Maybe this is the wrong place for this...

[Guest madddox]

... and apologies if it is.

 

Does anyone here know anything about depressive disorders? Major or minor, physical or emotional...

 

Has anyone ever gone through depression? Ever been medically diagnosed with depression? How did you cope? What kind of symptoms did you experience? Do you perhaps live with or know someone who suffers from depression?

 

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I've read a lot of different definitions of what suffering from depression actually means, so I'd really appreciate if anyone would be willing to share their own experience.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I suffer from depression, because honestly I still don't think I can define it, either scientifically (as an illness) or emotionally (as I think I experience it). I'm not really into self-diagnosis, and I've never been the type of person to declare that I suffer from this and that based on a symptom or two (I feel it comes across as obnoxious and disrespectful to people who actually suffer from said illness, and it feels a little attention-seeking...), but due to recent events in my life I've started to consider the possibility that depression may be able to explain how and why I feel the way I do sometimes. For me, it seems to manifest itself in some very obvious ways and some very subtle ways.

 

I've never actually admitted these thoughts to anyone before, so it's a little strange for me to make a post about this considering I'm pretty much a stranger here and don't really have any connection to anyone here either physically, geographically, or emotionally. Maybe that's why it feels ok to post this, I'm not sure. I read a lot of what you all write, and I spent some time here back when I didn't take things seriously, so perhaps I feel like I know some of your better than you all know me... Anyway, just thought I would throw this out there and see what kind of discussion it may lead to.

[Odine]

I have bouts every now and again. But never as bad as when I was in my mid 20s. Never been medically diagnosed, but I know the difference between being a little down and being in a black hole contemplating stepping in front of a train. I guess I have managed it by realising that when your up you're up and there will be another down. And when your down, though it's ****ing awful I know I'll be back up again. Though going through the lows can be hard to remind oneself of that.

 

I know I'm not bi-polar or in need of anti depressants as I don't believe my mental fluctuations are as severe or as constant as many people's. Though what is acute for one person may be mild for another. To tell someone that their experience with depression "is only sadness" can be harmful, though prescribing people anti depressants for every bit of mental turbulence is even more harmful.

Sometimes I remind myself that sadness is more common than happiness, and that feeling depressed and down is kinda normal. Then again, maybe what I feel has been nothing close to clinical depression. That said.. I still remember contemplating the train and that "what if I just..." But perhaps I always knew I never would go through with that ever. I dunno. Stream of consciousness here... Sorry.

 

One of the most frustrating things I feel is the disconnect, and having my brain take what seems like minutes to think things that should be fast, and having slow reactions to things and just wanting to get wasted. Though thankfully I haven't been in that place for a long long time. I think it's mostly got to do with finding purpose. (For me at least anyway). And certainly staying away from booze and drugs is a MASSIVE help. Booze is an old bastard like that.

 

Dunno. Hope this helps? Probably not? Don't discount your experience cause people tell you otherwise. You know how you feel. How other people choose to measure that is their problem.

[Good God a Bear]

Yes the disconnect is the worst to me as well. It's like you feel so depressed/anxious that it sort of makes you feel cut off from everyone. Which makes the depression worse because you feel alone and no one understands.

 

I have had problems in the past as well. Mine mainly centers around a type of OCD where I become obsessed on thoughts and regardless of whether I know it's ridiculous or a doctor proves me wrong on it I still am worried and depressed about it.

 

It took a few years to get past it and I'm doing good. It took going to a psychologist (and not one who just wants to coddle you) who helped me to learn ways to combat it, replace the thoughts with something else. It's been awesome.

 

It probably wouldn't hurt to do something similar. I feel you though. If you ever need to just talk to someone shoot me a line.

[Iceheart]

I have had problems in the past as well. Mine mainly centers around a type of OCD where I become obsessed on thoughts and regardless of whether I know it's ridiculous or a doctor proves me wrong on it I still am worried and depressed about it.

 

You know, the more I read about it, the more I wonder if I have a mild form of OCD. I always thought it was just a case of plain anxiety. But I'll have looped thoughts like this, too. Sometimes I stay anxious about it for awhile (days or weeks) even after I've given myself hard proof that it's erroneous thinking. Sometimes, hard proof and a cool down period is enough. It can pop up any time, but it really rears its head when I'm stressed. That's often the only way I know I'm stressed - I'll think I'm fine, and then all of a sudden I'm having an anxiety attack. The weird thing is, I've got two thoughts going through my head the whole time - the looped one that causes the anxiety, and a rational one that identifies what's going on as nothing more than a brain malfunction, and that everything is really fine.

