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Respect


Quetzalcoatl
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I think it has to be shared.

 

My dad was one of those "respect your elders" type people who demands you cater to him and think he's awesome because he's got a couple decades on you. Never mind that he treats people like crap.

 

I've had conversations with him where he flat out demands respect, and I tell him no, and he says YOU HAVE TO.

 

You can't demand respect. It just doesn't work like that.

 

I suppose you can respect people from afar based on their accomplishments, but I think for it to be real and rewarding you have to interact and it has to be shared/mutual.

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Should it have to be earned by others? Or is it something given freely until someone gives you just cause to take it away?

 

Discuss

Respecting the rights, personal space, and dignity of others is something you should give freely. I think that's just called "not being a dick," though.

 

The other respect of, like, "I respect how hard you have worked and how much you have accomplished in your chosen endeavor" is something that needs to be earned.

 

So:

 

Respecting somebody's basic human worth = free

 

Respecting somebody's accomplishments/expertise and knowledge = earned

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I believe a person's character can either command or diminish respect. Which characteristics do that might be a subjective list...making the concept of respect subjective. What do you think?

Yeah, I agree totally, and it is subjective. Somebody who is respected for their "warmth and empathy" by one person might be ridiculed for being "a mushy pushover" by another person; somebody who absolutely, positively sees things through to the end even if failure is a high probability may be respected as "tenacious" by one person, while viewed as "too rigid" by another, etc.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

 

Should it have to be earned by others? Or is it something given freely until someone gives you just cause to take it away?

 

Discuss

Respecting the rights, personal space, and dignity of others is something you should give freely. I think that's just called "not being a dick," though.

 

The other respect of, like, "I respect how hard you have worked and how much you have accomplished in your chosen endeavor" is something that needs to be earned.

 

So:

 

Respecting somebody's basic human worth = free

 

Respecting somebody's accomplishments/expertise and knowledge = earned

 

I agree with that, but I would add a third component. When I was in the military there was a saying, and it is something that can be applied to civilian life too:

 

Respect the rank, not the person.

 

Any hierarchy, be it profession, volunteer organization, academic, or what have you, can't function unless you have some sort of pecking order, and some level of respect for the position in charge.

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A lot of what has been said earlier, but yes, respect is something you should give freely to all people. Even jerks are people, too. While they may be terrible people, you don't need to go out of your way to make life harder for them.

 

Tank, my family likes to play that game, too. They think you should bend over backwards for elders "because". If a parent asks you to do something, no matter how unreasonable, you do it. If family asks you to do something, you do it. In a perfect world, this wouldn't be a problem, but my mom's family is full of jerks who really just want you to be their doormat. My aunt is the only one who has figured out how dysfunctional this is, and she has put up proper boundaries, which infuriates the rest of them. She gets accused all the time of being a selfish jerk for not dropping everything to cater to their whims (that they could take care of themselves). My mom got mad at me because the last time she was hospitalized, I told her family that I would call the hospital to see what the status was after I put the kids to bed, but they were welcome to call first if they absolutely had to know right that second, but I advised them to let the ER doctors and nurses do their job and get an actual assessment before we started bugging them for status. She was furious that I didn't drop everything and rush to the phone and start barking for updates. I called about 30 minutes later and they said they were running tests and didn't know anything yet, exactly like I predicted. But when someone shared that text message with my mom a week later, she acted like I was the most terrible person ever for wanting to get my kids settled (and out of the way, in reality) before I jumped into my Emergency Crisis Management Director mode that my family has decided I should assume (despite the fact that every single one of them was within 80 miles of the hospital, and I was 1500 miles away).

 

Sorry to get ranty, this is something we're dealing with right now.

 

On the same line, people should also give respect to their juniors, delegates, and underlings (for a lack of better word). Just because you are important does not mean that everyone must jump just because you said so. People have their own things that they are dealing with. In a work environment, I think people are entitled to be able to spend time with their family. Or if they are single and completely alone, they deserve time to re-charge. Even if you are willing to pay them overtime, they still should be able to spend adequate time with their families so that those relationships do not suffer. In the corporate world, so many executives and managers think that they own you 24/7. If you actually do a good job, you get punished for it because those managers know they can call on you when others fail or actually put up boundaries. It is not a good time to be a working stiff in America.

 

At the same time, I am more likely to help others if they are kind in their request and if I know they would be willing to do the same for me. That is what respect is, for me.

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