Burt Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Fourth to the above. Document it so you have it if you need it. I'm sorry life's being rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Also, my aunt told me recently that one of the best things she learned in therapy was that she has the right to boundaries and to expect others to respect them. Your desire to put distance between yourself and your bad choices are your way of enforcing those boundaries. Tim will just take and take and take because he's been allowed to for so long. Tim is like my crazy aunt, who acts like an asshole because she's been allowed to for so long. I've chosen to remove her from my life because of how she's treated my mother and myself. It makes her furious that I don't tolerate her behavior, and she will tell my mother all day long what a horrible person I am because my mother wants her sister's love and approval so badly. I enforce the boundaries, my mom doesn't. You are not responsible for your mother's or Tim's poor choices, and you are not obligated to subject yourself to either of their abuse. You can offer to help your mom on your own terms, in your own way. It does not have to be on anyone else's terms or conditions. You can make offers you are comfortable with, they can take it or leave it. You do not have to move to Tucson to pick up their mess. I'm sorry, I know this hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest El Chalupacabra Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Just a bit to add to the conversation, because the others have covered a lot and made good points already. First, this is a site you may find useful, Spam:https://www.azdes.gov/daas/aps/ This is the adult version of child protective services. Reporting is anonymous, and you can also simply call and get more information on what can be done, etc. I personally think that your mom's situation, based on your descriptions warrant a visit from Adult Protective Services. If things were as dirty as described, and your unemployed (and I assume 30 or 40 something year old) brother let your mom lay there with a broken hip and get bit by roaches while smoking pot and playing video games or whatever it was he was doing, then it is NOT an exaggeration to say your mom's life is in danger. If you took pictures before you started cleaning, that can be used as evidence. Also, this may sound like a bitch-ass move, but if things are as serious as described, you should also advise them of Tim's drug use (even if he registered with the State of AZ and has his marijuana card) and your mom's alcoholism. Keep in mind this is a very important part of the story, so when you do call, I think it should be mentioned. Also, calling may ultimately result in the state removing your mom from the home altogether so be prepared for that possibility, but at least she will be alive. Also, from what you describe, the fact that your brother put his hands on you at all is outrageous, and unacceptable. Talk about problems with boundaries, and this makes me question what else he has done and to whom. I just hope he isn't doing the same to your mom when no one is there. Were there witnesses when your mom fell? Also with respect to him putting his hands on you, it doesn't matter who said what to whom first, or even who shoved whom first, he put his hands on you, and that is BS. So, I think if it ever comes up where you are questioned about the incident between you and Tim, your side should emphasize that you were physically defending yourself, Spam, because that is exactly what you were doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I cannot express how ANGRY I am right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 I have pictures of the house. I put two of them up on Facebook. I really did consider what you suggested for AZ Adult Protective Services, Chalupa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 DO IT, Spam, your Mom needs this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 I believe her social worker at the rehab place has already done it. Mom's blood alcohol level and bug bites and some of her OCD issues which have been finally diagnosed triggered it plus Tim got aggressive at the hospital during recovery with my Mom's sister triggered the call. A lady was over and they never lock the doors so there is some things in her file from that visit. There is actually a notice on her door that people visiting must check with the nurse. Unfortunately I could only get my Mom's stay upped one week at the hospital. Mom still has work to do too as I mean she can't lay in the same clothes for weeks on end. She has to get up and start doing things for herself. I feel like she has to realize this is the very rock bottom and make changes. No excuses like blaming it on Karl. She also has this really weird thing about all her animals which I discussed with the social worker. Her concern is that the dogs can never be left alone. I do know that it can be hard being in a rehab facility because of the noise some patients make at night. It is unsettling. So hopefully when she goes home she'll get up and dress herself every day and start doing some minimal things. I wish I could have done more for that. I brought her books and discussed some ideas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny Skywalker Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Ok, so Mom isn't home yet. I would follow up with the social worker, let her know your concerns and what happened at the home. She might be able to delay getting your mom sent home or placed elsewhere. Or getting Tim removed as MPoA, at least. Social services needs to be making some regular visits for awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. Spam Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 Yeah, not yet. Tim says she can check out any time she wants but I think she realizes where she is at is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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