 

I haven't been formally diagnosed or treated for anything, mostly because it doesn't affect my daily functions in any measurable way. It's uncomfortable when it happens, but it doesn't happen all that frequently anymore.

[monkeygirl]

YES. I have anxiety-related depression and it was so severe, especially before I was diagnosed, that I seriously considered suicide as a good option.

 

I thought all my life I was insane, but I've had this as far back as I can remember. I'm sure I've had it since the age of 4, at least. My latest therapist wanted me to find the cause

of it to help me deal with it on a daily basis. I haven't been able to do that yet but I am learning valuable coping mechanisms.

 

Mine manifests mostly as frustration and the complete inability to cope with the slightest set-back. Something as insignificant as lost keys used to trigger severe melt-downs for me. I'm getting better at identifying the melt-down before it reaches DefCon5 now but I still get them.

 

I feel clinical depression isn't accurately named,. It doesn't feel depressive all the time. It can feel like simple lack of motivation to confusion to outright despair. And there are many shades of it, from situational depression to the inability to function. It addles my brain and keeps me from being able to think properly-though that may be a function of the anxiety for me. It tells me I don't need to do anything because I'll just feel the same after I do, so why bother. It leads to destructive self-talk. It sometimes makes me feel as I'm wrapped in cotton balls and can't feel a thing-good or bad. One day melts into the next and nothing gets done, nothing matters, nobody cares. And it LIES like a bitch. It tells me to do all the self-destructive things like drink and smoke dope to excess in an attempt to dull the pain. If I can use my logical brain and think it out-I can SEE the lies but it's a tough thing to remember to do in the middle of an episode.

 

"I become obsessed on thoughts and regardless of whether I know it's ridiculous or a doctor proves me wrong on it I still am worried and depressed about it."

 

This is a classic hallmark of anxiety problems. Therapists call it "ruminating" and it's very real-very common. We actually carve out neural pathways in our brains doing this and our brains just learn to go there immediately when things get stressful-it's part of the function of our "fight or flight" response gone wrong. We learn how to do this out of necessity when we're faced with a situation we don't have healthy coping skills to handle. The only way to change this is to change the thought patterns and that's SO difficult. It's almost the same method they use in therapy for kids on the Autism spectrum when they catch it early enough. In adults, the best way to learn to master it is Behavioral Cognitive Therapy. Apparently we can't teach our brains how to just STOP doing it, we have to replace the current thoughts with others. They say it's like building muscle-the more often you do it correctly, the easier it gets. It works for me, but it's slow and arduous.

[Chalcedony]

My depression, when I have it, is situational, meaning it gets much worse when I am stressing out about money--or rather, my lack of it. It became so bad a few years ago that I completely lost all ability to do anything to help myself. I felt no motivation, no will to improve my life, even while knowing that I HAD to do something or I'd end up homeless. Long story short, that's what happened, and I had to live in a women's shelter for a few months. All kinds of crap ensued, and I am only now just barely starting to get back on my feet. I went through periods of intense sadness, accompanied by spells of crying and being unable to stop.

 

 

I did end up on antidepressants. I was prescribed Zoloft, and was fine on the minimum dosage. At higher doses, it triggered seizures, so I had to stop taking it. I was worried about the depression returning, but so far it hasn't. My doctor speculated that maybe the seizures "reset" my brain somehow.

 

At any rate, I haven't felt that al-encompassing hopelessness and emotional pain that I used to. I feel much more capable of taking steps to improve my life. I just hope this is going to be my normal setting, because I never want to go back to being depressed. It's a horrible experience.

[Ms. Spam]

This is something that my sister struggles with and I in return have a hard time understanding it. I've had times where I get depressed but not where it gets debilitating. My sister is bi-polar and my mom is schizo. Just know that I think you're okay and you don' have to be someone to my expectations.

 

Oddly I think Tami's helped my sister through her latest round of depression. She's going to be back on dialysis because the kidney my brother gave her has finally failed and it's been hard for her. Some of you have friended my sister on Facebook and the happy silly cat pictures and things you share have helped her when she's alone in a hospital room or just trying to live at home with a drunk alcoholic mother and a weird pot addicted brother.

[Chalcedony]

My online friends helped me a lot, too, as did YouTube. I watched a lot of funny videos trying to stay reasonably sane.

[pavonis]

Yeah, I know a very little. I've been depressed for most of a year now and in therapy for about six months. It's keeping me functional. It's going to be a long climb out though.