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Should Vagina Beauty Pageant Standards Be Formalized?

Pong Messiah

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Something of a judging controversy in a recent vagina beauty pageant (link NSFW):


First place, $2000 cash, and bragging rights went to Synodic, who performed right before Ram-Page. She didn't have a theme set, but did have "Lick Me :P" in silver letters on her mons venus and a pair of Wonder Woman knee socks with capes. This was her first competition, but the Alaska native was a competitive gymnast and partially credited her win to her athletic stage performance.
"I don't really have a special opinion of what I think makes a beautiful vagina," Synodic said. "If it's pretty it's pretty. I love my vagina. It's really pretty. It's a good vagina."
She does have very nice genitalia, but it goes against everything Portland is about when a clown stripper with a fire-eating vagina doesn't place even with another clown stripper sitting on the judges' panel.




We've got the aforementioned fire-eating clown, there are ping-pong balls a-flying, a 90's-rapping vagina, and more! Yet the winner is a plain ol' "good vagina?" Suspicious at the very least. As much as I hate big government and yet more regulation, sometimes things get so out of control, you need government regulation and enforcement. I think it might be time to implement formalized judging standards in vagina beauty pageants.


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