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To Live and Die on Mars


19 replies to this topic

#1
RamonAtila

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Hey folks. Ramon Atila here. I just wanted to share my blog with you guys and was hoping that if any of you take the time to read it maybe you can give me feedback and tell me what you think.

The story follows four bandit friends on Mars. It is the future and Mars is a bustling metropolitan desert planet in the Corona Solar System. And it has palm trees. The four bandits work for Angelo Amara, a ruthless businessman who is the secret boss of an underground criminal organization. Amara is bent on world domination and will stop at nothing to have his way. Find out what happens to the bandits on their adventures in To Live and Die on Mars- Part 1: Bandits on Mars

http://banditsonmars...e-list.html?m=1

#2
Jacen123

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Is the Corona Solar System a different one than our own?



#3
pavonis

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Did Grupo Modelo buy the naming rights to our solar system? 

 

People still use ZIP files in the future? How far in the future is it?



#4
RamonAtila

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Is the Corona Solar System a different one than our own?


No, the solar system we are in is the Corona Solar System. The Sun is called Corona. Corona City is the capital of Mars. the protagonists in my story live in Corona Hills. Eventually they visit Earth, Saturn and the rest of the big planets in other parts of the saga. The link I shared is the synopsis of Part 1.

#5
RamonAtila

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Did Grupo Modelo buy the naming rights to our solar system? 
 
People still use ZIP files in the future? How far in the future is it?


The name Corona is Spanish for crown. The sun is nicknamed the crown of the solar system.

Regarding the ZIP files, my cartoon takes place in the future where they don't use computers, the computers are people's brains, the internet is in the mind. Files are stored in people's 'menus'(my cartoons tech language for your brain. In that scene the banker just had a large file that contained valuable goods and he had to compress it I guess.

Regarding how far in the future it is. Use your imagination. I don't have an answer. The year in my cartoon is the fictional Martian calendar year 77. It is a young political system.

#6
pavonis

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The name Corona is Spanish for crown. The sun is nicknamed the crown of the solar system.

 

Why? Why would the sun need a nickname? You're implying there has been some cultural shift that, as a side effect, prompted people to highlight the Sun's importance by giving it a name that it really has never needed before. It's intriguing, but do you have any idea what that cultural shift may be?

 

And shouldn't this be in the books forum? 



#7
Darth Krawlie

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Keep on writing buddy. Writing is good.


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#8
Jacen123

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Is the Corona Solar System a different one than our own?


No, the solar system we are in is the Corona Solar System. The Sun is called Corona. Corona City is the capital of Mars. the protagonists in my story live in Corona Hills. Eventually they visit Earth, Saturn and the rest of the big planets in other parts of the saga. The link I shared is the synopsis of Part 1.

 

Alright.  That's what I thought based on what you wrote, but it was a bit confusing to me since Mars shares its name with, well, Mars.  Thanks for the clarification!



#9
Poe Dameron

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No, the solar system we are in is the Corona Solar System. The Sun is called Corona. Corona City is the capital of Mars. the protagonists in my story live in Corona Hills. Eventually they visit Earth, Saturn and the rest of the big planets in other parts of the saga. The link I shared is the synopsis of Part 1.

Solar System isn't a catch-all for all planetary systems.  It's specific to our own sun and its orbiting bodies.

 

Basically, what I'm saying is that our planetary system already has a name.  The Solar System.



#10
RamonAtila

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 The name Corona is Spanish for crown. The sun is nicknamed the crown of the solar system.

 

Why? Why would the sun need a nickname? You're implying there has been some cultural shift that, as a side effect, prompted people to highlight the Sun's importance by giving it a name that it really has never needed before. It's intriguing, but do you have any idea what that cultural shift may be?
 
And shouldn't this be in the books forum? 

As you go further into the saga, it is explained that when Mars was colonized they saw themselves separate from Earth and there was a subsequent War but then after the war one piece was made they decided to get together and make one solar system and hence called it Corona.

#11
RamonAtila

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 No, the solar system we are in is the Corona Solar System. The Sun is called Corona. Corona City is the capital of Mars. the protagonists in my story live in Corona Hills. Eventually they visit Earth, Saturn and the rest of the big planets in other parts of the saga. The link I shared is the synopsis of Part 1.

