Ms. Spam Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 So her blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit when they brought her into the ER. *sigh* Cleaning house I found a case of wine. Bad wine. Like I could clean with it type. She wants to move to GA and live near a stream. I need to talk to the doctor because that is a long way for someone to go. My older more responsible brother said he won't mind doing the taking care of Mom. I don't think he understands the issues of the house dynamics. Mom comes with younger brother and dogs who have not be house trained and people who allow house, never mind a toilet to get that bad. No wonder she has COPD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Oh and you guys should see Aimee - the dog my brother brought for my mom to make her better - she is so fricking cute. Tami - I am so glad I didn't bring my cats. They would get some disease here. Currently I'm sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor because it is so disgusting in this house. my mom has a sweet grey cat named Cleo, and since she's been let to go outside she stays around the house eating birds and has been looking better than when she was trapped inside in the filthy house. My Mom has four hens. I have to buy chicken scratch for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I AM SO SAD FOR YOU. I was gone 48 hours this weekend and Jesús and Roy acted like I was out a year. They almost strangled me, sitting on my neck while I watched TV last night. I can imagine yours when you get home. I was talking with my BFF Laura last night. She's the reason we do Girl Trip. Her daughter turns 18 this summer and she's now looking at moving to Florida then, rather than waiting until her parents pass on so I may be going sooner than I thought, too. You should come live with us. Bring your kitties and I'll buy a McMansion on the beach and alla you guys can just pay what you can afford and we can all live together in the sun with many kitties! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Katrina and I would come visit during the summer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 You two keep SAYING you're coming to the Girl Trip, too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 We said next summer!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I have done the very best I can buy this is it. I am leaving a half day early. I miss my cats and I am exhausted. Today my mom took three different laxitives and threw up Starbucks coffee and hid the unused enama kit from the nurse she had my brother buy For one room cleaned by Tina who is sick, I have cleaned three rooms. Not quite hoarders but bordering on it. The last straw was when my brother finally got off his ass and did something. He had my stepdads Internet service disconnected and now it is going to be in his name but its ****ing Comcast. So now I can't watch Netflix to unwind after working all day nor work on my grades. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 just LEAVE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Comcast isn't turning the Internet on until today at 5pm. We didn't even have cable to watch last night. At leastThe house isn't a hoarders paradise. I am afraid I am getting sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest El Chalupacabra Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 The more you post, the more it seems to me that you aren't going to fix this situation, Spam. This is how they live every day, and is just shocking to you because you don't see it every day. You've done more there than a lot of people would have. You can only help if the help is wanted, and those involved pitch in. Don't feel bad for going back early. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 We said next summer!!WE DON'T GO IN THE SUMMER GAWD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Krawlie Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 tami you don't get to yell at people about going on your trip when you've been saying you're gonna come visit me for well over a decade now AND YOU HAVEN'T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Yeah but the difference is she hates you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Spam, I've learned I can't fix everything when I visit my mom. I can prioritize a few things but even if you quit your job, swooped in and cleaned up the whole place, they'd let it get like this again. They aren't going to change their ways. Good luck, I know it sucks. My mom was ignoring my phone calls for a week, so I finally just texted her that Ethan's surgery went well and she finally responded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 tami you don't get to yell at people about going on your trip when you've been saying you're gonna come visit me for well over a decade now AND YOU HAVEN'T ALRIGHT GOOD POINT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 We said next summer!!WE DON'T GO IN THE SUMMER GAWD OH yeah, you people and your "seasons". Our summer lasts from roughly early March to late October. So I meant that we'll go next year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 So I hit my brother with a wrench and left. Destiny, you are so right but now I am crying in the car headed home a day early. I will tell the whole story when I get home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 YOU GO, SPAM! I am extremely pleased with this turn of events. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Yeah, that was a bad situation. Sorry it had to happen, but getting away sounds smart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Lohr Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 So I hit my brother with a wrench and left.Um...'kay. See, this is what I get for coming into a thread three pages in. I know I said it before, but I'll say it again: very sorry you have to go through this, Jess. "This" being more than I apparently knew. I obviously have some catching up to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I cannot WAIT to hear the wrench story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 'kay. I'm home, my cats have settled down and I have some booze. So all the time I was there all my brother did was play video games and walk around alot like he is lord of the manor. He never refused a meal and often expected one from expensive eat out places instead of made at home. When I got there my heart was breaking to see the way the woman who raised us was left to the point that all she had was drinking and falling down. I found out that when she was admitted she had bug bites all over her body. ALL OVER. And then I saw why. My Mom's kitchen, which Karl updated for her and installed a nice high end gas stove, was filthy with roaches and bugs. My other brother came out and threw out her mattress but still I would bet there were bugs in that old mattress. The bargain my Mom and Karl made with my brother after he was laid off from his last job was that they would give him a place to stay, help pay his bills and pay for his car insurance. In return he was expected to do a little household chores like trash, walk the dogs and drive Karl around. A pretty sweet deal for