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Burt
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Question for you Cerina-- and you can PM the answer if you don't want to talk about it publicly.

 

But are you sad it's another boy? I mean YES, we all just want our kids to be healthy, and we will love them no matter what. But I just realized this is a thing that exists. One of my friends is having her second kid, also a boy. So two boys, plus husband, plus her. And she was really bummed she wasn't having a girl, and I guess her mommy group shamed her over feeling that way-- but it's actually a really common form of pre-partum depression.

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Why is it these days people feel it's okay to make others feel bad because they may have a different opinion or reaction? People need to STFU. I know they probably didn't mean harm by it (or maybe they did) but still...she had a legit reaction. She was bummed because she wanted a girl. It wasn't like she was planning to hand it from the balcony when it was born.

 

And this comes from the person you didn't ask the question to so I'll STFU too... :lol:

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Why is it these days people feel it's okay to make others feel bad because they may have a different opinion or reaction? People need to STFU. I know they probably didn't mean harm by it (or maybe they did) but still...she had a legit reaction. She was bummed because she wanted a girl. It wasn't like she was planning to hand it from the balcony when it was born.

 

And this comes from the person you didn't ask the question to so I'll STFU too... :lol:

There's long been a culture around pregnancy and child-rearing that you're supposed to feel like it is all magical and love all the time, and it's so perpetuated and rampant that any time a pregnant woman doubts herself or is over it, she instantly feels like the worst person ever.

 

I have news for the world-- anyone who's held an infant on hour three of crying thinks about throwing the thing against the wall. But you don't, because you're a human being. It's okay to have those thoughts and not act on them-- that's what makes you a functional person.

 

I'm very pro-dark thoughts in all aspects of life and think people who either shut them out, or worse, judge themselves for having them, are going to end up a mess.

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Before the ultrasound I thought it would be fun to have one of each. And I was getting really excited looking at all these little girly outfits and nursery ideas (even though, I'm not that girly). But the moment the lady told us it was a boy (her exact words were actually "it's a Luke"), I felt a sudden rush of relief.

 

I think that deep down I'm scared of the idea of having a girl. I'm just not sure I'm up for the fight of constantly trying to convince my family that it would be OK for her to want to be Darth Vader for Halloween or that a membership to the science museum is a perfectly good gift for her. I hate the idea that'd I'd have to constantly be telling people that it's not appropriate to ask a 4 year old girl if she has a boyfriend or that there's more to her than being pretty. Much of this is because it's what they (my family) did to me, but part of it is what I see my neighbors doing to their kids. These are the circles of influence that my children are going to be stuck with for the foreseeable future, and having a boy just makes it easier. Even though, that's presented its own set of challenges.

 

A few weeks ago, my 42 year old next door neighbor told us that his wife had to keep him from making fun of Noah because Noah and his daughter were talking about their favorite scents from Bath & Body Works. Apparently, he thought Noah should react exactly like his son who believes that "all that stuff stinks". And a few weeks before that we inherited a few boxes of Lincoln Logs because our other neighbor didn't have a use for them because they "have two girls".

 

It's just a fight I'm already facing on the "easy" front. I hate to fight it on the harder one as well.

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It's sad that the world has made you feel that way-- but I totally get it.

 

I am perfectly happy with a boy.

 

Though I can't decide which will be more stressful-- having a good looking girl and constantly worrying she'll get knocked up as a teenager... or having a good looking devious teenage boy that might knock a girl up.

 

It's pretty awesome that Jacob gets to worry about it both ways!

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Why is it these days people feel it's okay to make others feel bad because they may have a different opinion or reaction? People need to STFU. I know they probably didn't mean harm by it (or maybe they did) but still...she had a legit reaction. She was bummed because she wanted a girl. It wasn't like she was planning to hand it from the balcony when it was born.

 

And this comes from the person you didn't ask the question to so I'll STFU too... :lol:

There's long been a culture around pregnancy and child-rearing that you're supposed to feel like it is all magical and love all the time, and it's so perpetuated and rampant that any time a pregnant woman doubts herself or is over it, she instantly feels like the worst person ever.

 

I have news for the world-- anyone who's held an infant on hour three of crying thinks about throwing the thing against the wall. But you don't, because you're a human being. It's okay to have those thoughts and not act on them-- that's what makes you a functional person.

 

I'm very pro-dark thoughts in all aspects of life and think people who either shut them out, or worse, judge themselves for having them, are going to end up a mess.

 

It's also perfectly normal to not be completely in love with your child from day 1. I wasn't with Noah. The feelings I had for him were maternal, but there was no instant bonding like so many people claim. I obviously grew to really love him, but I honestly don't think I felt that deep parental bond until a couple of years ago. And it's probably because Trevor was the primary caregiver through most of Noah's life. Since it's been my turn, things have definitely changed.

 

Thankfully, in this day and age, I've run into many women online who could admit to the same feelings.

