one.

 

But I've never gone full-Winona.

[Ms. Spam 1,844]

Is this the sister who has had some emotional and health issues that you posted about before? I'm no doctor or anything, but maybe that is connected to why she did it.

Yeah. She recently attempted suicide so she's clearly got issues. There's something to the thrill of doing this, I think. I have students who wear ankle monitors in middle school for shoplifting.

I've nicked a few avocados in my time as an adult cause they're ridiculously priced in UK supermarkets... Like £2 (that's nearly $4 USD) for a single one.

 

But I've never gone full-Winona.

My other sister used to steal cheese for this reason!

[Tex 0]

I shoplifted once. Felt horrible after I did. It was some ceramic dog thing I thought my Mom would like as a Christmas present. I was dead broke back then, but that’s no excuse. I remember when she opened her present and thinking what a stupid stupid thing it was to do to steal.

[Guest Robin]

I shoplifted a G.I.Joe Gung-Ho figure when I was around five years old, now I cry whenever I see Jesse Ventura.

[Tex 0]

Perhaps you grabbed your mother’s vagina. No time to bleed.

[monkeygirl 1,743]

TARGET?

[Tex 0]

Only yours.

 

Which is the perfect destination if you’re a lesbian cat lover who also loves crabs.

[The Choc 1,579]

In college I was with my buddy in an Ames, which is like a crappier Caldor if you know Caldor. We are in the parking lot walking to his car when store security runs out and grabs us. I had no idea why. We get brought into their little security office and it turns out my friend had swiped a Boys 2 Men CD. After watching video they realized I wasn't "in on it" and they let me. He gives me his keys and I drive back to dorm. An hour or so later he calls me and I drive back to get him. He stole it not because he didn't ahve the money or for the "thrill" or whatever. He did it because he was embarrassed he wanted a Boys 2 Men CD and didn't want me to know.

[Darth Krawlie 5,518]

Please tell me you burned the ever loving shit out of him for that. I hope youre still friends with him and still bring it up.

 

I mean who cares he wanted a boys to men cd. But that he wanted to hide it so bad. Thats what makes it hilarious.

[The Choc 1,579]

No, I don't see him anymore. I actually was decent friends with him growing up then we ended up going to the same college so that first semester we hung out all the time. He transferred after the 1st semester. Not sure I ever talked to him again after that.

[Tex 0]

It’s not that hard for Choc to say goodbye to yesterday.

[Darth Krawlie 5,518]

Their friendship has definitely come to the end of the road.

[Tex 0]

You can’t blame him. The guy did move to Motownphilly.

[Tex 0]

He did come home, but then he went back again.

[Darth Ender 485]

I never shoplifted, but I was arrested for buying two cases of beer when I was 19.

[Ms. Spam 1,844]

TARGET?

Yup. Happened Thursday. I've talked to her three times since then and all she says is she'll never do it again but won't tell me what she stole. They bonded her out on Friday. She was going to move to Dad's (after rehab! HA!) but now she can't leave the state.

[Tex 0]

Lando is pansezual

[Iceheart 1,931]

Nope. Never have.

 

Closest I've ever gotten to any kind of theft is taking my brother's beloved wristwatch when we were kids and hiding it so you could hear the hourly alarm right outside his bedroom door but it echoed so no one could find the watch. And I didn't cave to demands and tell him where his watch was. This went on for two years.

[Ms. Spam 1,844]

HAHAHA, Icy!

[Marc DuQuesne 79]

Got busted for snagging a carton of cigarettes when I was underage from Walmart. I grabbed the carton and went straight to my friend's car, as per the plan. He never showed. I waited a couple minutes then threw the carton out into the field next to the parking lot. I walked back in as innocent as possible, thinking I would make a pass across the front of the store to see if I could spot him, then walk home if I didn't. They were on me instantly. My friend decided to go through the checkout and buy a pack of gum, with a carton of cigarettes down his pants, so that he didn't look suspicious... They searched for half an hour before they found the cigarettes I threw into the field. Tenacious bastards.

 

I am banned from Walmart for life, still shop there on occasion. Always give that mall cop wannabe that busted my dumb ass a polite nod when I see him.

 

Got a year of probation and a few weeks in detention. Learned a lot. Mostly about choosing accomplices.

[Darth Krawlie 5,518]

returning to the scene of the crime might have been a bigger mistake than your friend switching the plan up, I think