a guy who collected unemployment for as long as he could and never actively looked for a job. He never cleaned the kitchen or made my Mom change her clothes or bed sheets. Karl gave up and I found out he was living in a second bedroom. Timmy kept saying Mom lives in a prison but I think it was him because he considered occasionally shopping and walking the dogs (which he bought but never took an interest in after they grew up) "Waiting on her hand and foot". He once threw my grandmother out of his car because he was irritated she made him go to the Dollar Store. He's such a busy person, you see. It my be dreadful missing a meal hour or not getting home to spend 6 hours playing video games. He agreed to this. But now it seems it has become an expectation. He imagines he will sell the house immediately but he - even after going to a lawyer with my brother to have it broken down - forgot that 50% of the sale of the house must go to Karl's sons in a trust. This is, after all, their childhood home and it was Karl's wish. However the house is in a state. It will take a long time to get it to the point a qualified buy would be able to buy it. In the meantime Mom's coming home shortly and both my brothers haven't focused on getting the house ready for my Mom. Only my sister who weighs 85 pounds and has developed ankles the size of melons has thought about that as she organized a painter to come and do some painting for cheap and has been working to clean out my Mom's clothes and save what can be saved. I knew I was going to need to work fast to clean the kitchen and three other bedrooms and get as much I could done. Both my brother and sister said I was standoffish and being and asshole. I thought I was being really nice by not saying anything but there was no time to hear about how they were wronged by Karl or listen to crying. I am a person of action. I want to get stuff done. I admit I was little mad. I couldn't believe that this had been let to happen. How could they treat their own mother like an ATM asking for assorted monies for cigarettes, food and stuff while they lived without paying. Tina I can understand. She's not strong and is very frail but she at least pays for electricity in her apartment and buys food on her own. Well it all came to a head. My grandmother - who is 97 and blind - had already arranged and paid for a plumber to come out and replace faucets, fix leaks and what not as well as help me find a pest guy (who was a bargain) to come out and kill the roaches, had hired a guy to come and install some grab bars in the bathroom. I asked Tim where he thought would be best to install them as for some ungodly reason my Mom chose him as POA for her medical needs and has been there when the doctors and nurses spoke to her says "We don't need these installed. Mom doesn't take showers. This hurts the property value" and left the bathroom. I still had them installed but damn. Does he not imagine a lady who weighs 95 pounds and is weak might need to use the bathroom? Then I was outside picking up random shit laying around in the yard and raking up debris. Tim comes up and says he's tired and he is going to take a nap. I just went off. I had been working from 5 AM to 10 PM for 3 days trying to get the house ready for Mom who will need a clean place to stay until everything can be sorted out and stuff. I called him a lazy ass. He pushed me to the ground and was shoving me around while I asked him how he could let it get this bad. That he chose this option. He's 41 and he needs to grow up. He's screaming at me that I am a not a teacher because I am not patient. I live with some people (which I did 15 years ago when my boyfriend dumped me) and mooched off them. He made fun of me for falling for a gay guy. All this doesn't bother me. But it set me off when he said that was great I was finally here just 3 days doing nothing. Anyone can clean. That he's lived here. DAMN STRAIGHT, MISTER. Mom chose you as her caretaker. She's not considered anyone else. When she fell you were the person she called. That's when we started pushing each other. I have bruises on my knees, elbows and a couple of cuts from where he pushed me into a wall. I wasn't scared. I was mad and pushed too far. I saw the wrench and just swung at him as he turned to go out to his house. I told him no one is to blame but himself. When I turned around Karl's younger son was there with a title to the trailer. He and I talked a little indoors about things. Then he left once he knew Tim was leaving with some old paint he finally loaded into a truck.. I've been disowned by my Mother via my brother (HA!) I still call her. He told me to leave. I'd already made up my mind to leave a half day early. This sealed the deal. I finished raking the backyard. Finished cleaning the windows. Cleaned the halls and light switch covers to work out the anger energy because that had to be done. Then I packed up my stuff. Gave my sister some money for a few things and left. I am very angry at him still. No ones mother should be left like that. To be admitted covered in bug bites. Tina I understand. Mom has always liked the boy kids a little better. It is one of the reasons I chose in my high school years that I had to live with my Dad. The girl kids weren't going to get what the boys did. To this day I still feel guilt because I can't function in this horrible co-dependent environment. I want to help. I just don't have the skillset to help grow adults living as children. Tina's trapped because she is so sick she can't leave but my Mom's alcoholism (and I suspect OCD as she picks at a spot on her head) and Tim's horrible behavior are more than I can handle. I had to save myself. And it bothers me that I can't commit to moving to Tucson to take care of my mother and sister. I know it is going to be asked of me. But when I did live at home and railed against the alcoholism way back in high school I knew then I couldn't fix this. They have to hit rock bottom. I'm home hoping Mom realizes this is her rock bottom. All the booze is gone but it doesn't mean that Tim or Tina won't get her more because she pays for things. I guess we can close this thread. It was just good free therapy for me. You guys don't know how much it helped me this past week. We all have crazies in our families. They shape us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 You need to call the department of health and human services in their state and report your brother for elder abuse. Seriously. He's making decisions based on property value instead of her well-being and letting her live in filth and go without showers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest El Chalupacabra Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 +1 on what DS says. And you need to take pictures of your bruises while they are there, in case your brother calls the cops over the wrench thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I second (third?) what they just said. Protect yourself first. Then your mother. This is absolutely ridiculous. Your brother can live any way he wants, but he's literally killing your mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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