Solar System isn't a catch-all for all planetary systems.  It's specific to our own sun and its orbiting bodies.
 
Basically, what I'm saying is that our planetary system already has a name.  The Solar System.

Yeah but you have to consider that in my cartoon there are other solar systems with aliens that come visit ours. The name also serves to differentiate our solar system from other solar systems.

#12
Jacen123

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Is the Corona Solar System a different one than our own?


No, the solar system we are in is the Corona Solar System. The Sun is called Corona. Corona City is the capital of Mars. the protagonists in my story live in Corona Hills. Eventually they visit Earth, Saturn and the rest of the big planets in other parts of the saga. The link I shared is the synopsis of Part 1.

 

Alright.  That's what I thought based on what you wrote, but it was a bit confusing to me since Mars shares its name with, well, Mars.  Thanks for the clarification!

 

Wait, it appears I misunderstood your clarification after all.  I agree with what Poe said.  It is a little confusing calling our solar system by a different name.  I have often seen it called the Sol system, though, when people want to distinguish between it and other star systems but call them all solar systems.  Oh well.  Now with the clarification, I will try to go back and read it some.



#13
Poe Dameron

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Yeah but you have to consider that in my cartoon there are other solar systems with aliens that come visit ours. The name also serves to differentiate our solar system from other solar systems.

You misunderstand me.  There are no other Solar Systems.  It already serves as the proper noun of the planetary system that we live on.

 

Common noun "solar system" is a misnomer.  I'm sure there are other planetary systems out there with aliens in your story, but "solar system" is not the correct word to describe them.  Renaming the Solar System is the equivalent of renaming China to Corona because there are other chinas (nations) out there.



#14
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Our sun is a star named SOL, hence we are in the SOLar system.

Generically, they are called star systems, planetary systems, or in Star Wars, just plain systems.

That said, plenty of scifi renames things. I can thinkmof a dozen stories where what we call the USA has been renamed something after a war.

#15
RamonAtila

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 Yeah but you have to consider that in my cartoon there are other solar systems with aliens that come visit ours. The name also serves to differentiate our solar system from other solar systems.

You misunderstand me.  There are no other Solar Systems.  It already serves as the proper noun of the planetary system that we live on.
 
Common noun "solar system" is a misnomer.  I'm sure there are other planetary systems out there with aliens in your story, but "solar system" is not the correct word to describe them.  Renaming the Solar System is the equivalent of renaming China to Corona because there are other chinas (nations) out there.

Or calling it The Corona China I guess. That's cool you know what China means.

#16
Odine

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I feel like people could be more constructive with their criticisms here, rather than being straight up critical and nitpick. It takes guts to share a piece of creative work with anyone (particularly if the sharing of work is a new thing), even if it is on the internet.

Good ****, Ramon. Keep writing.
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#17
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I think Ramon is crazy pants, but yeah-- doing this isn't easy and there's NO rules on imagination.

#18
RamonAtila

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I feel like people could be more constructive with their criticisms here, rather than being straight up critical and nitpick. It takes guts to share a piece of creative work with anyone (particularly if the sharing of work is a new thing), even if it is on the internet.

Good ****, Ramon. Keep writing.


I appreciate it a lot and don't worry, I don't mind the nitpicking so much at this point because it means they're reading it.

#19
Odine

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My only thought as I was reading the first few chapters, and feel free to tell me to **** off (because I'm not a writer and this is just an observation from a layperson) was that the writing style reads a bit more like a synopsis of a plot, or plot outline, rather than a fleshed out story. If that is intentional then please ignore me, but I can't help but want to be drawn into the story with some descriptions of environments, what people wear, their expressions and feeling etc... I don't think that equates to needing pages upon pages of needless exposition in the vein of Tolkien or whatever, but a little description and scene setting might go a long way to immerse from the beginning.

Again, I'm not a writer so tell me to jump in a lake if you like, these were just thoughts I had as I read the first few chapters. Keep it up though man, it's not easy!

#20
RamonAtila

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Yea it gets fleshed out more and more as you go along, but you're right, the first few chapters aren't very descriptive. I'll fix them.



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