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It's sad that the world has made you feel that way-- but I totally get it.

 

I am perfectly happy with a boy.

 

Though I can't decide which will be more stressful-- having a good looking girl and constantly worrying she'll get knocked up as a teenager... or having a good looking devious teenage boy that might knock a girl up.

 

It's pretty awesome that Jacob gets to worry about it both ways!

It's really something I didn't realize I'd felt until the relief. I spent several days reflecting on and analyzing my feelings over it.

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The potty is bullshit.

 

That was seriously the hardest part of Oliver being little. Like, the first day home from the hospital then potty training.

 

I read this psychologist's take on it. And it was crazy to think about. It's like, your entire life you've been doing this thing, and it's been cool. Then all of a sudden everyone is like HAY DON'T DO THAT! IT'S GROSS AND WRONG!

 

We struggled for weeks until I decided to do something mean. When Oliver was little he loved running around Ikea. It was like Chuck E Cheese. We took him, and I said-- okay, nbo diaper. You wet your pants, and we leave.

 

He soiled a SKLOR chair and we left and he was DEVASTATED. That, plus his mom crying out of frustration guilted him into doing it.

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With my first born, I was very cold and analytical about it until he arrived, and then I just instantly bonded with him. Those hormones are powerful. With the second one, that wasn't the case so much, primarily because she is just so damned healthy. Had a few minor issues with the first one that made me super protective. I am of course bonding with her now, but I remember thinking "Huh, that's weird" when it wasn't an immediate bond like the first one. I agree with you all, it's no big deal. I think it's more common than anyone would care to admit.

 

*eyeroll* at the gender roles. I have a baby girl, and I will be damned if I raise her to be a princess. The antiquated idea of raising a woman to be complimentary to a man rather than self-sufficient rubs me the wrong way. I'm not rah-rah man feminist, but I want my daughter to be a complete person on her own. It will make for a better life down the line with her professional and personal relationships.

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I don't get the one of each thing. I mean, I have it, but I think it's great to have two kids of the same gender because they are more likely to be best friends. Quinn and Ethan will probably never be best friends, especially since Quinn is first. They've started fighting and good Lord, is it obnoxious. It's like they live to piss each other off. My husband and I were both mostly only children (he has 2 half-brothers that are 13 and 17 years younger, and I now have 3 step-siblings that are at least 9 years younger), we didn't want the kids to be lonely like we were, and now that we're older, there's no one to share the burden of caring for aging parents.

 

If you want one of each or only one gender, that's fine, as long as they are treated equally. My father-in-law always goes on about being so glad he only had boys and I want to punch him sometimes for it. It's not like Quinn is constantly begging him for tea parties.

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I have a coworker named Zedekiah, and his last name also begins with Z. I keep forgetting to ask what his middle name is. I hope it's also a Z name.

 

Does anyone remember the Nevaeh trend from several years ago? For a thankfully short time, it was a trendy name for mothers who delighted in telling anyone within earshot (and no doubt with the sort of dreamy smile normally associated with laudanum), "It's 'heaven' spelled backwards!" >.<

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My niece had her baby girl on December 29. Margot Rose. 7 pounds 4 oz. This little girl is going to be worshipped like a bohemian baby and so it will be interesting to see what happens as she three brothers already. I totally agree with the people saying they are not raising a girl to compliment their men counterparts. My Mom and sister are worthless because they were raised to be princesses and because their lives turned out the way they did they are the saddest human beings I know.

 

As for potty training sometimes the second go is the charm. My mom had a kid in second grade that came with a diaper bag to the first day of school because he'd never been potty trained. My Mom didn't change his diaper and he realized he better start being like the other kids because the first time he had to sit in his own poop piss for a day he realized that sucked because not only did he get teased by other kids (which my Mom did not manage because of feelings concerning a woman who gives her instructions for changing his diapers when he has not medical condition that required it made her angry) he realized that pooping in a toilet let to less itchy ass uncomfortableness. This an outlier but a lot of mom's I've come in contact with as a teacher have told me stories about trying and getting frustrated with potty training and giving it a break because it annoyed the hell out of them and when they went back it was easier for some reason.

 

To this day pooping in the bath tub during bathtime is still the grossest poop out story I've heard.

 

About two of the same gender or being an only child: My sisters kids are best friends. I've never seen two people closer as siblings. They spent NYE together on a double date and hang out. Now that Krista is married AJ misses his sister something fierce because they're on other sides of Atlanta. For me, as a person who grew up in a four sibling relationship until my Dad remarried and we became 7 siblings we kind of made "clicks" within the family group. So some of us are closer than others. For instance my sister and youngest brother are close and do a lot together. I will say this - even as a big family I am still left to deal with family elder care issues myself sometimes. I hate it.

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I always wanted to ask the Nevaeh parents if they meant that their daughter was the opposite of heaven. But I never personally knew anyone who had a high school diploma who used that name, so I assumed the word opposite might be too confusing.

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